


What the Ocean Breeze Brings

by journaliry



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Body Horror, Dirk Strider and Dave's Bro Aren't the Same Person, Love at First Sight, M/M, Minor Gamzee Makara/Tavros Nitram, Minor Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde, Minor Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido, Monsters, Rites of Passage, Soulmates, Transformation, Witches, tropical island
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:54:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 111,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24861133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/journaliry/pseuds/journaliry
Summary: John Egbert lived his entire life on the island where he was born. John's never been a skilled swimmer... or skilled at magic or anything really... so he's eager to train for his upcoming trial of passage.Meanwhile, Dave Strider at the age of seventeen was dragged across the world and to a secluded little island with hardly any of the comforts of home. To make matters even worse, Dave's expected to swim out to the ocean and dive to find some trash to bring back to the island to complete some kind of trial of manhood once he turns eighteen.Neither of them are ready for what their real trail has instore for them.
Relationships: Bro/Jake English, John Egbert/Dave Strider, John Egbert/Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor/Dirk Strider
Comments: 22
Kudos: 86





	1. Day After Day

Bright Yellow, turquoise, crimson, and navy blue fish all dart past your vision. You can see ahead of you now only an endless stretch of hazy blue. You look up and push yourself to the surface. You take a deep breath, you've been down there for a while.

After you resurface, you happily continue swimming around the shore of your home. You turn your head to get a view of where you are. The island is huge, but from what you heard from those who've traveled they say it's nowhere near as large of an island from what they've seen. Last time someone left they brought back a map of the world too, some people got together to make copies and shared them with everyone on the island. That was years back, when you were still a child and not right about to become a man. 

You keep swimming, your vision is a bit hazy, but you can spot the temple from this angle, its golden roof shining in the sunlight. It's resting near the tip of the mountain. You're almost halfway around the island. Good thing too, it's been about an hour and a half since you started swimming. You're panting as you push yourself against the cool blue water. The sun's being merciless today, even the wind is hot. You submerge underwater again and first thing you spot is a hammerhead underneath you. You swim past him and smile at the shark. That's the second one you've seen today, you've seen about three turtles, one sailfish and an endless amount of colorful tiny fish, but you’re not here to sight see. Still, you wanna have at least a little fun!

Bubbles escape your mouth as you dive further down to graze your hand against the white sand and then swim back up to avoid the coral reefs. As you swim above it, you admire the array of colors, the fish, the starfishes, and most of all, you admire that it's a clear sign of where you are.

You smile as you resurface.

You swim along the surface and push yourself a bit closer to the shore. The sandy shoreline is replaced with elevated grass and trees. Foreign plants and exotic leaves spill out towards the ocean water. You approach the trees and as you pass them you see a smiling bright, happy young woman waiting for you just like everyday. You climb up and onto the towel where she's sitting. You keep your feet doused in the water as Jade wraps a towel around your arms. After tending to you, Jade tends to the picnic basket she set up for you two to share.

You take in the shade under the trees. Jade's backyard is probably the nicest place on the whole island. She's in possession of numerous plants and ferns and flowers you can't find anywhere else on the island. As well as animals too, although those are all mounted heads and they belonged to her late grandfather rather than her. Jade actually cares for these plants, both in the sense she tends to them and she loves them. You scan the area as you pant, trying to catch your breath.

 _"Oh... hello, Jade how are you?"_ Jade jests as she continues digging through the basket.

"Oh!" You perk up instantly and address Jade, "hello! Sorry! My brain is fried from the heat!"

Jade giggles as she pulls out two plates for you both, "I get that. I've only been out for like twenty minutes now and I'm sweating from just being under the shade!"

You laugh with her. You appreciate just how blunt she can be at times, that's what makes her so funny to you.

"How'd it go today?" Jade pushes up the bridge of her glasses as she continues looking through the basket.

"It went well!" You cheerfully answer. "I think I'm getting even better at holding my breath!"

"That's good. I’m glad you’ve been keeping up with your goals... and well, I noticed that you've been super-duper dedicated sooo..." Jade pulls out a large ceramic tray with a lid. She places it between the two of you and opens up the tray. "I thought you deserved something special."

You peer in and see blackened shrimp covered in chives, and right next to the pile of shrimp, there's sliced avocado and sautéed chopped peppers. You jump to digging into the basket for a fork and start shoveling food onto your plate. 

"I knew you'd love it." Jade smiles. "You wanna know something cool!? My familiar actually got these shrimp for me!?"

You are already stuffing your face, talking with your mouth full you ask, "he did?"

"Yeah. I was thinking of baking a meat pie in the oven for you, but Bec just dropped off a bucket load of shrimp out of nowhere, so I made this instead!"

"Think he stole it?" You stop eating. You don't know how a demon taking the form of a dog can snatch up this many shrimp, and in a pale no less.

"No, no." Jade shakes her head. "You know Bec has his ways, and he was wet when he showed me the shrimp so-"

"Oh!" You smile, feeling relief. "Okay, well then... I'll have to thank your little demon for this meal. Where is he?" 

"It's one of the rare times where he's asleep." Jade sounds relieved. 

"Oh, then you wanna sneak out?" You know that Jade hates always being escorted everywhere by her overprotective _dog._

"No. I'm expecting my uncle to come home soon." Jade smiles, "I want to make sure I'm home when he gets back."

"Really?" You nod your head as you take another bite. "He already found someone? Nice."

"Yeah, he seemed really excited in his letter." Jade gingerly takes a bite off of her plate. 

"Oh?" You ask with your mouth still full of food, "what did he say?" 

"Said something about getting permission to bring a whole family with him." Jade sounds like she's starting to bubble over with excitement as she says, "and two of the boys he’s bringing are _our age!"_

"Wow!" You mirror her excitement. 

"Ha!" Jade leans in towards you and smacks your arm, "I know what you're thinking... _fresh meat."_

You punch Jade's shoulder. "Shut up."

The two of you share a laugh and you hear something panting behind you. You lift up your hand and -without looking at the beast- Bec guides your hand to scratch behind his white fluffy ears. "Looks like your window for freedom is closed." You say to Jade.

"Eh." Jade shrugs. "There's always tomorrow. Here's hoping Jake is back by then."

"Yeah..." You look down at your half-empty plate. "I'm sure he'd beat himself up if he missed your trial.”

Jade lets a sigh escape her nose as she takes another bite off of what's on her plate.

She looks out to the ocean. The two of you share a brief moment of silence before she says,

"I should start practicing too..." Jade scones herself, "I keep forgetting it's almost December. My trial is soon."

You lightly laugh thinking about how Jade forgets a lot of things. She probably only comes out and visits you for lunch because of all the little sticky notes she put around her place. She gives you a _why are you laughing at me_ smirk.

You swallow your bite of food and answer her nonverbal question with a false answer, "you want to start training now? Little late isn't it?" Jade's birthday is in less than a week.

"Never too late to cram for a test." Jade jokes, turning her head towards her familiar.

You chuckle. "Well, you're a much stronger swimmer than I am. I wouldn't worry about it. If I were you." You shovel another pile of food onto your plate.

Jade rolls her eyes. "Too bad they don't let you take the trial at night, then you wouldn't need to train so much." Jade jokes. "I can picture you bringing back like a billion things and getting your pick of the litter."

"Nah. They only let you bring back **one** thing." You sigh and shake your head. "I checked."

"HA!" Jade laughs. She knows you're serious. "wow! I really should study for this test! I didn’t know there were _rules_!”

"You were honestly just going to go in and wing it?" You raise both your brows at the girl next to you, a yellow pepper slice sticking to your face.

"Like I need too. If it's really about _destiny..."_ Jade puts a fork with a single shrimp on it up to her lips. "then why study?" She bites down on the shrimp and chews.

You give her a pout. Sure, Jade can afford to be so cavalier about this, she's a strong swimmer and she's crafty. Jade's got the bronze and the brains. You're unlucky enough to have neither. You always had to study hard under your tutor to learn simple magic. She is literally being trained by a demon walking Earth because of her skill. You look over at Bec. You pout at the beast. Bec never wanted to share any of his wisdom with you, just baby you and bring you gifts... like that bucket full of shrimp for Jade to cook.

You set down your plate. You're full. And you've had your fill of resting too. You let the towel Jade wrapped you in slip off of your back and down to the ground. Jade shouts, "hey!" As you sink back into the water. "You're gonna get a cramp, you just downed two mountains of food!" 

You narrow your eyes. "I have to be ready for any contingency."

"Is that why you aren't wearing your contacts?!" Jade gives you a big mean pout, "don't think I didn't notice you squinting at everything."

"Any contingency." You repeat as you start swimming.

Jade calls out to you. "Well, when you bump into a boat, don't come c-"

 _"My vision isn't as bad as yours..."_ You hauntingly sing as you swim away.

Jade scoffs and jumps right to laughing.

"I love you, John." Jade calls out as she chuckles.

You turn your head around to say, "I love you too."

"Just be careful! And don't push yourself!" Jade doesn't get it. You have to push yourself.

. . .

You just swam around most of the island and after that long stretch of cramps you had in your belly, you're gonna call it quits. You pant and drag yourself up the stone steps. You want to sit but you can't, if you stop moving now you'll stop moving completely. Tears form in your eyes, not out of sadness but just to expel the saltwater that's stinging them. You've lived your whole life floating in the sea, and only now it's becoming apparent to you just how murderous salt can be on the body. You want to get home and take a shower.

You hear something heavy splash against the water in the distance. You watch a large blur push itself against the surface of the water. It must be a plane? You guess so. You rarely ever see them, it's rare they ever come to the island.

Looks like the plane made it to a dock, it's resting on top of the water like a boat. You tilt your head and watch the scene. You wish your trunks had pockets, then maybe you could find some way to keep your glasses on you. You wish you could make out the blurry figures walking up the path in the distance. You guess you'll hear all about them later. The island might be large, but word of any outsiders setting foot here would spread like wildfire. 

You squint your eyes and look over at the the last figure that hopped off the plane. All you can make out is a lot of red. You shrug. You're too tired not to keep moving on. You head out as the sun starts to drift down towards the horizon. You should try to pick up the pace. Your dad's probably hunched over the stove top right now, making something for dinner. You look at the long trail of dirt ahead of you, you're not the best at using magic like this but... You focus some of your mind towards skipping forward. You did it! You managed to jump all the way to the end of the path. You make the attempt to travel up the stairs the same way- but once you pictured the rail in your mind. You ended up bumping into it and falling down to the stone steps. You turn onto your back and narrow your lids.   
Fuck magic, you're walking. 


	2. self-taught learner

"Well, I've never seen anything like that doohickey you have until I left home about two months ago." Jake gives your twin brother a confused glance as he say, "and I'm sorry... but I don't even know what wifi is..."

"Jake. I explained that to you about three times." Your older brother gives his fiancé a look. The two of them are bouncing up in their seats as the plane sails through rough winds. Jake's fucking fearless, he's just sitting there, smiling, as your bro asks him, "did you seriously not listen?"

"Of course I did, pumpkin. All three times!" Jake pulls bro closer to him and wraps him in a hug. "I just can't wrap my mind around how this whole _wifi thing_ works, don't think I ever will. But that's why I have you, my little tangerine. You're the brains of the operation."

Your brother's scowl turns into a soft line, closest thing to a smile you've ever seen out of him. Ambrosia's only known Jake for a little over four weeks, but you guess that was enough time for your bro to decide that it would be worth it to trade out Houston for some island in the middle of the ocean. From what Jake tells you, it's some little dingy island with no tech, no phones and no wifi.

Right now, your whole family and all of your shit is on this seaplane. You're all traveling out to some island you've never even heard of and one you don't care to learn anything else about. It's not like you're leaving much behind though, so in the end you can't be too upset about the move. You're just pissed you might be giving up apple juice and shitty internet jokes to be honest. Dirk should be much more upset than you are. He had plans to go to college back at home, that and he was always connected to his phone, which he still has in his back pocket.

You were kind of hoping Dirk would be more outspoken about how much you both hate suddenly uprooting your lives but nope, Dirk seems invested in hearing more about Jake's stories of his little island home and Dirk keeps asking him questions that he probably already knows the answer to.

"But you said you have a _good_ TV?" Dirk sounds like he's pressing Jake for information, he's about to add more to the question, but Jake claps his hands together and proudly answers, 

"There's a television in my dad's old mansion. He enjoyed traveling in his youth and he brought one home." Jake thinks on it for a moment as he clarifies, "it plays what he called _tapes_."

"Amazing." Dirk sighs and lays back into his seat. Guess all those blueray's Dirk shipped out to Jake's place are as good as useless, eh. Bro will probably buy a real TV. Too bad Dirks only plays DVDs, that could have saved you all a few bucks from Bro’s rich boyfriend’s endless pile of money.

Dirk nearly groans out another sigh.

"Don't bitch." Your older bro scolded Dirk before he even said anything.

"Oh, come now, darling." Jake lightly pats Bro's chest, "don't be rude. This is a big move, for the two of them. I don't want you to make things harder on them, sweetpea."

That's the one thing you like about Jake, he never lets your older bro step on you or Dirk.

Jake turns away from his fiancé to face you and your twin as you both sit in front of him. He tells you both,

"There's a lot of things to do on the island, you boys will both find something to occupy your time, and well... if you don't, December is right around the corner anywho."

"What? What's in December?" You sit up and ask Jake.

"Your birthday's December 3rd, right?" Jake looks at you and your twin brother.

"Yeah?" You raise both of your brows are you ask.

"Then you have to go through your trial.” Jake smiles at you two like you’re both being _silly._

"What?" Dirk bluntly asks.

"Oh right, right." Jake nods and then turns to your older bro, "I remember you telling me there's no what was it you called it... _rite of passage?..._ where you all come from."

"You mean we're expected to go through some trail of manhood or whatever?" Dirk asks.

"Yes! You get it already." Jake seems excited, "it's not even that bad. It's just a simple task, you swim out past the barrier and-"

You half-listen as you stare out of the window. The plane is jolting up and down from how turbulent the wind is. You focus on the sound of rushing wind scrapping past the wings and the glass window. The waves look so violent as they crash over one another. You shut your eyes, just to take your focus off of the noise. You don't know how you managed to, but you fell asleep.

Your twin bro's shaking you now. Telling you to get up, "Dave, we're almost there." You guess you'd wake up fucking panicked if you weren't up during the landing, you tell your bro, "good looking out."

Dirk nudges his head back over towards the window where you're sitting, like he wants to show you something.

You turn your head and see the crystal blue sky... not a cloud in sight.

The waves look calmer, a perfect tropical blue.

Jake lets out a chortle as he smacks Bro's back. You look back at the two of them sitting across from you. Jake seems excited, "I'm really looking forward to getting off this Lord forsaken thing."

Jake speaks to you and your brother again, "you both are going to love my niece, she's your age and she has a few little friends on the island. You two are lookers, just like your bro. You might want to sample the market before the shops close." Jake gives you both a wink. You guess he's telling you to date before you suddenly _can't_ for some reason. Shit, you don't understand half the things that man tells you. You think your bro likes things that way. 

You already know the reality of the situation. You know your older bro well enough to know he just wants a man a decade older than him with a numbskull, strong arms and nothing to say. Somehow, your bro landed another talker this time... maybe it really is love... no, you're not that stupid to actually believe that passing thought. You're eager to see how long this marriage lasts, if it's anything like the other two it's only gonna take about a year for Jake to get sick of him. You like this guy though, you're routing for Jake to wize up and sign a prenup, but your bro somehow always ends up taking damn near everything from every guy unfortunate enough to cross his path.

You start watching the waves again, you’re beginning to get closer to the ocean now.

The plane lands, it's skirting across the water and towards the island ahead of it. 

You hate the feeling of the plane jumping on the water like it’s a fucking speedboat, but once it stops moving and you hear Jake sigh, you calm down completely. You’re sure no one could tell you’ve been freaked out the whole flight, your two bros always made you keep a straight face and act as stoic and as chill as possible. Never letting your poker face chip though was starting to get to you, you’re hoping that once you turn 18 and you’re officially a man, your bros will ease up on you a bit and actually let you show emotion.

You watch as the co-pilot opens the door and Jake is the first one to step out. Jake makes sure to offer a hand to his lover first and help bro make it down to the dock and then Jake offers a hand out to you and your twin bro. Dirk takes it first, actually thanking Jake for the gesture. Your older bro must be a bit pissed he’s not getting exclusive special treatment, Jake’s treating you as well as he treats him, you're sure some part of bro's soul actually admires Jake for that so he can suck it up.

You take Jake’s hand and crawl out of the plane. First thing you do is crack your back. You marvel at the sight of land ahead of you, like an oasis in a dessert... a dessert of fucking monster waves itching to kill and drown you and your family. Your eyes scan the scene. There’s a huge mountain in the middle of the island, some buildings are circling around it. You wonder if it’s really a volcano, that damn things huge. If it is and it goes off, everyone here is a goner. Damn. Why are your thoughts so fucked? Maybe it’s the ride over that has you panicked or what but you don’t feel too good about this place. It’s got some bad aura surrounding it. It’s beautiful sure, the waves as so clear you can see tropical fish swim and eat the barnacles off of the wooden dock beneath your feet, and sure the green lush shrubs ahead of you are full of life, but this place feels like it’s drenched in blood for some reason. You turn to Dirk you want to ask him how he feels... well, he gives you a small smile, looks like he’s right at home. Yeah, you should have figured Dirk would like any creepy vibe a island in the middle of nowhere with no exits, no WiFi and nothing familiar would give him. Your older bro seems concerned about something. Jake looks like he’s struggling to talk to him. You want to walk over to listen in but when you look past the two of them your eyes dart up at the island again... in the distance, you spot a boy staring right at you. You just stare up at him, you can hardly make out anything more than his shape from this distance. You can see he's got tan, chestnut skin and ebony hair. Looks like he's been swimming, he's shirtless. You feel a twinge in your very soul. Your heart's pumping faster, feels like it's the equivalent of someone chipping away at flint with steel, sparks flying up and igniting your heart. Suddenly, your twin bro elbows you in the back, teasing you to get a move on and help him with the luggage and to stop gawking at the scenery.

Jake takes the bag out of Dirk's hands just as soon as Dirk tries to hand it to you. "No, no no... this won’t do! You’re going to be members of the English family now. You can't be seen carrying your own bags." Jake smiles at the two of you, like he’s giving you gifts on Christmas. 

Your oldest bro walks up behind Jake, telling him, "these boys need to learn a thing or two about-“

"My sweet, I told you already about what I expect from you all now that you're going to be staying here with me in my family's old home... did you not listen?" Jake turns the question back around on Bro.

Your bro lowers his glare, hidden by the pointed shades on his face. Jake laughs and presses a kiss up to bro’s cheek. "There's plenty of work to do at home you boys can help me with another time if you need to learn about _hard labor."_ Jake chuckles again like it's all just a big game to him, "for now, all of you, enjoy yourselves. I'll take you to my home and then you can explore the island if you wish. I'm sure Jade would love to be your guid-"

"Pass." Dirk says.

You instantly agree. "Yeah, I'm ready to crash."

"Oh... alright." Jake gives you both a look like he doesn't understand your slang. He's been giving you that look a lot lately, every time you take a moment to explain what you mean, he instantly forgets what _based_ or _himbo_ means. "Crash. Oh, you kids and your funny phrases. Okay. Let's get a move on."

. . .

Jake took you up through the town, you saw the sights. Beautiful pathways of sand laced with lush green grass and red flowers blooming, none of them were wilted at all. Jake tried to show you a few things but he got distracted by his... servants you guess? Jake instructed a few men to be careful with certain luggage cases, of course they were all just your bro’s. Your older bro took to standing behind his future husband with pride. You and your bro followed behind as several people stopped what they were doing to stare at you. Looks like you were walking through their backyards. None of them looked angry, they just... stared at you. None of them looked alike at all, the last people you saw was a kid about your age with almond skin and glasses, he was standing next to a young pale girl with long black hair and long nails, painted red. You wanted to comment about how the guy was dressed _almost_ the same as you -baggy jacket and almost-black jeans- but most everyone moved on. Everyone but you and your twin bro.

The girl was laughing and shoving the other taller kid. She then smiled and waved at you two. You nodded to acknowledge her, a gesture she found funny. Dirk started walking ahead, time to move on to the next couple of people who are gonna stop and stare at you. 

. . . 

The damn place was huge. This has to be the size of a fucking hotel. You figured he was rich but this is much fucking better than what you were picturing. It might be a walk to get to the front door from here, but fuck.

Yeah, you don’t mind calling this place home for a year.

Jake has a big grin on his face as he looks at you three, his lover is to busy sticking up his nose to notice how excited Jake is.

Jake rushes up the porch when you all finally reach the front. Jake looks at the tropical bird resting off a small wooden swing. The bird is larger than any bird you've ever seen and it's a blue deeper than the ocean but as bright as the sky. It's feathers are shining in the sunlight as it slumbers.

When Jake starts scratching its belly, it wakes up and it's feathers turn slightly green.

Jake backs up and then gestures towards all three of you and says to the bird, “these are our new housemates. _My_ new family!”

The bird fluffs up the feathers on its chest. It's feathers turn from that dark forest green color to a perfect bright blue. The bird stretches out its wings as it creaks its neck back and forth, must still be waking up.

Jake sighs and rolls his eyes, “and I’ve been given permission to h-"

“Say no more.” The bird spoke. "I already heard."

Normally, you think nothing of a bird talking but the damn things voice is that of some young british woman's, you didn’t expect that shit. The bird crawled onto Jake’s arm. Jake happily turned towards Bro and pointed at the bird clawing its talons into Jake's arm, “this is my familiar, Arenea.”

Your bro gave Jake a blank stare, you couldn’t see anything other than cold hard judgment coming off from his icy stare. Jake doesn’t know him well enough to recognize the look as contempt for his words. Jake smiles and explains to his bird, “this is my darling, Ambrosia. We’re going to be wed as soon as the high priest calls for us! Oh! I’ll have to tell you all about my travels, and thank you so much for watching the home in my stead.”

The bird flies from Jake’s arm and settles down on the floor. Suddenly, it shifts forms. It's turning into something much larger. It looks like someone hunched over and facing away from you all, then all of a sudden a woman stands up and turns around on her heels, she's wearing a dark blue overcoat. She has pale gray-blue skin, short black hair and bright blue eyes, they become green when they fall on Jake. 

"It is wonderful to see you again." The woman smiled keenly up at Jake, she was about a foot shorter than him, even in those tall black heels. "How were your travels, little one?" 

Little one? Wait... you actually think you remember Jake saying something about having a teacher since he was a kid, something about the woman practically raising him too. Doesn't matter if there relationship is nanny/student or whatever... you look up at Bro. Under that mask of stoic contempt he always wears, he looks furious.

Jake pulls your bro closer as he says a few words about how terrifying the ride here was but how his excitement for the wedding pulled him through.

Aranea pulls her lips into a smile and nods softly as she listens on about how handsome your bro is and how badly he wants to start the rest of their lives. She finds a hole in Jake's strung-together sentences and punches her way through, "I am very excited for you both! I wish you all the best-"

"Wait." Jake interrupted her. "Why are you saying that like you're leaving?"

“I have my own matters to attend to-”

"No way!" Jake shouted and then slumps over, “you’re going back? You just came home!”

"I'm sorry, but my duties are not only to you and your family." Aranea gives Jake a smile and a wink, "I must leave _to prepare for something."_ She sung the last few words.

" _Something...?"_ Jake dragged out the word, like he was asking her to finish explaining her thought.

She rolled her eyes and pushed her white cat eye glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Something quite important, and it is something I must tend to right away, so no time to daddle I'm afraid." 

"How long is that going to take?" Jake suddenly lets out a huff, almost like a whine, "-or is this another, ' _I will see you when I see you'_ sort of thing and then you go missing for half-a-year?"

"I will see you sooner than you'd think. But Jake." Aranea took Jake's jaw into her hands, something that looks threatening at first glance, but then she pushes his chin up to make him have proper posture and tells him, "when you begin the ceremony, make sure that you alert Mr. Egbert. He knows a fair amount of healing magic from his late wife, and I already spoke with him because of your letter... addressed to _Jade_ by the way! What? Because I'm a demon I'm just supposed to know everything?!" 

"You always do know everything." Jake smiled and pulled her into a hug, he lightly lifted her up from the ground. She let out a small "oof." If this woman is supposed to be a demon, than just how fucking strong is Jake to make her fucking choke that out and wait... hold on... she's a demon? Fuck, you should have figured that you're still asleep on the hell plane once you saw the ocean turned from murderous tides to peaceful waves. It's no wonder why there were so many shirtless guys wearing short wraps around their hips staring at you as you walked in, that's like the start of every fantasy you have. Whatever doesn't matter, you don't want to wake up so you're not gonna dwell on all the weird shit that's about to go down in your fucked up skull. You'd rather take this unsettling, bizarre-ass dream island over dealing with the murder waves. Bring it on.

You listen to Jake as he bitches and moans about his familiar leaving him again. He's so whiny, he never acts like this with your bro... or at least not out of the shadow from behind closed doors, and you mean of the bedroom variety. 

You kinda think it's funny your bro's hot boyfriend is bitching to some gray-blue demon thing,

"But Aranea, I'm not a good teacher! I was hoping you could help me teach Ambrosia and his _cool bros_."

Aranea flicked the bridge of Jake's nose, "I am _your_ familiar, no one else's." She shut her eyes and faced away from him crossing her arms as she did.

"But we all serve the same Lord and they are going to need to learn how to do so... soooo..." Jake shrugs.

"That is not an excuse I am willing to entertain, Jake. We have enough books in the house to use as a guide and if you can't teach them the basics of magic, I clearly wasn't of any help to you then as a teacher!"

"Wait?" Your twin bro interrupts their conversation, "did you say something about teaching us magic?" 

Dirk must be having the same thought you are right now. With the look he just gave you, you know he's thinking this shit is just a dream. Jake wraps his thick arm around Dirk and pulls him tight, oh shit... maybe you're in Dirk's dream now. You know he's got a thing for burly men... that and Jake.

Jake starts up, "yes! Why I wanted it to be a surprise for later when you got more acquainted with the island, but you're going to take place in a ceremony and then you'll be able to use magic like everyone else on the rest of the island! Oh you know how fun it is to be able to introduce someone unfortunate enough to not be gifted with the _arts_ to magic!?"

Jake pulls away from Dirk's side and starts talking to all three of you as he rests his hands on Dirk's shoulders, "now! It's very important that you all study up on the arcane arts, and why... Aranea here is one of the best familiars walking the face of the Earth! You haven't even seen how deep the wells of her power is! Why, she can shapeshift into anything and she can make objects move with her mind!" Jake's telling you all of this like it's mind blowing stuff and not just run of the mill magic shit.

"Oh... come now," Aranea brushed off the complement. She's blushing a vibrant blue across her pale gray face. "I am simply a good teacher-"

"No, not simply good! You're the best teacher anyone could hope to find!" Jake told her. "You know, she can resight entire books from memory alone. I loved her as an instructor and you'll-"

"And now, you just wish to push off your duties on to me?" Aranea crosses her arms again and sticks up her nose. "I spoke with the high priest, I asked him personally about the deal that you two had arranged over letters, he showed me that you agreed -written in plain ink- that **you** would teach your family of the arts. You would! I am not going to fill in as a teacher for basic magic. Jake, my work with you is far too important to push- oh, I see what you are doing."

"What?" Jake is smiling, like he's playing some mischievous game.

"You know what I am talking about." Aranea points a finger up at Jake, she's smiling. "Do not attempt to drag me into another _long, drawn out_ conversation, little one. You know I fall prey to being loquacious and I'm guilty of the crime of overstaying my welcome." A small suitcase appeared in her hand after she snapped her fingers, a blue flame begins to erupt around her entire body. "I am taking my leave before you can convince me to stay." 

"Aw, but I'll miss you." Looks like Jake was trying to talk her into staying for the tour, making a big ask and then working his way down. 

"I'll miss you as well, Jake." She smiles as she sinks into the ground. "Goodbye." Aranea completely submerged into the ground, the blue flames disappeared leaving nothing but a small amount of ash that was easily picked up by the wind and sweeped away.

Jake turned towards all three of you, "well! Let's get inside and see if we can find Jade to help us with the tour, shall we?"

Jake rushed up the porch and held open one of the huge brass doors for all of you. The moment Jake stepped foot in his home he pulled the door shut and rushed through the foyer, down the hall, and turned to his right. All of your family followed him into a room filled with large glass windows and two glass doors with white wooden frames. 

Jake opened one of them and ran out. You peaked your head out of the door as you followed him out. The garden out here is fucking huge. There's a million different trees bearing all sorts of flowers and fruits. You could pick a pear right off of that tree you just passed. Your oldest brother doesn't seem entertained by the scenery, he pushes past you and walks with rage in each of his steps. You still think this is a dream, and you could imagine your bro being pissed that he signed up for a cushy marriage with a wealthy guy and then a nice, nasty divorce, not this fucking wacky-wizard bullshit. 

You look over at Dirk, he's almost smiling, he thinks this shit is as funny as you do. You walk besides your twin as you rush to catch up with the rest of your family. You spot someone sitting in the distance.

There's a young woman with bronze skin and long black hair, humming as she pours the lime green contents of a glass bottle onto a small sapling. She smiles when it starts to grow more branches and extra leaves. 

You all walk past what feels like miles of plants to get over to her.

Jake's sneaks up right behind her as he opens up his arms and says with a sanguine voice,

"Hey there, kiddo."

"Jake!" The young girl turns around and then jumps up into Jake's arms. Jake spins Jade around and she plants kisses everywhere on his face, even on his forest green glasses. "I missed you soooo much!!!"

"I missed you too." Jake's still holding Jade in his arms as he turns again to look at your bro, "Jade... This is my Ambrosia."

"Oh!" Jade nods. She pushes up the round specs up the bridge of her nose as she says her hellos. "I'm sure Jake told you all about me."

"A thing or two." Your bro nods. "Jake. I need to speak with you again about something."

Jake sets Jade back onto the ground. Jake opens his mouth to say, "what is it-" but he's cut off by his excitable niece,

"-and you two must be Dirk and Dave! Which one's Dave?!" Jade happily asks for you for some reason.

"That would be me." You want to get closer to shake Jade's hand, but a large white shepherd walks between the two of you. Suddenly, the beast starts growling at bro. 

"Oh, Bec!" Jade laughs, "it's okay."

The dog barks once at all three of you, it's ear splitting. Loud enough to make you shut your eyes and clench your jaw. You hunched over a bit as the sound rang in your head. You take in a deep breath and breathe it out. Shit. Maybe you aren't asleep after all.

The large white beast is still growling at your older bro. You're sure the beast's just making a show to tell you all that he's not taking shit when it comes to fucking around with Jade. You'll take that threat seriously, but you weren't planning on even talking to her really. You kinda just wanna chill in your room till your Bro's had his fun with her uncle. 

"Just ignore the little demon." Jade jests like that little demon’s bark isn’t skull splitting, "now Dave, is it true that you take photos!?"

"Uh... yeah?" You answer.

"Oh! I'd love if you could take some of me in the backyard with all my plants! I want to show off to all my friends, at least the ones that refuse to come over." Jade puts her fists on her back as she lifts up her head. "I have the best garden on the entire island and everyone is too much of a coward to face it head on!"

Takes you a moment to say, "...why?"

"Uh- probably three reasons, one: a couple of these plants are literal man-eaters, two: Bec and three: I'm just too good of a witch, my garden is just too beautiful to face head on for weaker souls I'm afraid." She's not humble, you'll give her that.

"Wait-" Dirk just keeps being the one to point out the strange shit people say, "-did you just say literal man-eaters?"

"Of course! Duh!" Jade giggles. "I have like everything in here! Just... um.... don't go on the east side of the garden, it's not safe." 

You laugh under your breath as you whisper to ask Dirk, "which way is east?" He'd fucking know that shit but you're too fuckin' brainless to figure out which way you even came from.

Jade doesn't care that you and your twin suddenly are muttering to each other under your breath, she just takes over the spotlight again,

"Now, I don't know if you know this, but most everyone here takes pride in their gardens. Uncle Jake said you get all of your food from a store?! Is it true that you get _all_ of it from a store?"

"Yes?" You answer for all three of you.

"Now that won't do! While you're staying here with us I need to teach you about maintaining a proper garden! When you boys are married, if you don't do yard work or fish you'll be as good as layabouts!" Jade put her hands on her hips. "And you need to do your fair share around the house if you're going to be living under _my_ roof!"

"Ha." Jake whispers to bro, "I told you that she'd whip 'em into shape."

"Jake. We need to talk. **Now."** Bro used **that** tone. 

You're sure bro expects Jake to shut up and instantly fall in line, you expect him to coware with his tail between his legs. Instead, Jake just gives your bro caring eyes and pulls him aside asking, "what's wrong, honey? what's got you so worked up?"

You and Dirk are left alone with Jade. She's still going off about how good her gardening skills are and trying to make you two give a shit. You cut her off, "think you can show us to our rooms, I can find my camera in my bags and maybe get a pic for you." You fucking know your shit isn't in the house yet, she doesn't. You just want to sleep.

Jade grabs your wrist and takes you into the house and drags you up the second floor. She pulls you through a hall filled with sculptures and paintings, some not even hung up on the walls. Jade shows you to a cleaner section of the place, a deadend hall with about six completely clean rooms. She gestures with her hands at the door next to her, the only one with the white door. "This is the bathroom in case you need it. Just made it yesterday for you both to share. If you need another, just ask Jake." Then Jade gestures at the tidy space, "no one's touched this part of the home in years, we dusted all up and you can have any room you want, just so long as you don't pick the one that's boarded up... and uh... maybe not the spaces around it. I heard screams from inside that room once, and once was enough for me to go... Oh, gosh! I'm not going in there again!"

"Is that why you boarded it up?" You ask her, just making conversation.

"No. It was already!" Jade shuts her eyes and smiles at you.

"If it's boarded up than how did you get in?" Dirk asks.

Jade gives him a face like he just said something so fucking opaque and braindead that she was halted in her tracks and completely floored by how fucking stupid you and your bro are, then her face settles, she nods and laughs out a snort, "oh! haha! You two don't know anything about magic! Heh Heh! Oh my god! My friends are going to just love you! They all love showing off -myself included- but ugh! John's going to love showing off basic magic like he's the king of hell!"

"Cool. Cool." You nod. "So uh... looks like our stuff isn't here yet." 

"Oh don't be silly!" Jade smiles. "Soon as you open a door, you're room will become all prim and perfect for you!" She clasps her hands together and then gestures for both of you two to get a move on and pick already.

You point at a door on the right side of the hall. It's probably the farthest away from the fucked up room Jade's scared shitless of. She nods and you open the door.

As soon as you do, everything you own gets flung out of your suitcases and boxes that just appeared and crashed to the bottom of the floor. Everything spun in a circle, like a gust of wind or a tornado. Your shirts and jackets and pants and fold themselves and slide into drawers. Your things all align neatly on top of the black furniture the room already had, your records arrange themselves the exact same way you have them organized at home. You notice how big the canopy bed is when your cooling pillow glides and falls on top of the other pillows matching its large size. You wait for everything to finish and then turn around to look at Dirk.

"Alright." Jade turns to your twin bro and tells him, "you next."

"Yeah." Dirk opens a door and then sinks into his new room. "I'd rather you not watch."

Dirk slams the door on Jade. She stays put for a few moments. Poor girl must be doing all the math in her head for why a teenage boy would slam the door on her during a tour of her own home. Yeah, you aren't going to answer that question for her. Instead of admitting Dirk’s space is a girl free zone, you just say, "night, Jade. Maybe give us a tour tomorrow and I'll take that photo for you then?"

"Yeah..." She blankly nodded. "Sure..."

. . .

In the morning Dirk woke you up by knocking on your door, usually he just barges in. When you open your door you find him jimmying your door knob, oh... he was trying. These doors didn't have locks but you're sure that they have some stupid bulshit rules to them that only allow for _you_ yourself to open the door since this whole place is ran by magic, yeah... that feels like that makes sense. Shit, this just keeps getting better and better. Dirk glares at you through his tinted spiked shades. You give him a light smug smirk and walk out into the hall, still dressed in your pajamas. Dirk was already fully dressed, you don't give a shit if you're going to be seen by Jake and the other one in your gray sweats and your old baseball tee, you just wanna grab some breakfast. 

You're assuming that they don't have any cereal or AJ, but if Jade's gonna keep bragging about her garden you're gonna keep bitching about how she could prove it by making you some fresh squeezed fucking apple juice. Damn, maybe they have the stuff here to make an omelette. You fucking hope.

You turn to Dirk and ask, "what do you think they're gonna have on the table? Just eggs and shit or-"

"I'm more worried about finding the damn dining room." Dirk's acting like you didn't notice how big the fucking place is.

"We'll find it from the smell, they have to have like... servants cooking and shit right?" You just assume that they have those. There were like five guys unloading the plane for you and they were all carrying bro's stuff. You guess magic just didn't sit right with him or something. You're sure that Ambrosia told Jake that he wasn't 'bouta let some magic teleport his shit God knows where. 

You ask Dirk a question that just popped into your mind, "you think that Jake told bro about all this magic shit before or after we all got on the plane."

Before you even finished saying _plane_ Dirk answers, "after." Dirk looks on dead ahead, he turns the corner and looks down a hall, still talking to you, "no doubt in my mind." 

"Why are you so sure?"

Dirk turns to you and gives you a 'are you fucking kidding me' look, "you think Bro would have gotten on that plane if he did?"

"Fair point..." You nod. But you know Bro is pretty fucking crazy himself. He gives you and Dirk a beatdown on the roof and calls it _sparring_ and all his exes -while they were dating the fucker- were too scared shitless to say anything about how fucking weird it was he fought you two on the roof with swords. But... you did hear Jake back sass him a few times for it and your bro couldn't give a real explanation that would satisfy him... Bro kept trying to prove a point about how you and Dirk need to learn to be _real men_ and Jake asked him _"how many men where you come from fight with blades nowadays? Come now, dear... isn't that outdated? How about we teach them how to widdle or craft with their hands- or something actually useful?"_ Your Bro didn't have a real response to that either. Next day, he put a fucking knife in your hand and demanded you go out to the lake in the back and find a way to catch a fish with it. Jake was cool enough to go with you, he showed you how to turn a branch into a spear and stab a fish with it. After he caught one, you managed to catch one yourself. He called you a natural, then you showed you how to prep your fish as he prepared his and you cooked it upstairs, Jake taught you how to eat it too, seeing that it had tiny bones, most of which got caught in both of your throats. Jake said something off then too... something about how back at home he never had that problem because he never preps fish by hand, just the _usual_ way. When you asked what the fuck he was talking about he gave you the most exadurated wink you've ever seen anyone give and then he laughed, oddly enough, you laughed too... You never want to get attached to anyone your bro brought home, but you're starting to hope in some deep, deep, deep part of your heart... that he sticks around this time... at least for a little bit longer than usual. 

Dirk was leading you down the halls, he's arguably much better with directions than you are, or could ever hope to be... but you think he's about to lose his shit. You've been wondering around for a solid fifteen now and you haven't even found a staircase. He slows down a bit and you decide to take over, if you're going to be lost you better just take the reigns, you'd rather be the one that gets called out for making you and Dirk both be late from breakfast. You walk ahead, almost like you're reassuring Dirk that you're gonna take the fall for this one. Your own smug voice rings in your head, _'can never let anyone know he's not perfect.'_ You keep walking ahead, you recall hearing something about placing your hand on the right side of a maze when you get lost in one on some small clip you saw once. You just keep following along the right side of the walls. You find a dead end and see no need to trace it, so you jump right over it and onto the next hallway, it looks long so you decide to walk down it and as you scan the right side of the wall you notice a small sliver of wall missing, no not missing... it's just the world's tiniest mezzanine almost like a window to downstairs. It's big enough for you to hop down. If you weren't looking you would have completely missed this tiny, little opening. You point it out and walk towards it. Looks like it's a secret passageway down someone forgot to cover up. Dirk wastes no time going through it and parkcoring down along the wall. You just use the latter, you extend it down and once your feet touch the ground it pops back up into place. You turn your head to look at Dirk and you smile once you smell the scent of sizzling bacon and warm breakfast sausages fill the air.

You walk towards the scent and announce as you walk towards the door, "sorry, we're late. I wanted to look around."

"Oh no, Dave! You're right on time, chap!" Jake beams right at you as you open the door.

You see everyone gathered around a large round mahogany table. It's already filled to the brim with food and pitcher of juice. _'Fuck. Yes. Score.'_

"Ugh. Since Aranea left, I had to make all of this myself. I'm so tired!!!" Jade tossed her head back and groaned.

Your oldest bro looked dead at her while Jade still had her head still cocked back, and said, "you didn't even stand up from the table."

"Eat, you'll get your energy back." Jake was talking to Jade, ignoring his future husband's grievance with one of Jake's own family members. You can already tell that your bro doesn't care for Jade at all, she's basically everything he hates. She's loud, she's self-assured, not to mention whiny. You can completely get behind this chick. You dig what she's putting out. She doesn't give a fuck about what your bro thinks. This is _her_ house and she is letting him know that by granting herself the first plate. In fact, she didn't even manifest a plate in front of anyone else but her. You feel like applauding her for the power move, but Jake just tsks her and says, "we have guests, Jade. Let them settle down first before you start digging in."

 _"But Uncle Jake..."_ She whines, Jade has a fork full of some kinda purple cabbage.

"No buts." Jake smiles at her.

Jade puts down her plate and halts herself in her tracks and sets the fork back in the food.

"Aren't they _family..._ not **guest**?" Jade raises a brow at her uncle.

"Oh my... I suppose so. And that reminds me..." Jake places his hand over Ambrosia's. "Dear, care to tell the table about what happened between us last night?"

"Please don't." Dirk mutters towards the two of them. Your bro must have heard, you can tell from the way bro sighed out of his nose. You were gonna laugh at that shit... but then you saw a small smile come onto Ambrosia's face. You haven't seen him smile like that... probably in your whole life. You could feel the air in the room drop, you shoot your head to look right at Dirk and Dirk turns his head to look right at you. You both look at your older bro and he waits for another brief moment to pass before he confides to the table, "Jake and I are married."

What the fuck? How the fuck did he just get married over night? Before your mind can even form a real question- Jake answers, "the high priest called us both to meet with him at the tallest point of the mountain- and you know your brother! He wants to do everything _the right way,_ he had us hiking all the way up to that chapel, right up the mountain and right when we got in the priest actually said our marriage was blessed by our Lord just for that! Ha!"

"No way! Really?" Jade slammed her hands right into the table. 

"What? Are you thinking of doing the same thing now?" Jake interrupts his own story to ask her.

"Uh... Yeah!?" Jade starts nodding her head.

"Ha. Well it's not an easy hike, pumpkinbutt." Jake smiled at her.

"Whaat!?!?" Jade slammed her hands on the table, "Listen! My friends and I trail up that very mountain all. the. time! You're the one too lazy to leave the house! You don't even like going into the backyard cause it's _too hot!"_

"I have training to attend to, young one. I'm far too busy to frolic around the mountains and spend all day on yard work." Jake points at her. "When you hit thirty you're going to be wishing you would have spent more time laying about and less time working."

"Time spend working is time well spent! And I already study a lot, **_Jake!"_** Jade tosses up her hands and then crosses her arms, "or did you forget?"

"No..." Jake eyes the dog in the corner of the room, Bec's just standing in the corner like he's be gutted and stuffed. "I remember."

Jade laughs. Apparently finding it amusing that her _familiar -_ or whatever the fuck it is- is fucking creepy as all hell.

Jake brushes her laugher off and continues with, "where was I?"

"Our wedding." Your bro is taking up a calm tone, he still doesn't sound happy but he sounds damned close to it, and you'd be damned if that wasn't alone to freak you the fuck out.

"Oh, right, right." Jake nods with his eyes shut and then slowly tilts his head to gaze over at Ambrosia, "that's why I have you, dear. You're the brains of this whole operation."

You gag a little as Jake goes on, "so we walked up to the chapel on foot. Then after we walked in, the priest showed us a ribbon and then tied our wrists together. He left us alone, and after a long, long, looong night-" You stifle down another gag as Jake continues "-we worked everything out, Ambrosia was sweet enough to compromise with me and allow me to jump us right back over to our home."

Jake quietly mutters under his breath, "still made me walk up all those flights of stairs..."

Jake then perks up and announces, "well the good news is; your brother is fine with you boys learning magic now! _But,_ he wants you to teach yourselves. After breakfast I'll show you to the library, and I do recommend you get a headstart. As much as I want you both to settle in and enjoy yourselves, you do need to catch up before your birthday. You need to learn at least the basics before then. I don't mind answering any questions you have and Jade-"

She gasps. It's only now that you notice how tense Jade is, she shouts, "yes!?"

"I'm sorry, but you need to focus on your own lessons. You can't help either of them learn." Jake shakes his head like he's honestly sorry to speak those words.

Jade's eyes widen and she gives him a pout. "Really?"

Jake tells her right away, "nothing you say or do will change my mind, it's a promise I made to my better-half."

"So what? He wants comes first now?" Jade laughs and jokes, she sounds half-concerned. 

"What my _other-half_ wants is something I need to consider before making any decisions." Jake defends his choice.

"Ugh." Jade crosses her arms, "so this isn't gonna be anything like _the good old days_ afterall, is it?"

"We can discuss that another time." Jake sounds a bit somber.

"Uhhh... did you discuss this with Tavros yet?" Jade tosses up one of her hands and then goes back to crossing her arms.

Jake nods. "He knows, he's married too- and I think we should-"

"Wait. You said your ex-husband was dead." Your bro's words suddenly takes on a much quicker pace, "did you lie to me? During our marriage ceremony?"

You look over at Dirk, the two of you both don't wear any hint of your emotions on your face but you both know what your exchange of glances meant, _"oh shit, bitch fit."_

"No. I never once lied to you." Jake doesn't even shake as he says, "my ex-husband did die and later on he choose to serve another demon... as such our marriage was completely nullified. We both felt it was for the best, regardless. When he first died, and I spoke to him in hell... he seemed like a different man, he wasn't the person I fell in love with. Some people change when they die, especially when they die young. I heard from a good friend his wife is still the same though... that gives me hope. And of course, I feel in my heart that this marriage will stick, darling. I'm certain that you're always going to be my Ambrosia, nothing can ever shake you. I know you’re too stubborn to change. You have a strong will. A will stronger than anything in this world. Stronger than steel."

"Thank you." Bro shuts his eyes for a moment and then sighs, "but may I at least ask... what is your relationship with your ex-husband?"

"Well, when we were kids we were best friends. Ha. Tavros was the biggest goof I ever met. He was a bit of a softy, he loved animals and taking care of them. I loved sports and even now I love a good rough-house and a bit of fisticuffs, but he never wanted to do anything other than tend to his garden or heard his families cows. He had sheep too, I remember him knitting me a sweater with wool he made himself. Oh and he had such a soft heart back then, when we were about fifteen he paid good money to find out all he could about the person he was going to marry and ha! What a shocker it was when he told me it was going to be... uh... well... me! I'm sure it was a shock to everyone actually, I was quite fond of fooling around with the fillies and the fellas, mostly the fillies though. Ha, I recall how devastated some of them were, outright crying in public over _weak-willed_ Tavros ending up with me. Ha, and he comforted the lot of them, even after all the name calling they subjected him too. He had such a big heart for everything and everyone..."

Jake takes up a different, more somber tone, 

"Then, after he died, I knew I could see him again... but he seemed so... different and then we grew apart. One thing never changed though, darling." Jake takes up both of Ambrosia's hands as he confesses, "he's still my best friend. We've helped each other through so much, and I helped him through his death, as if we were just divorced. Then he married another man. I'm still so shocked he managed to nail down one of the oldest wicches existing. Jade, did I tell you Gamzee assisted our Lord with ascending?"

"Yes." She almost groans. "You tell me that everytime Tavros comes up." She rolled her eyes and twirled around with her fork.

"Well, I'm sorry for boring you with my little anecdotes, Jade." Jake lightly teased her.

Jade stuck out her tongue and then smiled back at Jake with her buckteeth.

Jake looks back at your bro explaining, "I don't speak with Tavros often, we went our other ways in life, and we mostly talk through letters, I wouldn't mind taking you to see him someday, or maybe during Samhain he'll come visit town again. He seemed more than happy when I told him I was going to search again for my soulmate. Actually, down right eager. I _wouldn't_ be surprised if he knew something _I_ didn't."

"Hm." Your bro nods his head and then reaches his hand out to grab one of the buns in front of him, "I look forward to meeting him... if you say he's just a friend... then I trust you."

Jake beamed. He gave Bro an open mouth smile, Jake looks over at you and Dirk. Your jaws must have dropped. Yep. There's your jaw just hanging and... wouldn't you know... Dirk looks like he just saw the devil, all the color is drained from his usually honey-tinted skin. Usually, you'd never break like this and Dirk never lets slip even a fraction of a frown when he's upset, but shit... if bro just fuckin’ agreed to trusting anyone with anything -let alone some guy still talking to his ex-husband- you know some foul play is up.

"Yo, bro." You call over to him. He looks up at you and Dirk. You look over at Dirk, looks like he put his game face on too. You ask bro, "can we talk outside real quick?"

Your bro drops his bun into Jake's hands, English gleefully tears into it like a wolf. He chews with his mouth open and gives your Bro a happy smile.

. . .

"Did he do something to you?" You scan the entirety of bro's body, Dirk even circles around him. Bro's face isn't wearing the trace of a smile now that he's away from Jake. 

"Stop that." Your bro gives you a warning. "You two are acting out of line."

"Uhhh... did you not just hear yourself?" You ask him. "Dude, we end up in some wacky funhouse with magic and shit and you just let a guy-"

"I agreed that I would trust my husband." Your bro interrupts. 

"Exactly." Dirk sounds a little stressed. "I've never seen you make that mistake before-"

"Mistake?" Bro is glaring down at the two of you. "What did I fucking teach you boys? I thought I taught ya'll that respect is something you earn and Jake earned it. I wasn't _drugged._ And didn't you two just spent weeks hanging around Jake? He seem like someone who'd fuck me over and slip me some magic roofie to keep me in check?"

Maybe... he's right. Jake isn't the kinda guy to do that. 

"Bro." Dirk looks right up at bro, ignoring his words. "Whenever, in all our lives, have you ever trusted a man with anything?"

"Once. Just now." Your bro nods. "I never met a man till I met Jake." 

Your bro points down at the two of you. "I expect you two look out for him like you're looking out for one of your own."

"I like Jake." Dirk nods. "I honestly do, but I want solid proof _from you_ that this is honestly-"

"How's this?" Your bro interrupts Dirk to explain, "marriage here comes with a built in prenup. If we go our other ways, I don't get jack shit from this marriage. You can ask him yourself." Bro slightly gives a nod to gesture towards the room Jakes in.

Dirk opens his mouth.

"And before you fucking bitch and bring up how nice this house is and the fact Jake's willing to buy just about anything for me-" Bro interrupts again, "you think I'd let any man fucking talk **down** to _me_ under _any_ mental state? -Drugged or otherwise?- And still hear him out 'less I really care about the fucker?"

You feel hesitant to ask, "did... did Jake ever talk down to you?" 

Your bro looks you dead on as he says, "he told me how to fuckin' raise you two."

"Damn." Dirk nods right at you and shrugs. "Bro's right. Nothing would hold him back from whooping someone's ass for that, 'less it was love."

Dirk looks back at bro and says, "you've got my vote -and my support- Plus, I was hoping this thing would last. I think he's a good influence on Dave. Just wanted to make sure you're alright, man."

Your bro nods as Dirk walks back into the room with Jake. Dirk's giving his best wishes as he leaves, when bro looks back at you he asks, "well? Is it two against three, little ma-"

"Jake had my support day one, and I'm always in your court when it comes to the fuckers you date... so if _you_ say you can trust him, I'll hold you to that. But on the off-chance this is all just some magic-roofie shit or whatever you said... I'll be the first in line to beat his ass, I want to get a few hits on him before Dirk kills him anyway. I just wanna make sure you're good, family always comes first, man."

"Thanks, kid." Your bro starts walking back into the kitchen. 

"And hey... Bro..." You gather the strength to say, once he stops walking. "I love you."

Your bro looks over at you. He looks back at the door and then walks on ahead.

He never lets himself slip up. You think he's gotta walk out before he lets slip that he loves you back. He hates sappy bullshit and refuses to indulge in it. You don't give a shit, now that you're on the verge of eighteen you don't care about being cool. You're gonna let him know you love 'em and then some just so long as he knows you've got his back. That's all you care about. 

. . .

After breakfast Jake took you all up to _study hall._ Jake opened the library door for you all, the damn doors were huge, almost as big as the front doors. Dirk stepped in first and looked up, almost like he was in awe, he wasn't wearing any expression on his face, but you could tell the scene had him fucked up. You stepped in, it's like a bookworms wet dream. book shelves up to the ceilings all strung throughout the room the size of the last house you all lived in. Dirk almost looked like he was trembling. You walk in and pat his back. He told you right away, "if you need me... you know where to look for me."

Jake laughs, you turn around to see him wearing a smile so huge his eyes were forced shut. "I'm glad you're so eager to start! Now maybe you can help me look through the damn place to find where the basics are."

Your oldest bro walks in past Dirk, saying to your twin bro, "I've got you covered, man. Go nuts."

Dirk's out of sight in about ten seconds flat. You have no idea where he fucked off to, but you better get used to tracking him down in this room or else you'll never find him. You head over to where he turned, you think he went left. You start scanning through all the bookcases and you notice nearly all of the spines are adorned with gold designs, some silver, some green and some are just plain. The only ones that are plain are pure black. You walk up to a bookshelf just to get a better look once you notice it still has an inscription. Even the inscription is in black ink. The pages are too. Jake walks up behind you, your oldest bro following with him and Jade hovers over your shoulder. You completely forgot Jade walked in with all of you, you guess maybe you're already used to having her around. She's probably on her tiptoes with how she's awkwardly grunting to get a better look over your shoulder. She lets out an "ooo" when she notices what you found. "This book must be about necromancy. It's talking about liches. You have a good eye for black magic!"

You turn your head to get a better look at her as you ask, "what?"

"Um... liches are like... uh... people who bind their souls to their own corpses to like _basically_ have immortality." Jade points a finger up to her chin as she settles back down on the ground.

You look over at your bro, he looks at Jake. Jake shrugs and says, "I don't think things like that have much to do about learning magic per say... It's alright if you have any questions about life here and in hell, Dave. I'm sure you have a lot and I know Jade well enough to know that she'd lo-"

"I'd love to answer any question you can ask!" Jade hops and her long black hair dances as she jumps. 

"Thanks for the offer." You nod. You put away the book and ask her, "you think you know the general area of like magic for dummies is or-?"

Jade laughs at your joke with one big "ha!"

Jade looks over at her uncle as she belts, "he really _is_ funny! Just like you said!"

"I told you he's amazing!" Jake beams at her.

Your bro lightly elbows him. Jake instantly straightens up his back and tells his niece. "We should really look for those books."

"I think I know where they might be..." Jade nods. "Just follow me!"

Jade happily grabs your wrist and drags you along back into the hall between the book cases. Along the wooden bookcases, in between the spaces of walkway, there are somethings preserved in glass. You notice a few jewels and skulls in the display cases. You look as you pass them by. Some are filled with emerald rings and some with skulls with beautiful patterns etched into their bone. Jade's still dragging you along, she's pulls you so fast you're already way ahead of Jake and your bro. 

Jade took you past the book shelves and into a large room with leather chairs and a fireplace. You see Dirk sitting down at a desk and scanning through some fat-ass tome. You want to walk over and check out what it is he's reading since he looks so into it, you feel your sibling instinct tell you to smack him in the back and make fun of whatever it is that he's reading, but Jade's actually trying to sort through the shelves now to find you something you can read. You should help her, seeing that she actually cares. 

You squat down on the floor and find a... "is this a children's book."

Jade clasps her hands together and then tosses both her hands into the air. "You found them! Oh, I loved these when I was like five!"

You flip your wrist and look at the back of the book. There's a picture of a black cat carved into it, it looks like a crewd children's drawing.

Jake walks up behind the two of you. "Ha. I remember when we picked out these books together with your parents, little one." Jake grabbed her nose in between his finger and his thumb. She childishly laughed. Jake laughs as he tells Jade, "I think we need something a little less _beginner_ but maybe just as basic." 

Jade whines, "come on, if you're going to learn magic, you have to start at square one, and the little black cat is a classic! Almost all my friend's started learning basic spells with this. It's basically the same as like... learning your colors or numbers." Jade points at the book your holding, "that one is about making lights turn on and off. Don't tell me that's not what you're looking for."

"Yes, but... it's very juvenile." Jake answers.

"Ha. Sorry, but find a guide in here that expects you know anything less than an invocation spell?" Jade finds the words to make Jake just shut the fuck up and give in. 

She looks over at you and says, "sorry, but the starting point is children's literature."

Your bro squats down besides you and tries to look at the books above all the children's books. He pulls out a thin book and reads, "practical guide to spellcraft."

"Read the first spell."

Bro flips through a few pages before saying, "...spoken word magic."

Jake lowers himself so he can read over bro's shoulder. "With words... yadda yadda... make a flower wilt." He looks over at Jade and admits defeat, "none of them would even know how to summon a flower to make it wilt in the first place." Jake looks back at the book as he admits, "and this place is a maze... so it would take forever for them to find me to give them something they can use."

"Right?!" Jade nods. "They need to start at the absolute baseline. And summoning magic is just that!" Jade claps her hands together in glee.

"Well, they can't even do magic yet, Jade."

"Didn't you just say the priest is coming by soon to bless them?" Jade asks her uncle.

"He still needs permission from the higher-ups. Since it's us and Aranea is in hell right now, I'll give it a week." Jake pats your back and your bro’s as he settles down behind you. "You can read up on everything, don't worry about if you _can_ or _can't_ do anything right now. Just pick something from here to read... and my apologies... but they might be a bit below your age level."

"If you purchased these books then why not buy more?" Your bro looks over his shoulder and at his husband.

"Oh! Shopping trip." Jade sounds happy about that.

"Absolutely out of the question." Jake looks over at Jade.

"What? Why?" Jade pouts.

"Dave and Dirk's trial is soon, and so is yours." Jake argues, "if we leave to go to hell they are going to roll out the red carp-"

"We could go in secret! Sneak in the Aranea way!" She shimmies her shoulders to exaggerate her point. "We don't have to get the all-star treatment if they don't know you're an allstar." Jade jokes.

"Jade, you know that won't work... and besides... I sort of promised my Ambrosia that I would always give him the all star treatment."

"Jake." Bro interrupts him. 

"Yes, dear?" Jake happily waits on baited breath for him to speak.

"Why not send for someone to bring you books?" Bro asks.

Jade shakes her head no this time. "Ugh! I hate asking for books, the demons charge so many fees and once the tiny little devils see this place, they charge even more and hold all my stuff hostage! I don't deal with that stuff less I have too. I prefer asking for things from America thank you very much. You want better spellbooks, we can wait for after our trials."

"Agreed." Jake nodded.

"Wait. Do you really get stuff from America?"

"Yeah! I ordered this dress from an Anthropologie catalog cause they had a sale! Oh and hey! I forgot to say this but... I wanna wear a jacket Like That!" Jade pulls on your hoodie and asks, "can you tell me where you got this from?"

"Uh-" You don’t want to say Walmart, but it’s from fucking Walmart. 

"And what does this have to do with studying?" Jake places both his fists on his hips as he hunches his chin over your bro's shoulder. He places a kiss on bro's cheek and then tells you and Jade both, "you can talk about Dave's _sick and hip fashion_ later." Jake tries so hard to be _down with the lingo._ "I want both of you to get to studying."

Right as Jake says that, the devil dog appears res behind all of you. Jake almost jumped. Damn, if the dude who has a nanny as a demon is scared of that damned beast, then you don't feel any shame in the fact you just yelped. Your bro picks off a few things from the shelf and then stands up. Jake smiles as he stands up alongside him. Jake wraps his hands around bro's waist. You know bro's gonna force Jake to walk with him somewhere more private. You've lived with Jake for a while. You've already seen how fond your bro is of reading while Jake lays down on his back and in between bro's legs. Jake just fiddles with bro's hair and his arms for hours as bro focuses on the pages. One time you caught bro reading to him, you've never seen your bro turn red, but that day you came close to seeing him blush. You don't know what their wedding was like... but your bro seems like a changed man, like he went from being a two-time divorcé -and a one-time widower- to a happily married man, you just hope bro doesn't show his happiness on his face again. Seeing him kinda smile really freaks you out. Your bro gives you an icy look before he leaves, "you better learn something from these books and tell the table when we sit down for dinner. If you don't learn shit, then you don't eat." Oh thank god he's acting normal again.

Jade already left, her dog must have just dragged her off to some god-forsaken far corner of this house -or the world- and left you and your twin bro alone. You walk over to Dirk with a few children's books in hand. When you walk up to the desk Dirk's sitting down at, he jolts like you startled him. He seems surprised that anyone was even behind him.

Dirk looks up at you, you can see a sliver of his amber eyes look up at you in fear. You lower your brows and ask him out of concern, "what's wrong?"

He swallows down spit. You look down at the book he was reading, it's written in what looks like Dutch. Of course it's in a language you can't read. Your child genius twin bro can speak like fucking seven different languages despite the fact he hardly talks to anyone. He's over here reading an ancient tome in latin or some shit and you're holding baby's first spellbook in your hands. You point down at the open book. "Is it something more fucked up than necromancy?"

Dirk sighs out of his nose as you say, "cause I found some fucked up book about people attaching their souls to their own corpses and Jade just told me that shit point blank like it's just a fun interest for warlocks to have."

Dirk looks over the pages. He scans them and confesses, "it's in old English, some dialect I don't really understand that well but I know enough about latin and its roots to guess a few things... I suppose it just sunk in with me that hell as a place is real... and it's exactly what I pictured it would be."

"Like what?"

"Eh." Dirk's acting like he's shaking the whole thing off and wiping his mind clean of fear, "just chaos for the most part. At least... I guess it was."

"Really? I kinda pictured it as like... I don't know... the DMV." You think back to what Jade said about book stores and shipping fees. 

"Well. I must have been nothing but chaos at some point." Dirk explains as he glides his hands overs the well preserved pages, "someone came in and began orchestrating order by force. Looks like they were doing it just to defy God. Everyone in hell was sent there as a punishment and some demons were created just to torment humans... but they were tired of living under God's will... so... they defied it. They decided to stop living in chaos strictly because God never wanted them to live in order."

"That's... honestly that's fucking wild." You look at the image Dirk's looking down at. It's looks like some medieval era shit. There's a large emerald green skull creature, covered in the blood and pulsing flesh of other demons. It looks like something strictly fictional... not something you were pretty much just told was real. You can see what shook Dirk... but you still can't picture hell as a real place. 

Dirk turns the page. There's nothing but words on this one. Dirk tells you, "at the front it says this book was commissioned for some wealthy warlock. Looks like the master this person served was named _English_ too." Dirk tells you, "Pretty sure this is some family heirloom."

"Then... should you be touching it with your hands?" You ask him point blank.

"It's in great condition... Maybe even protected by magic that keeps it that way... and it was just left here. Like someone was reading it."

"Probably that demon chick." You nod.

Dirk looks over at you again and then at "what's in your hands?"

"My new bible." You joke. "It's the fucking holy grail of creepy ass children's shit. Look. Literal black magic for kids."

Dirk gives you a look, pretty much a _'don't try to make learning magic with kids lit seem cool or funny in anyway when it's probably what we're gonna have to do at the end of the fucking day in all seriousness.'_

"Welp." You hand Dirk The Black Cat Learns To Count and Summon Spinning Spiders. You drop the rest of the pile next to the huge ass tomb. You grab one yourself and hold onto it like a dad first thing in the morning, and yep... you're about to crack into a newspaper to find out the deal on those stocks. You settle down in a leather chair and crack open the one where the cat learns how to make a bowl of milk and some water out of thin air. If you can learn to make AJ on the spot you're never going to leave your room for anything other than taking a shit. Holy fuck. There's a picture of apple juice on the next page. Yeah, this shits already paying off.

. . .

Dirk got tired of reading below his IQ level as soon as he read the cover. Right after, he started reading the tomb again. You crammed through a bit of one of the higher level books after you finished all the baby ones. You told Dirk that bro's gonna be pissed if he didn't learn real shit about spells. Dirk brushed it off, "the moment we are able to use magic is the moment I'll bust my ass to learn it. You know that. He knows that too. He can kick my ass at dinner if he wants, but I'm not gonna read anything that reads like a instructional manual for idiots." Dirk points at what you're reading. "...No offense."

"Oh, none taken." You almost feel like laughing. "Well, if he asks you for something about spells, just say that some magic spells don't take up any energy and some take up a lot. Something simple like that."

"I could infer that, Jade complained about something along those lines at breakfast, don't you recall her saying that cooking took up less energy than sitting at the table and making _all of that_ for us?" Dirk lectures you.

"Oh. Shit... yeah..." You nod. "Well maybe I can dig through this real quick and find something else for you to use if bro asks."

Dirk rolls his eyes. "What did you learn from the _cat books?"_

"Dude. Okay. So if you know something really well. Like if you can picture it, how big it is, what it looks like, and tastes like, smells like... whatever. You can pretty much create it if you speak a few magic words-"

Dirk tries to interrupt, "Yes, a-"

You cut Dirk off so you can explain the rest of your thoughts,

"-but wait, wait... if you _only_ picture it in your head though, you'd end up summoning it instead of making it and that's why you have to say what you want out loud. And it's actually kind of adorable. The book says that you could steal and hurt someone's feelings so you should always say magic words even if you get really good at magic, just incase."

"Really? A book made for _Godless_ children says that?" Dirk sounds like he's finding humor in all of this.

"You said yourself that fuckin' monster book you just read was all about hell finding order and shit. Maybe the witches aren't that different from us... I mean Jade seems chill... excitable sure, but chill." You look over at the pile of children's books. "They probably are just normal people with abnormal lives... I mean... it all makes sense to me."

"Or maybe, you could end up stealing from someone you don't want to cross." Dirk suggests. "I wouldn't be surprised if magic left behind traces that demon's could follow. I should look into this."

"Okay... that makes sense too... but in this case why don't we just ask Jake?" You ask. " We should find him, I really want to get the fuck out of this place anyway. The silence is like starting to fuck with my head."

"Not like the city at all, huh?" Dirk picks up the stack of books you left besides him.

"I can't believe I miss the sound of trains behind our apartment." You shake your head as you help pick up some of your shit.

"And them shaking the building? Man that last place was so fucked up, our neighbors were so fuckin' noisy." Dirk sits up and walks over to the bookshelf to help you put away the books. "I don't know why bro felt like investing his money in those shitty computer projects and not like buying a house."

"We always move." Dirk sighs. "but I get what you're saying... he always makes bank from guys like Jake so he should have bought a ho-"

"Whoa whoa... not like Jake. Let's not group him in with those suckers." You wave your hand and point at Dirk as you walk over to the shelf. "He's actually like chill, name one of bro's boyfriend's that made us all sit down and eat dinner as a family cause he got tired of you sitting alone in your room?"

"Sure, fine." Dirk rolls his eyes he seems uninterested with the conversation.

You show him where you got the books from and he helps you put them away properly.

You ask him as you work, "what did you read about?"

"Something about witches dancing around naked at night during the equinox. I skimmed it. It was about some witch chronicling his journey through entering this coven of almost exclusively female witches. He participated in a ritual only to find out he was to be sacrificed, he got out alive by taking a demon as his lover. Impressive dancing naked during the equinox doesn't seem to be a sexual thing for witches but then later in the same entry he makes reference to using the lining of animal's intestines for condoms when he was in the coven.”

"Ew. Why do you always tell me these things?" You scrunch up your nose and stop working just to stare at Dirk.

"Because I am stunned by the level of obserity this has all taken." He doesn't stop working as he stares back at you.

"Eh... I guess I get what you mean, but still... fuck. Dude, come on." You shake your head and continue working.

Dirk lets slip a small laugh as he shakes his head. "The first good man our bro meets is also practically enslaved to an ancient demon and one of Jake's _good_ friend's is traveling to hell on a business trip."

"And just when you thought our lives couldn't get weirder." You huff out a laugh.

You hear two sets of footsteps approach. "Heard you chatting it up." Jake announces from down the hall. "I was thinking we could stretch our legs and see at least some of the place before my friend gets here, he's going to be joining us for dinner."

You and Dirk both look at bro. He seems cool with it but Jake's pushing it, your bro's the jealous type. Jake better pay more attention to bro than Jake's _friend,_ or he's gonna regret it. 

. . .

Jake showed you the best way to travel from the library to the closest staircase and down to the front door. He made a joke that by the time he was down there his friend would be walking down the dirt path to his front door, so of course when you got there, Jake opened the front door just as a part of his running gag, as it turns out... Mr. Egbert was waiting outside the door for five minutes.

"Oh. So sorry, chap!" Jake welcomes him in, "you know you're practically family, come in anytime you'd like, you don't even have to knock."

"Oh no, no." Mr. Egbert shook off the invitation. "I usually wait for Aranea this long too and it feels improper to just walk into a house this large without someone greeting me... or guiding me through."

You don’t like the look of this, Egbert seems like a handsome and kind man, your Bro chews men like that up and spits them out in an instant.

Mr. Egbert took off his hat and the coat hanger extended out a metal branch to take it for him. Jake didn't skip a beat, "I'm so glad you're here, I've been more than excited to introduce you to my new family."

Mr. Egbert humbly nods and offers up a, "how do you do?"

Your bro opened his mouth to speak, but Jake stepped in front of him and introduced your bro with,

"This here is my darling love, the light of my life. Ambrosia." 

"That's quite the title." Mr. Egbert jokes as he takes your brother's hand. "I'm hoping Jake told you about me already."

"He did. Said something about your late wife being skilled with medicinal magic." Your bro shook his hand and then let go.

"And her talents rubbed off on me and my son, at least some of it. It's honestly an easy magic to pick up... but not an easy one to fully master." Mr. Egbert explained. 

"That is true, unless you were as nurturing and as quick-witted as that woman is." Jake pats Egbert on the back and guides him to come in. "The priest already put in the request, I'm expect it to come through any day now, and the boys already started studying."

"Really now?" Mr. Egbert looks at you and Dirk. "I heard something about a seaplane dropping in yesterday from my son. You must have just arrived the other day."

"Yes." Jake nods. "But this family puts a lot of value into hard work I'm afraid."

Mr. Egbert laughs. "Oh, sounds just like mine..." He looks at you and Dirk again as he nods saying, "I know just how it is."

Jake wraps his arm around bro's shoulders and then begins walking away from the front door. "I say we should all continue this conversation as we look for Jade. She'd love to know you're here, Egbert."

Jake called out for Jade. Just as soon as he did, the white little demon dog just dropped in with her wearing a set of heavy duty black gloves. "Bec! My-"

As soon as she spoke up. The gloves where gone and so where the dog. "Oh." Jade lowered her eyes.

Jade perks up again as soon as she sees the new face in her home. "Dad!" She wraps her arms around him.

"Uh..." You hunch over as you watch Mr. Egbert get bombarded with love from his... _daughter?_

"Oh." Mr. Egbert laughs. "I'm not her father. A lot of the kids on the island just call me that."

Jake explains as he pulls your bro closer to his body, "he's always baking bread and cakes for everyone, and don’t listen to him! He is basically my dad! I eat everything he makes for John. His like _real_ son is always over and always bringing me his left overs!”

Mr. Egbert hugs Jade one final time as he says, "well, my son's not a big fan of baked goods. And I suppose everyone's parents are too busy with their duties to bake anything for their kids... It's just a hobby I always had and I love to share what I make with all the kids on the island. I'm sorry I didn't bring you anything this time Jade. I'm planning on making something nice after dinner though."

"Awww with magic?" Jade pouts as she asks.

"But it's still made with love." Mr. Egbert nods. 

Jade smiles as she grabs onto _dad's_ wrist. "You _have_ to see what I did with my garden! Jake brought me back a few seed packets and now I have these amazing fruits called pawpaws!"

"Oh wow." Mr. Egbert allows the young girl to pull him along. Jake happily gifts your bro a kiss and then rushes up behind them, leaving your bro behind while he says, "let me try some!"

Your bro breathes in a deep sigh and then looks at the two of you. Dirk starts walking before he can say shit to him. Your bro does nothing about it. 

You just stare up at bro, you know he has something he wants to get off his chest so you're gonna let him have at it.

"Yo.... Little man."

"What?" You ask him.

He wraps one of his arms around your shoulders and then pulls you into a tight hug, just as quick he lets go.

He mumbles, "love yeah too." Then he walks off.

You stare over at him with wide eyes and raised brows. You let your face relax and give him a small smile as he walks off.

Then he gives you a gesture to come and follow him, "get a move on. I don't want you getting lost again."

"Kay." You nod. Pretending for his sake that he didn't say nothing more than, _"move it before you lose it, bitch."_

. . .

Took you awhile to find where everyone ran off to. Dirk was kind enough to wait for you and bro before venturing in. He walked close to you after that. Dirk kept grabbing onto your shoulder and guiding you to walk straight in the middle, your other bro shoved you when you strayed to far out of the line he also set for you. They're both babying you again. They must be thinking about what Jade said about her fucked up huge ass labrinth of a garden. This place holds maneaters. The moment that you stepped in here their maternal instincts must have kicked in and screamed, _"my baby!"_

You're going to keep getting pushed around as long as you're in here and this place is cramped as balls. There's enough room for the three of you to walk sure, but Dirk and bro are just walking behind you now, keeping you and any threats to your safety in their field of vision. There are vines crawling down from every angle. Tables set up along the trail, hosting several trays of seeds, or pots of flowers. The tables stop and now there are just dirt patches hosting vegetables and then later down the line fruits. You turn your head and spot Jade down another walkway. You call to her, "hey."

"Oh! Dave! There you are!" Jade smiles and waves you over, she's wearing brown gloves on her hands that she's using to usher you in. You walk through the small space, as per her request. Your two bros are walking right behind you. Once you're through you can actually breathe. There's so much more room to walk around. You guess this is another one of Jade's work stations. She has a mechanical fan blowing around and some magic system she rigged up is creating and spraying water throughout the room. She tells you, "Jake and dad are somewhere around here, sampling my fruit." She sighs as she says, knowing uncle Jake... he's probably eating everything he can get his hands on."

Jade drops whatever she's doing and rips off her gloves. She slams them down to the ground and they instantly disappear. Jade tells you three, "come on. I wanna let you try at least something before it's all gone."

. . .

Jade found Jake holding up two fist fulls of some green looking papaya and a mouth full of grapes. She called for "Bec!" Jake instantly holds up his hands and gestured for you and your bros to take some grapes try it. 

You had a fun time sampling everything while you could. Those strawberries were so tiny though and you were given some little red berries that were sour as all hell. Best thing you ate was those red delicious apples Jade picked just for you the moment Jake voiced that all you ever drink is AJ. Jade happily found a few oranges for Dirk and then said she had to go tend to something. She left you all alone to do whatever you pleased to her garden. Bro only seemed interested in where the peppers and herbs where. Jake whispered to bro loud enough for everyone to hear, "I know you want everything spicy, you hot little thing." Your bro let Jake grip onto his waist and guide him to where all the herbs where. You didn't want to follow them after seeing that display, but _dad_ seemed eager to get a look at Jade's herbs. 

All of you stood around and tasted the spicy grass Jade had growing. Bro picked off a pepper right off of the vine next to it after Egbert told him it was a breed that grows here naturally on the island, apparently it's called a devil's tounge. Bro probably just downed the whole thing in one bite, like it was a fuckin' shot, just to show off and state to the room that he ain't no fucking pussy but he let slip one cough. Which of course was enough to prompt the two natives here to break out into laughter.

Jake happily kissed bro's cheek and then slapped his back, "you survived!"

"I can't believe you just did that to yourself!" Egbert wipes a tear out of his eye. "About half the demon's here eat those and the other half just use those to play nasty tricks on the lot of us."

"Oh." Jake kisses Ambrosia's cheeks again, "I married such a strong man. He can withstand so much pain and torment! Probably why you can withstand marrying me, with all my boring stories and horrible anecdotes. Oh now, I feel reminded of another seeing Egbert here. Did you know that along with being the best baker on the island, he's also quite the cook! And, Egbert, I know you said that you don't want to cook today. But I suggest plucking some things from here and making maybe one or two things by hand. I'm sure that would make it up to Jade that you didn't bring any cookies for her today." 

"Oh, that sounds like a wonderful idea." Mr. Egbert nods. "Everything tastes better done by hand anyway. I'd love to take some samples from here and add them to some soup as I materialize it."

"Well there you go! That sounds perfect! You'll have ample time to mess around with what's in our cabinets too. I think Jade should have hung up some rosemary to dry out as well." 

"Oh my. I seem to have forgotten my way out of this maze." Mr. Egbert sighs. "Jake, would you or your husband care to assist me out?"

"I'll show you." Ambrosia began already walking. 

Egbert gave Jake a small smile as he turned around. Bro let out another cough as soon as he was out of Jake's line of sight. 

"He can't ever let himself slip in anyway, can he?" Jake put his fists onto his hips.

"What are you talking about?" Your twin bro covers bro's ass. 

"Yeah, man?" You help out. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you boys. You know I'm a part of the family now too. And I'd like for you all to welcome me in as such and not play these games with me." Jake shakes his head. "Ambrosia is over there, giving himself heartburn and pretending like he's not sweating bullets because he wants to prove how much of a _man_ he is too all of us. Which I find just silly. I'd eat a pepper that hot if someone challenged me too it... sure... and I'd down several if it became a contest... right. But I don't like the fact that he hides all of his emotions from us. I thought after our wedding he might consider showing at least some of them... but all I can get out of him is a measly smile." Jake hunches over and pouts. "I want to hear him honestly laugh and maybe even cry on my shoulder if he needs-"

"Dude." You interrupt him. "And those things are gonna come eventually. Give him time. Don't expect a major milestone just because you nailed him down with a ball and chain." 

Dirk nods. "Yeah, man... and that thing about the pepper. He's just trying to show all of us he owns this place and remind us all that he's fucking crazy. You laughing at him just now probably just pissed him off more than anything. You're setting yourself back... but then again, the way you gave him an out was cool. He probably respects you for that."

"Wait..." Jake asks. "...is every action the two us have supposed to be like a... game?"

"Yeah." You nod like it's obvious.

"Once bro starts up a marriage he gets fucking crazy for a solid month." Dirk explains, "he's just gonna keep pulling power moves on you."

"What should... I do then?" Jake looks a tad bit concerned.

"I donno." You shrug and look at Dirk. Dirk looks at you and returns the gesture.

The two of you look at Jake again and he asks, "should I have eaten one too then?" He asks, unsure of the answer. "As... a challenge?"

You instantly laugh. "Fuck man, You should have eaten two. That would have been the ultimate fucking power move."

"Wait... a power move, like over him.. isn't that bad?" Jake sounds a bit confused. 

"No! You have to challenge him!" You tell Jake.

"Man, bro hates when guys try to one up him." Dirk tells you.

"But he likes when we do it and we're family." You explain to Dirk. "And he thinks guys are pussies if they are pushovers."

Dirk agrees and nods, "oh... yeah... I see your point."

"Wait- hold on." Jake covers his forehead with one of his hands and then waves his other hand towards you two, "so it's all just a game, and I'm challenging him for who gets to be the man of the house... and I know Ambrosia well enough to know... that he'd want me to win."

"Uh..." You dwell on it for a moment. You don't even have time to think of it that's right or wrong. The growing smile on Jake's face says it all, like he's happy with the idea of fighting your bro over who gets to be king of the castle. 

"I know my little butternut squash!" Jake proudly stands tall as he says, "he'd want me to prove myself and my strength through his little tests and why! No English ever backs down from a friendly game or sport!" Jake beams you both a large grin as he announces, "boys! I will prove my worth! To you and your brother! I love Ambrosia enough to eat a thousand horrid peppers if I have too!" 

You and Dirk both stand next to each other, listening to Jake just go off about playing bro's twisted love game and proving his manliness just to simultaneously prove his devotion to his new husband.

"Wow." Dirk stares on in amazement. He mutters towards you, "he's crazy enough to keep up with bro."

"I know." You nod. 

Dirk tells you, "we better stay out of this."

"Yeah... or else we'll take sides." You watch Jake as he pumps his fist into the air and strikes a pose like a great hero thinking back on his own accomplishments with a tear of pride in his eyes.

"Yeah..." Dirk nods. "And I'd hate to say it... but..."

"Man, it's cool... I want Jake to win too." You agree.

. . .

After Jake's major freakout and bro's walk of shame you feel ready to go back to your room, but no. Jake told you it's almost dinner time and you need to find Jade. You walked with him around the garden with Dirk by your side. Jake got snapped at by some tiny sprouts. One bit into his arm and sunk its teeth into him. Jake ripped the thing off and instantly his wound healed, no blood... nothing. He turned around though with a look in his eye that says _fuck that._ "Nope. I'm not letting you boys go in there. Anything happens to you, my ass is as good as pig feed." He must be quoting your bro's usual threat. You over hear it sometimes when he brings men home to meet you and Dirk, something like _"don't you get it in your head you can fuck around with those kids. I see one scratch on them made by you, I'll fucking bash your skull in and then grind your meat up."_ You're sure even with bro's love for Jake, he'd whoop his ass for letting you get a single cut on you. Bro flips shit when you get hurt from something that isn't _his_ fist.

Jake pushes you along with Dirk at your side. He guides you through the whole thing while holding both of your shoulders, "oh dang nabbit, she changed the confounded place around again. I'm already lost... but we can do this." He starts singing to himself as you enter a small white tent, "we... got this. We're... oh my golly goodness, we're free."

Jake pushes you out of the small white tent and into the open backyard. You hear the ocean now, you must be completely on the other side of the labyrinth. You almost feel like bending over and kissing the land. Jake sighs and lets you both go. He wipes sweat from his forehead as he says, "I'm free to live another day."

You give him a small smile, you're about to laugh but Jake takes it as a thank you.

"I'd protect you boys from any danger!" Jake slaps your back and turns to tell Dirk. "You're both my family now! I'd take a million bites from man eating plants to protect you and eat a million peppers for this family!"

You don't know what Jake is on to always be this pumped, but you kinda want some. 

However, Dirk's tired of Jake and his constant _positivity._ You watch him start to walk towards the ocean view, he looks like he's squinting now. "Is that Jade down there?"

You walk over to the patch of perfectly cut grass where Dirk's standing. You see stone steps on both sides of you two. The stairs are leading down to another large patch of grass and several beautiful trees. Jade's sitting down on a small blanket in the distance. You don't see any sign of Bec, so you assume it's safe to join her. 

Jake walks down and gestures for you two to come with him to see Jade. She's probably going to act as your guide instead of him from this point forward. 

Jake happily rushes over to her. You and your bro leisurely stroll along as Jade and Jake talk. Looks like Jade seems content with staying where she is by the look of things. 

When you walk up you can hear their conversation.

"-you waiting on John?"

"How’d you know!?" Jade looks up at him in amazement.

"He’s almost eighteen." Jake smiles brightly, "I did the same thing when I was about to become a man, only I trained by going out towards the barrier instead of around the island."

"Oh. He does that on weekends when I’m busy. He should be stopping by anytime now." Jade covers her mouth as she smiles. She turns her head back towards the ocean. Jake settles down right besides her and pulls her into a sideways hug. Jake turns around and then scooches over a bit. "You two should sit too."

"Nah." You shake your head. "I'm good thanks." You sit down now, you're not wanna get back up.

Dirk's the kinda guy that awkwardly hovers anyway, you don't wanna make him be the only one standing.

You all watch the waves for a few moments, the trees are all outlining the scene. It's beautiful, even to you. You usually don't care about sightseeing, or anything about nature... but even you can see the beauty in watching the crystal blue waves sway back and forth, creating a peaceful sound. Jade lets her legs hang off of the world's tiniest sea cliff and soak in the water for a moment just to cool off. She sighs and lifts up her legs back up. She shuts her eyes and leans her head back. 

Then you all hear a small slushing. Jade perks up and nearly gasps. Jake keeps chuckling, Jade tells Jake to shh.

You watch the water begin to ripple a bit as a young man pulls himself through the water.

You stare into the ocean and it’s like the entire universe just collided into your soul. You look right at him. John you think his name was. God, you hope you got his name right.

He has perfect messy hair, chestnut skin, and the world's sweetest smile. You just want to rush over to him and hold him close and never let go. You don't understand what it is about him that pulls you towards him, all you know is that you're sweating and wait... maybe he was the boy you saw when you first arrived. Maybe he has some curse put on him where everyone who looks at him falls madly, desperately in love with him. You look over at Dirk. He just wiped his nose with one finger and then sniffed. You can't believe he's unmoved by how perfect everything is about this moment. 

The perfect clear blue of the ocean hosting what you assume must be the most beautiful enchanter on the island. His lashes are long and his chin is a fine point. He’s the most handsome guy you’ve ever seen.

Even his voice is perfect. "Hi, Jade!" His eyes are still closed from how the salt water must be stinging them. That alone saddens your heart. 

"You're late." Jade takes up a faux-mean tone.

"Sorry! I saw a pair of dolphins teaching the babies how to fish. It was so cute! One of them kept goofing off and the dad just smacked into the baby with its tail like ' _hey! quit goofing off!"'_

The boy giggles as he pulls himself out of the water.

"Wish I could have seen it." Jake smiles.

"Jake!" John grips onto him and pulls him into a hug. God. You wish that were you. 

John pulls away from him, you finally see his eyes, a perfect ocean blue, even deeper than the ocean itself in this moment. You admire everything about this moment. 

Dirk elbows you. You turn your head towards your bro. He tells you, "your jaws hanging open again. Get a hold of yourself.”

"I- ah... eh..." You turn back to looking at John again. How can Dirk not see the reason _why!?_ Is he blind!?

John giggles as he struggles to wipe his eyes clear of seawater. You want to kneel down and offer your own shirt for him to use, but Jade gets right to drying off John's hair with the towel she got just for him.

"Hey... hey!" John protests. "It's just going to get wet again!"

"Nope. You're gonna eat dinner with us tonight." Jade tells him.

"Oh, I am... am I?" John gives her a sly smile.

"Your dad is already here." Jake tells him.

"What?!” John tosses up his hands and jokes in a silly tone of voice. "Is everyone here today?! I-“

You instantly start laughing. You don't know what got into you. But now your palms are all sweaty and everyone is staring at you as you awkwardly laugh loud enough for the whole island to hear.

John looks up at you and gives you an adorable look. Like he thinks you're messing around with him a little, but he's still half-smiling like he thinks your laugh is funny and you just want to plant kisses all over his sweet face. John lets the towel around him fall off of his shoulders as he stands up and walks towards you. You feel like dying right here and now. You can't believe you're so lucky that he'd just walk up to you and say, "hi... I'm John."

He lifts up his hand for you to shake, you look down at it through your tinted shades and lightly whisper out loud to yourself, "wow."

You take his hand and hold it. John's expecting you will shake it. You can't bring yourself to do it. You never want to let go. 

Dirk pats your back and tells John, "I'm Dirk. This is my bro, Dave."

"Dirk and Dave, huh?" John smiles at you, tilting his head and shutting his perfect eyes in the process. You don't feel too bad though. His smile is even cuter like this.

John asks as he shakes your hand, "are you two twins?"

As John attempts to let go you still hold onto his hand as you say, "we are! You're so smart! I can't believe you picked that up!"

John gives you another smile, like he thinks you're messing with him. 

"I mean, we look so different and Dirk's the smart one... like way smarter than me! And most people think he's older. You're like... super observant."

"Observant." John nods slowly and smiles at you, "I've never got **that** as a complement before."

"Really?" You ask him. "Cause I'm sure you get so many, all the time. I mean, you're like... so... amazing." 

John's smile drops. "I don't get many... no." He shakes his head and then looks at you, like he's expecting you to say more. "At least not anymore..."

"What's up with that? I only just met you and I can tell you deserve a metric fuck ton of complements. I mean like... obviously, your eyes are beautiful so that's like the first thing anyone should complement you on."

You can see your bro standing next to you mouthing, _"did you really just fuckin' say that?"_

"Oh... wow... thank you..." John looks over towards where Jade is. Looks like she's holding back a laugh.

You don't stop. "I heard a few things about you too from everyone here, they all really like you so you must be like really cool to get to know and I just don't know what to say to you cause you're so-"

"Okay." Dirk pats your back. "If you don't know what to say then **shut up."**

Dirk turns you around and forces you to face forward when you try to get a look at John again. 

You can hear John ask the Englishs, "is he... okay?"

"I think you broke him." Jake replies.

. . .

The whole way through the maze you stood in single file. Jake in front of you and Dirk behind you. Everytime you tried to look at John, Dirk cracked your neck back into place. He muttered a few things to you, the greatest hits being, "stop trying to embarrass yourself" and "don't even look at him, you lost your right to do that." 

Now that you're finally back into the house, you were able to see John again. You let out an airy sigh. Dirk grabs your wrist and dragged you off to the side so he could yell at you in a whisper, "what the fuck was all of that?"

"I don't know!" You tell him.

Jake just pat your back to ask, "are you okay, Dave? Cause... John keeps asking."

"John asked you about me?!" You feel your heart melt in your chest.

"You have better fucking quit this shit before I slap the literal shit out of you." Dirk threatens you. "Don't you have any shame!? I'm embarrassed for you right now and you can't bring yourself to find an ounce of-"

"I don't know what's wrong with me! Okay!?" You nearly shout. 

You turn around and see Jade and Joh- oh wow... he's dressed now and he's wearing a cute little button up. You smile at him and sheepishly tell him, "I like your outfit, you look nice."

"I... um..." John turns and mutters something into Jade’s ear.

Jade rolls her eyes and waits for John to finish before groaning. "Okay. So I think Dave was probably poisoned by something in my garden or ate something he shouldn't have. Whoops. This is all my bad." Jade huffs like she's honestly annoyed that she's about to get a big lecture from Jake. 

Jake puts his hands onto his hips again and shakes his head. "You need to label your things if you're going to let people have free reign in your garden, why... I got bitten by those little saplings you had in your-"

"You let them get a taste for blood?!" Jade stomps her foot. "Oh my Lord! I let you into my garden for five minutes unsupervised and you-"

"Jade. Go help Mr. Egbert set the table." Jake laid down the law. 

"Fine." She huffs and crosses her arms. Jade walks off with John following her, he’s still staring right at you. As John leaves you wave to him and smile, you tell him “bye! Bye, John!” He smiles and waves back. Holy shit. You got him to wave at you! Not only that. He shook your hand earlier... you're never washing it again. You hold your hand with your other one and sigh. 

Your bro smacks you in the shoulder blade the moment John exits the room. "Get a fucking grip."

"Okay! Oh my god! I will. Just- how do I get this out of my system?" You ask Jake.

Jake gives you a look. One like a he's about to tell you there's no cure for being stupid. 

"Dave..." You already don't like Jake's tone. "The moment you saw John... how did you feel?"

"Uh..." You confess, “sweaty.” 

Your bro suddenly appeared behind you. Fuck he's as quick as he is silent. You're praying he didn't see or hear anything. Bro sternly tells all of you, "dinner's ready. We've been waiting on all of you."

Jake opens his mouth to speak. Bro looks over at him and shoots him a look, like he wants him to get a move on. Jake lets his breath out and then takes another breath in. 

Jake tells your bro, "We’re all just a little bit preoccupied because... well, dear. I think that Dave may have a little crush."

Your bro looks down at you. You can see the muscles in his neck flex. Dirk speaks on your behalf, "that... or he might have been poisoned and he's acting like an idiot."

Your bro lifts up his hand for Dirk to shut it. Dirk takes a step closer to you in response, but hushes up like bro asked.

Bro steps towards you and plants himself in front of you. He lowers himself a bit to get onto your level and right away he says, "you play it cool. Don't let him know you're interested in anything other than getting laid."

"Bro!?" You jolt back.

Jake moves in closer to his _beautiful darling_ Ambrosia and then looks at you saying, "no! Try to be his friend first! If he gets to know you and likes you then you can keep him around as long as you like!"

You look over at Dirk, he's never dated any guy before so you don't think he'll- 

"I'm with Bro on this one. You've seen how many men he's cycled through in a week alone. Do whatever the fuck he says and you're set, man."

You cover your face with your hands. You're sure even the back of your hands are red, you feel so flushed. Jake and your bro keep bombarding you with things you need to say and do to impress John or get him interested in you. You don't understand how **_you_** Dave Elizabeth Strider are supposed to talk to anyone as beautiful or as perfect as sigh... John Egbert...

Bro slaps your shoulder, he's telling you to shape up. You stand up straight. 

"Don't you fucking sigh like that in front of him, he's gonna think you're a pussy and not worth the time."

"I think it's sweet." Jake smiles at you. "John's a sweet kid, I think he'd feel honored someone like you would like him, Dave."

"Nah." Dirk pats the shoulder that your bro didn't, "he's gonna think you're a bitch he can walk all over. You play it cool or I'm gonna knock the shit out of you."

You reel your head back and hum out a closed mouth groan.


	3. Nothing Like Back Home

You’re sitting down at the table with your hands lightly placed onto your knees. You just feel so concerned for Jade’s new friend. He’s still not in the room, his older brother just left to get him.

It doesn’t seem like Daves doing well. Jade told you he’s usually super stoic and chill like his bro’s, but he must have just eaten something bad because he's acting extraordinarily strange. 

You turn to your right and ask Jade again, “so… has he been acting this strange for a while?”

She shrugs, “if started when he started talking to you.”

“Oh.” You put your finger up to your chin and scratch it. You scan your mind for any strange fruits jade might have that would cause this kind of effect… you’ve seen her garden dozens of times and most everything is normal before you get towards the maneaters and the blood suckers, Jade’s been trying so hard to keep her plants from getting accustomed to eating humans and pets, such a shame she’s going to have to work up from square one again. You almost feel like laughing when you recall Aranea asking you to help her find her Jake and how loud she screamed when she found him face down in a giant venus trap, legs kicking and everything. Haha. Yeah Jake is usually sneaking around Jade’s garden trying to eat up all he can find but he keeps being the one to get nipped and bit. He’s basically cursed to be immortal though, something about his master wanting to keep him alive as long as possible and Jake’s so prone to injury, you think he might also be cursed with eternal bad luck. So bad, even his master, the king of hell, took pity on him. Which in your book makes him lucky. Oh what you would give for any demon to pay you any attention… past babying you and or asking for dog treats.

“Something on your mind?” Your dad asks, he’s messing around with some herbs Jade was drying on the wall.

“Oh… well… it’s just that boy.” You let out a long sigh.

Your dad sits down at the table in front of you, he drops a long stick of rosemary next to a sliced loaf of bread as a garnish. Your dad sighs and says, “I know, son… you’ve always been prone to this sort of thing.”

“Well, excuse me if I’m worried about one of Jake’s new ‘brothers’ I didn’t know it was such a terrible thing to worry over him.”

Your dad wears a sly smile. He opens his mouth to speak. Then the door creaks open. You turn your head and see Dave walking towards the seat next to Jade, as soon as your eyes meet he darts right over towards the seat to your left. He sits down and places his elbows on the table. He looks right at you, sighs and then says, “hi.”

Dave’s twin bro sits down right next to him. You look over at Jake as he walks in and takes a seat right next to your dad. You point at Dave and mouth, “is he okay?”

Jake nods and then smiles at you. Jake looks up at his husband as that tall horrifying man takes his seat next to Jake. Jake smiles softly as he tells you, “John, this is my darling, beautiful, sweetheart, the love of my life, Ambrosia.”

“I’m pleased to meet you.” You nod. “I’m sure Jake told you at least a little about… me… um...”

He doesn’t seem at all interested in what you have to say. He hums as an answer. You don’t know if it’s a yes or a no but that grunt clearly meant hush up boy.

You cower a bit and fiddle with your hands. The man seems scarier than the highest ranking demons. You’re going to avoid talking with him for as long as you can. 

Dave adjusts in his seat. You look over at him, he seems like he turned just to get a better look at you.

“Dave.” You ask him directly. “How are you fairing?”

“Oh wow. Even the words you chose to say are- uh.” Dave settles down in his seat and tries to ‘play it cool’ as kids your age tend to say.

Dave tells you, “I’m doing good. I just think I might have ate something funny. I’m not used to living Uh.. anywhere with magic. Didn’t even know it was real till yesterday.”

“Oh!? Really!?” You feel a smile strike across your face. You lightly bounce up in your seat to get close to Dave. “Let me show you something then!”

“Oh boy… here we go.” Jade must be rolling her eyes right now. You don’t care! You can show off your amazing skills to someone with a fresh set of eyes.

You hold up Dave’s hands. You tell him to cup them together. “There! Just like that! Alright!”

You twirl your hand around and make a mini tornado in his hands, when it settles down, a misty cloud forms into the palms of his hands. The cloud settles and turns into a white candyfloss You smile and tell him, “try it!”

Dave lifts up his hands and eats the small cloud. He smiles as he tells you, “it’s cottoncandy.”

“What?” You laugh. “I’ve never heard anyone call it that.” You cover your mouth with a finger and then giggle.

Dave smiles at you. He looks red in the face. Poor thing must be suffering from how hot it is outside. No matter what, you can give him another showstopper. Once you tell Dave to pinch his fingers together Jake tells you, “John. Don’t make Dave anymore candy.”

“What? I was just gonna make an ice pop!”

“We’re having dinner, son.” You dad begins passing steak out to the table using vague hand gestures. “I’m sure Dave would love to see your magic tricks later.”

“I’d love to see more.” Dave grabs back your attention. “I loved what you just showed me. It was amazing.”

“Yes.” Your dad agrees, only for a moment. “John’s magic is very popular with the children.”

“Dad.”

“I’m just saying, son. You have a flair for theatrics.”

Your dad’s gonna compare your magic to parlor tricks again. You love him to death but the way he makes fun of your magic really makes your blood boil, especially when jade and Jake join in.

Jade laughs, “John has the cutest magic on the whole island! He used to think it was so cool to make rabbits appear out of hats!” 

“Shut up, Jade.”

“Oh and when you two were kids I remember you making a little stage in the backyard and showing us all the magic you learned.” Jake cheers, “Lord how I miss those days. You made all of us milk and cookies and aranea would cry each and every time because of how proud she was of your performance!”

Jake explains to the table as you cover your face, “John found a book about how to perform magic at a resale store and it was just magic humans perform as little sleight of hand tricks!”

You groan. “Guys! I was like six!”

“Aw, yeah.” Jake nods. “You two have been best friends since you were in diapers. I recall jade was just about one when she first met John and-“

“Ugh!” You ask Jake, “can we talk about something else? And not that story.”

“Oh, alright.” Jake nods and then turns to your dad, “remember when Jade first got assigned bec as a familiar, he was so small then. I remember him crying because he never wanted to stop petting the big fluffy dog awww... but he had to go home.”

“Arugh! Jake! Seriously!?" You feel like screaming. "What!? Do you want to just summon some baby portraits and show everyone?!"

“They need to get caught up, John!” Jake tells you.

“Yeah!” Jade agrees. “You’re a part of the family and they missed practically all of your greatest hits.”

“Why don’t we talk about your childhood then too, Jake?” You cross your arms and pout. "How about that?!" 

“Oh... I already said plenty about that." Jake laughs. "But I get if you don’t want to talk about yours. We can-"

Jade cuts him off, “talk about your adolescence instead!” 

“Jade!” You practically whine out, she’s embarrassing you again.

Jade looks right at Dave as she says, “basically the moment he hit puberty he was all over every boy that crossed his path.”

“Jade!” You let out a high-pitch yelp.

“Hahaha!” Jake starts laughing. “I remember all the boys you clambered over always wanted to date you and then you got bored the moment another guy crossed your path! You little heartbreaker, you!”

“I’m- that was when I was 13! I haven’t-“

Jake interrupts you this time, “haven’t chased after guys since you met-"

“Shut up!” You feel your face get hot. “Jake! Don’t!” You slam your hands down on the table as you hunch over your plate.

“Haha, okay- okay… I won’t say anything.” Jake smiles.

Your dad is sitting down right next to him and right in front of you. He gives you a small frown for your display.

You sit properly down in your seat. You frown at Jake.

Jake laughs and looks at his husband once again, “maybe I should say something about my travels, huh?”

Jake doesn't wait on an answer, he always does whatever he wants. “I meant Ambrosia on the streets of the city. My heart was telling me to just walk on and on and on. And by the time I was exhausted, I bumped into the love of my life. Oh, he gave me this ice cold glare and looked down at me for knocking off his shades but those amber eyes were just too warm and inviting to not ask out for a drink and a little how’s your uncle.”

“Ew!” Jade yelled. 

“I’m just telling you like it is, kiddo.” Jake laughs.

“Uncle Jake! Stop it!” Jade stretches out her hands and keeps saying "ew!ew!ew!"

“Haha. Serves you right for making fun of me.” You laugh. Jake's her uncle but he's always been more of a brother to her, she's basically listening to her big bro say his first thought about this guy that's going to be living with her was 'I'd like to get him into bed.' 

“Well, anyway." Jake continues through his own laughter, "Bro here took me over to his favorite bar and made me buy him as many drinks as he could stomach before getting drunk and then gave me his number to call if I was man enough... but I didn't know how phones work so I asked to take him back to my hotel room and I just kinda hoped he’d stick around. When we woke up the next day, he felt so nice to hug when he was all cuddled up in my arms. Like a puzzle piece, perfectly tailored to my arms. I knew it was fate!”

“Aww.” You tilt your head as you look over at Jake. He's holding Ambrosia close to him, _bro_ holds onto Jake's hand and they look just like a pair of little lovebirds. 

Jake smiles at you as he says, “and when he took me home to meet Dave and Dirk here, I saw the symbol the priest told me to look out for. He said my eternal soulmate would have this funny looking squiggly thing on his favorite weapon.”

Bro asks gently in his low -almost demonic- voice, “you mean the insignia on my katana?”

“Yes!” Jake happily cheers. “Oh, my darling love here loves weapons and swords! He’s ruthless too, when we roughhouse and wrestle he always takes me out!"

You hear Jake whisper to Ambrosia, “unless you let me dominate you, you little-“

Your dad coughs into his fist as he nudges Jake with his elbow. You sigh, everyone at the table already knows that Jake has a one-track mind.

Jake laughs, it sounds like some malicious laugh from deep in his gut. You know the man’s a horndog. He spent a good month flaunting around hell doing Lord knows what till Aranea forced him back home to focus on his studies and told him to stay put on the island… then he went out and started taking to the ladies, even though most were married to their soulmates, none of them could resist coming back home with Jake. Jade told you how every night a new woman thought she was quietly sneaking with Jake to -in her own words- get a peice, that was till Bec would scare them all away. It became so much of a problem, Jake was forced to look for his soulmate by Aranea and she waited so patiently for his return too. Last time you saw her she was setting up everything for Jake to study in his personal office. You’re sure he hasn’t even touched it, he seems far too busy feeling up his husband. Right now, Jakes giving him eyes like he’s just waiting for dinner to be over so they can take the night elsewhere.

Ugh. It feels like you're back in hell. 

Most of hell is blocked off to those not old enough -or not able- to pass their trial into adulthood. You basically feel like you’re in the kiddy section and all the other adults are geared up to get out and get to _the good stuff_. Jakes one of those adults that thinks that way. Aurgh! Everything in hell is almost always about sex or death. You’re so tired of it. You’re tired of your magic getting treated like kids stuff too just because it's flashy! You just appreciate the simple things, like a nice warm cinnamon bun or a tornado that turns into _cotton candy._ Hm... Maybe Dave or Dirk appreciates smaller things too. You turn to Dave with hope in your heart, 

“Dave?”

Dave sighs and the lightly laughs. He sheepishly waves his hand up at you and then says, _“hi.”_

“What sort of things do you like?” You ask him but he falls silent. You clarify, “I… uh… was just hoping we could get to know eachother… better.”

Dave is starting to sweat. He rests his arms down on his plate as he takes in a breath to speak, he accidentally catapults the steak your dad put down on his plate off the table and and right into your lap.

“Oh dear god!” Dave shoots up and out of his seat. He grabs onto the steak with his bear hand. "I’m so fucking sorry. I was just- I was trying to-"

“Nono. That’s alright.” You nod. “No harm done.”

“No no no nononono!” Dave flings around the steak and sauce begins to fly from the slab of meat onto your face as Dave desperately fumbles around, “let me get you a towel! Or a washcloth-“

You snap your fingers and your pants are already clean. The steak disappeared from out of his hand. You give him a look. You get he’s not feeling well but he really needs to settle down.

You place your hand on his shoulder and guide him to sit back down. “It’s okay. Seriously. Just relax.”

Dave sat down facing you, his eyes are fixed on you… at least they must be underneath those huge shades he has on. You stick your head over the table to get a look at Dave's twin brother who is sitting behind him. You need to change the topic, hopefully ignoring Dave's mistake will calm him down.

You point at Dave as you ask Dirk, “I noticed all of you are wearing shades. Is it a family thing or-"

“It’s a Strider thing.” Dirk puts it bluntly.

“Oo!” You give Dirk a slightly sly smile. “Your whole family has an aesthetic, why you fit in here already.”

Jade laughs and then gives your back a light shove. “Are you making fun of _us_ again!?” She must be referring to the green aesthetic running through the English family line for generations.

You turn towards her, “I don’t need to make fun of you or Jake, Jade. You both are already jokes, all on your own.”

Dave starts frantically laughing lofty laughs again. You turn to look at him. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” You feel his forehead for a fever. “This is a sign of giggle root poisoning.”

“Only if he laughed at everything and not just whatever _you_ say.” Your dad says from across the table. He’s eating off his plate as casually as possible, like Dave’s suffering doesn’t matter to him.

You brush Dave’s bangs back. “Hey… you’ll be okay if you just eat some more. Why don’t you have some turmeric juice, okay. I know it doesn’t taste as good as everything else here but it’ll make you feel-"

Dave’s already drinking a glass of what you asked him too. Jake’s starts laughing, you glare at him for making fun of Dave when he’s clearly ill.

Jake smiles and then talks to the whole table, “my darling and his brother's don't know that much about magic or life here. But you know, there’s so many things about magic even the most seasoned warlocks don’t know.” Oh thank the Lord, he's taking the reigns now. You're so sure if the focus stays on Dave you're dads just going to make some comment about how Dave should steer clear of you because of your **old** habit of breaking boys hearts.

You missed a few things Jade said. When you focus on the conversation again Jake is talking to Ambrosia. “I only know so much because my familiar drills it into my head. Like how the most powerful and ancient magic is one God accidentally gifted humanity. The gift of creation?”

You feel like rolling your eyes. These little fun facts Aranea fills you on too.

“Really now?” Bro pretends to have interest in the topic of Jake's _hope_.

“Yes! I'll have to tell you all about that later, my little butternut squash!" Jake tells bro and then the table, "there’s so many interesting things I only recently read up on too! Like how prophecies are wrong ten percent of the time… Or how… the few most powerful wizards whoever lived, all instantly fall in love with their eternal soulmates the moment they met.”

“Oh, come on. That sounds embellished.” You argue.

“No, no. Aranea told me that.” Jake shrugs.

“She could have gotten something wrong.” You cross your arms. 

“No, young man. The wicche that Tavros married had no interest in love or the sort till the very moment he met Tav. Now the two are inseparable. And he you know Gamzee helped-"

“English ascend. Jake you act like I don't know history, or that I have a three second memory. I know Tavros is married to the bringer of all rage. Okay, now? let me live.”

Dave laughs again. He sighs the moment you turn to look at him. Dave then jolts up and says, “apple juice!”

You raise your brows at him and in a concerned tone you ask, “what?”

“Uh… I think like... my favorite thing ever is… apple juice.” Dave gives you an awkward smile. 

“So… that’s your answer to my previous question?” You question. 

“Yeah. Yeah.” Dave nods frantically. 

“Okay… I’m a fan of juice too.” You nod once with him.

“We have so much in common.” Dave rests his hand on his chin. Then he takes up a more stoic look and leans back in his chair. “Which is great, man. I was hoping we could just… chill, maybe hang out. You know I’ve got some movies and shit on my laptop upstairs.”

“What…? Uh- Movies?” You heard of those before, but you don't know what a laptop is.

“Ohhhh!” Jade suddenly hops over you and rest her arms on one of your legs. She looks at Dave as she says, “you actually have a laptop!? I heard of them in magazines but I’ve never seen anything like it! They don’t sell them here!”

“Oh… yeah?” Dave laughs.

“Can I see it when you show John!?” Jade is bouncing up and down over you. 

“Uh… sure… but uh…” Dave laughs and looks at you. “I was kinda hoping you might like to watch a movie with me… alone… as like a… hangout thing.”

“Um. Sure?” You nod. “Maybe sometime after I train for a while I could drop by and watch your laptopper-thingy.”

“Laptopper.” Dave sighs and tries to whisper, “cute.”

Dave leans back again and Jade pulls away to sit back down in her seat. Dave sniffs his nose and asks, “so uh… what are you training for?”

“My trail.” You nod.

“Oh right, right. For your uh… 18th, right?” Dave asks for claritys sake.

“Yes.” You smile softly at him. You finally reach for your fork and knife to cut into the steak your dad crafted. 

“So... your familiar’s helping you or uh… you training on your own for this one?”

“Oh no… I don’t have a familiar. But it’s normal that people get one right before they turn 30.” You explain.

“Cool. Cool.Cool coolcool.” Dave nods. “So uh… what kind of magic do you do? I mean other than weather stuff and candy?”

“Um… the basics?" You take a moment to think of what to say, "I don’t really know exactly what magic I’m the best at yet… I try out a lot of things but nothing ever really sticks.”

“I’m sure you’ll find the right fit for you soon." Dave tells you. "You seem like the kind of person who works hard, I know if you keep at it, you'll find the right kind of magic for you."

"Thanks, that's kind of you to say." You smile, this time showing your horrible buck teeth.

"Really?" Dave seems proud he got a real smile out of you. 

You nod once and then smile up at him. Dave lets out a tiny chuckle and then scratches the back of his neck, 

"hey... since you know so much about basic magic... Maybe you could teach me a thing or two.”

"Well… I don’t know if I'd have the tim-"

You turn and look over the table as Dave’s oldest brother tells him, “you’re supposed to teach yourself-"

Dave sushes him. You don’t know how he has the balls to do that. Ambrosia looks like the spawn of English himself. He seems like pure unviolated evil and Dave just hushed him so you could talk.

You look back and forth between the two of them.

Dave is looking at you like he wants you to go on… but his bro looks like he’s about to cut your head off.

You lift up your finger and sit up. “I have to use the bathroom.”


	4. An honest attempt

You sigh out your nose. Last night was such a fucking embarrassment for everyone to sit through. Somehow your little bro managed to forget everything you ever taught him the moment a boy with an overbite and fucked up hair talked to him. You don’t know what he sees in the kid. Jake plants a kiss on the top of your head. “Morning!”

“Hm.” You grunt.

“Oh, darling. Are you still worried about Dave?” You look up at your husband. He’s giving you a frown. “I told you, I think he’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want him getting distracted.”

“Well, it’s a little too late for that.” Jake feels up your waist, “and besides…” Jake strokes your waist and glides his hand down to your ass. “What’s so bad with being distracted every now and again?” 

Jake bites your lip. He told you he uses magic to ward off morning breath, for him and for you. You don’t like the idea of doing everything with magic but… when he teases you like this- “Ah.” You let slip a moan. 

Jake just forced three fingers into your ass. Your hole is already prepped for him. He made you slick without your permission to use magic on you. He’s allowed to finger you whenever he likes, still he’s pushing it.

“I’m gonna put you in your place today, maybe even punish you for how rude you’ve been to our company.”

“I was rude? How so?” You’ll indulge.

“You were rude to John. I could tell how scared he was of you. And you know that boys talked to his fair share of hellspawn.”

“And I scare him more than they did?” You feel almost proud. You would feel that way, if the boy didn't look like such a fuckin' weakwilled shit stain. 

“I could see it in his eyes.” Jake bites your neck. “You need to learn to be more warm to people that aren’t just me.”

You bite him back, hard enough to draw blood and tell him, “make me.”

He pulled his fingers out of your ass just to slap you. You grunt when he forces your leg up and you let out a sigh when he sticks two of his eleven inches into you. Fuck. You landed a man who can fight for what he wants and packs a punch where it counts. You grab onto his arm and sink your fingers into his fucking huge muscles.  
You don’t care, you let yourself slip a bit. you let out a small moan. You’re completely wild for him. You don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you know this is genuine. You’d never let a man tell you how to raise Dave unless he could honestly prove to you that he could give Dave some decent guidance. Jake told you Dirk needs to do more than just read and fight, then when Jake made Dirk come out and eat dinner Dirk had so much to say about his life you never knew. You didn’t even know he finished learning Chinese and moved onto Cantonese. He had a goal to learn a new language every month but he was struggling with Chinese for so long you thought he gave up. He pushed through all on his own and you never even asked him how it was going. You should really ask him more questions, Dave too. Dave seems like he’s- “honey bunny?”

Jake's calling you.

“Huh?” You look into his emerald eyes. 

“Are you not into this today or…”

You notice Jake’s balls deep into you and you’re still thinking about how horrible dinner was.

“Cause if you’re tired...” Jake trails off.

“My minds been on a lot of things at once.” You answer.

“I know.” Jake nods. 

“I was just thinking about how deeply I love you. And my mind wondered.”

“I-“ Jake looks stunned. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You confess. “Even I have a weak point, you know?”

“You saying I’m it?”

“You’re one of them.” You confess.

“Hey, I’ll take third place…" Jake smiles and then gives you a mischievous look. "if you take my cock.”

“Hmm. Keep talkin, I like when you get all verbal.”

Jake grabs the back of your hair and pulls. “I know you like it you little slut. you fucking want it rougher than this too I bet.”

You let slip a small whine when he starts pounding your ass. He’s hitting you where it’s good right now.

“You like that? That’s the spot? Huh?”

You bite down on your lips and struggle to keep quiet.

“We’re married now, thought you agreed you’d let me hear everything you’re thinking.”

You sigh and tell him, “it’s good.”

“How fucking good?” Jake asks. 

“It’s…” 

Jake starts pounding you again. You whine out another bitchy moan. Jake grabs both your wrists and then flips you onto your back. You wrap your legs around him. Jake slows down. “Tell me how good that was and you’ll get more.”

“It was… fuckin amazing.”

“No. I know it was better than that if I got you to moan like that. Tell me how good it is.” Jake gives you a sly smile.

“I already-"

“Say it like the whore you are.”

“Don’t you...” you pant a bit. You look down at how fucking thick he is. He’s stretching you out better than any guy you ever married. You still glare at him. “Don’t you fuckin’ talk to me like that.”

“I can call you anything I want.” Jake grabs your chin. “But if you don’t like it. I can always give you a better little name. How about _whiny bitch?”_

You glare at him. Is he really trying you like this right now? Jake doesn’t back down. 

“No? But you are a little whiny cockslut. You frigging like that? I think that fits you.”

You glare at him.

“Such a mean face…” Jake starts pumping into you, “I need to remind you just how much of a needy whiny bitch you can be. I’m gonna fuck you till you look pretty again.”

Jake let’s go of your jaw. 

He then gives you a real little smile. He whispers, “is this good? Am I doing it right?”

“Doing what right? Pissing me off?”

“Challenging you!” Jake beams. 

“Challenging me? In what way?” You ask.

“In general!”

“So you are trying to piss me off.” You give him a look.

“Oh, no. I’m not. Are you mad?” Jake asks.

“Yes.” You give him a small glare.

“Now... That’s no good.”

“But it’s hot enough I won’t stop you.” You confess.

“Honeypot, I just want to make sure you’re having as much fun as I am! I like calling you names and you snapping back.”

“Jake. I told you I want you to just fuck me and call me hot the whole time, like you did when we were dating. Is it so hard to just ram into me and not call me a cockwhore?”

“But you’re _my_ cockwhore.” Jake pouts. “I want you to have fun when I call you names and put you in your place.”

“Put me in my place?” You lower your already deep voice. You're giving him a warning tone.

Jake starts picking up the pace. He smiles and shuts his eyes as he tilts his head. “I’m gonna show you how good I can be to you! I’m gonna work hard to make you as happy as you can be! So I’m gonna make it rough just for today and if you don’t like it we don’t have to do it again, but just try it once. Even if your mad, sweetheart. I promise it’ll be good.”

You huff air out of your nose. You don't know how he recognized that was a yes. 

Jake flips you over and makes you arch your back and “pick up those hips.”

Jake smacks a hand to your ass and grabs on, “yeah? This fucking ass mine?”

Jake grabs the back of your head and asks, “is it mine?”

“Yes.” You play along.

“And only mine?”

“Ah…” you resist saying yes for now. You have to keep it down. You’re just gonna stay quiet and hold in your moans. 

“I’m not hearing an answer, Ambrosia.”

God. When he says your name, it makes you fucking weak. 

“Come here you little devil.” Jake bites your neck. 

Jake starts kissing the marks after. He then kisses your lips. “Is this fucking hole for me and only me?”

“I-"

You gasp as he starts pounding into you.

“Come on. Say it.” Jake’s grunting now. You love it when he grunts. “Say it, you little fucking cockslut. Say that my cocks the only one for you now! I fucking know it is.” Jake pulls on your hair. “No other cock can fuck you this good. You fucking know it.”

You start to bite down on the sheets. Jake’s ruthlessly drilling his cock into your ass and your hole is only so big. He’s making you feel so emasculated. You can’t let him make you say that you love this. He can’t make you slip completely. You shut your eyes. A tear rolls from your eyes down onto the sheets. Jake keeps pounding you. 

“Do I have to fucking make it hurt? Say it.” Jake growls. “Now.”

You lift up your head and let out a few moans, he’s so good. You love the way he’s calling you a slut and demanding you confess… confess.. “Yes. Yes, Jake!”

Jake starts tensing up. He pushes through. You just gave him enough to cum with but he needs to get you there first, he has to punish you the only way he knows how before he can finish by making you cum hard, or he loses his right to finger you whenever he pleases. You start shaking your hips and you feel your ass against his abs. “My fucking hole is yours, just demolish it. Fucking make me cum.”

Jake stops completely. He holds your head down and into the pillow. He breathes choppy breaths against the back of your neck and asks, “keep saying yes. To everything I say. Do it for me, my love.”

You close your eyes. You take a deep breath and before you even finish inhaling, Jake’s destroying your ass. He’s fully slamming his body into you. He’s squatting over you and making sure to fuck you at full force with all of his strength.

“I’m the best man to ever fuck you.”

You moan out “yes.” Like he demanded you too.

“You’ve never been fucked right till you fucking met me.”

“Yes!” You repeat. 

“You’re in love with my cock.”

“Yes!” You say it louder.

“Ambrosia. Am- Lord. You’re such a fucking cockslut.”

“Yes! Fucking- yes I am.”

“You only want my cock now! Only my cock. No one else's is as- argh- good as mine?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Answer me honestly, baby... Are you getting close?”

“Ah- I’m so close.” You groan.

Jake wraps his hands around your cock. He starts to pump it.

“Do you love me?” Jake sounds so gruff right now.

“Yes.” You cry.

“Can I do anything I want to you?”

“Yes!”

“Are you ever gonna ride another cock other than mine?”

“No!” You cry into the pillow.

Jake instantly stopped talking. He kept pounding his body into you with a frantic array of powerful thrusts. He shot his load into you. He kept working through his orgasm. He pulled on your cock and worked the cum out of you as you frantically moaned.

“There it is… Ambrosia. Fuck. I’m…” He keeps panting. He falls down onto the bed, resting next to you.

He's desperately trying to catch his breath. 

Jake looks at you. His eyes always glow like a jewel. Now, they looks so bright. Like they are filled with hope. You look down at his dark chest as you place your hand onto it. You feel his chest violently expand. You wore him out just like he wore out your hole. You'd feel like smirking... if you didn't feel so peaceful in the moment. Jake gave you everything you could have ever wanted and more... but you can't let him know that. You can't be weak. You can just play it off like that was all something you said in the moment, that was just something you let slip because it was in bed. You don't want him to know that's the truth, hell, you don't even want to admit that to yourself. 

Jake rubs his eyes with the back of his fist and his arm. He pants as he says, "Lord, I hope I did right by you..." Jake pants again, still rubbing his eyes, "I just want to do whatever makes you the most happy... I wish I could just read you mind and give you everything you want, you're such a secretive, mysterious and tricky minx."

Jake lowers his arm and looks up at you. He apologizes, 

“I’m sorry, I can’t hold a candle to how amazing you are, my love.”

You lower your eyes and then look back up at him.

Jake tells you softly, “you’re the light of my life in so many ways. I just want to… be the perfect man for you, but it’s so hard to keep up with how amazing you are…”

“I think you did fine.” You say in a hushed tone.

“Did you… love it as much as I did then?” Jake looks so hopeful. He wants an honest answer. 

“I…” you sign out your nose. “I love when you take over like that.”

“Yeah? I thought you would!” Jake smiles once he hears he did right by you.

“You guessed right.” You give him the smallest smile you can muster, which is simultaneously the largest you think you've ever given a man. 

“I’m so happy you liked it!" Jake cries out. "I was so scared you would have thought I was being too pushy!”

He’s the only man whose ever pushed you in the right ways. He knows just what he’s doing to you.

He's doing everything that your heart and your head always screamed at you not to want. 

You're supposed to be the strong one, for yourself and for your brothers. You're supposed to be the pillar your family stands on... but now you're given the chance to have something forbidden to you.

You want Jake to hold you down and tell you he’s the fucking big dog around here. You want him to make you his bitch. He’s trying too hard to push himself to do right by you. You have to fight the urge to reject it… but it’s what your hearts telling you is right. You always wanted a man like Jake in your life. You wanted someone to tell you to be more kind, more gentle, because he's the one who can be strong in your place. You just wish he could have been around earlier. You sigh and roll onto your back away from Jake.

You look up at the ceiling.

“Jake.”

“Yes?”

“What do you think we should do about Dave… and his crush?”

Jake sits up. He looks at you with a flare in his eyes, no... it’s more like a glimmer. He might be on the verge of tears. You asked him for his honest opinion on something… not only that...

“You said _we.”_

You look up at Jake.

You ask him with all the compassion your strong willed heart will allow you to show, 

“We’re a team, aren't we?”

. . .

You’re all sitting down, having a small picnic by the water, Dave’s looking out at the waves. Nodding his head along to the beats he put onto the portable speaker. He’s waiting for that boy to arrive again.

You don’t know how you agreed to this. You feel like ripping out your own heart for being swayed to let this happen. You should have listened to your gut and your head on this one, that John kids gonna walk all over Dave and leave you to clean up the broken pieces. 

Once you see ripples in the water, you feel like rushing over and dragging the fucker out of the water to beat his ass, but he hasn't even done anything yet. You give it time, just like Jake said... if your husband is wrong on this one you're going to give him a lifetime of 'I told you so's' every time he tries to give his input on how to treat your brothers.

Dave smiles and sits up straight. He offers John something to eat. John sees how egear Dave is and he just swam right along. He smiled and waved as he rejected the offer, but you could tell this is all out of politeness. John seems relieved to be away from you all. 

You’re going to crush that boys skull with your fist.


	5. This shit again

Dave’s sitting by the water again. Your twin bro looks almost saddened as he waits for John to come by.

You’re ready to break Egbert's fucking spine. It’s been three days in a row you waited by the water and each and every time, John swam off. If he doesn’t sit down with ya'll this time you’re gonna fucking dragging him out of the water and force the fucker to sit down at talk to your bro. 

Your older bro looks even more pissed than you. He just snapped at Jake when he asked for him to just be patient. Bro told him he’s trying to be patient but John wasn’t making it easy.

You're sitting down right next to Jade, her devil dog is resting his head down on her lap as she crosses her legs. You've been asking her questions about life in hell, if there are any ancient languages unique to it. Jade told you that only the demons have the proper tools equipt to speak their language. Something about the way their throats and lungs are shaped, fascinating their anatomy and larynx must be different than humans. You'd love to see if their are any anatomical books in Jake's library, sadly you're on John patrol. 

You look back over at your baby bro. You feel the urge to encourage him to just come inside and drink some AJ while you all return to studying, try to wean him off of his John addiction. But you're sure that's only going to serve to piss Dave off. Dave's bobbing his head to his beats, like always. Nope, now he’s skipping through nearly each and every song he lands on to find the right one for John again. Jade asks you, "has he always been like this?"

"You mean over music? Or over guys?"

Jade pets Bec's head as she says, "you know which one I mean."

You sigh out your nose. "Dave's never gotten so worked up about... anything as far as I can remember."

"Well..." Jade sighs. "Just remember, John is to me what Dave is to you." She's giving you her warning. 

Jade's speaking low enough Dave won't hear but loud enough bro can, "You mess with him, you mess with me."

Jake chuckles. "Oh, Jade." He pulls Ambrosia closer to him. "No one here is going to stoop so low as to fight." The tone he's taking is one of a peacekeeper, that or of a pussy. Sounds like he's trying to get bro to agree to that. 

You all look at bro. You can all tell his eyes are lowered under his shades. You, yourself, and only you can tell by the slight way his back is arched that he's just one more Egbert rejection away from telling John not to come back. You'd love to see what side Jake takes during that event. You reach out over to the set up Dave made for the third day in the row and grab a handful of popcorn from memory. 

You see ripples in the waves, you can't hear the water part over the sounds of Dave's usual beats. He's breaking out his best music to try to impress John, like a songbird with a mating call.

John swims up towards Dave and says, "hello, again!"

John’s panting as he pulls himself out of the water. “Oh my gosh! I kept telling myself no more lunch breaks! That I’ve gotta get tougher! But nope! I saw you guys out here today and it’s too much for my little heart to take. I want in!”

Dave brightens up as John sits down besides him. John grabs a chip from the middle of the spread, his body is still lightly dripping with saltwater. Your baby bro drapes John in a towel. He pulls John close to him and John laughs as he bites the chip. “Ohhh! This is good! What is it?”

“It’s a dorito, man.” Dave tells him as he lets John go.

“They are good! Did you make them?” John asks.

Dave laughs and shakes his head no. “I bought ‘em for the plane ride over and never touched em.”

“Oh wow! So these come in like... bags right!?" Egbert gives your little bro a happy smile.

"Yeah." Dave nods as he smiles. He's not even trying to play it cool.

John starts up a story, "you know, I have a friend who lived in America for years and-”

“Oh boy. Here we go.” Jade hunches over as she rests her arms on her crossed legs. She's rolling her jade green eyes.

“What?" John lifts up his arms and whines. "I was just gonna say he misses food like this!”

“Come on. No, Karkat talk.” Jade points at John. “You always get _crazy_ when you bring him up.”

“Okay. Only because everyone else gets crazy too!” John sounds defensive.

“Huh?” Jade sounds unamused. "How so?"

“You know how many people on the island give him shit for not being born a witch? It’s bullshit.” John gets pissed. 

Dave’s face is completely blank, then it pulls into a smile as John eats more chips and then goes off with his mouth full, “everyone keeps acting like it’s important to be descended from a good family line when like! Look at me! I’m related directly to the Condesce, and I’m no better at magic than he is at any form of magic!”

“No.” Jade summons a bottle of water from nowhere and uses it to spray John. “No! Bad!”

John whines like his hair isn’t already wet. “Hey!”

“No Karkat talk! Bad!” Jade tells him.

“I’m not a dog.” John whines.

Bec huffs once.

“Eh... Sorry.” John shrugs.

“John." Jade brushes everything off and gets rid of the bottle. "Just eat the American food Dave had Jake made us.”

“Oooohhh! Is all of it from the states!?” John perks up, ignoring the fact Dave forced Jake to do all this. 

“I think so?” Jake shrugs. “Dirk said this is from Italy though.” He holds up a can of orange soda.

He hands it to John and John struggles to open it. Dave asks softly, “let me see.” He takes it into his hands and kindly opens it for John.

John gifts him with a big grin. “Oh wow! That’s why we have you here!” John jokes.

Dave turns completely red again and lightly laughs in the most awkward way he can. God, you just want to punch him.

John takes a single sip of the soda you let Jake duplicate with magic and spits it right into Dave’s face. 

“Blaugh!” John holds out the can and asks for anyone to take it. Jade grabs it and takes a sip for herself to see what the big deal is. Jade sits up, forcing Bec to jolt up in a defensive pose. Jade spits it right into the ocean. “Oh! That’s terrible!!!”

“It's like medicine!” John is trying to wipe his tongue clean of your favorite flavor soda. 

“Now, kids… it can't be that bad.” Jake holds the can and lifts it up to try it himself. 

Ambrosia puts his hand over the can before Jake brings it up to his lips.

“Don’t.” Bro warns him.

“Why not?” Jake asks with a caring tone.

“If you take a sip… and you don’t like it… we have to get divorced.”

Jake hands it over to you. You’re about to drink it when you see Dave look at you like he’s pleading for it.

You hand it over to him. “I think I just want some Mountain Dew for now.”

Dave takes the soda can and cherishes it.

You know why he wants it... it had John's lips on it. 

John looks at Dave like he’s insane for wanting to drink it.

John then softly dabs Dave's soda drenched face with his towel.

“You poor thing… your soaked." John gives him a caring look. "I’m so sorry. I should have just swallowed.”

You whisper, “that’s what she said.”

Your little bro glares at you. Apparently jokes aren’t funny if they are at John’s expense.

“You’re fine.” Dave nods. “I’m just happy you’re eating with all of us.”

“Aww.. but still.” John pouts as he pulls away from wiping Dave's glasses down.

“If you feel bad… maybe you can make it up to me.” Dave offers. Fucking choice, he's taking this seriously now.

“How so?” John giggles. That sent Dave spiralling back down again. 

“Wanna uh… watch a movie together?” Dave asks with the exact same tone a school girl would use to ask her crush to read the love letter she wrote.

“Oh! I'd love to! I used to watch tapes with Jade all the time when we were kids." John asks, "are these movies brand new films?"

“Yeah." Dave nods. "And in better quality too."

"Wow." John leans back and relaxes as he listens to Dave speak.

"I have a lot of different movies for you to pick from. Plus, we got this generator so I fully charged everything we’d need. Speakers, my laptop, an-"

“Hold on. Hold on." John stops your bro from going on, "you’re speaking in tongues.”

Dave points down at the speaker and taps it once. “This is a speaker, it’s used to play back audio.”

John tilts his head.

Dave picks a better word to use than _audio._ “Music.” 

“It makes music?" John asks to clarify. 

Dave pauses for a moment thinking on what to say.

You tell Dave from across the picnic blanket, “just say it does.”

“Yes.” Dave nods.

John laughs. He covers his overbite with the palm of his hand as he tells Dave, “you’re adorable.”

Dave turns red. John starts poking at his cheeks. “You’re so quick to turn red too!”

John turns to Jade. “I think Kar-“

Jade lifts up her hand and then before John can even see it coming, she sprays him in the face.


	6. A Quick Fix

After three days of swimming around you couldn’t resist the smells coming from the picnic the Englishes/Striders were having. You were trying so hard to just power through and not take any breaks before you got to the finish line you set up for the week, but you're only a man-in-training after all.

You dragged yourself up and plopped yourself down right next to Dave. He is just so funny! You pinch his cheek again after you yelled at Jade for spraying you in the face again. Dave looked shocked that you raised your voice and lost your shit momentarly. You laugh. Dave seems so adorable to you, just like a little kid. Daves so perfectly innocent. He wants to share his world with you. 

You grab one of the greasy dripping meat sticks and take a bite of one. As you chew, you ask Dave directly, “what is this?”

“Ribs.” Dave nods.

“Ribs of what?” You ask again, chuckling.

“Pig.”

You stop chewing. You swallow.

You put the bone and it's fowl meat down. Jake follows and puts his down too.

“Oh. Ha…" Your voice fluxuates for a moment before you clear your throat. "Thank you for sharing your... um… _culture_ with me. But I think I’m all good for today.”

You look at Jade and ask bluntly, ”can I please have some real food?”

Jade's not even looking at you. She's looking at Dave with wild eyes.

She sits up and shouts, “You eat pork!?”

“Uh… yeah?” Dave doesn't even see what the big deal is.

“Oh… Lord.” Jake is shaking his head and frowning at his husband. “You honestly eat those filthy creatures?”

Bro nods.

Jade shouts right at the hellspawn. "You eat things that roll around in the mud and eat everything they can get their grubby gross noses on!?”

You pat Jade's back. “It’s okay. I’m sure we eat things they find… strange too.”

“Strange yeah!? Disgusting!? No!” Jade's giving you the most intense look that she's ever given you... this week at least anyway. She has a habit of over exaggerating.

You roll your eyes and say,

“Karkat told me that eating live scorpions-“

“Oh my god.” Jade sprayed you again out of nowhere.

“Stop!” You shield yourself with your hands. 

“No Karkat talk!” Jade then sprayed Jake. “No more pigs!”

Jake laughed. “Oh! come on! This isn't even real meat! Just think about what I endured though! I actually ate this when I was in America! I ate real pig!”

“Ewwww!" Jade made the exact face that your gut is telling you to make, but at least you're keeping it together for companies sake.

Jake shrugs. “When I die I’m going to hell anyway.”

“Hahaha.” You laugh and cover your buck teeth as you do, it's a habit. 

Dave pats your arm. “We can get you something else as a palate cleanser. What would you like?”

“Hmm.” You think on it. “I could go for something sweet… like strawberries.”

“I’m on it.” Dave stands up and rushes up to Jade’s-

“Whoa whoa whoa.” Jade stands up and runs over to stop him. “You’re taking this thing to far, buddy.”

Jade guides Dave back down and sets him down, she lingers to make she he doesn’t get back up.

You laugh and snap your fingers. Strawberries appear in your hands.

“Whoa… you don’t use spoken magic to make shit." Dave looks amazed.

"Uh... no, you don't need to. Just so long as you make a sound you're fine." You clarify, seeing he doesn't know much. "If you don't, you might accidentally take from someone else."

"I know." Dave nods.

"Oh, you learned that already, did you?" You give Dave a sly smile. "How'd you learn that so fast?" You're interested in whatever answer is behind this.

“Um… those black cat books.” Dave explains.

“Oh my god.” You hold your hand over your heart. “You’re… you’re so cute.”

You pull Dave into a hug, you force his head to rest against your chest. "I loved those books as a kid. It's so cute that you're reading them to learn about magic. I love that."

You pet the top of his head and ask,

“Can I keep you?”

Dave instantly says, “yes.” Like he’s certain he wants that and won’t come to regret it.

You smile. 


	7. a promise

John's so interesting. Nearly every word he has to say is enchanting, those few moments that you aren't in a daze, you listen to him like he's a friend.

Every word he has to say is laced with pure joy, every story is absolute, undeluded fun. 

John loves to make jokes. Jade and Jake laughed at nearly everyone he told. He seems like he's trying to learn more about your bros to, just to make them laugh. 

The sun is starting to go down now. A hint of the sky turned from blue to orange. John gasped at the sight once he noticed. 

"Oh, damn it." John lowers his lids. "I was hoping to train more." 

"I've seen you swimming out there for three days straight." You tell John, "I think you worked yourself hard enough. Why not take the rest of the day off?"

John smiles at you, he gives you kind eyes as he nods to say, "that sounds like a good idea."

He perks up, "Hey! Why don't we watch that movie now! Seeing that I have the time!"

John stands up and changes into what must be his street clothes. They seem a bit traditional. Another pearl white button up with a silver chain around his neck. He has on black pants and adorable dress shoes. Not to forget the adorable rectangular glasses he has on. He's dressed so much nicer than you, this is going to be such a shitty first date unless you get better duds... No no... This isn't a first date. John is still just a friend and you're going to hang out in your room, as... bros... yeah, as bros. You can do this.

You sit up and immediately knock over the tray of chips and popcorn. When you take a step back to survey the scene, your drink spills over and onto John's shoes. Jake laughs and snaps his fingers to dispose of the mess you just created. 

Jake sounds like he's amused as he says, "you're even more of a clutz than John is!"

John makes the meanest face you've seen out of him, he still looks so cute. You want nothing more than to confess that to John like he just confessed a moment or two ago that he thinks your adorable and he wants to keep you. He can have you. 

John rolls his eyes and then pats your back. "Let's get a move on, I don't have as much time on my hands as Jake apparently does!" John sticks his tongue out at your bro-in-law.

Jake argues, "I'm on my honeymoon."

"No, you aren't." Bro tells Jake directly, "once we're fully settled in, the two of us are taking a trip to Europe."

Jake can't even argue about it. Bro loves taking a full tour of at least South Europe when he's given the chance. He might actually care for Jake, but there's no bargaining when it comes with Ambrosia and what he wants. 

John pulls you along and over to the stone stairs leading to Jade's gar-

“Aren’t you forgetting something!?” Jade calls out to the two of you.

You turn your head around and find her standing up but still hunched over. She'd be almost as tall as you are when you're slouching... if she didn't always slouch.

You tilt your head, just to let her know that you are listening. 

Jade gestures with her hands at you and then at John. “You said if _-hmmmhmmm-_ you’ll take photos of my garden. Well, _hmmhmmm!_ ” She hums.

“Oh right, right.” You did promise that if John shows up and hangs out that you'd take pics. You wanna try to nab a nice one of him.

“Sorry, bruh, gotta take photos first.” You shrug.

John pouts.

You place your hand on his shoulder and reasure him, "I promise, it'll be quick."


	8. Amongst the Flowers

You walked with Dave besides you into Jade's garden. She seemed so eager to pick out the most lush and beautiful spot to take a photo of her standing in. She always wanted to get her picture taken after she started reading all of those magazines, everyone else your age has fallen prey to being addicted to them you're afraid. Dave told you virtually no one he could think of actually reads magazines or papers. Everything is all just online. Dave seems excited to show you how his laptop-thingy works. It's all he could talk about the entire time Jade spent picking out a place to shoot pics. Jade decided to take a few pictures under one of her many tent canvas roofs. She set it up so most of the place is covered, but she still wants sunlight and rain to hit most of her plants, even though she's afraid of them being over watered. She's always got so many things to say about her garden, it's almost all she ever talks about... other than America and her studies. 

Jade was ready to start. She jumped into Dave's room and grabbed his camera for him once he told her the thing wasn't on him. She held up a large long rectangular thing and Dave told her, "that would be my laptop." Dave took in a long breath and let out a small sigh. "Just take me with you when you jump." 

When the two of them got back, Dave looked so shaken from the jump. Like he was about to puke. Jade heald up the camera and began to jump around. She danced in a circle and then took it over to show you.

You're fiddling around with it, you don't know if it was smaller than you thought it would be or larger. It looks so strange to you. Jade is in complete awe. You look over at Dave, he still seems sick but he looks like he's trying to power through, what a trouper. Dave walks over and gently takes the camera from Jade. She could learn a thing or two from him, she's always ripping things out of your hands! You hold your head up high as Dave tells Jade he's going to take a few pics and she should find where she wants to stand. You tell Dave, "thank you for this. I know she can be pushy when she wants something."

"It's no problem at all, man." Dave gives you a tiny smile. "I'm actually looking forward to taking pics. This place looks cool. Cooler than any place I've ever been to in the city."

"Do you take a lot of pictures?" You press a finger up to your chin as you ask.

"It's a hobby of mine." Dave shrugs with heavy shoulders. He looks a bit nervous again, you're starting to wonder if he's just the shy type. Seems like he picked you out to be a friend. You're happy to know someone from America. You don't know if you're ready to reveal it was always your dream... to live there. You awkwardly laugh and look away as you rub the inside of your elbow. You fiddle with your sleeves as Jade says,

"come on! You two can talk about how cool my garden is to photograph **_after_** we take a photo!" Jade pushes for Dave to get a move on, you wait behind him as he -in his words- lines up the shot. 

You watch in amazement as he works. Little slips of paper come out from the camera, just like magic! You watch as Dave grabs onto each one and plucks them out. He takes about three and when he's done telling Jade to pose, he sets the photographs down on the table Jade had her bonsais on. "They need a moment to develop." Dave explains to Jade. He looks up at the ceiling of Jade's tent and then offers, "since we have some time... how about we take some photos of you." Oh he's talking to you! It's so hard to tell where his eyes are when he's wearing those shades and looking up at the ceiling. You giggle and nod. You think it might be fun to have your picture taken, Jade looks like she's having a great time posing as she brags about her garden to Jake and his new husband. 

Dave takes you aside to where Jade's flower garden starts. He found a lovely array of vibrant blue roses and bachelor buttons. Jade loves to arrange things by color. You're so glad for that. This is such a lovely place to be, and to have your photo taken!

You smile at Dave as he steps away to make sure that most of you is in the shot. You pose by standing away from him and looking over your shoulder, just like he said. He instructs you to give him a smile. He tells you, "perfect."

You smile even bigger once you hear that.

. . .

Dave's been hovering over that table since he took your photo. He seems more excited to see how it turned out than you even are. You walk up to him and watch as the photograph slowly begins to appear.

It’s just like magic, but for humans. You adore it! It’s taking a moment to clear up. You watch it as it _develops_ on the table and... oh.

Look at your messy hair. Your buck teeth. Your fat cheeks.

You frown and hand your picture over to Dave. “Can you reuse this? And make it blank? I'd rather someone else have their photo taken... than me.” You look away from Dave, slightly ashamed to have to ask. 

“I… I can’t erase it.”

“Shame.” You sigh as you look at it again.

“I think you look nice.” At Dave's words, you lifted up your head and asked in a gentle tone,

“You do?”

You look back at the photo that's now in Dave's hands. You push Dave's wrist, so the image is closer to him.

“Then you keep it. You’ll appreciate it.”

“I…" Dave looks at the photo and then back at you. He nods slowly and thoughtfully. "Thank you. I will.”

You smile softly at him. _'What a sweetheart.'_

. . .

“Ha! This movie is so strange.” You smile as you lay down next to Dave on his bed. The movie playing on his _laptop screen_ is so funny.

“I’ve never seen it." He's apologizing for some reason. "Sorry, maybe I should have picked out something-"

“No I like it!" You defend the film. You look down at the bowl he made for you both to share and drag the tiny little snacks from your fist and up to your mouth, "and I like these too!”

“The popcorn?” Dave smiles at you as you eat the little popcorns.

You chew and swallow down the stuff and then cheerfully say, “yes! Is this what life in America is like?”

“Eh… pretty much.” Dave shrugs.

“Wow. And no one uses magic either?” You look up at the fabric draping over the canopy bed and kick your leg up.

“Nope.” Dave shakes his head. 

“Wow.” You roll over onto your back and sigh. “How amazing.”

“What do you mean?” Dave is looking down at you with a curious face. 

You keep looking up at the black fabric hovering above you. “I think now that I’m getting older… I’m starting to resent magic.” You close your hand. “Part of me thinks it’s a gift. Another part of me thinks it’s like a curse… no matter what I try, I can never pass anything more than the basics… like the learning curve is so steep for me. I can’t figure out anything more than simple spells.”

“But… you tried a lot of things, right?" Dave kindly asks as he looks at you, "…and you know about all of them?”

“Yeah?” You return your gaze to his.

“That’s pretty impressive.” Dave's shades reflect a glow of light from the movie. You can hear mumbling coming through the sheets your laying on. 

“Thanks." You mutter. "Glad someone thinks so.”

“I thought what you did with that tornado was cool.” Dave defends you from yourself.

“Listen. You don’t know anything about magic so you have no idea what's good and what isn't." You lift your head up a little. "No offense.”

“None taken.” Dave gives you a half-smile.

You laugh by sighing out your nose. You look up at Dave. You squint your eyes as you say, “everyone thinks my magic is just parlor tricks to entertain kids… you heard my dad. My magics apparently shit and even my _super optimistic caring loving father_ thinks- no wait..." you correct your last choice of words. "knows it.”

“I love your magic.” Dave lays down right next to you. He tells you point blank. “I love the tricks you showed me and I think no matter how long I stay here, I’m never gonna find anyone else on this island with your spirit… I’ve never met anyone like you living in the city. You’re so creative and unapologetic about everything you do. And you’re so open and kind, and... just you. You know?”

“I know me, yes.” You nod.

“Then you know you’re amazing.”

“Ha.” You smile and roll a bit closer to Dave. “I think you’re funny." You hug him as you say, "and you know what… no one has ever complimented me for my eyes before." You’ve never met anyone who focused on the color of someone’s eyes before. 

“Really? That makes two of us.” Dave mumbles.

“Huh?” You look into his shades again. “No one's ever complemented your eyes?”

_'Why is that so strange to him? Isn't that normal for him?'_

“Most people see my eyes and freak shit.” Dave sighs. 

"Ooo!" You feel a smile strike your face again. "Now I have to get a look at this!”

“Uh..." Dave sounds like he wants an out. Too late.

You hum a laugh as you pluck his shades off his face.

You look into his eyes and... “Oh wow…”

You feel a tad bit breathless.

Dave looks down and then back up at you as you weakly mutter, “I’ve never seen eyes like yours before.”

You’ve seen red eyes sure, but none like this. Dave’s eyes are pure red. Even his pupils. Just red around red. You drop his shades. You lightly hold onto his face. Something about his gaze makes your heart beat a bit faster. 

You tell him softly. "I... I should go home now, it's getting late... my dad's probably about to start worrying about where I am."

"Oh." Dave picks back up his glasses. He puts his shades back on and then you give him a slight frown. 

Dave smiles at you, "if you want... I can walk you back."


	9. the stars vanish as they flourish

John actually agreed to let you walk him home.

The sky is filled with stars and it's not even night yet, more stars than you've ever seen in your life. John's walking by your side and holding your arm, you keep staring up at the sky and walking into things.

John takes you through a small market place. There's stores lined up besides you. All of it looks like fine architecture. The buildings are all painted in dull grayish colors, brown, beige and white seem to be where it's at too.

John explains, "this is where people come to by... more _modern_ clothing." John shakes his head and rolls his eyes. You look into the window displays. There's black headless mannequins dressed in the exact same things you saw in the city back in Houston. You tell John your last exact thought.

"Oh. So you're from the city too?" John asks, "is that where you grew up?"

"Yeah, and no... I was born there. My bros and I always kept moving back, but we moved around a lot."

"Oo!" John seems interested in hearing more, "where!?"

"Uh..." You look up at the pinkish purple sky, laced with stars as you list in your head places John _might_ have heard of, "Savannah, Orlando... uh... New York was an on-and-off again thing... San Diego. I've been to New Orleans. Pretty much anywhere you can think of I've at least visited... I used to go out sightseeing during the day, but no place ever felt like a home... I'm more like... a permanent tourist." 

"Your rooms your only real home right?" In the corner of your eye, John gives you a tiny smile.

"Yeah." You sigh out your nose.

John looks back up at the stars, still attached to your arms. "I'm in the same boat... I just... well." John lets out a meager sigh. "I sometimes just feel like... I just don't... fit in, you know?"

You nod, "I feel that way about damn near everything in my life. Families probably the only thing I ever really... relied on."

John sighs, "yeah... I love my dad, so I understand that... but lately I've been feeling more and more... alone." John laughs. "I guess it won't be that way for much longer! That's why I put in so much effort into my trail, but I fear that training is going to drain me more than help..."

"Yeah." You nod. "There is such a thing as over doing it, man."

"I know." John shuts his eyes. Then he looks up. He takes you over to a small cliff, you didn't even notice that there is a wooden staircase at the end of the path.

"I want to show you something!" John pulls you over to the edge. He points up at a cluster of bright stars. John lifts himself up by the balls of his feet and draws an outline with magic. A bright glowing light lingers in the air from where he traced his fingers. John makes you lean your head in so you can see the lines he drew between stars in the sky. They line up perfectly, you say in amazement, "wow... that's amazing, John."

You look at him as you ask, "what is it?

"That's cancer." John smiles softly at the stars. "It's my favorite constellation."

You hesitate for a moment before you ask him, "why?"

"It reminds me of... something dear to me." John softly looks up at the lines outlining the stars as he confesses something clearly personal to him.

The face John's making is so peaceful, it makes you want to just... you move in closer... you stumble a bit. You back off. You can't bring yourself to do **that.** You shouldn't kiss him, he doesn't think of you as anything more than a friend just yet. You just stand there until John decides to look back at the stars again. He tells you softly, "you should go back home from here. My home's still a whiles away." 

"Are you sure you'll be safe?"

John gives you a look. He seems taken back by your question. "I'm sure I won't trip or fall or anything... I'll be fine."

You guess there really isn't any danger if John seems stumped by your question. You smile at John and tell him, "if you ever want to visit again, and finish that movie. My doors always open."

. . . 

Dirk's knocking on your door again, "Dave. Bro, get up."

You cover your ear by folding your pillow over your head. "Hmph." You're just going to ignore him till he gives up and goes away. You don't need any breakfast. You're still tired from walking around the island. You were fucking lost for a solid hour and a half before Jade's familiar came and found you to zap you back home. You hurled on the floor right after. 

Your bro knocks on your bedroom door again and sighs, "Ugh.. fine... guess what?"

"Hmph!" You groan loud enough for him to potentially here. 

He sounds so hesitant to give you the news. He groans out the words, "guess who's here."

You instantly sit up. You sit up and before you get up out of bed you look at your wall at the photo that John gifted you and plant a kiss onto John's face. You hop out of your sheets and then your bed magically begins to make itself again.

You stretch your arms as you rush over to the wardrobe. You begin flinging through your stuff, then you walk up to the door and open it, you tell Dirk to come in. "Come on! Help me pick something out!"

Dirk rolls his eyes as he stepped in and instantly went for your ugliest baggiest clothes. Dirk tells you, "apparently Jake's request for our ceremony went through. The priest is here to-"

You cut off this mother fucker. "My fucking God... Dirk! really!? You used John to get me to wak-"

"John and his dad are here to help us get through the ceremony." 

Your heart instantly wells up. You hold onto the baggiest shirt you have and ask, "did John say to dress pooly?"

. . .

Your hands are in your back pocket of your best pair of jeans. You put on the tightest gray shirt you own, you hope John likes your outfit. You walk as casually as possible down the stairs and over to the entrance to Jade's garden where Jake apparently said to meet. Bro is wearing a polo, but this time it's black. Oh shit. Bro's wearing his _shit_ clothes, this is some real shit. Jade's talking with Jake while he's fiddling with Ambrosia's hand. Jake looks a bit nervous. You and Dirk walk up to her, before you even say anything to Jade, she lifted up her hand and started walking away. "I'm out! byebye!" 

"Jade!?" Jake sounds devastated, "you're not gonna help?"

"Sorry, but I can't handle that sort of thing!" Jade's still walking away, not even facing any of you as she does.

"Bu-Jade!" Jake sounds like he's demanding that she come back and help. "I need you to-"

Jade stops and turns to face you all, "I'm not hanging out to see all the vomiting, the spasms... _the rest of it all..._ " Jade trails off and then nods. "I'm good."

"Jade. Please!" Jake is almost begging her. 

Jade shrugs and then says, "my trail is soon, I need to train." Jade snaps her fingers and as soon as she does, she's in a black swimsuit.

She calls for, "Beeeec! Come on! Let's go swimming!" Instantly, she disappears. 

You hear laughing from behind you, you'd know that giggle anywhere.

You instantly turn around, with a bright smile on your face, "John."

"Hi, Dave." He walks up to you and asks, "are you nervous?"

"Nah." You shrug off everything that Jade just said. "I'm gonna be fine." 

"You will be, once you get changed." John's dad stepped up from behind John and up to you. He hands you a long draping white robe. It turns red in your hands. Red as blood.

"Daaaad!" John whines. "I thought Jake and his family agreed to not do that whole... thing."

"Son, you've never experienced this before. I have. There's a lot of... pain that goes into this... they are going to need to be... what was that colorful phrase you used? _Practically naked under mag-"_

"Dad!" John cuts him off and rolls his eyes. John slouches forward and groans. 

"John." His dad places a hand onto John's shoulder. "We should be honest about how difficult this is going to be. You should know that as well before we begin."

"I know there is a potential for them to vomit and... other things."

"John. Your mother used to do this for every case of soul binding in all the witch settlements in the world. I even helped her with the ones that happened here. I saw what it was like... The more powerful the soul bond is... the worse it will be... and they are giving their bond over to Lord English himself..." Mr. Egbert's words are actually scaring you. You're... actually giving your soul over to that demon... in order to do magic? Yeah, you wish you would have stayed in bed today. 

John looks down at the ground and then over at you. He gives you a small pout. "I guess you should wear that..." 

. . . 

By the time you finished changing and fixing your hair and shades, Dirk told you to come out. He was already dressed in a long golden orange robe, he's not wearing any shades. Dirk instructs you to take yours off too by holding out his hand. You give him your large oval shaped specs as you tell him,

"Everything about this feels like going to the dermatologist to get a check up."

"I wouldn't know anything about that." Dirk tells you. _'Mr. Perfect skin.'_

When you walked out you saw the high priest, he was dressed completely in black, with black thread embroidering his long flowing robes. He has a hood covering up his head. He walked forward and into Jade's garden. Jake walked besides him and guided him to where the ritual will take place. You feel a looming dread hang over your head. You're about to give your immortal soul over to an ancient demon. You look over at John, who's walking at your side. He looks devastated, John then quietly tells you, "my soul is bonded to English as well... so if you're worried about taking your place under his reign... I'll be right there besides you." John smiles at you, "and Jake, and... and your family too. You're going to get through this, and then after you'll be able to manifest..." John takes a moment to think of what to say to comfort you, "apple juice!" John cheerfully whispers. 

You smile at John, he knows just what to say. 

You feel the sun beam on your face when you're out from under the tarp. You look out at the ocean. You can see that on the ground near the ocean water, there's a small circle made of stone set up around a ring of fire. 

You are all lead to line up to stare ahead. As soon as you do, the sky fades to black. You can smell burning cinnamon fill the air. There are no stars in the sky. The ocean water is an onyx black, white foam is still glistening over the waves. All of you stay in place until the high priest beckons someone to step onto the ring. 

Ambrosia steps forward first, he's robe is completely gold. You can just picture Jake saying something as cheesy as, 'everything you touch turns to gold.' Especially with the way Jake smiles up at him in this very moment. 

Jake takes your brother's hand and guides him up to the circle. When Ambrosia steps onto is the fire flares up. The circle has a different array of black markings dance around his feet. When he settles onto the stone, he's told to sit. After he gets to his knees, the marks turned gold. Jake stays right by his side, you see him mouth _"I love you."_

Ambrosia looks up at the high priest who has walked in front of him. The priest begins to chant from deep in his throat. The chanting increases when suddenly you hear two voices. Dirk steps closer to you, he walks between you and John. You glare at Dirk as he mutters under his breath, "It's just like Tuvan throat singing. It's pos-" John elbows Dirk to get him to shut up. You look over at your bro and try not to smile while Dirk points over at John, like he can't believe that John just told him to shut up during a demonic ritual ceremony. 

You watch the priest take out a knife and begin to press it up to your oldest bro's chest. You feel your heart sink. You don't know what the fuck they are going to do to him, if he's just going to keep the knife in place or sink it in... but your bro doesn't move. He stays put, so long as he's not moving... you won't either. But you aren't afraid to throw down with a fucking dark magic priest if you have to. The priest begins to sing lower notes as he sinks the blade into Ambrosia's heart. Jake is watching on, his face looks like someone watching someone getting their teeth drilled, not like someone is murdering his husband in front of him. The priest pulls out the blade and then Ambrosia begins to fall to the side. The fire completely goes out. Jake catches his husband as he falls and lifts him up. Jake carries bro over to the side. Jake snaps his fingers and then a long cushion appears by the trees and shrubs. Jake places bro on the bed and Mr. Egbert steps over to get a look... and read his pulse?

John quietly explains to you, "dads just seeing how fast his heartbeat and breathing are, if they are slow it's a good sign." John watches on as his dad pulls away and Jake smiles brightly. Jake begins to tend to your bro by placing a wet cloth onto his head. 

When John's dad steps back in line, the priest lifts up his hands and his long sleeves to welcome another to face him. Your oldest brother takes a single step forward. You instantly step besides him, on instinct. You just want to protect him. You step with Dirk, side-by-side as he steps onto the ring. Orange gold marking twirls onto the stone circle. Dirk kneels down and accepts the blade entering his forehead. You can see clearly small drops of blood fall from your brother's forehead as the blade sinks in deeper. The priest continues to stab into your brother's brain. You watch on. Dirk's eyes are shut. He looks completely at peace as the blade enters and then suddenly exits him. Your bro falls to the side and you rush to catch him. You lift him up to his feet, he seems like he's completely unconscious, still... he walks with you over to Mr. Egbert. John's dad leads you to the opposite side from where Jake and bro are. You walk with Dirk and lead him over to where Mr. Egbert is telling you to walk. He suddenly summons up a similar bed spread to what Jake made for bro. Mr. Egbert added on one thing, a thin white sheet draped onto the cushion bed. You assisted Dirk to his bed and then placed the blanket over your bro. You wiped his forehead clean of blood with your own palm. Mr. Egbert offered you up a towel to use to properly clean it. You took it, you look at your hand. You just had to wipe the blood off, something about seeing your bro covered in blood makes you unsettled, but you think he'd feel the same for you. You wipe the blood off his forehead and then wipe your own hand clean. Mr. Egbert offers to stay with Dirk, he tells you, "step back in line with John."

You step as slow as you can as you walked over to John. With each step, you feel your body become more and more heavy. As peaceful as Dirk looked, he was being stabbed with a blade. Your own brother was having his soul casted into the depths of hell for a demon to take. You stare at John, flames are the only thing lighting the scene. They flare back up again, they turn from red to... white. You step back in line and then look at the flames. Something about how the priest faltered makes you think this isn't normal. You step forward, John's at your side. You look at John. He is completely still, he's covering his open mouth with his palm, his other hand is wrapped around his wrist. John looks completely taken back by the argent white flames dancing in perfect rhythm with each other. As you move closer. They turn from silver-white to gold, but only for a moment. They turn back to silver the moment you take another step. John begins to walk with you, he rushes to catch up with you. He grips onto your hand, but not to comfort you... you look at him. With a gentle smile you tell him things will be alright. 

You step onto the stone circle. The symbols that appeared looked nothing like what they did for you either of your bros. You could... read them. They were in plain English. All of them spinning to fast for you to make out the entire inscription but you could read the words "once the day..." and "...falls like night" It's all spinning to fast for you to make out more than what you could from a split second glance at phrase. The priest begins to sing from his throat at a faster pace. You feel your head lift, like it was on instinct. You shut your eyes. You instantly hold out your hand for the priest to stab. You need him to stab into you, so you can feel... whole. 

The blade melts the moment it touches your hand. You can feel the hot melting steel dripping over your skin. The priest steps away. He falters with his chants for a moment and then continues singing from deep in his throat. You feel the world melt around you. You open your eyes. Everything is still black. You lower your head to look ahead of you. There's nothing. Suddenly, you see a flash of a green skull, made of emerald. It grows in size as it backs away from you. It's multicolor- flashing eyes glare down at you. It says nothing, but you can see it's contempt. It lifts up it's head. It's eyes stop flashing, it's eye sockets are completely black. It lowers its head. Suddenly, you feel something press against your hand. You look. It's like a large jade green nail. It's clawing into your skin. You do not bleed. It stops moving. You can feel... fury. It can not hurt you. It's eyes flare up again, a silver flame inside of its eyes. The same silver... that your hair is. 

**"YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO CONTINUE TO EXIST. BUT HEED THIS WARNING... TO STEP OUT OF LINE, IS TO CRUSH YOUR OWN SOUL. DISOBEY MY WILL, AND YOU WILL KNOW MORE ABOUT PAIN THAN ANY HUMAN UNDER MY REIGN EVER HAS."**

You open your eyes again. You gasp and push up from the ground. You see ahead of you the stone staircase you used to climb down too... You drag your head over to the stone circle. There's nothing now but perfectly cut grass. You see Jake sitting down next to bro. Bro doesn't look so hot, he looks like he just got his ass whooped by the flu. You feel your body is trickling with sweat... you thought that was just because of your night terror but- you hunch over the grass and begin to vomit. You hear Dirk go, "aw... nice. Just when I thought I got it out of my- arugh- syst..." He sounds like he's hurling too. Everything inside of you was completely cleared out. The priest could have warned ya'll before you had this fucking ceremony or trail or whatever. You ate so many fucking breadsticks last night... _'God.'_ You sniffle and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand after you're done spitting onto the pile of vomit you refuse to even look at. You feel someone gently take you by the chin and lift up your head. You feel your eyes widen. John gives you a small smile as he wipes the bile and drool off the corner of your mouth. "Poor thing." John softly tells you, "don't worry... the worst is over now that you came to."

You feel like bashing your own skull in. Just how many times did you puke in front of John, your back muscles are killing you, like you must have thrown up a dozen times. Your teeth feel disgusting. Your breath reeks. Your throat feels like it's torn up. A pile of puke is right next to you... Then John snaps his fingers and all of it just... disappears. The puke, the pain... all of it. John guides you to lay back down, just as you did before. He lets you rest your head down on his knees. He lets you use him as your pillow. You're never leaving this spot.

. . .

You fell asleep more than a dozen times. Your head is still resting on John's knees. Johns been reading a book he asked Bec to bring him. It's about a type of magic he's trying to learn, none of the words stick in your head. He reads out loud to you everytime you open your eyes to show that you're up, whenever you fall asleep he must stop reading to you... you wish that he'd never stop talking you'd love to hear his voice in your dreams.

Johns starts petting your head and trying to soothe you back to sleep. This time, John put down his book and softly asked you, "how are you feeling?" You know he's only asking you that because both of your bros are up and walking about. You answer honestly, "I still don't have any feeling in my legs."

"It's numb from the medicine my dad gave you... it will wear off probably long after you start walking around again." John look down at you as he gently asks, "would you like to try?"

You turn to your side to face the trees and then shut your eyes, "nah." You want to stay here forever.

John lets out a few gentle hums, like little laughs. He starts rubbing your head again.

You hear the rustle of the wind whip through the trees. The sound of the ocean pushing and pulling the waves. The sound of seagulls crying and the scent of salt fills the air. John gently strokes your head, as gentle as the waves are when they push and pull him when he's training. You never want to leave this place. This small garden is where you always see him... and now it's the spot where he held you and treated you while you were ill. He took such good care of you and you don't even remember it. You keep fidgeting with the blanket he placed on you. You wish it was heavier or something. You feel like you're too hot and too cold at the same time. Your brain feels numb too. You toss around to the other side, this time facing towards where your bros are. 

John is tsking you for rustling around so much. "Come on, rest up. You can't do that if you don't settle."

John scratches the top of your head and then fiddles around with your bangs. He asks softly, "...would you like for me to read to you again?"

You hear the crunching of dirt and grass next to you. You feel like someone's walking over to see you, you don't care you just tell John, "yes, please."

John giggles as he tells you, "sorry, but I think your _bros_ would like to speak to you."

You turn back around to face the trees you say, "nah. Too sick."

John hums again. He seems like he's getting a kick out of taking care of you. Your bro doesn't sound so amused.

"Dave." Bro tells you, "get up."

You wrap your arms around John's waist. You mutter out, "nah..."

"Come on, man." Dirk tells you. "We got shit to do." He's encouraging you to not piss off bro right now, you know that... but you don't care. 

You wrap John into a tighter hug. You take a deep breath as you lightly breathe in John's scent. It's so peaceful, like almonds and sea salt... maybe even a hint of chocolate or raspberries. You peacefully sigh.

John pats your side and tells you, "I can help you walk if you like... that way you can get used to walking with the numbness." 

"Or... I could just stay here." You hold off from adding in the word ' _forever.'_

John laughs. He lightly pets your head as he tells your brothers, "when you two were passed out... the flames turned this beautiful silvery white, even the priest was shaken by it... Flames do tend to change colors during these kinds of ceremonies, from what I heard... but usually just for extremely powerful witches..." John keeps patting your head.

Mr. Egbert's voice appears behind you, "he might be out of sorts for a while, his bond is going to be even stronger to English than yours." He must mean your brothers.

"If that's true then I'm just guessing he's going to be loopy for a while then too..." John softly tells them all. "I better take care of him." You hug John tighter as a thank you.

"I was expecting that we attempt to use our powers." Bro tells you, "I'm expecting that you prove you actually studied those books."

You turn on your back, placing your head right between John's legs as he lets you rest on his lap. You lift up your hand and say "apple juice."

Nothing appears in your hand. You were expecting... you don't know... something? It's hard to picture anything when you are so tired. You leave your hand up for a moment and then let it drop back down.

"Fuck it." You give up. "I can't think straight."

"Damn... he must not be faking it." Dirk tells everyone, "apple juice is Dave's Lord and Savior."

"It's my gospel..." You say to John. John ignores you, he must think you're loopy from how tired you sound. 

"Wait... why would he be faking it?" John asks on your behalf. Shit. Dirk just fucking-

"Because he can be a real layabout sometimes!" Jake comes to your defence. 

"Oh?" John looks down at you and softly asks as he pets your bangs back, "you're a lazy one, are you?"

You smile up at him and give him a few giggles. He's so funny.

John giggles too. He presses a finger up to the tiptop of your nose. "How adorable."

You stretch your arms back and wrap them around John's hips. You pull him into an awkward backwards hug. John giggles. "And you're a big cuddler!" 

Mr. Egbert laughs, "I noticed."

"Oh God." Dirk says exactly what's on your mind. 

"Hahaha." John giggles, "first thing after he was last done with the bushes is ask me for a kiss."

You look over at Dirk as he asks, "after he puked?" He's wearing the same expression you are, pure dread and disgust.

"Oh no, not... puked..." John asks you and your bros, "do... do any of you remember any of that?" 

"Maybe it's for the best, John." John's dad told him.

"Don't tell me..." You feel like crying. You shut your eyes tight and then look up at your bros. Dirk's still making a sour face, he never breaks his stoic nature unless he's real fucked up about something... but the fact bro's eyes are widened... _'God. Damn it, kill me.'_

Dirk lets slip a snort out his nose.

You all look at him. Dirk's biting down on his lip.

The moment Dirk says, "now I'm glad I don't remember that shit."

Jake burst out laughing! "Hahahaha!"

 **"Jake."** Bro is taking up a dangerous tone.

"Just!" Jake is holding his sides. _"AHHH-_ HAHAHAHAHA!"

John is covering his mouth and trying hard not to laugh. 

John clears his throat and then says plainly, "now... this is just a result of the ritual... Your bodied were completely purged of... everything... and it's completely normal." 

John's dad agrees with him. "Yes. It's nothing to laugh about. It's a natural part of the process."

Those flowery words do nothing to stop Jake from laughing, he's crying tears like he's sobbing.

 **"Jake."** Bro is almost demanding him to stop.

Jake simmers down and wipes a tear from his eyes. He must have realized he's laughing at his _beautiful darling Ambrosia's_ expense. Jake apologizes, "I'm sorry, dear." Jake's holding onto Ambrosia's waist and kissing the top of his head again. Bro looks pissed that Jake even thought about touching him after that display. "It's alright, we've all been here so long. I think we all 've taken a shit behind the bushes by now."

You feel John tense up a little. You hum. Wait... Something is wrong... oh... John stopped petting your head. You look up at John, you tell him, "John."

"Yes, Dave?" John asks he looks a bit nervous about something, "uh- is there something I can get you?"

"Scratch my head again." You mutter and shut your eyes.

John starts scratching your head again.

"Wow, not even a please." Dirk jokes. 

John sighs, "he's been like this since he's been able to speak. It's nothing but, 'kiss me' and 'cuddle me'." John presses another finger to the tip of your nose. "By the end of this you better use your magic to make me a mini movie theater of my own as a thank you! You know how many times you made me lay down next to you... or sing you a song?"

"Oh." You look up at John. "Do that instead."

"What? Lay down next to you... or sing you a song?" John smiles down at you, almost like he can't believe what he's hearing. 

"Both." You confidently nod. 

"Ha... alright." John pulls away from your head and sinks down under the sheet with you. He pets your head and tells you to shut your eyes. "You'll feel better soon, I promise you."

John holds your head close to his chest and starts to hum a song. 

"Come on." Dirk is vouching for you, "he seems out of it... let's just let him rest and hound his ass tomorrow."

"Hm." Bro hums. 

Seems like he's satisfied. Everyone leaves you alone with the love of your life.

John pets the top of your head and begins to sing to you a song about a small bird flying in the clouds. 

You sigh out a hum, the same airy kind of hum someone would make if they were truly, deeply in love.


	10. In the Dead of Night

Your walking back home. Your dad told you he's going to jump back home, you prefer walking yourself. You just like seeing all the streets empty the few hours before night and day. Once night hits, the place gets a little too lively for your blood. 

You're walking through the marketplace you always walk through to get to the wooden staircase, when! You gasp!

There he is! With his dark skin and his cute little scowl. He's wearing the sweater one of his dad's made him. Oh you just wanna pinch his cheek and pull him into a big hug!

Karkat just walked out of a shop as it was closing up. He has a bag around his wrist. You rush up to him and ask, "What did you get!?"

Karkat groans and tries to walk away from you, but he's walking in the direction that you take to get home, poor thing fell right into the palm of your hands... like it's fate. Probably because it is.

You chuckle as you tell him, "it's alright. You can keep it a secret for now, that way it'll be a nice surprise to see whatever you got to wear. I'm sure you're gonna look so handsome and-"

"I DIDN'T BUY CLOTHES." He says with his gruff voice.

"What did you get the... oh! You didn't buy more cigarettes!?" You huff at him. They smell so horrible and Karkat is the only person on the island that leaves buds everywhere. When you two are married you're gonna teach him some manners!

Karkat basically tells you to shove it by walking ahead of you. 

You walk faster to keep up. You smile up at the stars and tell Karkat, "I brought a good friend here the other day, we looked at the stars together, it was almost romantic."

Karkat says nothing, you giggle.

"You know... I just got done helping him too." You give him a smug little smile.

Karkat huffs and starts walking down the stairs, you follow behind him.

"Yeah, he’s really handsome." You keep talking with your hands despite the fact he's not looking at you. "Oh! And a powerful wizard! And get this… He’s from America! I watched a movie with him on his lap…uh… um..."

"LAPTOP?" Karkat finishes walking down the steps and turns around to look at you.

"Yes!" You lift up your hand for Karkat to take to help you the rest of the way down. He's such a sport! He takes it and helps you.

You smile brightly at him. "Oh and he had Dorados and popcorns!"

"OKAY." Karkat lets go of your hand. He opens his mouth to tell you goodnight or goodbye.

You interrupt him, "-maybe you’d like to meet him! Like I said, he’s from America... and he’s super cute!"

"REALLY?" Karkat raises his brows.

"Yeah!" You bite down on your lips with your buckteeth, you're hoping Karkat notices the lipgloss you've been using.

"THEN GO BUG HIM." Karkat turns around and keeps walking.

"Hmmm… Maybe I will." You smile and follow behind Vantas.

You hum as you look up at the stars and trace your darlings steps. You continue to talk about the poor sick sweetheart you just helped.

"Dave has amazingly beautiful eyes and a breathtaking voice. He's living with Jade in the English manor, his older brother married Jake recently, did you hear about that?"

Karkat's just ignoring you now. You tap onto your chin as you think about what to say next,

"Oh, what else... what else... Oh! He's also got these fizzy drinks that come from these metal cans… Are you jealous yet?"

"YEP." Karkat's digging into his bag.

"Of who… him? or me?" You giggle.

"OF THE DEAD." Karkat's opening up the packet and pulling out a smoke. He snaps his fingers to ignite a small spark. 

"Haha! Not even the dead can escape me talking about you, _my darling love._ "

"THAT'S A NEW ONE... DOES JAKE SAY THAT TO HIS NEW CHEW TOY?" Karkat puts his lit smoke to his lips.

You feel your heart sink a bit, "Oh… Ambrosia is… too… _terrifying_ to be a chew toy."

"REALLY?" Karkat blows smoke from his lips. "ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE GUY?" 

"Uh... a bit." You nod. You can't lie to the one who holds your heart.

"DOES HE HATE YOU?" Karkat looks at you as he asks.

"Maybe...?" You tap your finger up to your chin. You're not sure.

"HE'S MY NEW BEST FRIEND." Karkat puts his smoke up to his lips again.

"How rude." You stick your tongue out at him. "-and what happened to Sollux!?"

"HE'S BEEN FUCKING MOPING AROUND ALL WEEK. DID YOU MISS IT?"

"Oh no, did something happen?" You sound as concerned as you feel.

"IF YOU COME WITH ME, YOU CAN ASK HIM YOURSELF." 

Oh! You guess he's walking to see Sollux to cheer him up. _'What a sweetheart.'_

You keep walking with him just like he offered, you step along a stone path between the beach and the rest of the elevated island. You wrap your hands around his arm and he lets you. He's a lot shorter than you are, by almost a foot, but you still rest your head on his shoulder like you're the shorter one. You look up at him as you walk. It's starting to get darker and darker out. You don't really wanna be out in the dead of night, but you suppose you could bear with it if it means staying with your love.

You smile brightly when Karkat looks down at you. His smokes almost all used up. He snaps his fingers and disintegrates the bud. You kiss his cheek as a thank you for not littering. Karkat huffs and rolls his eyes. He used to get so adamant about you not touching him or holding him or kissing him, but now you think he's starting to come around to it!

Karkat gives you a light shove, he wants you to let go so you two can walk faster. You pull away, but not before stealing another kiss. You give him a bright smile as you say,

"You know! April is just around the corner!"

"IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO NEW YEARS."

"Maybe by your calendar it is... but… okay, okay! Fine fine fine! Not my point." You brush it off. Most people use that one jesus based calendar now anyway instead of the real one. "Sure, it’s almost December. But the year flies by so fast! Before you know it! It'll be time for my trail, and then yours."

Karkat is giving you another look, like he's dreading hearing you talk.  
  
"I'm just saying... sooner rather than later, we're going to see what fate has in store for us."

"FOR YOU MAYBE." Karkat huffs. "I'M NOT DOING THAT TRAIL SHIT."

"Huh!?" You grab onto his arm again and force him to look you in the eyes. "Karkat!? You can't really mean that!"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT MAGIC AND SHIT, ONCE I TURN 18 I'M GETTING OFF THIS ISLAND AND FUCKING RIGHT OFF-"

"-No!" You shake your head. "You still have to learn how to serve-"

"DON'T START WITH THAT SHIT AGAIN."

"Karkat, you need to learn how to do magic properly! Otherwise when you die and go to hell, you're gonna be an outcast! You don't want that, trust me! You need to work hard and-"

"OH LOOK, IT'S SOLLUX." Karkat points over to the tall guy hunched over a rock on the beach. You sigh when you see him, he looks so disappointed with life... even more than usual.

You turn your head back to your love and point at Karkat. "This isn't over."

You argue with him, "your trial is important, at least do that... for my sake."

"WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT? I'M NOT GONNA STAY."

"And if you go, that is your decision." You smile at him. "But you still are assigned to serve English, in life and in death, I will do the work on your behalf -that is... if we are to be wed. And if we are, I will let you do anything you please, go anywhere you want and I'll provide for y-"

"OH, YOU'D _LET ME_ DO ANYTHING I WANT. HOW KIND OF YOU-"

"Karkat." You grab onto his hand and you force him to listen to you. "I'm always going to be looking out for you! If we get married, and also if we don't. I care about you, I truly, deeply do... and if you don't take your role seriously, you need someone to pick up your slack. You know that."

Karkat rolls his eyes at you and you huff a breath out your nose.

You make him listen to you, "I know you don't need my permission to do anything or anyones... but if you marry me, I would give you the chance to leave and do whatever you want and I'll serve our Lord in your place as well as mine so you _can_ do anything you want. I'd give you that chance. I would let you. If you don't go through your trail, you'll eventually get hurt because of it. I don't want that for you. You're my friend as well as... hm.." You draw back a bit. You let go of his arm. "Karkat, whenever we talk... we always argue like this. I know you don't want to get married. I know you hate just about everyone on the island... and you have good reason to... but at least hear me out... I want what's best for you..."

Karkat sighs at your plea. He scuffs his shoe along the path you were walking on. He looks up at the purple sky and then back down at you. "I'VE NEVER BEEN A GOOD SWIMMER."

You smile as he tells you, "I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO PRACTICE."

Karkat begins walking down the small hill and over to the beach where Sollux is sitting, "BUT, DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP."

"Too late!" You call out to Karkat as he takes off.

. . .

You took off your shoes and socks to walk on the beach, you left them on the stone walkway down to the beach.

You see Sollux is talking to Karkat as the two of them sit down on the rock, there's not enough room for you... unless you sit on Karkat's lap. Yeah, you got a milestone out of him today, you're not gonna push it.

As you walk up you ask the much taller boy, "how are things going, Sollux?"

He replies with a lisp, "everything's shit."

"Where's Aradia?" You ask him, the two of them are usually inseparable. You don't know why Sollux claims that Karkat is his best friend when Aradia and the guy are so ride or die.

"Getting ready to leave." Sollux sits up a bit, he's dark brown hair usually looks so soft, but the salt in the air is turning it rough. 

"What? She's leaving? To go where?" You walk up closer to him, sand crunching under the soles of your feet as you do.

"Don't know." Sollux looks up at the fading sky to see the stars. The color is slowly draining out of it. Sollux sighs and says, "hell, maybe." 

"Wait. Hold on." You place a hand up to your forehead and bump your glasses as you do. "All I heard was that her trail was coming up… did she go through it?"

"Yep." Sollux nods.

"Oh no… did she end up with someone else?!" He must be so heartbroken!

"Nope." Sollux shakes his head. He sounds so casual.

Sollux sighs as he looks down from the stars back at you, "she brought a human skull back."

You stare at Sollux with your eyebrows pulling onto your skin. You cover your mouth and look away, "no way..."

"OKAY." Karkat asks, "ANYONE GONNA TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS OR ARE YOU ALL PLANNING ON LEAVING ME IN THE DARK?"

"It means she’s going to be a fucking undertaker." Sollux looks at Karkat like he's being inconsiderate, he just doesn't get the full extent of what that means.

"SHIT." Karkat looks down. He knows what that means now. Aradia is going to bea reaper.

Sollux scratches the inside of his elbow as he says, "she told me she always kinda knew… when we were kids, ghosts would just come to her to speak with her for no fucking reason and she'd talk about them like they were her friends."

"DON'T GHOST DO THAT SHIT TO YOU TOO?" Karkat asks, he sounds concerned under that gruff voice of his.

"Voices of the _soon_ to be damned. Not the already damned. I just get mindfucked with profacies nonstop. Even now. John you rolled up and my heads just screaming shit."

"Haha! Yes!" You try to take his mind off of things by talking about yourself, like a real friend. "About?"

"I don’t listen. I’ve been working my whole life to not listen." Sollux rolls his eyes under his specs and slouches. He rests his head on his hands and places his elbows on his knees.

"Awww! But I wanna know how I become the greatest wizard of all time!" You joke.

Karkat huffs, "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN? EGBERT. GIVE IT A REST."

"Yeah, man... not gonna happen." Sollux shakes his head. "Trust me, world's greatest warlocks gonna be some fucker who over throws English... but you didn't hear that from me." Sollux lightly points his finger up at you.

"Hold on!" You point at him. "We have eternity to live! Listen! If I work hard everyday, once I get my familiar, I can train to master all the best arts! Then I will be the greatest! Even if it’s just for five minutes and I lose the crown to whoever! I can be the best wizard and have my second of infamy! Like I should!" You smile and joke.

"Why wizard though? Why not witch or warlock?" Sollux asks. Then he mutters, "is there even much of a difference?"

"I don’t wanna do evil, spooky magic. I wanna do something practical! Something helpful!" You actually aren't joking anymore.

"LIKE A POTION THAT MAKES PEOPLE PERMANENTLY MUTE?" Karkat gives you the closest thing to a smile he can manage with his permanent scowl still on his cute little face. 

"No! Nothing mean!" You argue. "I said something helpful!"

"THAT _IS_ HELPFUL.... TO MY SANITY AT LEAST." Karkat can be so mean. Oh, but his taunts always go right to your heart. You hum out a sigh and giggle.

Sollux rolls his eyes and offers, "you wanna talk about help? I... _I- can help you outta those clothes._ Damn it! John stop thinking so loud!"

You smack Captor hard in the arm and scream, "stop saying my thoughts out loud to Karkat!!!"

"YEAH. TRUST ME, YOU DON'T NEED TO." Karkat grunts at you. "I CAN FUCKING TELL WHAT HE'S THINKING JUST BY LOOKING AT THAT DOPEY-ASS GRIN ON HIS FACE."

"Shu-shut up!" You pout at him. He's being cruel to you again, teasing you like this infront of Sollux.

"Damn." Sollux sighs and leans back. You are so close to just knocking this guy out once he says, "If I were you I'd be all over that in a hot second. He's willing to give it up, put it in, put it out, back it up -all of it, just for you." 

"AND IF I WERE YOU, I'D SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I GOT MY ASS BEAT BY MY BEST FRIEND." Both of Karkat's hands curl into fists.

Sollux straightens up his back and looks at you. He gives you a blank stare and tells you,

"Karkat like the attention."

"DUDE!" Karkat jolts up. 

"He thinks you’re hot... just like every other guy we know does too." Sollux rolls his eyes.

"No way!" You lean in to Karkat. He's covering his face and trying hard to just wish everything away. It's too late. _He likes you! He really really likes you!_ "So you are playing hard to get." 

"Nope. That’s not it." Sollux answers for Karkat.

"Then what? Why does he keep rejecting me then?" You smile and giggle.

"Hmm… part of it… is uh… cause of our trials." Sollux sounds like he's trying to read Karkat's thoughts or maybe heart. "Yeah. I get that. If we're gonna be forced to marry whoever after our trail, dating is pointless. And uh… aw… nice. He doesn’t want to break your heart."

"Awwwwww! You won’t! I promise you never will!" You grab onto Karkat and pull him into a hug. He pushes you off of him and stands up.

"I'M OUT." Karkat groans. "I'M FUCKING GONE. I'M DONE WITH THIS SHIT." 

He stomps in the sand and walks back over to the path with his baggy still on his wrist. 

You frown and then wave him goodbye even though he's not looking, "goodbye, sweetheart. I'll see you around!"

You turn to Sollux and give him a big grin, you scold him, "that wasn't a nice thing to do to your best friend, you know?"

"Who cares?” Sollux asks. “That guy's a fucking dick, and our trails are soon anyway... think you're gonna get married soon and then he'll be over it by then."

"You mean the two of us **_will_** get married!?" You cheer.

"I meant, you will get married. Didn't say nothing about the two of you." Sollux shakes his head as he invites you to sit down on the rock next to him.

You take your seat. "Then how about us then?" You joke as you wrap your hands around his arm. "Do we fall in love? I wouldn't mind that."

"Nah." Sollux shakes his head. "I heard something about marrying someone I might think of as an asshole."

"Damn. I'm too nice for that." You pout. 

You suddenly gasp. "Think _you_ might marry Karkat then?!" 

"I don't know." Sollux shrugs. "I wouldn't want to thought, he's thinking about leaving and ditching his role behind to fuck over whoever he marries into doing all his work. Not like he can anyway, his role is going to be unique to him."

"What?" You look at Sollux. "Didn't you say you don't listen to the voices?"

"I said I try hard not to, but I vaguely over hear things, so I know that Karkat has some leadership role he's gonna fall into... something he's gonna hate but do anyway cause he has to. Sounds like him to me." Sollux shrugs.

"Wow..." You feel your face turn hot. "He's gonna do all that with me by his side."

"I don't know about that." Sollux gives you a light little smirk.

"Well, maybe listen to the voices next time." You tell him.

"Nah. I don't want to listen to that shit. It's just a bunch of voices screaming about how they are going to die or whose going to kill them."

"What do you hear when I walk up then? Just death-"

"The voices are more peaceful, more serene. They keep talking about how you're going to be... hm... maybe I shouldn't say."

"Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" You bounce up and down.

"I will... for a fee." Sollux gives you a sly smile. Sly like a fox.

"UGH!" You groan. Of course he wants something in return.

"It's not easy to listen to the voices, feels like I'm losing my mind when I do. It's easier to just try to ignore then to get by."

"Fine!" You huff. "Name your price!" 

"Next time you see Jade, ask her if she can host like some party or some shit, and not to view her garden, I wanna see all the shit those American boys have." You can hear Sollux mutter, "you don't wanna know what I'd do to see a laptop in real life."

"Oh! Dave has one of those!" You cheer. "I'm sure he'd let you see it if I asked him nicely... oh... but he's kinda sick right now... I promise I'll arrange something though... maybe a movie watching party! That sounds like fun!" 

"Damn... Karkat told me about theatres and shit..." he trails off. 

"Yeah, he always has the best stories!" You nod to agree but Sollux is still thinking about something. 

Sollux looks back at you as he jokingly asks,

"Can I be your date to the movies?"

 _'Silly boy.'_ You laugh and shove him, _'what a funny guy!'_

You know that it's just a joke and that Sollux keeps his distance from you, but still... You like the attention. You keep giggling and you simmer down to give him a little smile. 

You twirl a strand of your hair as you ask, "soooo... what do the voices tell you about me?"

"Mostly... hm... it's that you're some kind of peacekeeper... no... like this bringer of... the voices are too fast. Give me a sec." Sollux holds up his finger. "It's..." Sollux pauses. You can see he becomes a little bit dazed, oh he hates when this happens. He tells you it feels like his soul is getting pushed and pulled out of his body, like a million souls and trying to take his as he fights to stay in his vessel. You lightly shove Sollux to tell him to stop. "Huh?"

You softly tell him, "it's okay, just tell me what you know or think... you don't have to push yourself." 

Sollux swallows down spit and then looks at you, "I heard something about you being like... a figure of peace, maybe even... freedom? I don't know... there were so many voices talking once I listened... but all of them sounded grateful... It's really rare I ever hear voices that don't feel like... they are driving me insane." 

"Well then... I'm glad that didn't... you know... hurt you." You wrap your hands around one of his.

Sollux looks fine. He gives you a small smile. You're glad he's smiling, you know things must be hard on him right now. You don't know what he's going to do when Aradia leaves him... but you'll be here for him regardless. He smiles at you, like he heard your thoughts. You smile back. He can read you mind if he wants. You have nothing to hide. 

"It's getting late." You place a kiss on his cheek. "I'm going to go home... would you mind, escorting me home?"

"No problem." Sollux sits up and you place your bear feet back onto the sand. 

You softly breathe in the night air, the scent of salt. 

You look up at the night sky, it's completely dark out.

Great. You didn't want to walk home like this.

You pout and huff as Sollux tells you, "let's go home, hot stuff."


	11. Dead of Night

You're half-asleep in bed. You've been able to pretty much take care of yourself, but you're still sick. Mr. Egbert came by this morning to see if you're alright. When you asked if John was with him he gave you a look. You're sure he can tell that you are falling for his son, you remember how much you cuddled John and practically demanded that John sing for you. When you see Egbert again, you're gonna apologize for being rude to him. He was a real trouper, taking care of you while you were fucked up and probably shitting your brains out. John told you when you were still in his arms that he used to help his mom take care of people who got poisoning or cursed or any other illness. John said there's no prison in hell or on the island so if someone commits a crime they have to go through an illness as a punishment. He told you sometimes people just eat the wrong plant or flower and end up sick so he would work with his mom, when he was younger, to make potions to help cure any type of poisoning. John told you he learned a lot about potions through his dad too, apparently his dad makes potions and sells them as a career. John bragged about how much he knew and said he could give you some pointer sometime since it's like second nature to him. 

You sigh and roll around in bed. You roll onto your stomach and sit up just so you can look at your favorite picture of you favorite person. You dizzly smile at it. You're still feeling a bit fucked up from the painkiller that Mr. Egbert gave you. Your older bro didn't seem like he wanted you using that shit, once Egbert told everyone around your bed that it's non addictive, your bro backed off. You get he's just looking out for you, and you're not really in the right state of mind right now, but even so, you think it's about time you make your own decisions, start living your own life... and in your daze you stand up. You strip yourself free off your Pj's and start putting on some of your best clothes. You look at yourself in the mirror. In your stuppor you forgot to put on your shades... oh well... John seemed like he likes your eyes... you smile softly at the mirror. You walk away and towards the door.

You stumble into the hall and drag yourself through the damn place. You know where the library is, both your bro's basically live there so they drag you in there all the fucking time. Shit... you know they are expecting that you study up and get good at spells and shit but they want you to do it on your own, you don't see what's wrong with asking around to see what other people know... Jake probably knows a ton of things from his familiar and Jade works hard on her garden. You know that John knows a lot about potions and medicinal magic, maybe his friends know about some real interesting shit too... asking everyone on the island about what they know seems like more fun than reading some shit book. 

You walk up to the library's entrance, you push open one of the huge ass doors. You strut in, no shades, looking nice in your suit. You see your older bro sitting on a couch right on Jake's lap. He stands up right away, hoping that you didn't see. You give them both a nod as you walk towards Jake and ask him, "quick question."

You sit down right next to him on the dark leather sofa and ask, "what kinda magic you use?"

"Well... uh... it's something that was past down to me through bloodline. It wasn't all that strong in my ancestral line though, but it is strong in _my_ soul, so I was gifted the opportunity to have Aranea as my familiar, as my helper and as my teacher."

"What do you mean by helper?" You question him.

"Uh... well..." Jake thinks about it for a moment. "She works as like _my assistant_ but also as my teacher simultaneously."

"So like she's simultaneously your secretary and simultaneously your professor?" You ask.

"Precisely." Jake nods. He laughs a little, you laugh with him. "Op. Still loopy are we?"

"A bit. Nevermind it, I'm gonna power through." You nod.

"Good man." Jake nods. "Now, do you have anymore off the cuff questions?"

"Uh... what's the magic you use?" You ask him again.

"Oh... I suppose I didn't really answer that." Jake rubs the back of his neck and laughs, "it's called, hope."

"Hope?" You give him a face.

"It's just called that." Jake explains, "it's really more like creation. It's mostly about belief... so long as I hold in my heart a belief that I can create something, I can create it."

"Isn't that like... true for all the witches though?" You dizzly ask.

"Uh..." Jake looks up at the ceiling and takes a moment to question it. "I suppose in a way... but what makes my powers different is that it is my own power, it isn't something I'm channeling from a demon or Lord English. I am able to do magic all on my own."

"Damn." You nod. "Why didn't you start with that, that's some real shit."

"Uh yeah?" Jake lightly laughs and nods. He looks a bit concerned for you. You guess you must be swaying a bit. 

You slap your gums together, your mouth tastes horrible. You should have brushed your teeth. You ask Jake, "but like... why do you like... have a pact with Lord English if you can do that?"

"Well... because of my lineage, the moment I was born my soul was given to Lord English, just from bir-"

"What if you would have like died in the womb though like a bit before birth?"

"What?" Jake looks at you funny. "I- I think I would have still grown up in hell and still would have been assigned to serve Lord English."

"Has that ever like... happened?" You ask him.

"I don't know that much about that... I think souls are formed a bit before birth... from what I can recall." Jake dwells on it for a moment.

"Whoa, when are souls for-formed?" You ask.

"Like... a week before for birth... maybe?" Jake has this strange look on his face, "I'd ask... Aranea when she gets back if I were you."

"Eh. I don't care." You shrug. "But like... about your magic again... what's the extent of what you can do?"

"Uh... I still haven't really mastered my abilities. I am not sure." Jake shakes his head.

"What's the best thing you can do _right now?"_ You blankly stare at Jake.

"What is with all of these questions?" You hear your bro's voice.

You completely forgot that bro was here. You look up at him and say, "I don't know that much about Jake's magic, and since we're living here I think I should know."

Jake looks up at Ambrosia, "he's right, dear... you should know this as well."

Jake sat bro down on the couch, he began with, "is there anything you'd like to ask me?"

. . .

The conversation ends when Jake breaks down into tears. He's sobbing about how it was prophesied that he may be the one to bring down Lord English, and if there was true certainty with that prophecy he would instantly have his soul crushed. Ambrosia is patting Jake on the back. Bro looks a bit disgusted with Jake's tears and snot. Bro's giving you a look like he's trying hard not to be angry at you. You slowly blink and sit up, you think you'll see what Dirk is up to.

"Yo." You roll up behind Dirk, he's at the desk surrounded by his fort of books. 

Dirk lifts his hand and waves at you, like he's just saying hello and he expects you to leave.

You walk up behind Dirk and ask, "what are you reading?"

"A compendium of the most prolific battles in hell. Not that you'd be interested."

"Nah, I listened to you talk about that tome, you don't know... I might like this." 

"Fair point..." Dirk nods. He looks at you and can probably tell that you're still a bit drugged up because of the way your eyes are blinking one at a time. Still he continues, "this book is about the events that allowed Lord English to conquer hell and demand that other demons live under his reign. It was a slow crawl that happened over thousands of years. One of the most prolific figures was an immortal who lived on Earth and in Hell, he was the bringer of all rage. Another was a man who undertook the name English because of the powers he was granted shaped his life and allowed him to become so wealthy his family to this day still lives in luxury."

"Cool, already knew that." You nod.

"But you don't know the events that they orchestrated." Dirk tilts his head. 

You sit down in the leather chair near his desk, "tell me then."

. . .

You sat down and listened to Dirk go off about everything he learned about history. You don't know if it's the drugs or the fact you don't have to read this for yourself, but you enjoyed the conversation. Dirk did most of the talking, but he loved to answer all your questions. He tells you, "I'm so happy you actually were listening."

"Course, man." You nod. "That shits fucking crazy."

"Yes, the slow climb from having no power to dominating tensile fields filled with demons who refused to live under any order. Hm.. how funny it is that demons had organized themselves to promote disorder." Dirk dwells on it. "I wouldn't have thought about that sort of thing if you didn't come and talk to me about what I read."

"We should do this more often-"

"I know what you're doing now, you're just attempting to get me to read all of the books in here and feed you back the sparknotes version."

"Nah, man... I ain't gonna read shit about history. Now, if we were gonna talk about books teaching you how to change outfits on a whim, then I would be trying to suck the sparknotes from your brain with a straw."

"You need to teach yourself, as much as I'd hate to say it... bro is right, you need to guide yourself through this."

"I don't know... I think we could all learn on our own and from each other... I mean, there's no way you can read all of these books on your own, don't you wanna ask bro about what he read to Jake today?"

"I'm sure it will be something... rather unfavorable..." Dirk picks up a book and begins to skim through it. 

"You mean they're reading about like... sex magic?" You ask.

"I saw the title of a book that Jake had picked up to show him, let's just say it's... colorful."

"Damn, I'm gonna be all over that shit." You slowly nod, just like you're stoned. 

"Then read it yourself, I'm not summarizing that for you." Dirk continues cycling through the book in his hand.

"Tell me the title and I'll grab it." You slowly blink.

"Ugh... It was something like "Sex Spells for Expanding and Englaring For-augh... _Erotic Bliss."_

"Nice." You chuckle. "Sounds about right, think that's the only kind of book Jake would ever have an interest in reading... I mean other than picture books." 

Dirk gives you a slight smile.

"What?" You lift up your hands and shrug. "Am I wrong."

"No, you're right..." Dirk nods. "I just wanted to ask if you're going to use that on that Egbert kid?"

"That is my business. Nonna yours." You start picking at your teeth with your pinky nail. 

"Well, at least now I know that you'll attempt to learn something." Dirk sounds like he's rolling his eyes under his shades.

"Hey... apparently I'm a powerful witch or wizard or whatever now. I can probably do all sorts of shit you haven't even read about..." You still feel a little loopy. You stumble when you lift up your finger. "I mean... we can like... fucking see if Jake's done crying, he could probably help us figure out what the fuck my powers are now."

You try to sit up, but it's too hard to walk on your legs when they are this numb. Dirk sighs. He sits up from his desk and walks over to the chair where you're sitting, he's carrying a book in his hand. Dirk makes you scoot over in your chair so he can sit besides you. He guides you to rest your head on his shoulder. Dirk opens the book and begins to read outloud for the two of you. You yawn and shut your eyes. 

. . .

Your head is fucking killing you. You don't want to open your eyes, but you hear laughter. You lift up your head and slowly blink your eyes open. Your lids are so heavy, you feel like you were just hit by a truck. You groan and sit up. You were resting your head down on Dirk? Since when? Oh... right. 

You mutter, "sorry... I was so out of it. I just sat down next to Dirk and..." You yawn, "feel asleep."

You look over at Dirk, he's giving you a tiny hint of a smile. He must have just cuddled up to you to stop you from wandering around the library and blurting out something about that sex book Jake has... damn you wonder where he left it, you really do wanna peak.

"How do you feel?" Jake's crouching down to get a better look at you.

"Like I fucking died." You admit. "I have such a headache."

"Same." Dirk nods. "I feel like I got my ass beat."

"Yeah, well... suck it up." Your bro tells you both, "no more pain meds."

"Can we at least have coffee or some shit?" You ask, nursing your temples. 

"What a wonderful idea! Let's all share a cup and Dirk, your brother's and I had an enlightening conversation earlier. Dave asked me so many questions about my own magic it made me realize that I should also tell you about my family-"

"Already know it." Dirk holds up the book he was reading. 

"Oh." Jake seems deflated.

"You're supposed to be learning about doing magic, little man." Bro tells him.

"I read a few things, none of it really interests me..." Dirk explains. "I think I'd be better off learning the basics and then experimenting on my own to find what I'd be well versed in."

"Ah. Many kids on the island do it that way." Jake nods. "Excluding, John... he always had a knack for learning all he could about something before trying it... and then realizing it wasn't for him. Poor thing."

At the sound of the word _John_ you sat up and watched Jake intently. English looks at you with a questioning gaze, he then stiffens up once he notices that you want him to go on.

"Well, John's always put a lot of work into everything that he does. I watched him go from the tiniest little bookworm, to a heartbreaker, to a bookworm again. He's a dedicated little guy, but he's too hard on himself. I don't want to see you fall into the same trap he did. Don't worry to hard about studying to know absolutely everything, just focus on the basics and then try out things you think you'd actually like to do."

Jake lifts up his finger as he says, "magic is like any form of study; it's a challenge, not a competition. You're only opponent is yourself... at least that's what Aranea says." 

"Thought so, that sounded a bit too profound to have come from your mind." Dirk smirks.

Your bro shoots him a death glare, Dirk shrugs. "What? He's family now, so we've gotta treat him like family."

"God. Thank you." You sigh and slouch in your chair. "I don't want to be the only punching bag in this family."

Jakes laughing hard now. "You're all good sport. I'll take any hit anyone wants to dish out for you, you've got my word on that! Not only that, but I'd love to be a part of the fun, don't worry about sparing my feelings. I'm a one cobweb away from an attic up here." Jake points at his noggin. "So any real insult will probably fly over my head anyway."

You smile up at Jake. Bro looks off to the side. 

You pull Dirk a bit closer to you, you pull him into a small hug. 

You don't think you have the balls to say it outloud, but you love this family.

. . . 

You're all sitting down for dinner again after having a cup of coffee with your family in one of the many tearooms? You're breaking into a huge ass turkey leg. You don't know how pork is so taboo but chicken, turkey, horse and beef are just fine, not only that, but they are all featured on the table.

Jade just got done with her training and she looks beat. Jade walks in, thankful that Jake made the meal today.

"How'd things go today, sprout?" Jake beams at her, with a turkey leg in hand.

Jade's eyes are shut, her glasses are drooping off of the bridge of her nose, she sighs as she sits down in her spot right by your side. "I went swimming with John, right?"

You turn towards her, like you're ready to hear more. Right away, Jake gets to laughing.

Jade smiles and lets out a dry laugh, "okay... so apparently John talked to Karkat and then talked to Sollux and to make a long-ass story short..." Jade bites into a bagel that she just grabbed, You think you're language is starting to rub off on her, she keeps cursing. "John told me he wants to have a... movie watching party? Using your laptop?"

You nod for her to go on. She looks at you and says, "that's it."

"Really?" You smile. "I bet we can work something out."

. . .

"No." Dirk just flat out denied you.

"Come on, man. Fuckin' help me out here!" You plead with him as you hunch over his desk.

"Nope." Dirk flips another page in his book. He's not even listening to you, every word you say he just auto-replies with, "nope."

"I'm just gonna borrow it for one day!" You plead with him. "Come on, it's gonna be so awkward to have everyone cramped up and watching shit on my small ass laptop! Please!" 

"I don't want strangers that I don't know, who have probably never seen a flat screen, poking at it and breaking it. You know bro is gonna blame me for that shit and tell me to spend money -that I don't have- to buy a new one or tell me to fix it with magic or-"

"Come on! Dude! I need this! I won't let them touch it! I swear." You are begging him now.

Dirk sighs and closes his book, "how about this... if you can learn how to duplicate an object by tomorrow, you can dupe my tv and use it for your party... but only if you can prove that you can do it first. I don't want you cracking my tv in half or some shit."

You huff out your nose. 

"You should be able to do it, if you keep sucking your own dick about how you're some powerful ass wizard, then put up or shut up." Dirk smirks at you. "Here, I'll even help you find a book about duplication magic."

Dirk stands up and starts walking towards the section that houses the magic spells. You guess this is the best you're gonna get out of him, and he's just like bro, he always wants you to put in the work.

. . .

Your hunched over the desk. You're just trying to get this stupid ass pen to fucking multiply but you can only make it... ugh... it just keeps vibrating and hovering and then crashing back down and onto the desk.

You bang your head against the hardwood table. It's just not working. None of the words that you read stuck in your mind. You're amazed you can even make the damn thing move. You don't have any clue what you're doing. You've been at this for hours now. You keep bashing your head against the table.

Dirk's over, checking on your progress.

He looks down at the pen that you're anger is shaking.

"Maybe work on basic magic first, work your way up."

You glare up at him.

"Didn't you say you wanted to make apple juice?"

You keep glaring at him.

You turn your head to the table and shut your eyes, you picture it clearly. You picture a tall glass sitting down on the table. It's ice cold, tastes like perfection... maybe even has a red straw in it, because why not? You sigh and then say, "apple juice."

You open your eyes. You spot the perfect glass right in front of your face. You lean over and take a sip out of the straw as you grab onto the glass. You look up at Dirk, "you were saying?"

"Well... hm... maybe you're having trouble with magic because you're stressing yourself out to much." Dirk suggests, "just work with something you care about."

"So... like try to dupe the AJ?" You look down at the apple juice. You think he might be onto something, you don't give a shit about writing or pens or whatever... you just focus on the AJ.

"Dave, I don't think you can-"

As soon as you put your mind to creating a perfect replica of the AJ. You take the second glass and hand it up to Dirk. He takes the glass and looks down at it in pure confusion. You tink his glass with yours just to say _cheers_. "Looks like I can do it..." You take a long sip and then argue, "put up or shut up."

You hear footsteps coming up. Looks like your bro and Jake are coming over, good. Now you can hold Dirk to his word. 

As bro walks up, Jake's attached to his hip. Jake's holding onto bro's waist and asking you, "whoa! Did you make those, Dave?"

"Yep." You nod. "You want one?" 

"No, thank you!" Jake smiles with a twinkle in his eye, "I'm so proud that you're already doing so well!"

You brush it off, "nah, man... it ain't no big deal..."

You look over at Dirk as you say, "it's gonna be a bfd when I dupe Dirk's TV."

"Ha." Jake smiles. "Well, since that's going to be your first time duping anything, it's probably only going to last a minute."

"Well, uh... it's been a minute since we started talking." You point out.

"What do you mean?" Jake asks.

"I duped Dirk's drink, man." You take another sip through your plastic straw.

"Ohhhh!" Jake nods. "I was under the impression that you made that AJ yourself-"

"I did." You nod.

"I-" Jake looks stunned. "You... you did?"

Jake extends his hand, he asks to see Dirk's drink. He examines the glass and take a sip. He looks down at it saying, "good lord..."

"Ha. Come on, Jake.” You feel a small smile creep onto your face. “It’s not _that_ good.”

"Not that... it's just..." Jake shakes his head. He looks like he's convinced your lying.

Jake looks at Dirk and asks bluntly, "did he really make this?"

"Yeah." Dirk nods. 

"And duplicate it?" Jake points at it. 

"It... it shouldn't be possible, right?" Dirk asks, "I read in one of the books that it wasn't a thing that could be done..."

You feel your smile fade as Jake says, "Yes." Dirk and Jake are both looking at you like you just broke one of the laws of physics. 

"I..." Jake shakes his head. "I don't know how you did that."

Jake laughs, almost like he's nervous, "well... when Aranea comes home she's going to have a field day trying to figure you out."

Jake looks at the glass in his hands again, "and well... It's not only that you managed to duplicate something that you created from your magic... it's also that you managed to duplicate something that well... lasts." Jake asks you, "I'd like to hold onto this for a while if you don't mind. I want to see if it disappears." 

"Which... it should have by now? Right?" You ask everyone around you. 

Jake nods once and takes in a deep breath. After he exhales he tells you, "only advance magic users can create something that isn't temporary. Even then, it will drain the user. Remember how whenever Jade and I make dinner we always end up complaining over it?" Jake asks you, “but, you just did that without any issue, right? You don't feel tired in anyway?"

You nod.

Jake blows a gust of air out of his gut, "whatever you just performed... it's higher magic than I've ever seen from a human.”

"Isn't... this just the basics though?" You chuckle a bit. Are you dreaming... you've never been better at like anyone at... anything.

Jake places the apple juice down onto the desk you were working at.

"Dave. I heard that you had silver flames at your ceremony, I asked the priest what it could mean. He said he's never seen or heard of them before. I feel like I could do a deep dive into these books and try to see if there are any other cases like that... but I think I'll leave that up to Aranea when she comes home, she loves a good mystery." Jake smiles at you. "We can talk about this more in the future. For now, you just have fun with your little movie watching party. I'm sure that Jade's friends are just going to love it!" Jake still seems a little bit unnerved by something. 

You let out a small sigh as you look up at Jake, "I'm sure they will, once... I dupe Dirk's flatscreen."

"I don't know, man... you still haven't duped that pen I gave you." Dirk's looking for an out.

"Nah, man. You didn't say nothing about that." You place your arm over your desk chair and turn to face Dirk better, "you just said I need to prove I can dupe-"

"Dave, you can I know that you only duped that apple juice because that's something you honestly care about, you don't give a shit about my things." Dirk argues.

"I care about this, I care about John." You don't even try to hide it. 

Dirk opens his mouth to slap-back. "Dirk." Your bro interrupts him before he could even find the words.

Bro tells Dirk directly, 

"A man keeps his word."

"Right." Dirk nods, "and how many times have you been married?"

Jake laughs. He thinks the clap-back is funny. He better what himself though, bro does have a limit, even if he does love the big lug. Jake grabs Ambrosia's waist and plants a kiss on his cheek, "third time's the charm, right?"

Bro is blankly staring ahead, trying to ignore the words Jake just spoke.

Dirk lowers his chin, he mutters, "it's his fourth... marriage."

Jake tilts his head. He looks at his husband, "really? I thought you said you had two ex-husbands?"

"-and one dead husband." Dirk adds on. 

It's best to end the conversation here, you address Dirk again, "so, uh... that flatscreen, right?"

. . .

Dirk's laughing at you as he's standing in the hallway between your two rooms. Don't know why he's laughing when he's wearing a fucking turtleneck like it's in style. No wait... you know why he's laughing. He think it's fucking funny that you have to carry this 50-something-pound screen into your room on your own, with no help. It's like 60 fuckin' inches so it's gonna be fucking worth it to show off to John and his crew, but your fuckin back is killing you already. You have to lift this thing up onto the drawer you set up for this. 

It's got to be like night or something now, outside your window it's pitch black and your still riding the coattails of your _ailment._ Once you get this tv up there, you're gonna crash and worry about setting everything up before John comes over. Duping all those wires is going to be a pain in the ass, but probably less hard than the fucking huge ass tv that feel right into your hands!

You lift with your back and your knees as you place your tv up onto the black dresser drawer. It's the perfect height and placement from your bed. You can just picture John's friend's all sitting down on your bed and pushing you and John up against each other... and John maybe starts to get a bit nerious from being pressed up against you... on your bed... You hum as you smile.

"What are you smiling at?" 

Dirk's standing at your doors threshold now. You turn your head to look at him. You open your mouth to answer honestly, but a blob of orange slime falls out of your mouth. Your eyes shoot open. You look down at the floor. Whatever just came out of you looked like it was from the inside of a lava lamp, not a human fucking body.

Dirk sighs, "wow... it's night already, huh. Time flies." 

You look over at him. You don't know how he can be so casual about the fact you randomly puked up- you open your mouth again. More colorful slime pours from your mouth. You feel your skin start to blister, no not blister, it's turning to bark... wait... no it's like charred volcanic ash. You see your own skin start to flake away as your flesh pools out. Dirk simply says, "ew."

"What is- Dirk!? What did you do?!" You know this has to be some shit prank he's pulling on you for making a big deal out of duping his tv.

"I didn't _do_ anything" Dirk jests as he leans against your doorway. "You're getting older and your body's changing, it's not any thing to be ashamed about." 

You look down at your hands as they begin to lose form and melt into a... a... blob. You begin to sink to the floor. Your clothes have long since been off your body, they have completely sunk underneath your body. You are just a huge chunk of lava lamp shit now. You try to call out to Dirk. You struggle to speak, your lungs have turned to slush and so has the air within them. You gargle on your own intestines until you are able to crawl your way out of... yourself. You feel the top half of your body take shape again. You pant as you ask, "what is- what the fuck is this!?"

"Jake told us about this a long while ago... did you not listen or... experience it till now?" Dirk seems concerned.

"I've been drugged out of my mind till now!" You feel your own skin melt again. "How do I make it stop!?"

"You don't." Dirk drags himself out of the doorway and into your room. "Apparently, every magic user on the island has something like this happen to them at night. You're gonna be okay if you just calm down."

"If-" you spit out a chunk of your own melted flesh and ask Dirk, "if everyone has this happen to them at night- then why... why are you still-" You start gargling on melted chunks of your own body again.

Dirk sighs. "I'm sure I will turn soon. I'll let you know when I turn into a monster." Dirk gifts you a tiny hint of a smile "... and I mean physically." 

You try to take form again as you ask, "mon-augh!- monster?" You choke as you ask, "everyone turns into some shit halloween store monster?"

"Yep." Dirk nods. 

"And I'm the fucking _**blob monster?!"**_ You shout as you try to crawl out of yourself.

"Looks like it." Dirk tries to ward off a smile.

"And what are you!?" You try to find some humor in your suffering as you pull yourself out of yourself. "Please tell me you're like sasquatch or wolfman or some shit." You sound like your losing your mind with how frantically you're laughing. 

"Nope. Sorry." Dirk shakes his head. Just as he does... it pops off. 

You scream and gargle on your own jelly like tounge. 

Dirk grabs his head with his hands and tries to put it back on using a band and his turtleneck. He struggles to get it on right. Dirk groans as his decapitated head asks you, "do you have a mirror?"


	12. In just a few moments

You're wearing long sapphire earrings today, you thought you'd make yourself look special seeing that you got permission to have a movie watching party -via a letter Jade appearified in front of you when you were asleep. Jade gave you to okay to invite all your favorite people to hang out in Dave's room! 

With a hop and a skip and a step you stroll throughout the streets, you're in the little market place you always pass by. It's morning out, you know that Nepeta works with her mom at this time. You step into the shop and open the door. Ms. Leijon is holding up the cutest, fattest jackalope you've ever seen. When she sees you she automatically says, "Nepeta has the day off. I'm sorry, dear."

"Oh, that's alright! I'll go look for her!" You smile at her. "You take care."

"You as well." Mr. Leijon continues to tend to her darling, little pet shop. 

You shut the door as you wave her goodbye. When you turn your head you gasp. You spot your favorite guy walking along with his best friend through the crowd of people. You rush through the crowd and when you sneak up behind Karkat, you hold your head up high and then tap on his shoulder. "OH. IT'S YOU."

You make sure to give him eyes. You know that your earrings are glistening in the morning sun. "I'm surprised to see you up this early."

"Nah." Sollux sighs. "We're just up late."

Karkat blows smoke out of his nose. You giggle at him, you make sure to blink twice so he can appreciate that you put some makeup on, your lashes look twice as long and thick today. You hope he can see that your tan lipgloss is making your lips a little brighter in the sun. You twirl a strand of your hair as you say. "Soooo... Jade's new housemate Dave said he's gonna host a little movie watching party for all of us-"

"Fuckin' sweet." Sollux elbows the much shorter boy as he says, "told you John would come through."

Ugh. Great. Now Karkat knows it's basically, _your_ party. You giggle and try to ignore that fact. "Sollux said he wanted to be my date, but I thought you could take me instead."

Karkat straight up just says, "NOT INTERESTED."

"Aw! Come on!" You whine. "It's gonna be great! Dave has all this stuff you probably miss and you might get to meet your new best friend!"

"Huh?" Sollux looks down at Karkat, whose standing waaaay bellow him.

"JOHN TOLD ME JAKE'S NEW SIDE PEICE FUCKIN' HATES HIM."

Sollux gives Karkat a look, "uhhh... you mean that Jake hates his side piece or-"

"HE HATES JOHN, FUCK NUT." Karkat glares at him.

"Oh." Sollux looks back at you and shrugs. "Guess the new English has everything I lack."

You giggle as you lightly push Sollux's arm. You look over at Karkat, just to see if he's jealous. Ugh! He's not even looking! Kakat's lifting up his head and puffing out another breathe of horrible smelling smoke. He's just doing it to piss everyone off at this point! Who would wanna be so stinky in such a crowded place!?

You fluff up your hair, you spent so long working on making it not look like a bird's nest this morning. You smile at Karkat and tell him, "I think we should _all_ try to hang out later today... as like aaa.... last hurrah! Before we all settle down." You smile at both of the boys, you're hoping Sollux is gonna back you up here.

"I don't think much is gonna change in our lives after our trials, John... but I see what you're saying." Sollux rolls his eyes, "I could do with at least one friend meetup without everyone fucking sucking tongue and our window for that is closing." 

You look over at Karkat and give him a small smile. You totally get it. Sollux doesn't wanna watch his best friend makeout with the cutest boy on the whole island, it would make the most proud warlock envious. You hold your head up high, your long sapphire earrings catching the wind as you do. "I'm going to go around and invite the coolest people to the little movie watching get together, do you boys want to help?"

"WHY WOULD I? I'M NOT GOING." Karkat takes another drag off his smoke.

You frown, "aww.... but... just imagine how lonely it's going to feel without you there."

"It'll be a lot easier to watch a film without his constant bitching. That's for sure." Sollux gives you both a smug smile as he says with his little lisp, "internally and externally." 

"Well I love Karkat's commentary." You smile. "Ever since we were kids it made watching movies at Jade's more fun!"

Karkat puffs a breath of smoke out of his mouth, the way he's holding his cigarette looks so cool. He looks so cute! Makes up for him smelling like shit. Sollux chuckles, "I think your commentary is what makes movies worth watching, John."

"Stop reading my mind... pervert." You pout and choose a word that makes it sound like you were thinking something much more suggestive than you actually were... which now you totally are. You wouldn't kick Karkat out of bed for tapping ashes on the sheets.

Sollux basically snorts at that. "Oh, man... I hope you two really do end up getting married, fucker could use the win."

You chuckle as Karkat steps away. 

You watch him start to walk and slightly frown as you say, "if you change your mind, the party's gonna be at three."

"I'LL BE IN BED BY THEN." Karkat waves you both off.

"Get some rest now." Sollux calls out to him, "just so then you can suck Egbert's face on some antique furniture later!"

You clap your hands and ugly laugh.

Karkat keeps walking away. You rush over to catch up to him. You simmer down your laughter as you say, 

"Karkat! Kar-ha!" You smile and wipe a tear out of your eye from behind your glasses. "I really do mean it, you know... it would be empty without you." You smile at Karkat as he glares up at you.

"If you don't want to come then that's fine... but... just in case you change your mind, I'll make sure to save lots of little popcorns for you!" 

Karkat huffs as he walks off. You turn to Sollux and point at him, "you go home too! Get some rest! I'll take care of making sure there's plenty of _honeys_ for you to try to _score with."_

"Oh, you're down with the lingo now?" Sollux laughs. "Alright, if you're promising girls will be there and a laptop, I'm down to make it up to you in whatever what you see fit. I'll talk to you later."

As Sollux walks off you call out and say, "remember! It's at three!"

. . .

You walk into your dad's shop on the other side of the island. You happily tell him that, "I'm taking a day off from training!"

"You are?" Your dad laughs, "to do what? Flirt with boys?"

You gasp and then pout. Damn it... he's right.

"Well... a _special_ boy." You look down at the shops counter, your dad made some elderberry, ginger root potions again. You don't know why people drink those... they taste like shit and do almost nothing. 

Your dad chuckles as he says, "ah. So you've been to the English manor already today, why... it isn't even noon yet, son."

You let out a light laugh, "what?"

"Did you stop by to see _Dave?"_ Your dad asks you.

You feel your heart drop. "Uh- dad! Hello... did you forget who I'm head over heels in love with?"

"Son, I wouldn't put all my eggs into one basket if I were yo-"

"UGH!" You groan, loud enough some of your dad's customers hear you. They all laugh, this is a routine thing for every regular of his. You come in and say, _'I love Karkat Vantas'_ and your dad tells you something better will come along like Karkat isn't the cutest sweetest boy in the world!?!

"I'm not having this argument with you again!" You begin to stomp out when your dad stops you,

"Wai-wait." Your dad is laughing. He flashes out of your vision for a moment and when he returns he has a basket with a small argyle blanket covering what you assume are buns. "Bring these for the other kids."

You stomp over and take the basket as you say, "we're not kids."

Your dad laughs and says, "I know."

You walk out in a huff.

. . .

You thought it was a better time than ever to go to Jade's. You wanna show up early to make sure that everything is in order... just in case Karkat does show up, you made sure to purchase a small vial of colleague. You have lotion, some lip gloss and the vile all in your little pouch with your coins. Your pants jingle as you walk up the pathway to the English manor with your dad's basket gingerly places around your wrist. The lawns looking a bit out of sorts since Aranea left, you guess she must be forced to do _all_ the housekeeping. You open the door and step in. Right away you find Bec, greeting you like the good boy he is! 

You pet behind his ears. He flash jumps you into Jade's garden. She's sweating bullets in the heat. You tsk and tell her, "you should really take a break on working back here and work on the front lawn."

"Huh?" Jade laughs. "I haven't seen the front lawn in ages."

You roll your eyes as you tell her, "it's a mess... just what are your guests going to think when they come over?"

"Ugh." Jade stops working. She tosses off her gloves and they disappear. She rolls her eyes and zaps you to the front so she can check it out. She looks devastated at the amount of weeds that piled up in the time Aranea had left. Jade settles down and starts fumbling with some vile she just snapped her fingers to retrieve. You leave her be, looks like she's working in a panic to make sure to keep the lawn as lush as it is in color while still killing all the weeds. Should take her about five minutes. She hardly ever does work like this, but you need everything in order. You better make sure that the inside is clean too. You step back indoors and leave Jade and Bec to their chores. You call out, "Jake! Jaaaake!" You keep walking through the luxurious foyer. You step through and into the hall. You pass by a simple antique side table filled with nothing but emerald skulls, you drag your finger on it. You see no specs of dust. Good. The magic Aranea left on this place is still in effect. 

You keep calling out, "Jaaaaake!" You walk over to the staircase, you know where Jake could be based on what Jade told you, he's probably in the library. You keep calling out, "Jaaaaake!" as you walk over to the room with the largest staircase.

You're met with Dave's oldest bro staring down at you from the top of the staircase. He looks like he just took a shower or went to the spa or something. He snaps his fingers and suddenly, he's dressed even better than you.

He tells you, "my husband is study-"

"John!" Jake grabs his husband by the arms. Jake's dressed in nothing but a towel around his waist. "i was just showing Ambrosia the sauna!" 

"Oh, how lovely." You fake interest as you swallow down your relief that Jake just appeared out of nowhere, you felt the rage of a thousand suns radiate off of Jake's scary husband when you saw him practically naked.

"What are you here for, sport?" Jake asks you with a fond smile. 

"I'm here to check on how things are going before the party!" You smile as you hold up your dad's basket. "Also- I wanted to make sure that you know that there's a party."

"In Dave's room, yes." Ambrosia interrupts. "I expect that you all stay there and not... wander off."

"Oh, we all respect the rules of this house!" You nod and pretend to be more polite and sophisticated than you actually are, "the English name is one we all pay our respects to! That's why I wanted to ensure that you all were aware of everything! I know how forgetful Jade can be."

"See, darling." Jake turns to his husband as you step up the stairs. "Nothing to worry about, they are all good kids."

You give the details, "the party starts at three, we're all gonna stay in Dave's room, but some of us might arrive late. I'll let Bec know once he's done helping Jade finish up with the front lawn."

"What?" Dave's oldest brother asks you. "You mean, you got Jade to work on the front lawn?"

"I've been trying to get her to do that for about a week now!" Jake looks shocked.

You shut your eyes and smile. "I have a way with words." 

"Clearly." Jake praises you as you meet him at the top of the staircase. "And look at you! I thought your days of being a heartbreaker were over!"

"I had to look nice, at least for today." You smile. "I think I'm going to make another milestone with my darling again today." You give out a silent cheer by pumping up your fist.

"Oh, I'm sure you will!" Jake encourages you. 

Jake steps back and starts walking down the hall. He expects you to follow him.

You hold up the basket your dad gave you and give it to Jake. "A gift from my father." You smile as Jake takes it.

You point ahead and ask, "this is the way to Dave's room, right?"

"Yep." Jake nods. "Just wanna make sure you don't get lost kiddo."

"You forgot, I basically grew up here." You roll your eyes.

"Okay... so maybe I just wanted to talk with you." Jake lowers his voice as he says, "Daves really looking forward to having you over again."

"Really, now?" You smile at Jake, "is he feeling better?"

"Oh, tons. He even started using magic." Jake tells you with pride in his low tone, "Dave even managed to duplicate Dirk's television so he could play the movies on a bigger screen apparently."

"Oh my!" You clap your hands together. "That's wonderful! I ended up inviting more people than I originally thought I was going to... but I'm really hoping that they all just push me up against my darling during the film as we sit on Dave's bed and eat the poppingcorns and oh! He can hold up my drink, he oughta do some work if I had to put in this much effort into looking this nice today!"

Jake laughs. "You sound just like _my_ darling!"

Jake led you up to the hallway where Dave's staying. Jake tells you, "the door right next to Dave's room is the bathroom, feel free to have your friends use that one! We had to make another for Dirk and he wants you all to steer clear of it. I'm pretty sure it won't open for anyone other than family anyway... but just to be safe, steer clear of Dirk's things." Jakes telling you that warning like he knows the repercussions from experiencing them first hand. 

You giggle and wave Jake off, "I'll make sure everyone knows before the movie starts!" 

"Is Dave in his room right now? Do you know?" You ask them both.

"He's probably still asleep." _Bro_ tells you.

"Okay! Oh! Maybe I can pick out a nice outfit for him to wear if he'll let me!" You walk up to Dave's door and knock on it. 

You hear Jake mutter, "they grow up so fast."

You hum as you wait for Dave to come to the door. 

Jake and his beautiful, darling husband leave and return to whatever depraved thing they were starting up before you interrupted. You roll your eyes, _'newly weds.'_

You knock on Dave's door again. He's not answering. You call out to him, "Daaave! It's me!"

"JO-John!?" Opp. Sounds like Dave is up.

"Can I come in?" You ask. Ugh... more like _can you let me in?_ This door knob isn't budging. 

You smile when you hear a crashing. Sounds like Dave is frantically trying to get his room in order. You hear a cacophony of noises, drawers shutting, fabric rustling. When the door suddenly opens you're taken by surprise. 

Dave is dressed in the cutest little fashionable ensemble you've ever seen. He's got on nice dark jeans, a loose gray-button up and a _looong_ red sweater coat, oh! and he's not wearing shades indoors. You clap your hands together and say, "yay! we both got dressed up today!!"

Dave's got a mint in his mouth, he's chewing on it with the back of his teeth.You see Dave's eyes glance from your earrings to the button-up hardly covering up your chest. You see Dave turn completely red, "you uh- look nicer than I do though."

"Ha!" You cover your buck teeth with a limp hand. "Nooo! You look like a little model!"

You take a closer look, "and look at those eyes! I never get tired of seeing them!"

Dave turns even redder, almost as red as his eyes. He swallows down the mint.

You chuckle. You had a mild suspicion before, but now you're almost certain that the poor dear has a crush on you. If he's not careful you'll wring him dry. You're sure that his trail will be soon regardless, he'll forget all about you when he's busy with his new obsession. You're sure he's already head over heels for you though. He's turning red at the snap of your fingers, just like all boys tend to do. It was only a matter of time before you snatched up his heart, you're sure he must have gotten a little crush when he was dazed up and hugging you. You shouldn't have scratched his head so much, that always makes the boys go nuts! Oh... who are you kidding!? You can't keep deluding yourself, sure boys used to fall of you like dying flies but Dave is different, he's American and so handsome... he's probably just red because he's a shy little guy. He probably is just embarrassed because he thinks you dressed up to impress him and he doesn't know how to _reject you._

You hold back a sigh as you step inside of Dave's room and look at the large black screen. It looks almost like stone. You walk up and poke it. It doesn't move but your finger left a mark, like a little print! You smile. You look over at Dave and tell him, "okay! Let's test it out!"

"Uh... see... the thing is... I don't have the right wires to make this thing work yet."

"Oh... let's get them then!" You tilt your head and smile. 

"Uh..." Dave steps out into the hall. "Hold on."

He shuts the door on you. He must expect you to wait there, you never listen to anything anyone ever tells you, this boy's gotta learn. You smile as you open the door and walk out into the hall. You see Dave frantically knock on his brother's door. "Dirk! Dirk! Get the fuck up!"

When Dirk opens the door, his hair is all messed up. You giggle and point at him. "Oh my goodness! You look dreadful! I feel your pain! First thing in the morning I do is try to fix my hair!" You walk over to Dirk's room and force your way in. Dirk glares at you and then at Dave through those black tinted shades of his.

You take Dave by the hand and guide him in. "Dave said we need wires!" You look around the room for any long looking wires. You spot a few strange looking figurines. They all look sharp and pointy! Oh! Like robots. You walk over to look at Dirk's collection of thick books. They look like little comics. You pull one out and you see a girl with really big breasts on the cover fondling a piece of cake, she's getting frosting all over her huge chest. Dirk steps over and tries to snatch it from your hands, you back away and laugh at the cover. "Reminds me of all the art I see in hell! You're gonna love it when you go there!" 

Dirk huffs out of his nose and then asks politely, "may I _please_ have my manga back?"

"Of course!" You hand it to Dirk. "Is manga the American word for porn?!" 

Dirk pauses. He blankly stares at you as he says, "no. Porns the word for porn."

"Oh!" You laugh. "This seems to tame for pornography anyway!" 

"You came in here for wires." Dirk reminds you.

"Oh, right right! We'll be out of your hair before you even have the chance to fix it!" You joke.

"But... if you want..." Dirk sniffs his nose and then offers, "you can stay a bit longer and I can show you the actual doujinshi-porno shit I have in here."

Dave mutters through his teeth, **"Dirk."**

"Ha!" You laugh and shake your head no at Dirk's offer. "I'm good, thank you."

"Maybe later then." Dirk jests. 

You giggle and lightly press your hand against his chest, "oh you are gonna love Sollux when he comes over, the two of you both have the same horrible sense of humor!" 

"I'm not going to be hanging out with you and your _crew_ I have no interest in movies." Dirk shakes his head no. 

"Awwww!" You frown. "But I was hoping you could spare more of that horrible canned drink for everyone to try, I wanna show them all how horrible it is!"

You're sure with a little bit of a tit and a little bit of a tat, you can have Dirk right where you want him. 


	13. gathering

When you saw John at your door, your heart stopped. His lips were glossed over, his glasses perfectly framed his sapphire eyes which he had earring to match. John’s hair was what he called _“fixed”_ but you thought he looked beautiful just the same as before. It’s just… his lashes are so much longer and those earrings are so… _'damn...'_ and that outfit. Dirk smacks you on the shoulder, “stop getting distracted. There’s just one cable left to copy.” 

You don’t know how John managed to do it, but he convinced Dirk to not only join the party, but to help you set up the tv while he just sat on the bed and watched. Not only that, but John took such an interest in Dirk’s manga collection that it got a smile out of him. Apparently John liked Dirk’s volumes of Yotsuba and Azumanga Daioh, he’s gonna come over more often to read them. John wasn’t sure when he’d have the time for it with his training and when you told him that maybe he should take days off more often, he agreed and said that he’s gonna take the weekends off. 

You all finish up the tv and you begin to find something to play on your laptop, you struggle to find anything good though. Maybe instead of a movie you should play a music video. Shit. John might not like any music that you play, you have to think about something that’s his taste and style. You struggled for so long to make a good playlist for your picnic in the back, this is then times worse than that… John is right there and the time limit is dwindling before Dirk tells you to just pick something! You cycle through your downloaded music and as you do- “oh! I like Radiohead! I have their album at home!” John points up at the tv. “Play that Iron Lung song!” You quickly find it. There’s footage of the band up on stage singing in concert. John looks on in absolute awe. You stand up and sit down on the bed next to him. Dirk looks over at the two of you and says, “John, you come over more often and you can watch shit like this anytime you want.”

“Really!?” John turns to look at you. 

You casually nod and say, “yeah, man… I love having you over.”

John pulls you into a big hug. “Well if you say so, then I'd love to!”

. . .

Dirk left for a while to fix up his clothes and his hair. You pulled yourself away from John to use the bathroom and do the same. Now that your teeth are brushed and your hair is styled a bit, you think you’re ready to pull out the heavy stuff on John.

You go back into your room and find John humming along to this seventeen minute long song he saw the name of and he wanted to listen to. He giggles and tells you, “this is so much better than CDs!”

You walk over to your bed and sit down next to him. John gives you a happy smile, so happy his eyes are closed shut. You feel like kissing him, instead you just place your hand over his. John looks down at it. He opens his mouth to speak when- Jade starts knocking on the door. “JOHN! GUESTS ARE HERE!”

You stand up, you don't know what John was gonna say but nope nope nope. This is a sign, you're so not ready for this. 

You open up the door and then turn towards John. You glance down at the floor, trying hard to swallow down your fear. 

John whines at Jade, “I haven’t even gotten any snacks yet!”

You lift up your hand. **This** you can do. You smile and wave your hand and snap your fingers as you say, “I got you.” 

You picture a perfect tray, almost like what you had Jake make for you but no pork this time. Instead of ribs you make… turkey legs. Yeah, who doesn’t love a good turkey leg, even if pork is off limits, this shit seems more than fine to everyone. Jade looks down at the tray in awe. “Wow! You can already do **that!** You didn’t even know how to walk the other day!!!”

Jade chuckles as she enters the room with two people. There’s a tiny girl who jumps up a bit when she approaches you, “Hello!” She announces to not just you, but to the whole room, “I’m Nepeta!”

“Hey.” You give her a brisk wave.

The guy besides her steps in, he has huge hulk muscles and looks _waaaay_ taller than any seventeen year old should.

Nepeta points at the guy and says, “this here is my besty Equius! He told me he wanted to be a bit early!”

“Yes." Equius nods. "We came earlier than the scheduled time to attempt to get good seats.”

“Sooorry!” John smiles up at him. “But Karkat’s sitting next to me!" 

Nepeta laughs, "so... that's the best seat in the house?"

"It's on the bed." John tilts his head towards her and then smiles as he says, "you can sit down on the floor on those!” John points down at the ground right next to where he’s sitting. He snaps his fingers and creates some cushions. 

Nepeta giggles as she drags her _bestie_ over to the cushions. “We have assigned seating and everything! Oooo! Like a real theater I bet!!”

You turn your head to look at John as you ask, “so uh… whose Karkat?”

John proudly opens his mouth to speak but then he looked over at the opened door and started grinning, 

"well, look who it is."

"Sup... damn... this room is loud." This dude was fuckin tall as shit, tanned skin, brown hair. He'd be cute if he didn't have basically fangs... and have a lisp... and have on dork glasses. The dude walks over and takes his seat right next to John.

"Sorry! Reserved!" John smiles at him.

Sollux doesn't respond. John gives him a light shove. 

"Fine. I'll scoot down." Sollux scoots over to the edge of the bed. He digs his hand into the tray of food that you made. "I can't fucking hear anything anyway."

Nepeta giggles. She puts her hands on the bed, her unusually long sleeves covering some of one of your pillows. “Aw dang." She can't seem to reach the tray. "well, there goes that turkey leg."

You chuckle, "I've got you covered."

You snap your fingers and hold up your hand to make another tray of food and then hold it. 

You can hear John let out a small gasp. He stutters, "did... did you just duplicate something that... you created?"

"Mhhhmm." You lightly nod as you hand the tray down to Nepeta and she takes it into both of her sleeve covered hands.

"My Lord..." John gives you a strange look. One where you can't... can't tell what he's thinking, but he looks almost... mad?

Sollux is shaking his head and looking at you directly as he says, "shit... I can only hear like... screaming."

"What?" You look over at him at the edge of the bed. He's covering his ears. 

"It's like... this room is so loud." 

"No one's... talking?" You pat your hand onto his back, "are you okay?"

John shuffles a bit on your bed, he smacks his tongue onto the roof of his mouth and says, 

"Sollux can hear the voices of the" -John uses finger quotes to say- " _soon to be damned._ "

John smiles as he tells you, "and he can hear the thoughts of others soooo..."

John clasps his hands together, "I honestly thought that watching a movie might make everyone's minds numb but I guess um... I didn't account for the fact you're quite the powerful... warlock it seems... Sollux might be hearing a lot of your... future, _achievements."_

Sollux is taking slow steady breaths. 

John moves a bit forward to comfort him, "honey... I can help you out, we can maybe find a way to borrow Dave's laptop or dup-"

"Dave. Did you tell your _friends_ not to use my washroom yet?" Dirk steps in. 

Dirk settled down onto bed next to you, then Sollux shoots his head up.

Sollux looks over at John and says, "uh... hold on..."

Sollux lifts up a finger, "did everything... was everything... always this quiet?"

"Huh?" John tilts his head.

"It's like.... I can't hear anything..." Sollux explains, "only just... maybe _one_ voice and it's all muddled and like... almost blurry? In a weird way."

"Do you..." John looks over at Dirk and then back at Sollux, "do think it's your _own_ thoughts?"

"I... I don't know... I never really was able to hear myself... think before." Sollux shrugs.

Sollux seems either devistated or like he's been blessed by God, you're not sure yet.

John pulls his lips over to one side of his mouth and then looks over at your bro, 

"Hey... Dirk, can you do me a favor?"

"What?" Your bro doesn't seem to want to deal with John any more often than he _has_ to.

"Can you like... go to your room and bring me one of those funny little volumes you have in your room?" John sweetly smiles. "I think Sollux would appreciate seeing a woman's body defaced with cake."

"Oh, it's that kinda party?" Sollux looks over at John and instantly John laughs.

Your bro steps out of the room and returns to his.

"Ah... Fuck..." Sollux covers his ears again.

John pats his shoulders and rubs circles into Sollux's back. You stare at the scene, you can't help but feel a bit of warmth in your heart for how caring John just naturally is. It's like it's his nature to always be so kind and helpful. You sigh, once again lost in your thoughts of John. Then suddenly, you recall John saying that this friend of his can literally read the room. You try to swallow down your own thoughts. _'Shit! Am I the reason it's so fucking loud in here? Is it cause I can't stop thinking about Jo-'_

Thank Jesus that your brother just fucking came back.

Sollux lets out a sigh as he clutches his heart.

"My goodness." John covers his overbite and smiles, "I think that Dirk's abilities might nullify yours."

"Damn. You might be right." Sollux brushes his bangs out of his face.

Dirk raises his brows at Sollux and then holds up the _ecchi manga_ he owns.

Sollux takes it into his hands, "damn... look at that..." Sollux stares down at the image of the girl with her chest covered in frosting and cake crumbs.

Sollux quickly pats your arm and points to get you to look at it with him,

"This bitch doesn't know how to eat a cake."

Dirk lets out a small laugh.

You stare up at your bro. You ain't never hear him laugh like that for anything that isn't you fucking something up or Jake fucking up or someone fucking up. You look back at Sollux he's handing the volume back to Dirk, and when Dirk takes it into his hands, it seems like Sollux refuses to let go. 

John snickers. You glance over at him, Johns covering his mouth with his hands. "Oh, no. Don't look at me. I just find the... um.. image on the book to be quite hilarious!"

John then looks up at the tv and then grabs onto your shoulder,

"Well! We should pick something to watch before the rest of our guests arrive."

"Right. Yeah... let's do that... together." You try hard to not turn red at the fact John is grasping onto your bicep.

. . .

You had to tell John that you downloaded a fuck ton of movies over the past year. You told him that you rarely ever watch any cause you're too busy fucking around with music and shit. You hope that's an excuse for if the movie he ends up picking is shitty. John's still scanning through as his guests arrive. You tried hard to learn their names, if they are John's friends then they are going to be yours too. 

Jade sits down on a cushy pillow that she makes just for herself. Her demon dog lays down next to her. She seems content with the number of guests that came in and gives up on waiting for more.

John's still looking through titles, you're helping him scroll while you watch everyone in the room find their place and your bro fail to keep someone from taking your spot. Dirk seems to busy looking through his manga with Sollux.

You sigh out your nose, whatever, just because there's no room left in the middle of your bed doesn't mean that you won't get a chance to cuddle up with John. You're sure you still-

"Hey!" John turns around and points at Kanaya and some chick name Terezi. "Off the bed! That's my spot!"

The two girls comply. Kanaya rolls her eyes and smiles as she slips onto the floor and into a pillow that she crafts for herself.

"Just pick something already!" Terezi calls out to John who is standing in front of your laptop.

"I don't know what any of these are!" John turns to her, "I wanna pick something romantic-"

"Booo!" Jade calls out to John. "No romance!"

"Yeah!" Nepeta giggles and joins in just for the hell of it, "boooo!"

John narrows his eyes and looks at them. "Fine, how about I roll the dice and see what pops up? You'd all be content with that?"

John looks over at Sollux and asks, "you were the one that was _dying_ to come, do you-"

Sollux shrugs and waves a hand at John, "just do whatever."

John huffs. "Fine. If the movie sucks then don't blame me."

"You can't judge a movie by its title anyway!" Jade calls out. "and no matter what, it's gonna be better than my grandpa's old creepy tapes!"

John asks you to help him click a random title and it lands on... wow. Really? Fuck. You didn't even know that you downloaded Ghostbusters. _'Whatever. Here we go.'_

. . . 

John was completely mesmerized by the screen. He was resting on your arm and you were completely mesmerized by him. John cuddles up to your more as he holds up his turkey leg and chops right into it. He's tearing off a piece of its skin as he mindlessly chews. You feel like chuckling. John has stars in his eyes and he just keeps moving more and more into your arms. You feel like you could just... lean your head onto his an-

Bec growls. He stands up and then pops out of sight.

When he comes back, some shot-ass stranger with this angry-ass look on his face appears. 

He has his hand out like he was just knocking on the door.

"Good boy, Bec." Jade praises her dog. "I wish you did this all the time."

John gasps and nearly drops his turkey leg. John shoves the leg into your hand as you watch John sit up and rush over to greet, "Karkat!!!" John happily shouts, "You made it!"

John wraps his arms around him and guides him over to the spot he's been saving him.

"This here is Dave! This is his room! He's from America and-"

"I KNOW. YOU ALREADY TOLD ME." Karkat lifts up his hand and pushes John away from him, "LISTEN. I ONLY CAME HERE CAUSE YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE FOOD AND SHIT."

"Yes!" John happily cheers and sits down in the middle of the bed next to you, he scoots you over and damn... he's pressing up against you. John smiles at Karkat and invites the stranger to sit down besides him.

Karkat rolls his eyes and pops a squat right next to him but hangs his feet over the bed. He just keeps eating up all of the tray as the movie rolls on. John focuses on the screen again, he cheers and claps at every opportunity. John's almost like a little cheerleader for the nerd character in the film. John's been laughing at so much of it. Harder than anyone else in the room... actually, he might be the only person watching the movie. Everyone else is talking, even your _don't fucking talk to me, don't even look at me_ brother. Dirk's been talking with Sollux about all of the shit he knows about tech and whenever Sollux gets to loud John shushes him, John just told him to, "shut the fuck up!"

You laughed at that, John seems so sweet and all of a sudden he just got angry enough to curse.

You kept chewing up the rest of John's turkey leg. Happily sighing as you watched John happily watch the film.

. . .

Eventually everyone really took off just with their own conversations, it sounded more like a mall food court than a movie theater. Still John watched on with glazed eyes. He was taking in every bit of the film even as Karkat stood up and strolled over to the window.

Karkat just opened up the window to the outside. He fumbles with his back pocket as he pulls out a carton of smokes from out of his back pocket. Shit. You hate the smell of those things, but if he's one of John's friends...

John instantly gets up. He grabs one of your pillows and he transverses the climb over the patches of pillows and other kids. John smacks Karkat in the back of the head with his pillow **hard** too. 

"HEY!" karkat shouts, "I ALMOST DROPPED MY-"

"You are a guest in this house!" John points at him. "You do not _light up_ under this roof without asking-"

Karkat groans. "OKAY! I'LL ASK."

"No! You just lost your right to!" John puts his hands on his hips. "You sit your booty down and eat some of those long fried potatoes and Doratos and enjoy the movie! Stinky!" 

You cover your mouth. John almost sounds like a grade school teacher calling out a bad student, that or a grade schooler calling out a teacher for smoking on campus, you're not sure.

Karkat huffs and then points at the door. "I NEED MY SMOKE. I'M GONNA BAIL."

"Yeah..." Nepeta agrees, "it's getting late... and I wanna be home before I go all feral."

Equius sits up, "I would have to agree with that. It's for the best we leave early."

Equius snaps his fingers as he pulls Nepeta close to him. She giggles and waves as the two of them turn into smoke and leave behind no scent or trace. Everyone else mutters that they want to head out too.

"Awwww..." John whines as he stands by the window. "But I wanted to finish the movie."

"Dude, it's cool..." You offer that John can keep watching, "you can stay and finish it."

"Really?" John perks up and starts walking towards you again. God you love it when he comes towards you.

"Yeah..." Jade rolls her eyes and her head at the same time, "I'll have Bec bring you home when it's over."

Jade sits up. "Okay, who needs a jump back?"

Everyone's hands go up. Everyone except for Johns, yours, your bros and... Sollux's. 

Sollux just keeps talking to your bro, he seems transfixed with something they are talking about. 

John chuckles as he pokes Sollux, "hey... do you need a jump home?"

"Nah." Sollux brushes John off. "You know I don't go to bed till noon usually anyway."

"Same." Dirk nods. "Before I moved here I never went to bed till long after sunrise. Ain't no point in being up when everyone else is."

"Right?" Sollux smiles. 

Jade rolls her eyes and takes everyone out of the room. Bec grabs the other half.

Sollux and Dirk keep talking about tech again, picking up where they left off.

John pokes Dirk's shoulder and asks, "how about you invite Sollux to _your_ room? I wanna actually **watch** the movie."

Dirk stands up, "yeah, sure." 

Dirk keeps talking as Sollux gets up to join him and walk over to his room.

John settled back in next to you and snuggled his head into your shoulder like you were a pillow.

John let out a small huff, like he's mad but comfortable.

You smile and without thinking, you wrap your arms around him.

John snuggles his head closer to you.

You gather together the willpower to **not** kiss the top of his head. 


	14. Strained

You yawn as you swim through the water.

Thankfully, it's hump day. After this you've just got Thursday and Friday and then a nice long weekend to look forward too! Dave convinced you to take a break on the weekends the other day. You should really rest your muscles, you're only going to strain yourself if you keep at it the pace that you are going now. 

Yeah... your dad might have said something about that. You did pull a muscle once or twice but you can drink a potion once you get home to fix that. You weren't too worried about pulling a muscle though, you're much more wary about wearing your entire body out. You're afraid that you might find yourself in a sticky pickle and get too sore to walk home and Lord knows you suck at jumping. 

You keep pulling yourself through the waves. Your goal is to someday manage to swim all the way back home, yeah... that might be impossible. The island is small- _ish._ It's still pretty huge. You don't think you should have set such an impossible goal, but you almost made it once or twice... almost. It's kind of a long shot to call it _close._ But you are doing so much better than anyone ever thought you could! You recall kids teasing you when you were little about ending up alone cause you can't swim and you used to be too scared to dive. Kids can be so cruel. Then you got a bit older and started breaking those kids hearts! Ha! Yeah... Vriksa still won't talk to you once you told her that you only like guys. _'Karma's a bitch.'_

You can hear music again. Oh it's your favorite guy with red eyes. 

You swim over to him and find only Jade and Dirk are around him. The two _lovebirds_ must be in their cage.

"Hi guys!" You smile up at all three of them. "I don't really wanna stop swimming today...so..."

You notice that all of them are in their swimsuits. 

You look up at Dave, wow. 

He's got abs. 

You keep staring at him. You feel like asking how he got _so fit so young._ but you choose to bite your tongue... literally... he's kinda making shirts look like a sin. Why does he even wear clothes if he's got a body like that? Shit. _You_ want a body like that. 

_'Oh shit. Jade's talking.'_

"-so we were thinking that we could join you!"

"Huh?" You tilt your head.

"Didn't you hear me?" Jade huffs. "Their trial is like in five days!"

"Oh. Wow. Nice." You nod and smile, "sorry! I'm just so tired! It's hard to focus on anything other than..."

_'abs... abs. abs.'_

_"Aaaaa...."_ You shut your mouth and try to focus your eyes on something else.

You look up at the sky, " _aaaaaa_ nything other than working hard!"

"Nice." Dave praises you. 

You look back up at Dave, he's wearing those specs he's so fond of again.

Dave slips into the water.

You watch those ' _abs abs abs'_ slip into the shining water.

"Mind if we join you?"

. . .

You really wish you didn't agree to go swimming at Jade's pace. Last time you trained with her she pushed you so hard you nearly passed out.

You blow bubbles under the water. You squint your eyes, you can kinda see a blur ahead of you. 

You notice that it's a pearl white blur, Dave's like leading the pack right now.

You mumble out a groan under the water. 

You're feeling pretty drained, mentally and emotionally... oh... and physically.

You wanna just collapse and you don't feel much of a drive to push yourself any further.

You swim up to the blur you think is Jade as you say, "I think..." -you pant- "I think I'm good."

"Awww..." Jade turns her head and looks at you. She insisted on still wearing her glasses, when you swim closer to her you both can actually see each other. "John, you're giving up so early?"

"I can't swim as fast as you all can. And it's not about speed you guys! It's about endurance!"

"You mean... like... distance? Right?" Jade asks you to clarify.

"Yeah!" You nod as you pant.

"Then keep going till you get to the stone staircase up ahead!" Jades pointing at something in the distance. You turn your head towards where she's pointing. You can't make anything out, it's all just a bright blue blur.

Jade chuckles as she starts swimming ahead, "just follow me!"

. . .

Damn. Jade had you swiming for at least another kilometer.

You keep panting as you drag yourself up the stairs. Dave is right behind you, he's helping you up.

Dave's only lightly panting. You're so drained from having to swim out so far so fast.

You joke, "it's not a race, guys."

You pant as you say, "why were you going so fast?"

Dave lets out a small sigh, like he's frustrated with himself, "I'm sorry, man... I didn't mean to push you. I just-"

"No... it's okay." You pant as you settle down on the staircase. You can feel a big weed under your butt. You laugh. 

Dave sits down right besides you he snaps his fingers and then wraps a large towel around you. 

You lean on him as you pant and say, "than-thank you."

. . .

Jade and Dirk wanted to swim back to their home, Dave was cool enough to stay with you for a while. He just let you lean on him and rest. You wanted to take a breather only for a brief moment, but you stayed out too late again.

The sun's going down and the stars are peaking out. You're not a big fan of people seeing you in your _other_ form. 

You pout as you sit up from Dave's shoulder. You rub your sore eyes again and then tell Dave,

"It's getting late..."

"I'll walk you home." Dave offers.

"Nah." You shake your head. "You should follow the trail over there back 'till you hit _your_ home."

You point to your left and up at the stone path. 

You then turn back to Dave and said, "Jade told me that you don't know your way around here yet. I don't want you getting lost, I live a while away from here."

Dave lightly laughs. "Okay, I do get lost easy. I'm used to having a map on like... my phone. Which is like... a small digital thing."

"I know what phones are." You nod. "I just... well, I've never really seen one."

"Oh... maybe some time I could show you Dirk's old cell and how it works."

"Sounds like a fun thing to do on the weekend, for right now." You sigh. "I gotta get serious."

You start scratching your ankle as you say, "you should too."

"Yeah... my trials soon, huh?" Dave leans back and looks up at the stars, "it's so wild, like... I don't even feel any different than I did years ago. I guess I've always kinda wandered around on my own, got lost, tried to find a way back... I usually manage, but this place..."

You stare up at Dave as he looks up at the fading sky.

Dave tells you, "it feels so... strange."

You gently ask, "how so?"

"It feels... like it's drenched in blood." Dave tells you.

You sigh and look up at the stars with him, "it must have been hundred of years back when my family came here. There were many witches seeking a place to hide from the rest of the world without having to hide in place sight as it were. We made many different settlements and used our magic to better our small towns into something more... prosperous. There are no mosquitoes, no one goes hungry, there's hardly any crime."

Dave's eyes are on you. He seems transfixed with what you're telling him.

You sigh, "So the family that founded this town is highly revered."

"Was it... the Englishes?"

"Yes." You smile at Dave, "was it the mansion that gave it away?"

Dave laughs. The two of you chuckle for a bit, both of you look down at the stone staircase below you and then back up at each other. You swallow down your smile and then look back up at the sky,

"I... myself... I'm related directly to the English family somewhere in my family line. Still... I think I'm respected a tiny bit... more than then Jade or Jake, even with their skill."

"Why's that?" Dave asks.

You take a moment before you confess, "my great grandma is the... head of the coven."

"Oh. So... she's like... the _head_ witch?"

"She's the empresses of all witches, and has been for many years."

"Whoa... so you and your family are like... royalty?"

"Essentially, we only really get that treatment in hell... and we're kinda expected to take that treatment too... but my dad always wanted us to live what he called a _normal_ life, while we were alive on Earth."

"Ha." Dave lightly laughs.

You smile at Dave as you say, "yeah! Ha! I guess it's not exactly normal from where you're standing. I can see that..." You take a moment to dwell on it and then get back to your point, "so... my dad decided to live a more quiet life, he serves English in a more reserved way, just like my mom does. They both try hard to make new potions to heal people and treat different ailments, so I've always known a lot about it but... it's not where my heart is. I wanna find something unique to me. Something that _I_ could use to build a real name for myself."

Dave says in a soft voice, "I'm sure you'll find it." 

"Oh. I'm sure I will." You nod.

"I love that about you." 

"Huh?" You turn your head and look up at Dave. 

Dave's still staring at the stars as he says,

"You're so confident and sure of yourself."

You smile at Dave, he take a few moments before he looks back down at you again.

You look into his shades. You smile, he's so funny to you, wearing his shades at night and he wore those while he's swimming. What a strange boy. You drag your fingers along the side of his head and gently take off his shades so you may see his eyes again.

You smile softly once you see those two perfect little red dots. You'd give your own heart to be this handsome. It's unfair someone this lovely just exists. 

You place his shades into his hands and softly sigh. 

You take a moment before you say, "was there... something we were supposed to be doing?"

"Uh... heading out?" Dave tilts his head.

"Oh right. right." You suppose now is the best time to go back home.

You stand up and then offer your hand to help Dave, he takes it and you smile as you gets to his feet.

You tell Dave the best way to get home from where the two of you are standing and then you say,

"Maybe I could show you around sometime! I better make sure you know where to go for your trial at the very least, Jake can't take you, it's kinda... exclusive..."

 _'What? Like a kid's club or someshit.'_ Don't say that shit out loud, John will think you're fucking weird. 

"It's only for those who have recently attempted their trials or those who are about to." You explain. "Maybe Jade can go with you, but I know her to be lazy and I apparently her trial is the day after yours."

"Oh." Dave looks down at the ground, like he's thinking about something.

"Something a miss?" You ask.

"It's just... ah... I have like a birthday gift for Dirk, but I don't have anything for Jade really."

"Ha!" You laugh, "how sweet! I'm sure if you can replicate a little laptopper for her for the day, she'd appreciate it!"

"Why for the day?" Dave asks.

"Dave, duplication magic isn't preminante."

"Mine is." Dave shrugs. 

"Oh." You look off to the side. "I see... well... you're quiet skilled. You should be proud."

" _Eh..._ it's not really a big deal." Dave gives you a tiny little _coy_ smile... like he's shy or something as he says, "I don't know that much about magic... not like you do." 

"I'm certain you don't." You try hard not to show your frustration.

You need to part ways soon before you really snap at him. "Good night, Dave."

"Night, John." 

You don't even look at him as he walks off.

He's so good at magic, and handsome and fit and cool and everything!

It's just... ugh... it's only serving to piss you off.

You have to hurry home before it gets late and the night market opens.

You don't want to hang out with anyone, you only want to go home and sleep.


	15. a silent moment

You sent a letter the other day hoping that Jade'd let you come over. You usually fucking hate going to the English manor, everything you touch has a prophecy or is going to kill someone or has killed someone, you can't keep any of it straight. And fuck, when ever English himself walks up you can't hear anything but screams and curses. Jake always gets too nervous to stand around you cause he doesn't want to cause you any harm, you get it's not his fault so you aren't mad at him... but it still feels like you've never even met him. You've never heard Jake's voice, you only hear others screaming over his.

But now... things are different.

Nothing you've ever tried has ever quelled the voices or stop the images from flashing in your head. 

But when you're around Dirk... everything just... stops.

Jade was cool enough to show you in without giving you a tour of her huge ass gardren. Jade told you she was too tired and she's saving her strength for training for her trial, shit... when spring rolls around you better get on that too. Eh, you still have a few months before your birthday, you've got time. Plus Aradia hasn't even gone through with her ritual yet for some reason, you wonder what the hold up is.

You walk out through the canvas tunnel Jade set up to house her thousands of plants she found the energy to brag about on the way to her backyard.

There he is... resting right underneath a tree behind Jade's massive garden. Dave is down by the water in swim trunks, probably waiting on John just like Jade briefly mentioned in passing. Shit. The backyard is so huge.

Dirk is sitting a good distance from where Dave is and, at the moment, where Jade's walking over to sit. The two of them are going to sit down by the water together, which also means the two of them aren't going to be able to hear your conversation... even still... you're nervous to have it. You've never gotten to know someone without hearing their thoughts before. You usually get to hear when you're being annoying to someone and you have the chance to steer the conversation in a different way. Truth be told though, you usually don't care, you always have fun teasing people and trying to piss 'em off... but you actually want to impress Dirk. You want to get to know him and be... at least... his friend.

If you push Dirk away from you, you're never going to know what it's like to-

"Why are you here?" 

"Huh?" Your eyes go back into focus. Dirk just spoke to you. Your heads been buzzing with your own thoughts, _for once in your life_ , you got distracted by being able to think.

Dirk repeats himself, "why are you here?"

You look down at him. He never even lifted his head up from his book. He just keeps on reading like he's not even disturbed. In answer to his question you say,

"No reason."

You settle down under the large apple tree next to him.

When you take your seat, you look over his shoulder and ask, "what are you reading?"

Dirk flips a page. You squint your eyes, "wait... what language is this?" You don't recognize it. 

"It's written in Mandarin." Dirk blankly says, "can I please go back to reading now?"

"Dude, are you taking like a linguistics potion?" You ask him as you squint at the characters scrolled across the pages. "I didn't even think those things worked..."

"No, and apparently they don't." Dirk finally looks up at you. "I taught myself how to read this before I came here."

"Damn." You smile down at him, "that's dedication."

Dirk slightly shrugs and then goes back to reading.

He's only a little shorter than you. Dirk's hair is styled and almost sharp. It's a cold, light blonde and you can see a sliver of his eyes behind those shades of his. It's a warm amber color... it's so inviting.

You take a deep breath through your nose.

You stare up at the sky.

_It's beautiful._

You always feel most at peace when you're sitting down by the beach and looking up at the sky. You usually grab a drink and look up at the stars while you numb your mind and your thoughts. For once... you don't need that.

The only voice you hear is your own but you still see muted muddled picture in your mind. One of Dirk's face. You feel a bit of fear in your heart that maybe the spirits and soon to be dead are bombarding your mind with images again... then you realize... it's your own thoughts. It's not a prophecy or your destiny... it's just your own soul echoing in your mind. It's your own choice to picture Dirk's face. 

You shut your eyes for a moment and think on it for just a second.

You open your eyes again, you stare up at the clouds.

White bright clouds, the sun lacing them and almost blinding your eyes.

You stare up at the light blue scene, there are some birds flying through the sky.

You know them to be demons.

You sigh as you shut your eyes for a moment just to take in the feeling a sun beaming down through the leaves, the tree's shade covering up most of your body on this hot December day. 

You open up your eyes. You trace your hand along the ground, you slowly feel around until...

You place your hand on top of his.

You can see him look at you out of the corner of your eye.

You keep staring up at the clouds, Dirk turns his head and looks up at the skies with you.

You shut your eyes again, soaking in this moment that you wish you could just live through forever. 


	16. sittin and waitin

You're sitting down at the edge of the water behind Jade's garden, waiting for the love of your life. 

You hear something pushing through the water, there he is. 

You straighten up your back, no wait... that looks to ridgid. You lean back and flip your hair a bit out of your face.

Jade giggles and then snorts.

You look over at her and give her a frown, she seems to think it's funny you have such a huge _crush_ on John. It's worse than she could even imagine though, you're ready to give your life for John, if he'd only ask for it.

John pops his head out of the water and smiles right up at you.

John tells you both off the bat, "if you wanna swim, be my guest, I'm not gonna go at your pace though."

"Oh, that's fine!" Jade smiles, "we can take a leisurely swim through the ocean, maybe see the sights."

John splashes her, Jade shields her face and laughs. 

You hear footsteps behind you. Dirk's walking up behind you with that one kid, Sollux you think.

Dirk looks down at John and all of a sudden his clothes strip away into bands and then change into swim trunks. You shoot him a look, as if to say, ' _what the fuck?'_

"Whoooaaa!" Jade smiles up at your bro, "you couldn't do that yesterday!"

The kid next to Dirk asks him as he changes into swim trunks himself,

"Really? You already taught yourself how to use _appearance magic?"_

Dirk turns to Sollux and says, "I taught myself all of the spells that I thought to be... practical, first."

"Nice." Sollux nods. 

"Hey!" John calls up to all of you, "are we swimming or not?"

"We are! We are!" Jade whines as she slips into the water, "hold your horses!"

. . .

You're all swimming in the water, you're making sure to stay right by John's side. You are just casually swimming along the surface and smiling the entire time at John. He's panting heavy. Poor guy, he's so tiny you guess since his arms are shorter than yours he's gotta do more work to swim faster, that and you've always been forced to work out and fight with your bros. Bro is really particular about you not being lazy and he wants you to stay in shape. Dirk and you both have training you're forced to do, but John is working out all on his own without anyone forcing him to get up and do it. No wonder why you love him so much, John is such a hard worker. That and he's cute, and he's sweet and his voice is beautiful and soft and-

Jade's head pops up between the two of you. John turns to look at her, "what are you doing?"

"Well... I just figured that I'd find something to give you as a gift for all your hard work." Jade's biting down on her lips with her overbite. 

You and John stop swimming to indulge her.

Jade smiles and tries to hold back a huge grin, she's snickers as she says, "I thought I'd get you this cause-"

Jade holds up a starfish, "you're a **_staaar!"_**

You don't even emote to that. You look over at John with a blank face and narrow eyes behind your shades and then... you see John's face. He's on the verge of dying. He's snickering and then he pulls himself to float on top of the water. He's holding his stomach as he lays on the surface. Jade is smiling as she turns to you and says, 

"that joke wasn't even good! I just love how John always loses his mind from those bad puns!"

You smile as you look over at John. He's laughing hard and gasping for air. Jade is still holding up the starfish and lightly shaking it as she shows John. John's pretty much dead. You watch him cry for mercy, "I can't- I can't swim and- _hack!_ Laugh at the same time, Jade!"

You smile as you swim close to John. You offer yourself to hold onto like a buoy as he regains his sanity. John's clinging on to you and laughing. You feel your entire body get hot as John holds onto you for dear life as he laughs his adorable laugh.

. . .

John held onto you for a good solid five as he regained his cool. John turns to you and says, "sor- _ha_ -sorry! I just really love comedy!"

Instantly a thought pops in your mind, looks like your twin bro had the same idea.

Dirk must have overhead as he was swimming back over to you with Sollux, he just tells John,

"Dave has plenty of comedy specials downloaded onto his laptop. I'm certain he'd love to have you over again as a guest, right... Dave?" Dirk asks you.

You instantly nod, "yeah!-ye-yeah..." You cough to clear your throat. You didn't mean to sound so enthusiastic, you can't help it. You just are.

John beams at you, he seems so happy to hear that you have more videos to share with him not only that but, 

"I really wanna eat more of those chips! I love those doratos you have!"

You feel so flushed, he calls doritos doratos. You feel devastated when Dirk corrects him, "it's doritos."

John stares at Dirk and says, "huh? Really?"

You defend John and say, "eh, it doesn't matter how you pronounce it."

You can feel Dirk's disdain for your words when he says, "yes. It does." He's about to give you a speech about how important words and language are or some shit. "Dorato is the Italian word for-"

You just ignore him and turn to John, "he's just messing around with you."

"Oh. Really?" John looks over at Dirk and then back at you. "How adorable! It must be an American thing! Karkat picks on me and how I talk all the -"

"No. nonono." Jade slashes water in John's face.

"Hey!" John shouts at her. "What was that fo-"

"No Karkat talk!" Jade stares John down and says, "I'm too tired for this!"

"Well Karkat is _Sollux's_ best friend! What are you gonna tell _him_ he can't talk about Karkat either!"

"Yes. My Lord." Jade looks over at Sollux and says, "don't get him started!"

"I wasn't planning on talking about that asshole." Sollux laughs.

"He's not an asshole! He's just a grump-" Right when John started talking, Jade prepped a big wave to splash John with.

John's entire head is covered with water. He huffs and argues, "you all are the assholes. Not you though, Dave. I actually like you."

You feel your heart well up at that. Jade rolls her eyes and turns towards you, she opens her mouth to say something but Dirk cuts her off-

"Are we actually going to train or is this really just something you're doing for the sake of... how did you put it.... _sight seeing?"_

Jade huffs. She then perks up, "oh! We should practice holding our breaths underwater! I heard that the waves are rough outside the edge of the border! We should consider training for," -Jade turns to look at John- " _any contingency."_

John takes a deep breath and sighs it out, "fine. Let's dive. But give me a moment to breathe, you kinda just killed me."

You ask Jade, "weren't you diving and shit already?"

"I was only looking for a starfish for like a minute, there are so many around here." Jade smiles and then she starts asking your bro and Sollux about something. You don't care to listen. You just stare at John he smiles as he listens to Sollux reply to Jade's question. 

You get a soft thought in your head. If there are a million starfish around, then who's to say there isn't also shells. If you could find a nice one and bring it back to John, you're sure he's going to _adore it._ Yeah... he would say something cute like that.

You sink under water and start your search. You see a coral reef and make your way around it to look at the sand when you spot something gray swimming in the water. You almost gasp. 

You head up to where you see everyone floating.

You surface and take in a deep breath of air. You look at everyone and warn them, 

"There's a shark." 

"Ha!" John laughs. "Where?! Is it cute?!"

"Uhh... I think it's a hammer head... maybe? and it's like over there behind Dirk." You point vaguely in its direction. 

"Oh! Let's have a look!" John suggests as he directs everyone to submerge their heads under water.

"Wait... Isn't it dangerous?" You ask John.

"Not if you leave it alone!" John explains, "most of them are just... what do you always say? _chilling?"_

You laugh. "So you can like... just swim up to it and just like... pet it or-"

"Oh no! Don't touch it!" John's giving you a funny look. "Are you nuts?! Its skin will cut your hand open!" John warns you.

John takes up a less alarmed tone as he says, "just watch it go by, and don't provoke it."

"Like a bee, man." Sollux tells you. "just let it go about it's business."

"Why did I know that you were going to say that?" Jade jests.

"Okay. So my dad goes ham on honey doesn't mean that I do too." Sollux shakes his head and tells Jade, "I actually don't eat it, it makes my mind get all fucked- I mean, even more than usual."

Your bro suddenly speaks up,

"How do you..." Dirk corrects himself, _"Why_ do you speak like this?"

"What?" Sollux turns towards him and asks Dirk, "what do you mean?"

"That sort of language, that's somewhat unique to American English. You shouldn't speak with that kind of dialect."

"My best friend's from America." Sollux points over at John, "He was just talking 'bout Karkat. I guess the way he talked rubbed off on me. Even though he moved here when he was like what... eight?" 

John nods. "Yeah, around that age." Seems like John's the master of Karkat trivia... you don't know why that makes you so nervous. 

Sollux adds, "and we read like magazines and comics and shit like that. Whatever they put in the shops." 

"Ah. I see." Dirk nods. "and about... Karkat, you said it was?" Dirk asks Sollux.

Sollux nods, "yeah?"

"Is that the extent to your relationship with him? Best friends?" Dirk asks for clarity's sake you guess. 

"Ha." Sollux starts swimming, "you really think I'm interesting in _anyone_ other than you?"

Sollux keeps swimming off. He doesn't even care to hear an answer Dirk's actual question.

Sollux is just muttering something about Dirk being the only thing he can even think about at the moment and he's complaining about his mind never being quiet.

You've never. **never.** seen Dirk turn completely red. His face is almost completely flushed. 

Dirk stutters, he instantly turns towards Sollux.

Dirk turns towards you for a moment, he's attempting to keep a straight face, "what is the hold up? We should push on. And forget about diving, let's focus more on endurance."

You laugh and start swimming as John bursts out laughing, "you don't have to tell me twice!"

. . .

John's panting. He's sitting up on a small wooden dock in someone's backyard. You feel like you shouldn't be there, this is probably someone's private home and you're trespassing, but so long as John's tired... you don't feel like telling anyone to move.

You're still swimming in the water. You settled right in front of him, hoping you could comfort him.

You guess you all pushed John past his limit. He looks like he's about to collapse. He tells you all, 

"Ha. Sorry! I just- ah- had so much fun with you all!" John laughs. "I couldn't help myself!"

You smile at John, he seems like the kind of person who loves company. You used to hate it, but now... you feel like you love it. Jade's a riot and Dirk seems to really _love_ Sollux. You love spending time with the lot of 'em. You just hope that you can convince them all to stop swimming so far ahead of John, he really struggled to keep up and he really wanted to join in with them. _'Poor guy.'_

Jade asks, "you wanna call it quits?"

"Yeah." John swallows down spit. "Let's jump back to your place."

Jade snaps her fingers and she jumps all of you back to Jade's.

You find yourself still in the water but back in the English's backyard with a stomach ache.

It's fucking awful.

Jade doesn't seem to be holding up well either. She pulls herself out of the water and then lays down right next to John. John pats her shoulder. "Thanks, Jade."

Jade mumbles something. You guess that jump must have drained her. 

Sollux pulls himself up and then helps Jade sit up, he offers, "hey. How about we go to your garden and snack on those tomatoes you were bragging about?"

Jade instantly perks up and says in a lethargic, but happy, tone, "I'd love that!"

. . .

"And I have just about every fruit you could imagine growing here, Jake just got me a few new ones I haven't even seen in my books." Jade just keeps on bragging as she points at her green onions growing next to her tomatoes. "I need to make more room for vegetables though." 

Jade's been going off and making you all eat raw tomatoes. At least you are all under the tarp. 

John is happily munching on a whole leek that Jade let him cut for himself. She made a big deal about him not pulling it out and made him take scissors even though he was just gonna tear it off. You would have done the same shit in his position. The laziest way is often the best. 

John's leaning his head onto your shoulder as you all lay against one of Jade's long ass leveled boxes. It's filled with dirt and some kind of vegetable you've never seen. Must be her own creation cause she's bragging about how she love to experiment and create her own plants from genetic plant material she has in jars? You're not sure. You just know that she's playing mad scientist and she has fucked up plants that glow and try to kill people in here. That's enough to make you want to leave but fuck... the fans are so nice from being in the heat and the cool water sprinkling over your skin feels like a nice misty shower. Not only that but... John's cuddling up to you. 

You softly shut your eyes for a while and when you open them back up again you feel Jade's head against your arm and John's resting in your arms. In your sleep you pulled him closer to you. You don't want to get up. You wanna stay like this forever. 

You can see in the corner of your eye Sollux has his arm wrapped around your bro's shoulder, he was like that before you fell asleep. You pay no mind to it. 

You just shut your eyes again and snuggle up to the love of your life as he rests in your arms. 

. . .

John softly pants against your chest. He breaths in through his nose and then starts to get up.

 _'No!'_ You don't want this moment to end. You pull him a bit closer on instinct. John chuckles and then cuddles up to you and gives you a hug of his own. You open your eyes, he must want to wake you up with a hug. You can feel your heart race and jump into your throat.

Jade jolts up and looks around, "what did I miss!?"

Jade's eyes fall on you and John and she laughs when she sees that you two are cuddling. "Oh! I see, it's just like every other tuesday night! John's snuggling up with the cutest boy on the island like it's no big deal!!!"

"Oh bite me!" John jokes. You feel your heart melt when John snuggles his head into your chest again.

Jade laughs and suggests to John and to Sollux, "you both wanna stay for dinner?" 

Sollux shakes his head no, "I'm good, thanks though."

John yawns and then says, "yeah... I should be getting back to my dad soon.”

"Oh yeah." Sollux nods, "tell dad I said hi."

"Same here." Jade agrees.

You let out a light laugh as John pouts at them. Looks like he's not a big fan of sharing his parents. You hope in the future he warms up to his dad being yours too once you're like... you know... married. 

. . .

You're all stepping through one of the largest halls in the manor. Probably the largest in the damn place. Sollux wanted to show Dirk where the old tv was before he left. John was hoping that he could show you a certain tape he called _delightfully possessed._ You're not liking how that sounds but you're up for a haunting if it means that John's gonna keep holding onto your arm. 

You all keep chatting and walking through the large hall when you start to hear heels clicking quickly against the floor and then dozens more.

John gasps like he just witnessed a murder. He places his hands onto you and instantly your out of your swim trunks and dressed in something close to what he's wearing but in red. It's almost like he couldn't think of anything so he just dressed you up to match him.

Jade aligned herself next to John and bows her head. Looks like you're all making way for someone and standing single file.

Sollux moves Dirk to stand right next to her. Sollux instantly gets down on one knee and places his hands over is other knee. Jade places her hands on Dirk's shoulders and guides him to do the same as his new boyfriend but Dirk's not budging. John suddenly pats your back as he says, "dear, get down on your knees." John doesn't have to ask you twice. He tells you to get down on your knees, you're gonna listen.

John's head is bowed and you do as you're told. Dirk seems hesitant to do the same. Jade is muttering something, Dirk reluctantly agrees and gets down onto his knees.

The sounds of heels clicking gets louder and then someone turns into the hall. There is a rather tall woman with dark skin and a large golden band wrapped around her forehead. Her hair is trailing down to the floor like a cape. She walks past all of you without even looking. 

Aranea is stepping hastily behind her. Her small tiny heels clicking as she moves as quickly as she can to keep up.

You watch Aranea walk behind the tall intimidating figure as they pass. Then you watch as a few dozen other witches and demons hurry by. 

When they are out of sight John lets out a large sigh and then drops to his knees and collapses on the floor. Jade instantly laughs and then jokingly does the same. 

"Let's just lay here forever." John says with his face places against the cool tile.

"Oh, dude... are you still tired?" You look over him as you sit on your knees, "cause we could make a guest room for you."

John laughs, "no. no... It's that I just don't want to talk to her... ever."

Jade sighs and then agrees, "I don't want her to tell me I haven't made _any progress_ and question why she wasted giving me such a powerful familiar."

"I don't want her to tell me that my magic is worthless and I should do my best not to _embarrass her bloodline."_

You look over at where the woman with the long draping hair was last. You look back over at John, "that was like... the empress?"

"What?" Dirk asks.

Jade drags herself up from the floor and nods. "Yeah."

John stays on the floor as he says, "you should refer to her as _her imperious condescension_ if she addresses you, or she'll curse you with like... I don't know... Jade help me out here."

Jade looks down at the floor and squints, "like... a small dick or something?"

"Yeah." John gives a thumbs up. "She'd shrink your dink." 

That's John's great-grandma? She looked so young, like not even thirty. Shit. If you're solid at magic you can stay young forever, that or... she bathes in the blood of virgins or something. 

Dirk lifts himself up from the floor so you follow. Sollux is still on the floor. Waiting for Jade and John to get back up. Dirk pinches Sollux's shirt that he must have put on somewhere along the rush to prep for the queen coming by. Dirk drags Sollux up and Sollux follows then he tells your bro, "I ain't risking it. She's- She's... like... dude you don't know."

"I'm well aware what kind of woman she is." Dirk nods. "Still, I do not fear her."

"Then you're nuts, man." Sollux laughs.

Then Sollux whispers low enough he thinks the rest of you can't hear, but oh you can, _"I'm kinda... into that."_

John snickers and then pulls himself up to his feet. 

John asks, "how about we all get the fuck out of here before we actually run into her."

"I'm down." Sollux is already walking. 

You instantly follow their lead. Dirk doesn't seem put off by the idea of the empress stepping through the halls, he just strolls along like he usually does as the rest of you tuck tail and high tail it out of there.


	17. You're Not the Type to Make Mistakes

As you step out of the halls and into the front of the manor, Sollux steps besides you. You try your best to ignore him and his presence, but he's starting to take you captive. You can not allow yourself to be so easily swayed.

You need to stay focused on studying and learning magic. Your trial is literally this week, you don't even have a choice in who you end up with anyway. Sollux is in the same boat, but he seems to favor ending up with you. You're certain that's because Captor's mind is quiet. He may only be trying to seduce you to be closer to you physically, you need to be weary of his intentions.

Your bro is walking ahead of you, he's talking with John again and making a fool of himself... again.

Every single time Dave talks to John he just digs a deeper and deeper hole, you can tell John is just humoring him. John doesn't seem like he really cares for Dave, he seems to only care for that boy that tried to smoke in Dave's room, Karkat you think it was. Hm... Then again, John smacked him and scolded Karkat for trying to light up in Dave's room. The way he fucking smacked that bitch with a pillow on your bro's behalf... _'ha...'_ you're starting to _almost_ like Egbert.

You enter the foyer and see a young woman standing against the wall by the front door. She looks up at all of you.

Jade's the first one to ask, "hi there! Are you one of the Empresses servants?"

The girl with the pale short blonde hair nods, "I am supposed to be tending to Her Imperial Condescension at the moment, but I needed a break from the grueling labor so I decided to _pretend_ that one of the owner's of the household requested my assistance. Now... I assume that since I am actually within an Englishes presence, that I should take my leave and expect _a **horrid** punishment for my insolence."_ The girl stands up and starts walking away, you're not sure if she is sincere or not. 

Jade chuckles, "why don't you come with us out? I'll walk with you back to the empress and tell her that I requested you come and carry my things!"

"No offense." The girl smiles back at Jade, "but you don't seem the type to request something like _that._ "

Jade giggles as she snorts. Jade waves her hand around as she says, "I always act spoiled when the empress is around, people just hand me free things and I get so used to it, I start making demands for more."

"Ha." The young blonde woman steps over towards you five. She's wearing heels and a long draping black dress. She has long rose colored sash around her waist. She's wearing the same black gown all of the servants behind the Empress wore. Looks like she's part of a matching set.

She then politely bows and says, "I am Rose Lalonde, one of the twelve lady's-in-waiting of the Her Imperious Condescension, your excellency."

Jade chuckles like she's playing a game, "And _I_ am Jade."

Rose lifts her head and then smiles. "One of the few Englishes left so I hear." 

"I have a **few** _living_ cousins, but they live in hell so everyone thinks they're dead." Jade shrugs. She keeps walking ahead towards the door. Rose gets the front door for her like a servant would as she listens to Jade speak, just like a friend would.

Sollux is still walking by your side, he offers to take the door from Rose so he can hold it instead and she politely refuses. She has a job to do and she intends to do it.

John presses his hand against Sollux's arm as he walks by, "so sweet. I **_love_** when boys are polite like that!"

Sollux laughs and smiles at john's words. You walk on ahead bearing no expression as you clench your jaw shut.

. . .

Sollux is at the head of the pack now, he's silently walking ahead. You follow behind him as the rest of your group talks behind the two of you.

You walk through the sand paths, palm trees are overhead, each and every single tree looks well taken care of. The short time you spent in Florida you recall half of the palm trees were perfectly kept and the other half were ugly, with dead fronds falling down towards the ground. This island looks more like a resort than anything else. Everything is so well kept, must be because magic, everything here must be just **that** simple. 

Up ahead of all of you, you can see a marketplace. Sollux seems to want to walk by it, he's basically guiding you to it, and... **you're following him.**

You let yourself fall behind so you can speak with Dave. Dave is listening to everything John is telling him, stupid shit like, "so it's not really that hard to see why it's better to pick flowers when the moon is fu-" John stops talking and then he looks at you.

John's expecting you to speak. You ask, "where are we going, exactly?"

John shrugs, "uh... we can get lunch?"

Dave instantly nods, "Yes. Yeah. Let's do that."

John laughs, "looks like someone's hungry! Okay, I know a really good place that sells some great grub and mead." You guess that's John's idea of a joke, suggesting you can get alcohol. 

John points ahead at the pathway you're walking down, "and if you wanna snack now, nearby there are a few trees that have figs."

John then smiles at Dave and gives him a little warning, "might want me to pick them though, the demon's like to plant fake ones and place little hexes on them."

Dave starts chatting with John again, he nods at every word John says and dizzly laughs when John makes a joke. 

It's so embarrassing. Watching someone get that tongue tied because of a _boy._

Sollux stops walking for a moment, he turns towards the lot of you... no he's looking right at you.

Sollux softly tells you, "come on, don't fall behind."

You open up your mouth to speak, but words just won't come out.

A gentle breeze is flowing through Sollux's short hair, his hand extended out to you and you just can't... speak...

You choke down any stutters you might have said. You hold your head high as you walk on ahead and take the lead. 

You're not about to make yourself look as foolish as Dave seems. You won't won't allow yourself to stoop so low.

. . .

You walked through the small market. John caught up and started walking to your pace, he told you that a bunch of things from here are imports from all over the world but mostly America. 

John keeps asking questions about if the shops are anything like they are in the cities, John and Dave take a moment to window shop and you follow suit. You look over a small book shop. When you look past the window display, you can see something that looks like graphic novels in the back. You assume they are shit, but it's worth a look.

"Wanna go in?" Sollux walks up behind you.

You turn around and as you do Dave says, "nah, let's not. Dirk can't pull himself out of a bookstore once he's in and I'm actually hungry."

"Maybe after!" John smiles. John tucks his arm under one of yours and kisses your cheek.

"I'm famished!" John drags you on ahead.

Usually you'd take your arm back, but at seeing the way Sollux's face contorted in pain, you're happy to have John take you by the arm. 

. . . 

When you arrived at the place John wanted to take you all too, John seemed to have high enough stature to get you seating outside and away from everyone else.

You took your arm back from John once you got to your exclusively private table.

Dave of course sat down right next to John and you decided it was best to sit next to your bro, help him try to preserve what little dignity he had. 

You were about to pull out your chair to take your seat, but Sollux pulled it out for you instead.

You don't say no to the offer, if another young man wants to shower you with attention, you'll take it. You can respect his wishes to attempt to romance you because you can respect a man that has taste. 

Sollux sits down besides you and lays back in his chair. He kicks his chair back a little and rests his feet on the empty chair in front of him. He's pretending to be completely calm and in control of his emotions. Sollux didn't have to fall backwards onto the floor for you to know that he isn't.

"Hm." You hum out a laugh, dripping with contempt.

You look down at your hands and using your hum as a sound, you successfully summon a book from your night table. You pull out your cinnamon scented bookmark and continue reading from the passage where you last left off.

. . .

You were hardly paying attention when you were ordering, you were reading when the server asked you what you wanted. You simply gestured towards Sollux and told him to pick something good for you and it better be good.

Rose seems to have ordered pickled beets and stuffed mushrooms that came with a side of oven roasted tomatoes as a simple appetizers for all of you.

John picks up a mushroom right away and Sollux seems to be steering clear of the stuff. You pick up one of the pickled beets, how bad can it be?

You take a bite and right away, vinegar bursts into your mouth. You swallow it down, bearing no expression. But you certainly won't be eating that again.

Dave picks up what you just ate the moment that John starts scarfing down the beets. You give Dave a warning look, seems it was in vain. It was a warning he doesn't heed.

Dave takes a bite of the sliced pickled beet in his hands and instantly starts coughing.

John chuckles and pats Dave's shoulder, "when the mead comes, it'll wash down the vinegar, honey."

You look at John and ask, "you really ordered us all mead?" 

"Yeah?" John gives you a look, "do you prefer wine? I'm sorry... I should have asked. I ordered us a few rounds of stuff though! So I hope you like black virgin shots."

Dave asks John in confusion, "they really let you order shots? What's the legal age here?"

"Legal... what?" Jade starts laughing.

"Hm..." You answer. "In certain countries teens are allowed to drink if they are accompanied by their guardians... seems like this island has no rules on who can and can not drink." 

You ask John, "is alcoholism a problem here?"

"You mean... are their people who drink _too_ much?" John looks up and thinks for a moment, "my mom told me that people _can_ have issues with drinking, I don't recall anyone having _that_ issue here, it's more like people spend too much time in the opium bars. But of course, sin is of no concern when everyone ends up in hell anyway!" John giggles. 

John then explains, "drinking is more of like a game here! We're gonna play a few drinking games and we get cut off if we get too rowdy!"

"Really now?" You smile. That must be how they deal with drunks. They just cut them of or turn them away. You wonder if people can by their own alcohol here, you noticed that Jake seemed to take to the bottles that bro had in your old apartment and you didn't see any hint of a liquor store in the shops you pasted.

John explains, "okay! So the rules of this one are really simple! All you have to do is draw a card from this deck, and whoever gets the worst card gets tourchered!"

"Huh?" Dave seems confused. 

You explain to Dave, "black virgins are torture devices used originally to torment witches. Our... _friends_ here, seems to have a rather dark sense of humor."

John smiles and hands you the deck, "you should draw first, Mr. Know-it-all."

You're not so stupid to take from the top of the pile. You take a card from the middle and you face it down on the table. You hand over the deck to Sollux who's on your left.

Sollux takes it and passes it around, then he goes back to staring at you. You sigh and roll your eyes behind your shades and then go back to reading. 

Captor seems like he's trying to think of something to ask you. He's lifting up his head now to see the pages your scanning, asking what you're reading. You lift up your book and show him the title. You tap it.

Sollux reads it, "Practical and Functional Spells. Cool... cool... you know... I could tutor you some time."

"My apologies." You blankly say as you stare at the page. "I am supposed to tutor myself." 

"And you're doing a great job!" John smiles and then turns to Dave, "both of you! You've only become warlocks recently and you're already so skilled!"

"Thanks, man." Dave seems stunned by the complement.

Sollux takes that as a cue to set up a compliment you, "did you finish the other book you were reading already?"

You nod and continue to read, you half-listen to him as he drones on about how amazing it is you could read so much in such a short period of time and he's always struggled with reading. When you turn your page, he knows you're not listening.

When the drinks come out, John makes you put down your book. 

You sigh and close your book with the bookmark in the middle of the pages. You take one of the shot glasses. The liquid inside is completely ink black with small bits of green glitter floating inside. Everyone has a shot in front of them and John cheers and tells you all to grab your cards.

You take a moment to examine the one you too. You look at it and it's... it's completely blank. There is a back, sure... but there is no suit and no number. You stare at the card as John sings a little chant, "One-Two-Three-Four! The hunters at your **door!"**

At the word _door_ Jade, John and Sollux all slammed their cards down. Rose gently placed her card on the table.

You and Dave are still holding onto yours. 

John whines, "come on! You guys have to actually get into it for it to be fun!"

Dave slams his card down on the table. Half the table laughs. 

John chuckles, "Dave. You're a little late, honey."

Dave turns a slight bit red and then asks, "uh... so who drinks?"

You look down at your card. It's still blank.

When you put it down onto the table it starts to reveal it's true face.

It's a 2 of Spades. Everyone else's seems to be higher.

John looks at you and smiles, "Ohhh, Dirk's gonna get torchered!" 

Jade starts wiggling her fingers and telling you garggled nonsense,

"If you put two needles under your tongue, you'll be able to keep in English's secrets!" 

Rose chuckles, "best to take your own life, if you tell hell's secrets to the hunters... your soul will be crushed!"

Jade giggles, happy someone joined in her strange jokes. _'Must be a **girl** thing.'_

John keeps giggling, "Okay! Okay! Let him drink!"

You take the shot into your hand, this isn't the first one you've ever had. One of Bro's old husbands had you all take a shot for new years when you were sixteen. You're certain this can't be any worse than that.

You down the drink as fast as you can. The damn thing tastes of licorice and burns like fire.

John claps his hands and takes pride that you flinched! "Oh! The Black Virgin tormented even the immovable Dirk!"

"Ha! I hope the keeps getting shit cards!" Jade nods, "I don't want to get torchered today!" 

John giggles and shuffles his cards. _"You're gonna jinx yourself!"_ John sings.

Jade hands you another shot by dragging it across the wooden table. She really does seem eager for you to have poor luck.

John passes around the deck and expects you all take one and when he sings and says **"door!"** He gets frustrated that you're the only one that didn't slam your card down on the table again.

You lift up your palm and show off your horrible card.

Jade looks on in awe, "a 2 again!?"

"That's a good omen!" John smiles. 

"Really?" You ask him, actually curious about what it means.

"Not for you though!" John giggles.

You groan and take your shot. 

You make a bitter face for only a brief moment and go back to your usual stone face. 

Sollux chuckles a bit. You take in a deep breath and wait for the next round.

And yet again, at the word **"door."** You gently place down your card and it's... it's _another_ two. 

John laughs and claps. "Oh my god!" 

John looks over at Sollux, "it's like the universe is still trying to scream at you! Even if you can't hear it!"

Sollux instantly _"Shhh"_ s John.

Jade is howling with laughter. 

John tells you, "it's okay! it's okay! If you get chosen three times in a row you die! You can play again if we get another round!"

You grab the shot and regretfully down it. 

You stay out of the game this time. At the end of the next chant, Dave slams his card down and he gets a four. 

Jade laughs and points at Dave, "it's your turn!"

Dave takes his shot glass and does his best to sip half of it and then down it. He makes a bitter face, Jade tells him, "you've gotta finish your punishment! For being a horrid witch!"

Dave takes the glass and drags it up to his lips again.

He flinches and sips it again. He swallows it like it's a soda. His whole tongue must be coated with the horrible taste, you thought he remembered how to drink these damned things. 

Jade giggles and laughs. Unfortunately for her, she lost the next two rounds.

Jade whines, "noooo!" She downs the next shot and coughs, "it tastes like medicine!"

John laughs. "You deserve it for making fun of the Strider boys!"

John giggles. Jade grabs the final shot from the tray. When Rose loses the next round she is poise and after she downs the shot, she crosses her hands over the table and gently looks over at John.

When John takes up everyone else's attention, you spot Rose makes a sour face and shake her head. You smirk as John tells the table, "now that we're down to the next couple of shots the rules are the same but different!"

John explains, "whoever gets the lowest _has_ to drink but whoever gets the highest is exempt! The red cards drink and the black cards wait for the next round." John clarifies, "if you're confused I can tell you who drinks and who doesn't!"

Dave says, "thanks, because I'm braindead, like mad stupid. I didn't register any of that."

John laughs, "no, no! You're not dumb, silly! You just haven't _played_ it yet! You learn by doing! Not by listening!"

Everyone but you draws cards. John says his chant again, "One-Two-Three-Four! The hunters at your **door!"**

Dave gets the highest card but it is red. Dave holds it up and asks, "uh... do I drink?"

John shakes his head no, "but I do!" John holds up a black card that's the number seven. He got the lowest.

John asks Dave, "can you hand Rose your shot, dear?" 

Dave hands his shot over to Rose and she takes it. Rose and John both take their shots and John lets out a "whoaaw!" He shakes his head and shouts, "whoooa!"

Jade laughs, "it's horrible, isn't it!?"

"Nah! I love the taste, but I wasn't ready for that burn!" John smiles and asks, "what's the percent of this!?"

Jade giggles, "let's go! Let's go! Before the food comes!"

John passes out more cards. He doesn't give any to you, Dave or himself. Jade, Rose, and Sollux all take cards and finally Sollux gets a bad card. It's red and the lowest. You feel joy in your anticipation. You want to see how he can handle pain.

Sollux downs it in one gulp and then tilts his head as he examines the glass, like he's wondering why everyone is building it up. "This isn't bad. Why are you all talking shit?" 

You stare at him like he's a liar. Jade then whines, "ugh! You say that because of the shit your dad's bring home!"

"Yeah... they have terrible taste." Sollux shrugs. 

Sollux laughs, "this just tastes like the potions I take every other day." Sollux rolls his eyes.

Jade shakes her head and says, "you poor soul." 

"What are you drinking potions like **this** for?" Rose sounds surprised, her words tinted with amusement. 

"Eh, helps suppress the prophecies." Sollux shrugs.

"Oh." Rose leans into the table as she asks, "you're a seer as well?" 

"I wouldn't say that... I don't _see_ the future. It's more like the future literally screams in my head."

Rose nods knowingly as Sollux goes on. "I see, I've heard the more powerful soothsayers are like that."

Rose shakes her head as she confesses, "that's not my expertise though, I was born with these powers but I usually focus on channeling the energy from the demons that lay in the furthest ring and our Lord, English."

"Ohhh..." Jade seems like she's in awe, "that's why you work with the Condesce, huh?"

You instantly lose interest once the two girls break into talking back and forth about how amazing eachother's powers are. You tap your fingers against the wooden table and wonder why you aren't reading at the moment. 

You look up at the two servers holding up two trays of food each. 

They quickly hand out food and even bow once they are done, you could get used to this. 

You grab your utensils as you look down at your meal. There are large peeled baked potatoes, slices of green tomatoes and a large grilled fish down on your plate. The fish still has it's head on with sharp teeth. 

John lifted up his head to see specifically what Sollux ordered for you. John "awwww"ed and pointed over towards you, "you got a meal that smiles! That's a pretty good omen for lovers."

"Is everything an omen here?" You mutter.

Rose chuckled at your comment. She seems rather amused with everyone at the table despite always looking pissed. She makes comment on the meal herself, "where I come from, we see fortunes and omens in everything too. I think it's just a witch thing... from what I can tell... you're new here too."

"New to magic in general." Dave confesses, "we just went through our trial."

"Ahhh." Rose nods. "Yes, I can see that. Your father, I assume, didn't seem to understand how to adresses me. I thought it was humorous when he addressed me with a simple ' _girl_ ,' but still... he does that sort of thing to the Empress, he won't survive here much longer."

"Uh... I think you're talking about our older bro." Dave shrugs. "Yeah... I'm kinda sure he won't address her with whatever her long ass title was."

"Oh!" John perks up, "maybe you can all stay with Sollux for a while!"

You can hear Sollux muttering something like "aw, what the fuck are you-!?"

When you turn around to look at him his eyes widen and he starts laughing, "you uh... wouldn't enjoy staying at my place... it's pretty cramped. You should uh- just find some wing in that mansion and hide out there till she leaves."

"Yes..." Rose agrees with Sollux's last sentiment. "I don't think she'll be staying long. I was told not to get to comfortable, we're just going to be watching some... ritual? and then leaving. I'm sorry, my nose is usually buried in my books. I hardly do anything other than write nowadays. So, I don't do anything other than it's for a new reaper."

"Oh! You're talking about Aradia!?" John smiles and asks Rose.

"How wonderful, you know her?" Rose seems charmed by John's optimism. 

John nods, "she's a really sweetie! I bet she's gonna be a great undertaker!"

"Yeah... she loved shit like that... she seemed stoked." Sollux speaks up. He sighs and shrugs, "I just feel kinda shity cause I wanted her to hang around to see my trail. Oh well... maybe I can talk to her before her ritual goes down."

"I'm not so certain you can... she's going through a cleansing period. Only a few people are allowed to speak with her." Rose takes her fork into her hand and starts cutting into a strip of salmon with her knife. "I am certain though you can maybe ask someone to carry a message. I was told I might be selected to help cut her soul from her body, if that is the case... is there something you'd all like her to know?""

Rose looks around the table. Her eyes land on Sollux and he answers with a calm tone, 

"can you... can you tell her... that the guy I was staring at for too long, the one she laughed at me for drooling over... ended up being... the one for me?" 

You look over at Sollux. You think you can recall that one... some young woman was laughing while she was staring over at you and your bro, there was this tall boy with tanned skin and a stupid look on his face... 

You hum and look into Sollux's eyes.

You bring your eyes back down to your plate.

He seems to have made up his mind about how he feels for you, but his words in no way seduced you.

Neither did his taste... even so. You bring your fork up to your lips and take bite of the fish.

. . .

After the meal, John seemed to want to check through the shops, Jade seemed like she was more than happy to lead the pack. You walked through an entirely new market, this was packed with people and filled with vendor's and various items. Nearly everything was made of magic and people even seemed up for a good trade. You wonder if bringing something from the English manner would get you something here... you bet that Dave could make a convincing copy too. You hum as you walk forward with your hands behind your back. Sollux is trailing along, breathing down your neck like a dog starved for attention. You don't need to pay any mind to him, he's most likely only after you for the benefit that your presence gives him. 

Everyone is walking around, peaking at the shops and the small wooden carts filled with little luxury goods. You think you saw some golden bird feather fans and rain clouds in a bottle. Those things all seem ultimately useless to you. You have no interest in looking over anything that isn't... well you suppose a novel. You hate how predictable you and your interests are, but you suppose you do like consistency. 

You just noticed that your whole group seems to have fallen behind. John just stopped Dave to force him to try on some scarlet sash. Dave seems taken aback that John wanted him to try on something that practically acted as a dress, and it's so seemingly short on him, it's practically lingerie. John is laughing and telling him, "it's your color! You should get it!"

Sollux looks like he's getting a good laugh out of how red in the face Dave is getting.

"Aww! You're so shy!" Jade jokes, " _you knooooow!_ When you get married you're gonna have to wear something just like that!"

"So be thankful the ceremonies are private." John laughs, "these are basically the same thing from what I've heard! and this wouldn't even cover your little booty! Your torso is sooo long!" John giggles.

Dave seems transfixed with every word that comes out of John's mouth and John seems happy to be holding Dave's attention. You turn away, uninterested in seeing any more of the scene. Instead you walk on and as you do, everyone is quick to catch up with you.

"You missed it!" John tells you, "we found out that red really is Dave's color!"

"I grew up with him, I'm well aware." You stare ahead as you keep walking.

Sollux walks up to your side, he smiles at you with a dizzy, stupid look on his face.

You keep your head held high and keep walking on as you ask John, "do you know any good bookstores around here?"

"Here? No!" John shakes his head, "there's like only one in the whole place. You want good books, you gotta go to hell!"

"Hm..." You hum. "At least there's something to look forward to when I die."

Sollux laughs out a tiny snort. You feel your mouth try to break into a smile. The joke wasn't even that funny, you should allow yourself to be proud of it. But... you shouldn't be smiling just because some guy is smiling at you... you try to choke down your grin.

John giggles and tells you both, "you two look like such a happy couple already!"

"We are not seeing each other." You make that clear.

 _"Ohhhh, you say that!"_ John sings, _"but the cards were saying otherwise!" Hehehe!"_

"I don't put any stock in omens or fortunes, or any of that nonsense." You keep walking ahead.

"Soooo... even if the universe decided that you two were soulmates... and did everything in its power to show you that... you'd still need to be romanced!? You're that kinda guy!?" John sounds completely amused.

You nod. "I'd rather make judgements for myself, I don't need anyone or anything telling me _what_ I should think."

 _"Ooooh!"_ John giggles, _"Gotta step it up a bit, Sollux!"_

"I know... I'm gonna." Sollux smiles. He's scanning around the area. Looking for something. Sollux steps over somewhere to the side of the market. You continue walking on, you refuse to wait on him or on anyone. John continues walking with you. He laughs and hums. "I wonder what he's gonna pull out of his hat to impress you!"

"To _try_ to impress me." You correct him. You're certain that he's going to fail, less he can find a good book somehow. 

You keep walking ahead, John finds joy in pointing at a certain shop but telling everyone not to step inside, "it's my dad's! But he's gonna be on my case about hanging around with three boys if we go in, so we're not stepping foot in there!"

Dave smiles and happily nods at everything John says, like it's his new gospel. _'Lord forbid,'_ there's something he loves more than apple juice. You guess hell froze over. You smile softly at Dave as he asks John what other kinda shops are fun to shift through or if they are just gonna keep window shopping."

John giggles and asks Dave if he'd like John to buy him anything he wants.

That's the kind of thing you're glad to hear, you'd rather John spend his coin on Dave then the other way around.

Sollux suddenly comes back. He's holding a bouquet of different types of flowers. Each a carmel color or a yellow color. There's a single orange rose. You feel... almost moved by the display. Without thinking, you take it into your hands and Sollux speaks with a heavy lisp as he hands you the flowers,

"Smell them, each one is a different scent."

You bring the orange rose up to your nose. It smells like cinnamon. The brown lily smells like root beer. The yellow buttercup smells just like butter cookies. You found yourself smelling nearly all of them, then you look up at Sollux. He's smiling as he watches you smell each of the little gifts he gave you.

You straighten up your back and walk on ahead, like you didn't just make a fool of yourself.

Still... you hold onto the flowers like you're proud of the gift you were given, because... well, you are.

. . .

It's been a good while now since you left the house. You think the sun is about to set. You wonder if Dave's going to press you to go home soon, seeing that he turns into a puddle as soon as the dead of night hits. You notice though, that Dave seems transfixed on watching John try on new hats. John bought some earrings and he's happily turning to the side, just to watch the gold hanging from his ears bounce and dangle around. Dave seems hypnotized by the display as John traces his fingers around the rim of his new witch hat, "I'll take it!" John happily says. Then when he's told how much it is he laughs and says, "I could find a better deal on something of better quality! Thank you very much! 30 gold! Can you believe this, Dave!?" John hasn't even walked away from the vender yet, who's trying to explain that the item is hexed to make men transfixed on the wearer once they finish the purchase, "I don't need a hat to do that! I can do that myself! I just need a hat that covers my head!"

Rose and Jade keep giggling and you keep strolling around the area, lost in thought. You keep holding onto your flowers. No one's ever given you flowers before, but it's still not enough to impress you. No. you're not that easy. Even if you've been... smelling the orange lily over and over again because it smells like a sweet tangerine. How did he even know your favorite color... did he ask, or guess? You hum. Nope. No. Nope. You're not gonna spend your time gushing over some guy like Dave does, you're too smart for this. You're fine with a guy drooling over you like dog staring at a bone, but not the other way around. You lift up your head and lower the bouquet. It's just one gift, you don't know why you feel so attached to it. It's not even useful, it's just a novelty. 

You keep walking ahead. You walk away from Dave and the rest of the group, you'd rather not stay here in a crowded market, you'd rather just start heading home, maybe check out that bookstore. You want some peace and quiet and you're not going to find it here... especially not with some random guy trying to romance you with flowers and god knows what else. Of course, Sollux catches up with you. He smiles and walks right by your side. He must not want to stay to far away from you... you're sure he enjoys the peace and quiet your presence gifts him.

You hear a woman walk past the two of you. She mutters something about a cup of ice cream being too expensive, "I know, I love ice milk too, but I just don't have the coin for lovers flavor, let's just get some gelato."

Sollux seems invested in what she's talking about. He turns his head and sees a small stand, there's only two people in line and they just left. Sollux rushes up to the counter and orders, you walk on. He seemed like he was rushing to check into a hospital, with that look in his eye.

John suddenly rushes up to meet you. "H-hey?! Why did Sollux just take off like that?"

You turn to face John, the rest of the group catches up and awaits your answer.

"He's grabbing some... ice milk." You sigh.

"Ice milk?" Dave tilts his head, "huh? You mean _ice cream?"_

"Awww! You say that like a baby would!" John giggles. "iced _cream!_ How cute!"

John pinches Dave's cheek and wiggles it around, "you gotta stop being so cute!"

John turns and addresses you again, "I didn't think they were any ice milk stands around here."

You point over at the direction that Sollux went in, "he went that way and he's grabbing something called lover's flavor." You shake your head at how stupid the words coming out of your mouth sound.

Jade starts giggling, "he really spent that kind of coin _on you!?"_

Rose looks over to where the stand is, she can hardly see it through the crowd. Rose asks you all, "you make that here? On _this_ island? It takes years to make it, doesn't it?"

"Only two years." John smiles, "and you know something... I've had some once!"

"Oh?" Rose sounds interested, "is it as good as they say?"

John sounds happy to retell his experience, "it's the best thing I've ever had! It's almost like an addiction!"

"What did it taste like?" Jade doesn't hide her excitement. 

"Um... like... fruity with a little tiny kick of spice? It's been so long I can't recall. I just remember tasting like blueberries and maybe like almond milk, and then a soft kind of cinnamon flavor."

"Maybe I should spend the coin on it and we can all share!" Jade giggles and clasp her hands together, I never really had an interest, but now I'm thinking it's the perfect time for stupid shenanigans like this!"

"No, don't get too hyped!" John shakes his head. "The vender here probably won't take your money." John rolls his eyes. "He gave me this whole thing when I was a kid... and how I needed to _earn_ the money."

"Ew." Jade says.

Rose instantly chuckles. Jade shares a small giggle fit with Rose, the two girls keep staring at each other. You feel like gagging, Rose and Jade, John and Dave, you and Sollux, is no one safe?

Sollux runs back to you. He holds up a small glass goblet with two spoons in it. 

Jade starts giggling. 

You decide to start walking ahead again, Sollux follows you. As you walk away from the group you ask him, "do you expect us to share?"

"Uh... yeah." Sollux nods.

"Very well." You take a spoon, "seeing that you went out of your way to acquire this, I will at least try it."

"Score." Sollux chuckles.

You take a small spoonful and slip it into your mouth. Sollux tries a bite as well as he holds up the cup for you both. 

Sollux asks you, "so... what does it taste like for you?"

What a strange question? Is it unique to each person.

You take a moment to taste the flavor. It's like nothing you've ever had, and yet like a million things you love. 

"It taste like tangerines... and a bit like... something sweet, maybe buttery? and kinda like..."

"honey?" Sollux asks you.

"Right." You nod.

_'So it really isn't unique.'_

It's just a 'mystery flavor' everyone is hyping up.

You shut your eyes and then as soon as you do, Sollux has his arm wrapped around you.

Sollux laughs and then kisses your cheek.

You pull away and look him up and down.

Sollux tells you, "sorry! sorry! It's just, I wanted to be sure."

Sollux holds up the icecream and tells you, "this ice milk has a different flavor for basically everyone, but it only tastes the same for... you know..."

Sollux looks away from you for a moment. He seems hesitant to say it... so you do, "soulmates?"

Sollux tries to hold back his smile from growing. Sollux lets go and then grins at the ground. He chuckles and then tells you, "yeah."

You sigh and roll your eyes, "so are you going to man up now and ask me out?"

Sollux nods like he's impressed, "do you wanna find some place to just chill and eat this?"

"Still sounds way to friendly." You turn your head and start walking away from him.

Sollux follows behind you, "would you like to uh... go to the pier and watch the sunset with me."

"No." You tell him, keeping your nose up as you walk on. "I don't care much for looking at the ocean, I did too much of that back at home."

Sollux gestures with his hands as he asks, "then... how about we sit down under some shade while... you read?" 

You instantly stop and turn your head to look at him.

"While you do what?" You do your best not to sound amused, but you do.

Sollux looks nervous to say, "uh... look at you?"

You chuckle. You promptly shut your mouth and try to hold back a smile.

When you notice that even though Sollux's deep tan skin, he's blushing red, you can't help it. You grin back.

You nod, "I think... I'd like to sit down and just talk with you."

When you look up at Sollux, he's smiling. 


	18. change of plans

You're still hunched over and holding onto the wall, you're right about to vomit but you're trying to keep it all in while you're still in front of John.

Jade's fuckin demon dog decided to jump all of you back to the house so Jade could get back to training. Rose was holding a few bags of things Jade decided to buy just a few moment ago, Bec must have thought they had enough bags to convince the Empress of Rose's convient little lie to get out of work. You think the two of them are talking to the empress now. Yep. You're not going to have any of that shit... maybe you could ask to stay at John's or Dirk's new boyfriend's place, but- no wait... you turn into a fucking slime monster at the stroke of midnight or whatever. You narrow your eyes at the wall in front of you, your shades clinging to the every edge of your nose.

_'Just like Cinderella.'_

John pats your back and pokes fun at how easily you get nauseous. When you look up at him, John turns his head away from you and asks the demon dog to hop him back to his place.

The demon nods its head and right away, "Goodbye, Dave. Feel better!" Before you could wish John a goodnight, he's gone.

You just looked like a total fuckin' pussy in front of John. Again.

You bang your head against the wall and leave it there. Dirk brings his flowers up to his nose again and takes another whiff. You turn your head towards him and leave it against the wall, without even lifting it up. 

Dirk glares at you through his pointed shades. "I'm not the one who literally drools over-"

You interrupt him. "-I didn't say anything."

Dirk lowers his head, you can see his amber eyes now from behind his shades falling off his nose. He's giving you a little warning glare.

You offer up a peace treaty, "don't make fun of me, and I won't make fun of you."

"Hm." Dirk hums, seems like you're both in agreement.

You hear a few steps coming from behind you, one pair of footsteps sounds like they belong to someone in high-heels.

"Oh, boys! We missed you at dinner. Such a shame too! We had quite the feast!" 

You look up and spot a woman with gray-blue skin and short black hair, you're sure it's Jake's familiar again. Aranea is wearing a long draping navy blue dress and a worried look. You didn't know that demons could even sweat. Her forehead is drenched.

Jake's hand is wrapped around Ambrosia's waist. Jake pulls bro closer as English tells you two, "you really missed... well a _real_ doozy of a day." Jake's eyes fall onto Dirk's bouquet, "what's this now? Did somebody buy you those?"

Dirk proudly raises up his head, just like he's being doing all freaking day. "Yes." Dirk speaks with a small amount of pride.

"Oh, how lovely!" Aranea tells Dirk, "those cost a pretty penny. Whoever got you those must really care for you!"

"Right?" Jake sounds proud of Dirk as he says, "you've already snatched up someone's heart and you haven't even been on the island that long!" 

"Hm." Your older bro lets out a brief and simple hum. Looks like Dirk better explain himself in twenty words or less. 

Dirk looks up at him and lowers the flowers, "two of us are seeing each other now, but I could take him or leave him."

"Right." Bro seems content with that.

Then Ambrosia looks over at you and lifts up his chin as he looks down at you, "and what about you? Were you out with that **John** boy again today?"

You look over at Dirk, he can't say anything that's going to help you now.

You sip in a breath and then answer, "yeah."

Aranea instantly chuckles. She covers her mouth with her hand and swiftly answers, "oh now! You've taken to John!? Be wary of him, he toys around with young boy's hearts like they're playthings!" 

"Not so certain that Dave should be worried about John." English tells the room, "I'm fairly certain that things will work out between the two of them!"

"Hm?" Aranea lets out a curious hum. Her short midnight blue hair ruffles against her shoulder as she tilts her head. "Oh!" 

Aranea grins at you with a big knowing smile, she nods her head and takes in a deep breath to speak,

"So!" The demon begins, "Jake told us all over dinner of your _strength!_ Apparently, you're a strong magic user! Yes! It seems you have nothing to be worried about. I trust things will work out just as Jake said."

Is she talking about your strength like it's a plus in the dating pool...? Is John attracted to strong magic users...? It suddenly dawns on you...

"Shit." You mutter to yourself. "I should study more."

"Whatever motivates you." Dirk mutters from right behind you.

"Did I hear you right just now, Dave?" Jake's familiar asks you, "are you looking to study more?"

"Oh. You set her off." Jake chuckles.

"I'd love to see what you can already do. I just love watching people's progress as they learn! Oh! And I was informed that you're going to self-tutor." Aranea lifts up her hands and gently wiggles her fingers, like she's dazzling herself. She clasps her hands together and gleefully asks, "oh, Dave! Can I please see you skill!? And you Dirk, you as well! As a matter of fact! Why don't we all go, it'll be just like when Jade was a girl... speaking of which... where is she?"

"With the empress." Dirk answers.

"Oh." Aranea lets out a small chuckle. You can see another bead of sweat begin to form. 

"Ha... well... let's carry on without her, shall we?" Aranea steps forward and down the hall, "come, come now. Let's all make our way to the library." She mutters, "and not stay out in the open."

. . .

"-during his ceremony the flames turned white and then gold! Even the high priest was taken back!" Jake keeps going on about you as you enter the libraries halls. "Then the blade that the priest was going to stab Dave with just melted completely! I was completely thrown off, I thought I saw it wrong, nope. Then the priest was talking to me after about having you watch over Dave's development, like he was worried that Dave might start to surpass the elder demons and get some thoughts in his head about a takeover- but I know that our Dave isn't like that! He's a sweet kid."

“Really!?” Jake's familiar nearly gasps. The astonishment on her face melts into pure joy, "oh! I keep getting luckier and luckier this millennia! Between you and Dave, I'm going to have so much to keep me busy!"

"Ah-" Jake is quick to correct her, "Dave is going to be self-tutored, remember that, Aranea."

"I know! I know! I actually meant _entertained_ more than busy." Aranea continues walking on ahead of you. "It's so rare a familiar of my skill encounters a magic user as powerful as you are, Jake... and if you say you feel that Dave may surpass you... well then, I think I'm going to have plenty to hold my attention, at least for the next few decades." Aranea starts snickering, almost like she's entertained with some dark thought.

"Might want to leave it there." Jake lowers his voice, "at least while the empressyay isyay inyay ethay ousehay."

Aranea giggles. "Alright. Alright. We're going to start the show now, anyhoo!"

Aranea tosses up both of her hands and they turn into wings. She transforms into a deep blue bird, her feathers draping down to the floor like a curtain, and all the lights go out. The room is black and the only light you see is radiating off of Aranea's burning blue feathers. Blue flames then erupt around you and your family. You scan the room, feeling no fear but still feeling a bit of shock. 

"Aranea." Jake laughs, "I thought we agreed no theatrics."

Everything stops moving completely. The flames aren't even flickering. You can hear her voice ring through the room. Aranea asks with a tone that says, _'huh?'_

"When did we agree that?"

Jake answers, "when's John's dad started encouraging him to learn _real_ magic." Must be when he was around six.

The entire room lights back up again and Aranea changes back to a human. Her dress is suddenly made completely of feathers and she doesn't seem like she's going to change it back to what she was wearing before. 

"Such a shame." Aranea jokes, "I had a show number and everything- no no! I'm kidding. I was only going to make some nice little fireworks for you all. I suppose what I had in mind was much too flashy! I'm sorry, after my horrid day with the empress I thought I could use a pick-me up."

Jake smiles as he asks, "what was that about fireworks? I thought we were supposed to bring our best to the table."

Jake's familiar is wearing a cheerful grin, "Those boys maybe! The two of us need to have some restraint!" Araneas laughs. "How about you show them something that won't destroy our home, hm?"

English cracks his back and preps himself to show you all something special. He looks over at his husband and gives bro a confident wink. Jake starts taking a few steps forward. He leads you back into the same place that Dirk always rests to read the books he finds. Jake turns towards the wall and you all follow. He uses his mind to part open the window and Ambrosia steps right besides him, not even giving him room. Bro wants to see this, and well... so do you. You're shoulder to shoulder with Dirk and Aranea just phased her head through the wall to watch what Jake's about to do to the front lawn outside.

The endless patch of yellow-green grass that is the front lawn just started cracking open. The land next to the walkway began to break apart and crumble. A large gaping hole was suddenly formed in the ground and then filled with a bright aqua blue. Mud began to turn the light blue into a darker shade. Till suddenly the ground caked into something solid. Like stone. Then golden fish began to spawn and swim in a perfect circle around each other. Jake decided that he must not have been enough, because he just had ridgid small amounts of stone lift up from the ground. They are a beautiful blue-gray color, almost silver. There is a large space of flat ground between the two hills until... Jake crafts a brown wooden gazebo with a small bridge slowly crawling and forming over the lake. You're more than impressed. If you could do shit like that, you'd be doing that nonstop to impress John. Your heart melts a bit at the idea of John getting tired while walking around the shops and crafting a bench just for him.

Aranea pulls away and chuckles. "Adorable!" She seems amused. "You made another little _sanctuary!"_ She walks around Ambrosia and over to Jake. She pinches his cheeks and then slaps his face in a light, friendly gesture. "Are you going to destroy this one too before we even get a chance to sit in it?"

All three of you Striders look up at Jake for an answer to Aranea's bizarre question.

Jake rubs the back of his neck as he confesses, "I can be a bit of a perfectionist... our whole lawn used to be covered in things just like this... but I can never make anything I like enough to keep."

"I feel that. I play New Horizons." Dirk nods as he says words completely foreign to Jake.

Dirk turns around towards the window and almost snickers when you let out a closed-mouth laugh.

Jake addresses you two, "how about you then? You two learn anything new you can share?"

You feel a weight suddenly drag your heart down into your gut. You might get your ass beat cause you didn't learn jack shit recently. Dirk turns around and snaps his fingers. _'Of course he does.'_ A small piece of metal forms into his hand, it slowly starts to build up and into a small model of a rectangular skyscraper. It forms six small legs and begins to walk up his arms. Dirk answers, "I'm sorry. I don't have anything more _theatrical,_ most of my magic is focused on more... _practical_ things."

"Still." Aranea lifts up her white cat-eyed glasses as she leans in to get a better look at the tiny moving building, "being able to craft something with movement while you're still a beginner is impressive. That and you seem to be quiet creative."

"Not really." Dirk shakes his head, "this is in no way original." Dirk snaps his fingers and the building begins to save into itself, imploding and then disappearing into itself. 

Aranea's eyes fall on you. She smiles as she asks, "can I see what you are capable of?"

"Uh... I mostly do like... practical stuff too." You stall for a moment before you can think of anything to do.

_'Shit. Why does all of this feel like an exam?'_

"You two keep saying practical, but what do you mean by that, boys?" Aranea asks you and Dirk both, "what's practical to the two of you?"

"Dave pretty much only makes apple juice." Dirk rats you out.

"Bro!?" You turn towards Dirk and then metaphorically stab him in the back too, "Dirk's always just summoning books and practicing his language skills more than anything else."

"I've been reading books from _this_ library." Dirk defends himself, "I can assure all of you, I am learning plenty about magic and hell and whatever."

"Well shit, I am too." You defend yourself as well. "I actually read those children's books. So I know a thing or two about flickering lights on and off."

Dirk suddenly smiles at you. He nudges you and eggs you to keep bragging about being able to read at a first-grade level.

You give him a small smirk as you step forward and attempt something that's going to save you from another ass-whooping.

You don't want to do what you've already done before. You think back to what you were just doing with John at your side. You were playing a drinking game with cards. Yeah, maybe you can work with that. You snap your fingers and picture a card deck, which then appears in your hands. Aranea instantly laughs. She nods and says, "I can see why you like John if you're so taken in by parlor tricks!"

You take the deck and fan it out so Aranea can pick a card. You offer the cards up to her and she selects the one in the very middle, as Aranea takes it you tell her, "think of your favorite drink."

You're not even sure if this will work. The most you're expecting is that the card just shows a picture of whatever it is she thinks of. But when she flips the card around, suddenly a glass of wine shows up in her hand. She nearly gasps. She starts cheering and then tells you, "use this little trick on John! He'll adore it! You made a little replica of what's in my mind! Only strong warlocks can do something like that! You had my own mental image complete your spell, wonderful work!"

"Wow!" Jake smiles a wide happy grin. "You're a natural, Dave! It took me forever to get that mental trick down!"

"Five straight years of work!" Aranea smiles.

"Yeah..." Jake tries to spare himself some embarrassment from his nanny by saying, "give or take."

Jake takes a step forward to grab a card from your deck and finds a glass of scotch in his hand with two round balls of ice. He smiles down at it and then takes a sip. He smiles and then shows his familiar, "this is just like back in America! Try it."

She lifts up her hand and shakes her head, "I've tried the stuff before in hell, it's not my sort of thing... but still, impressive..." Aranea turns towards you and asks, "have you ever tried scotch before, child?"

You shake your head no, "nah, I just thought like... whatever you thought of would just appear... didn't know it would taste the same though."

"But it does!" Jake smiles. "Come on, Aranea! Try yours!"

Aranea takes a sip of her wine and then her eyes light up. She looks over at you and says, "this **_is_** demon blood!"

"My Lord!" Aranea's smile is so wide, her mouth is gapping open. She laughs with her eyes fixed on your face. "I've never seen **anyone** recreate it from nothing! Ja-" She turns to face Jake. "Jake! This is... Ah... it's more than remarkable! Not even demons can... can...”

Aranea's eyes suddenly widden. She stands up completely straight and steps a bit to the side. She holds her head low and you wonder if _you_ did something wrong. When you turn your head and look up you see a looming dark face over you, now you know you messed up.

This must be the Empress again. You don't even know what to say or what to do... should you bow? Get down to your knees? Jake is directing Ambrosia to kneel with his hands. Bro's not taking the direction well. You hope for his sake that he pays her respect, you don't wanna lose your older bro just because he can't suck up his pride.

You look back up at the tall woman hovering over you. Her hair is dropping down to the floor and several young woman are all gathered around her, hands folded, eyes closed... almost like dolls. 

The empress speaks directly to you, “I sensed someone tapping into a great well of power.”

The sweat pooling onto your hands makes you nearly drop your playing cards, but you find the strength to keep holding your arms up. Despite the fact they are shaking. 

Dirk is kneeling on the floor right next to you. You need to move. You need to join him.

You slowly start to bend down. The empress snaps at you, "do not get on your knees. Stand."

_'Whoa. Okay.'_

You continue to stand, you just do as she says.

She lifts up her hand, the empress points with a long clawed nail down at you, you notice now that her other hand is holding onto a large golden staff with three prongs on it, a tridant you think it's called. 

“You, boy." The empress asks in a deep tone, "you crafted something? Just now?”

You open your mouth and linger on your words before you speak them, “Ah- I... Ye-yes… your… imperial-"

“Spare me the pleasantries, your power -regretfully- exheads my own. I recognize you as an English as well. You have earned the right to speak to me -somewhat- as an equal, but **do not** test me, boy.”

“Uha…” You shake under the pressure of her words.

“Show me how you access your power.” The empress lowers her head. You notice a large crown sitting on her head, gold chains dripping off of it onto her shoulders. 

You shake and hold up your cards for her to take.

She glares at you, but only for a moment. "A parlor trick?" She in no way sounds amused. "I meet a human with power that exheads my own and you bring me a parlor trick like you are one of my pitiful descendants?"

Despite the apparent insult, the empress uses her finger and her thumb to pick one of the card from your hand like it's a used tissue.

The condense examines the back of the deck, seeing the small design of glasses of different sizes and shapes, she must **have** thought of a drink that she'd like. You don't feel like telling her to picture something, you don't wanna make it sound like you're ordering her to do anything.

The empress quickly turns the card around and is surprised to find a glass flute in her hand. It's filled with the same liquid that is still floating in Aranea's glass. The empress puts the liquid up to her lips. Her fuschia eyes flicker with a spark for a moment, you don't know if it's rage or maybe inspiration... but there's something you don't like about the look in her eye. She lowers her drink, staring at you like a thought is flaring up in her temples. 

"Recreating demon's blood is almost unheard of." The empress speaks in a lower tone. "And the head of this home had told me that you only recently sewed your soul into English's... yes... and before I left, our Lord told me that something he fears could overtake his power had just surfaced."

The empress takes a few steps towards you. Her long hair moving against the floor like a cape or a maybe cloak. She looked directly down at you. You shiver but use every ounce of strength and will in your body to not break under her violent gaze. 

The empress locks eyes with yours, even through your shades you can feel her gaze violating yours. 

“You serve English and therefor me, **you’d do good to remember that.”** She threatens you.

“Yes… uh, your majesty.” You struggle to reply.

The empress instantly takes a step back, heels clicking on the floor as she does, somehow her hair magically trails away from her heels path. The condense puts her finger under her chin and thinks to herself before she speaks,

“You need a tutor… all the good familiars I can think of are taken at the moment. And besides, you need something more personal to hone your true potential.”

She extends a hand up to your head. Her nails quickly pull a white hair from your head. The empresses clawed hand hovers the hair in front of your face. It slowly turns into a sphere? No… an egg. You, on instinct, cup your hands together to cradle it. Instead of hand it to you, she cracks it over your palms. A small white yolk drips into your hands, it quickly turns into a baby chick. It's chirping and whining. The tiny thing is crying out and complaining about being birthed into the world. _You feel that, man. You feel that._ The little chick has some messed up yellow-gold feathers that quickly turn white. The little thing stops crying and then yawns. It chirps a few more times and then shuts its eyes. It must have just worn it's self out. 

You look up at the empress, and find she's is already gone.

None of the girls surrounding her are in the library either, it's just you and your fucked up family. 

Aranea and Jake let out a breath from deep in their gut. You're still holding onto your new baby chick.

It's nuzzled up in your palms and snoring against some of your fingers.

Aranea quickly steps up to your hands and looks into your palms, "you were given an actual sprite." She is trying to keep her voice low so as not to wake him, but you're baby chick still wakes up and he wakes up screaming.

"Aw..." Jake looks down at him, "Dave's got a tiny little sprite... I don't recall ever seeing one."

"Jake." Aranea turns her head over to him and states, "I was born from a human, you know that."

"Oh yeah..." Jake nods as he stares at your sprite. 

"Cheep! Cheep! Cheep!" The tiny little bird kept yelling right at Aranea and Jake. They simply marveled at him. 

Aranea places her finger tips up to her own black- almost gray- lips. "I haven't seen a baby sprite in eons, oh my..." 

"Gonna explain what a sprite is?" You smirk.

Jake starts laughing, "it's rare, but sometimes when a warlock is very skilled with a certain type of magic, one of the great witches or an ancient demon will craft a familiar from the warlock's very own soul and infuse it with all of the world's knowledge of the arcane... when this little guy grows up, he'll be able to teach you everything there is to know about magic."

"Right." Your older bro interrupts. "But that's not how I want Dave to learn."

Aranea interrupts on your behalf, "I understand that Dave is supposed to self-tutor... Jake made that clear to me. However, this still falls into that! He's a sliver of your own soul." Aranea turns to you and tells you with concern in her voice, "that... and if you refuse to learn from this familiar, that is given from the Empress herself, it might be seen as insolence and you may be executed for it."

"Yeah..." Jake starts speaking up for you too, "and... he's going to have to basically raise a demon, I think that's gonna teach him a lesson in responsibility."   
  
Suddenly it hits you, "wait wait! How am I supposed to look after a chick? In like an hour I’m gonna to fucking melt and shit!"

"Melt?" Aranea asks. "What do you mean, dear?"

Dirk right away has the fucking nerve to say, "Dave's talking about how he turns into a pile of slime when the clock strikes midnight." Yeah and he always loses his head, why's he smirking about you literally freaking out an melting?

"Oh... oh my!" Aranea puts her gray fingers up to her black lips. "well... we can figure something out. First, let's make sure we set up a bed for him and everything and then we can tend to you, sweetie."

Aranea cups her hands together and expects that you put your new _baby_ into her hands. You comply, feeling some relief and some anguish to be rid of the thing for a few moments...

 _'_ _is this what parenthood is like?'_

. . .  
  


Both your brother's are standing by your door frame while Jake and Aranea are making kissy noises at your little bird, still screaming his head off. Jake lets out a tiny chortle and turns to face you, "I don't envy you." 

You shrug, with your hands in your pockets. "Yeah, well... I'm probably going to melt in like a hot second so he's about to be your problem till sunrise." 

"Aww..." Aranea announces to the whole room, "I don't mind babysitting such a sweet little bird at night, but for now I am supposed to be entertaining the condense. I can't watch him if I am called." She shakes her head.

Aranea and you both look behind you at your two brothers. Dirk right away says, "well don't look at me."

Your bro tells you, "after raising you and Dirk I told myself I'm done with kids, you're wholly on your own."

_'Even if I'm a fucking puddle!?'_

Looks like no one can help you except for maybe...

Wait a minute... "Where's Jake?"

You look around the room and suddenly he's missing. You look over at your bros and see something small black and fuzzy walk up to Ambrose.

There's a small pomeranian on the floor. It's pawing at Bro's ankles and demanding it get picked up.

Your bro looks pissed as he picks up the small dog. The tiny black dog happily yips and wags its tail. Your bro has on a sour face.

Dirk's looking at the scene with raised brows and -almost- a smile.

"Uh..." You ask, "since when did we have a dog?"

"Oh!" Aranea explains, "during the different cycles of the moon, werewolves take up different types of forms, it must be a new moon out." 

The gears start turning in your head. "So... that tiny dog is... Jake?"

You look at the small dog in your bro's arms. Jake yips and starts happily panting.

Bro must be pissed cause he spends every night sleeping next to a dog or a wolf instead of his husband. Yeah... no wonder why they go missing during the day, too busy making up for lost time, you guess. But uh... now that you see what Jake turns into, you don't wanna see what your bro turns into. Probably a straight up demon or some shit. 

Just as soon as you look at Dirk, his head pops off. Your twin bro instantly catches it and sighs. Dirk seems content with just holding his head in his hands in front of his chest, just like how Ambrosia's holding Jake.

Dirk turns his gaze onto Jake and asks, "what are you staring at?"

Jake yips and keep panting, wagging his tail. Honestly, it feels like nothing has changed to you. Jake always acts like some happy dog with a bone to chew on. 

Aranea lets out a small giggle. You look over at her and open your mouth. Instantly, a orange glob pops out and then another... you think those _were_ your lungs. You can't breath, you can't even speak. You instantly panic. Aranea slowly steps over towards you. She seems calm while you're drowning in yourself. Aranea presses her finger up to your forehead, you look up at her with a gaping open mouth. You wanna ask her why she just did that, Aranea answers even though you can't ask. "I was looking for if your flesh would indent... I've seen this before, actually. Recently too." Aranea smiles kindly at you, "one of the girls working under the condense has the same exact form." 

_'fat-ass blob form?!"_

Your legs start melting like a crayon against a heater. No! Like a plastic doll against a boiler. You're limbs are completely melted and you can't help but panic no matter how much Aranea tells you to calm down. The sounds of Jake yipping and that bird chirping isn't helping. Aranea picks up your arms and tries to lift you up. "Dave, Dave. Calm yourself, everything will be fine. You'll stop _melting_ if you calm yourself."

She keeps talking to you, saying words you're hardly paying attention to.

You should take her advice, it'll make the night easier if you just... just... try to fucking focus on something other than that baby bird chirping. You shut your eyes and try to focus on what usually gets you through the fucking day.

You need to calm down just like Aranea said so you picture the face that always makes you melt, just in a way you're down with. You feel your bubbling flesh hum as you picture his dazzling smile, his stunning eyes... framed by his adorable glasses. John keeps wearing dangling gold earrings too, if only he knew what his fashion sense does to you. You can't help it, you're just a man. That and everytime you think of or see John... the world melts away and everything just makes sense. You sigh. Wait. You feel yourself actually sigh. Calming down seems to have worked. You're whole again. 

You open your mouth to speak, but you hear a light gasp... and the voice sounds so familiar... it sounds just like John. You lift up your head and spot John’s staring right at you! He's looking at you with wide eyes, his gold earrings are dangling as he gasps. You're gasping too.

 _'Shit!'_ You can't have John see you like this! Melting like a ken doll under a hair dryer! You don't feel like you are melting right now, but you must be. You never wanted John to see you like this! 

Aranea takes your attention away with a light laugh, "there! You got it! And you picked the perfect form no less!"

"Excuse me?" You say, but... John's voice comes out. Your eyes flicker back to wear John's standing. Aranea steps besides you... you see her reflection stand right next to John in the full body mirror you have against your wall.

"You’re a shapeshifter, dear!" Aranea tells you, "That's what I've been trying to tell you. You just need to pick a form or you’ll melt!"

She lifts up your chin - or rather, John's chin- and continues, "and be calm… just act normally and you’ll hold form."

Aranea smiles and looks into the mirror with you. "Amazing that picturing _this_ is what calms you down... John’s face is that calming to you?"

"It.. is..." You watch John nod at you and then pout, "and it isn’t."

"I see..." Jake's familiar holds your shoulder. Aranea tells you, "he looks even lovelier in your mind, you know? I think he'd be flattered with your depiction of him."

"What do you mean..." You look into the mirror. "John looks exactly like this."

"Well... for starters, he's a bit shorter, and his hair is much messier than this." Aranea starts fiddling with your hair. “And his chin is pointer, oh! And John doesn’t wear as much jewelry any more, only on special occasions.”

You give her a small smile as she tassels your hair to make you look even more like John. You smile up at your reflection, you think you look pretty good. You walk up to the mirror and give it a small half-smile. He seems a lot less intimidating to look at so long as it's not the real him... but your heart just skipped a beat when your gaze meets your reflection's. You place your palm against the mirror and feel your smile widden.

You can hear Aranea's voice behind you, "you really must love him." 

"I..." You turn around and give the kinda answer you think John would give, "I think I made that clear."

Instantly, she laughs. Aranea holds her waist and then tells you softly, "well, you should focus on your training. I left you everything you'll need to look over your sprite. If you need my help, you can simply speak my name and say you need me and I'll appear, but it seems the little one is all tuckered out again. I don't see you having any problems just so long as you keep quiet."

You shut your eyes and picture yourself looking like... well, yourself again. You turn to face the mirror and see regular old you, bright red eyes, pasty skin, pimples and everything... you frown and then turn back to her.

"Thanks. Uh... I'll ask you what he eats in the morning." You shrug and step over towards where the rest of your family is hanging out.

Jake suddenly yips. Aranea turns her head and looks at Jake.

"Oh my!" Jake's familiar nods. "Oh... Then of course I'll take care of things! Why didn't you say so!?" She must understand him, even when he's a dog. 

Aranea walks over to the little area you set up for your familiar on the opposite side of the room, "I’ll take care of the little guy for tonight and Jake will look after him tomorrow. Thankfully, your sprite is much too young to do anything but sleep, poor darling."

You look up at her and tilt your head, your greasy bangs sticking to your face, "what changed?"

"Well..." Aranea gently places the still sleeping bird into her hands. "It's your birthday tomorrow... isn't it?"


	19. Nice

You hear muttering in your head. You're best friend seems pissed you brought him here.

You got here earlier than anyone else, you dragged Karkat here with you and he's still bitching about it, outloud and internally.

You're underneath a large tree, right by the coast. Karkat's legs are dangling off the ledge and over some rocks. This is perfect. You wanted to get the best spot to see Dirk swim for his trail, he still isn't here yet, but the high priest is. He's wearing that huge ass robe even in the blistering heat, you bet he takes potions to keep himself from feeling the scorching sun. Then again, it's winter... the breeze is somewhat cool. You feel refreshed being outside and under the shade, but Karkat's not having it.

"If you're hot, kk." You turn your head and look at the guy as you say, "then take off that sweater."

Karkat narrows his eyes at you. He didn't _have_ to think it just now, even though he did, but you know Karkat loves the sweater John knit for him, he just doesn't want to admit it. Karkat lets out a loud sigh. He seems frustrated he's even here. You can read his mind, you know why. Karkat just comes out and asks, "DIRK AND DAVE ARE TWINS, RIGHT?"

"Right." You nod and then tilt your head as you say, "why do you ask?"

"UGH." He crosses his arms. You can hear Karkat's mind so you don't know why he even acts like he can hide that he's worried about losing John.

. . .

More people came, all of them dressed in large black robes, well... more like sheets. You can't see their faces at all, everyone is completely covered... although in the case of _some people_ the sheets don't protect their identity at all. There's a tall figure with huge fucking muscles, you wouldn't believe the guy just turned eighteen if you didn't grow up knowing Equius personally. Karkat notices that you're staring at the guy and he scoffs. You get why he fucking hates the guy and can't stand even the glimpse of his silhouette, you would too if you were him. Equius always gave Karkat a hard time growing up. John would always jump in to defend Karkat and Vantas would always stomp away from the scene in a huff. Eventually, Zahhak got the memo and figured out that giving Karkat shit for not being born a warlock was bullshit, but you're pretty sure Nepeta was the one to turn Zahhak around. John probably did more harm than good, seeing that he asked Zahhak on a date just to stand him up. John used to do that to a lot of boys though. Think Karkat's the one who changed Egbert in that respect. John got it in his head that the two of them are soulmates and John never questioned it. You yourself even heard some kinda prophecy about John's soulmate being from America and giving John a hard time... sounds about right. But now that you know more about Dave, you don't think he fits the last part of that description and your prophecies are never wrong. 

You turn to look at Karkat, you're trying not to listen into his head... but you can tell he's nervous. Even if you couldn't read minds, you think you'd pick up on how the very idea of Dave Strider freaks him the fuck out. Karkat's biting one of his nails, no wait... now he's scratching his arm. He just can't keep still.

You totally get it, the idea of losing John's attention used to freak out so many guys that came before him. John used to parade around and do everything in his power to dazzle as many other teen boys as he could and if he couldn't, he'd double down. You even had a crush on John in the past, but now that Karkat's his primary target, you're not gonna put any eggs into that basket, plus you got Dirk now so there's that... and uh... John's always been untouchable anyway, he never settles down and he's always moving on from one thing to the next. That's probably why Vantas is bugging out right now. 

You don't know, even if Dave and John end up together as soulmates, John's determined as hell to make sure that Karkat's happy. John always goes out of his way to give Vantas little home-cooked treats and John makes him handmade gifts. That sweater Karkat's wearing is about two years old now, smells like it too... he probably never washed it. You should ask John to make him a new one.

You lean back and look up at the great blue sky...

You should ask John soon, just in case he gets busy with uh... some other guy.

. . .

There is a line of people behind you, all wearing those silly black blankets over their heads. You can tell which one is Nepeta from how short the silhouette is and how whoever is underneath it is fanning themselves with the bottom of the robe, once the high priest turns around she stops and lets out a little "eep!" You can hear Equius chuckle too.

You look along the line of people, you really thought there would be more, but you suppose there aren't that many _young_ people on the island. You get that, everyone lives to be pretty fucking old, so what's the point of rushing to have kids? Hell, both of your dad's turned five hundred while they were bring you up. You hum to yourself and try to ignore the noise in your mind, but one thought still presses to the forefront of your thoughts, _"I wonder if Dirk would wanna have kids down the line..."_

You hear the voices in your head turn to mutters and then to whispers. You turn your head around and see Dirk walk slowly up to the priest. You instantly smile. Once Dirk turns around to face you, your smile grows even larger and you give him a little wave. When the priest starts directing Dirk and his bro on what to do... you instantly nod your head and mutter, "fuck yeah."

"YOU KNOW," Karkat points out, "HE'S JUST GONNA THINK YOU'RE A PERVERT FOR COMING HERE."

You lean forward to get a better look as you sush Karkat. "Shh! I can make it up to him later." 

You feel your lids get heavy and your mouth pull into a dizzy smile, you must look high right now. You don't give a shit, you're here to see a time honored tradition take place and- aw fuck yeah... He doesn't even hesitate to strip off his shirt.

Dave jumps back a bit. Yeah, sucks to find all this out the moment of. What a great eighteenth he must be having, _happy birthday, now you've gotta swim naked till you find some random piece of trash and bring it back._

You bet the priest and English didn't tell them shit about what this ritual is really about, Dirk probably found out about it in some book. He probably knew in advance it's always done naked too. Dave seems taken back by it all though, must not ever listen to Dirk's book rants. Dave's starting to turn pink and he's breathing heavy. Dirk nudges him with his arm and Dave starts stripping off his t-shirt as Dirk strips off his pants. _'Nice.'_

"Oh my goodness!" You hear John's voice. You look over the small cliff and see John right below you.

You look back over at Dave. He completely stopped, his pants are just barely covering his crotch still. He's holding them completely in place. Dave looks stunned that John is watching him strip naked, doesn't help that you hear giggles coming from below you. The high priest slowly turns towards John, a warning not to interrupt. You look back down at John, he's waving for the priest to continue. Sure, John can get away with all that, he's a living descendant of royalty, he gets a permission slip to be a little shit. 

John's looking up at you and Karkat, he's holding in some giggles. Egbert doesn't say anything, he just gives you a little wink.

You look back over at the two brothers. Dave's completely red and you hear a wolf-whistle coming from the line of cloaked onlookers. There's a few scattered laughs and the priest shoots them all a look, or rather, he just turns to them. No one can see his face, and apparently from what you gathered no one should ever want to. Dave's looking around at everyone, he seems almost panicked, he's down to nothing and he's trying to face away from John more so than the onlooking crowd. Dave's covering his crotch and sweating like he's got heat stroke. 

Dirk's so composed and so well put together, he's facing away from you so you can't see anything more than his backside. You slowly nod. He suddenly looks over at you. His face is completely void of any expression, you don't know if he's going to smile at your or suddenly grimace. You just anticipate that he's gonna either flirt with your or snap at you... but neither happens. You can't read his mind or anything that he wants and you kinda like it that way, you want somethings in life to be a mystery and love is a hell of a thing to be uneducated on.

Dirk simply just steps forward, onto the dock and rushes to jump into the water. He's swimming faster than anything you've ever seen. Dirk moves through the water like he was born in it. You smile softly as you watch him distance himself further and further from you. You can hear everyone's thoughts and of course, Dave is screaming louder than any prophecy you can hear. You can hardly make anything out. It's suddenly so loud with Dave around, but you can't bring yourself to care, he's suffering more than you right now anyway.

You think you can hear some giggles and loud whispers, all of course just in your head. Karkat nudges you to gain back your attention, you can't quiet down you mind, none the less, you try to focus on whatever Karkat has to say.

He tries to whisper in your ear in his gruff voice, "WHAT'S DAVE THINKING RIGHT NOW?"

"Uhh I think I heard... _what is this a punishment for?"_

John lets out another tiny giggle. You can hear the water splash around. 

You look down and over at John. John smiles up at you, as soon as he gasps in air to speak, the high priest clears his throat. You could even hear it over Dave's mental screams. Every word the man says sticks out like a sore thumb, you're honestly kinda freaked out by the man so you're not even going to challenge the high priest.

You're just gonna keep an eye out for Dirk.


	20. the first trial

You're not used to not wearing your shades in the middle of the day and the sun is blinding even though you're not facing it. It's more like the waves are reflecting the light right into your eyes, which in your opinion is even worse. Little white flashes riding the tops of the waves, blinding you every second that passes.

You're standing completely naked, trying hard to face away from where John is swimming. 

You look blankly ahead at where your bro just jumped. Dirk seemed completely fine with the idea of stripping in front of all these people, said something about how _"a real man honors tradition"_ yeah you're pretty sure he just wanted to show off his ass to his new boyfriend. 

That and you’re sure you would have been more comfortable with stripping naked in front of everyone if John wasn’t watching and giggling off and on. You think you even heard some girl behind you say _“ooo!”_ Shit. You just turned eighteen and now you’re thrusted into adulthood all while John’s watching on and giggling like this is just some fun game. You can’t bring yourself to even look his way again. Shit. Dirk's boyfriend is over there too, you completely forgot that he can read your mind. 

You've been screaming in your head things like **_'what is this a punishment for!?"_** and **_"I hope Dirk comes back before I fucking pass out."_**

You hate having a full audience, you think the black robes they're wearing are just to keep you from getting nervous about having a whole row of onlookers. Why do they even have to watch anyway? All you're gonna do is just grab some trash and become a man. Everyone else is just standing around with a piece of trash hovering in front of them. You think you see one of them has a stopwatch in front of them another a long perfume bottle. Just randomly arranged junk.

You're still looking out at the water. You don't see any sign of Dirk at all, such a crying shame because John is still fucking watching **you.** You feel like pulling your hair out. You keep trying to take your mind off of things but then you hear sloshing in the water and you remember that John is getting a full gander at your pale ass. You're praying that John can't see anything more than just your backside. You don't want him seeing any more than that... yet. 

You hear a snicker coming from John's direction. You shoot your head over to look at... oh great, Dirk's boyfriend just heard your thoughts. He's covering his mouth and trying hard not to laugh. Sollux is brushing off his best friend's questions. You can hear Sollux sush Karkat. Captor is pointing over at the high priest. Warning him not to say anything more. You appreciate that he's keeping at least some of your thought private, but you would prefer if he couldn't read them at all. Least when Dirk's around he can't.

You squint your eyes again and look at the horizon, you try to see if you can spot Dirk and... you think you can. Yep. That's Dirk alright. He's swimming back with the same force that he was using when he first jumped off the dock. Dirk's always been a fuckin pro swimmer and he doesn't even care for the water. You have no idea what it is but he takes to the ocean like a fish, you on the other hand, you're not as fast or as skilled but you gotta keep up if you wanna impress John. You prep yourself for when Dirk comes back. You're expecting that you're gonna have to jump in right after.

Dirk's close to the dock now. He swims over to the side of the dock where you're standing. You didn't even notice that there are steps right besides you. You watch Dirk as he lightly shakes off the water. His hair still seems like it's perfectly shaped to the way he usually sculpts it in the morning, you guess when Dirk said he focuses on _more practical magic_ he means shortening his usual routine. Dirk steps over to the high priest and hands him the small green computer chip he found. When Dirk was placing the small item down into the priest's palm, you could swear you saw Dirk smile, actually smile. Instantly Dirk wiped the grin off his face and goes back to the calm Strider mask you and your brother's all where. 

Dirk turns his head over towards Sollux as the high priest examines the green chip. The priest lifts the chip up towards the sun and tries to piece together what it is.

"Green is the color of renewal and of growth. Seeing that this has a plane, square shape I would say that you're bond will be straight forward and right to the point. You will not waste any time and you will also see yourself change for the better through your newly found bond." You hardly listen to the priest's words, they're more for Dirk than for you anyway.

Dirk doesn't speak, he just keeps staring at his boyfriend. Your focus shifts from the chip Dirk's brought to Sollux, still sitting under that tree. Sollux is smiling with a wide grin, happier than you've ever seen him you think. Captor looks happy for your bro, that really makes you glad they're dating. Dirk might be a hardass but Sollux seems like a real softie. You could see him being good for your bro, you hope the two of them stick together. Then your eyes shift over to the dock again. You guess it's your time to go. 

You take a step towards the dock and the priest cocks his head towards you. You feel your heart drop. Did you just do something you shouldn't have? The priest places the chip back into Dirk's palm. He directs your brother, with just a simple hand wave, to stand off to the side. Dirk walks over to wear Sollux is sitting, Dirk doesn't even care to cover himself up. Dirk simply walks forward like he is in no way compromised or exposed. You wish you had that kinda confidence.

Dirk turns away from his boyfriend and faces you. Dirk stares at you with blank amber eyes. You turn away from him and focus yourself on doing things the Strider way, which means literally giving your all and busting your ass but putting on a face like it's nothing to you at all.

You face the dock completely, you lift up your bare foot and start walking onto the planks.

Here goes nothing, you guess. You run off of the wooden dock and drop into the water the same exact way your bro did, albeit not as gracefully. You’re just happy to be away from that scene. 

You keep swimming on through the calm waters. You want to get this over and done with - also you want to impress John, not gonna lie- so you just swim at the same pace you saw Dirk swim. You've always been able to keep up with him, so if he could go full speed at the start and come back strong you're sure you'll be fine so long as you pace yourself a bit when you start diving from trash. 

You keep pulling yourself through the crystal blue water, you try to take your mind off of the fact there's probably a shark swimming right underneath you right now, John didn't seem phased when you told him that there was a hammerhead in the water when you were swimming with him so you're probably fine... right... John. 

You stop for a moment just to let out a dying scream. You let yourself fall completely into the water.

John just saw you butt-fucking-naked in front of several fucking people who were all laughing it up and getting a gander at your ass and maybe even... your front. You never wanted your eighteenth to be like this. You wanted to just hang out at Jake's and probably down some cake but nah, instead you're going to come home to a screaming bird and some ancient evil queen who's looking for any reason to off someone. 

"Maybe I'll drowned." You half-jokingly mumble into the water.

. . .

You've been swimming for like five minutes now, when are you finally going to hit the border? 

_'Hm. Maybe I already hit it.'_ You think to yourself as you keep pushing yourself through the steady waves. All of a sudden, you feel a veil over you... kind of feels like passing through jelly but more like thick air? You don't know what even just happened, all you know is that the waves are suddenly six feet taller and crashing ontop of each other like they're angry. The water is dark and smells as horrible as it looks, it's fighting all of your senses. Before you could even register how to combat the waves, you're under. All the air is knocked out of your lungs from the wave that just hit you. You are flung around in the water and you can't even make out which way is up. The waves just chewed you up and then... spit you back out again. You're back in the calm, crystal blue water. You swim up to the surface and take a deep breath. 

"It's just like..." You look up at a wall that you can't even see. "It's just like when we first got here."

You could always turn back so as not to face the rough waters, but no. You wouldn't even dream of it. You can't fail this trail. You need to come back with something... just to show John.

You take a deep breath and make your way past the veil again. You instantly dive down to avoid the waves. You focus on the task ahead of you. You just need to grab a single piece of trash and that's it. Piece of cake. 

Actually, more like a cake walk. There's so much trash being thrashed against the invisible wall. You see a few red tin cans and some blue. There's a different array of plastics and old fishing rope. Before you can even think of grabbing any of the bits of trash, they are all tossed aside again by the waves. Like you're take that crap anyway, if Dirk managed to pick out something perfect than you're hoping that you can find something that matches who you are as a person too. 

You scan the rough waters for something good. You think you saw something sparkle for a moment, but everything is moving by to fast for you to really look. You feel the waves above you rage on. You get tossed aside by the pushing and pulling of the ocean. You need to surface for air again, but not till you reach the calm water again. You swim backwards into the calmer waters. You swim to the top to breath again. This might take a while.

. . .

What the fuck!? You've done this about five or six times now and you're still not finding anything good. That and you've taken too long anyway, you better get a move on before they get together a fucking search party.

Next thing that passes you by you're grabbing. If it's a fish or if it's a piece of trash, doesn't fucking matter. You're taking what you can get.

You take in a deep breath and kick into the dark, trashing waters again. You shut your eyes as you swim forward, your eyes are red enough as it is but all the salt water is really starting to hurt you. You reach out your hand and feel something tap against your fingers. You grab it without a moment's hesitation. You wrap your fingers around a long glass... bottle? Eh. Doesn't matter. It's yours. This is it. Your trail of manhood is completed, you did it. Now all you have to do is make it back.

. . .

You're panting and you're sure you're actually drenched so thank god you're still in the ocean. You've still got the bottle in your hand and salt in your eyes, but you're almost done. You're almost there.

You have to adjust your path a bit to get back to the dock, you guess with all that hopping in and out of the barrier you must have gotten tossed aside each time. No matter. You're almost back. You can see John in the water. He's waving at you and once you get closer you can see he has on a big smile. You smile through one of your pants. You start to pace yourself a bit more. You want to steady your breathing a bit before you get back to him.

You manage to calm down your breathing a little, once you step up the stone stairs you push your colorless bangs out of your face and let out a small sigh. You lift up the bottle and turn it upside down to empty it. God this bottle is taking a while to empty and just how many steps are there? You let out another sigh and then shut your mouth. You can still taste saltwater on your tongue, and as for your body, you feel dehydrated and bloated all at once.

Once you're fully up the stone steps you begin handing the bottle over to the high priest before you're even close to him. Once you're face to face with the guy, he takes it into both of his hands. You didn't even notice how large it is. It has ornate detail blown into the deep blue glass. The top and the bottom are perfectly laced in gold. You wouldn't have believed that it was just a piece of trash found drifting in the ocean if you hadn't just plucked it out of the waves yourself. 

The priest holds it up to the light and tells you, "something with gold is a good omen, shows that in the future you will find even greater wealth. Blue is the color of loyalty and lust. Your marriage will be a prosperous once. You will see the sort of happiness that many will spend their whole lives yearning for."

The priest hands you back the object that proves that you are now a man. 

You softly pant out another sigh and then glance over at where John is swimming. You can see him from here and you're sure he can see you. You cradle the bottom of the bottle in one hand and hold the stalk with your other. Glistening gold against your pallid waxy hands. John is smiling up at you and gently clapping his hands together, like he's happy to hear you're going to have a nice life... you hope that it's with him. 

You softly shut your eyes and then they shoot open.

You've been standing here the whole time completely exposed.


	21. Heat Lightning

Dave nearly drops the bottle that's in his hands when he remembers that he's naked. You completely lose your cool. You fall back into the water and hack up a storm. You can't help it! It's just so funny to see a guy so undeniably hot get all sheepish about being exposed! Nudity is hardly anything to be ashamed of, you don't know why Dave is so shy! How can a guy so hot be so timid about something so natural?!

You try to calm yourself as you swim under the dock and over to the steps, but how can you not laugh at that!? It's like comedy gold! You're disappointed to see that when you start climbing up the steps and out of the water that Dirk had placed his hand onto Dave's shoulder, just like that, they're both clothed in an instant. Dave’s wearing a cute little red hoodie and dark blue -almost black- jeans. Dirk's wearing something just as cool but he can't pull it off as naturally as Dave can. Probably cause his scarlet hoodie matches his face. _'Aw! He's all blushy!'_

Dave turns to look at you as you laugh. You can't help it, everything always hits your funny bone and Dave is just such a funny guy! Still, you do the right thing and simmer down your giggles, you don't wanna make Dave any more nervous than he is. Dave probably already heard you laughing up a storm, but he doesn't need you laughing in his face, so it's best if you just calm down.

You finish walking up the stone steps and cloth yourself in a tight pair of black pants and a creamed colored top that drips off of your shoulders and down to your hips. You want to wear something kinda frilly and drappy seeing that it's so hot out. You lift your hand and wave at your favorite Strider.

“Hi there, Dave! I was just about to do my rounds, but then I saw everyone all gathered together and I just had to see your little ceremony! Wow!" You walk up and look right down at the deep blue bottle Dave grabbed. It's so pretty! "I hope I get so lucky to have a fortune like yours on my birthday!”

“I’m sure you will.” Dave’s brother tells you. 

“Oh! How sweet!” You cheerfully giggle. “Hey, Dirk! Can I see your square thingy?”

You look into Dirk’s hands and marvel at the strange looking thing. “Wow! It’s so weird!”

“It looks like it’s two dies bonded onto one chip carrier.” Dirk explains.

“Hauh?” You tilt your head. You sound as stupid as you feel right now.

Dirk shakes his head. “in all honesty, it’s very complex. Let’s just say that it’s a computer part. Like something you'd find in Dave’s laptop.”

“Oh! Wow!” You clap your hands together. “That's so cool!"

You giggle as you think out loud, "I bet the priest didn’t know what to make of this little thing here either, so he just started telling you about what the colors mean and what the shape means. But just about anyone could tell you that your future marriage is gonna be straight to the point, just by looking at you, Dirk!” You laugh. 

“Oh and I bet Sollux is happy!” You add, “he’s been so excited for this! Everytime I see him he keeps talking about your trail, well that and Aradia’s ceremony coming up.”

“Oh.” Dirk turns to Sollux and nods slightly, “yes, I recall you saying something about a girl named Aradia. You have quite a lot of friends, don’t you?”

Sollux looks a little bit nervous, he’s probably always under Dirk’s microscope. You better save him, it's what friends are for after all.

You shake your head and sigh, “yeah, but it kinda feels like Captor’s forgetting all about us... I was so worried this was gonna happen. I didn’t want all of us to grow apart after our trails.”

Sollux shrugs. “Well, I’m sure I’ll probably see you more often, John.”

You joke, “cause you’re gonna get all smoochy with Dirk in the English manor?”

“Ha." Sollux nervously mumbles, "something like that.” 

You continue on, “and you expect to bump into me in the halls… why exactly?”

“Uh…" Sounds like Captor's just making up something on the spot, "cause of Jade? Being your best friend? Basically your sister?” 

“Ahhh… well, I don’t know. Once I get married I'll probably spend less and less time over here. You know how it goes." You shrug.

“I meant right now."

"Huh." Didn't seem like he did. You carry on anyway, pretending that you believe his little lie. "Well... It’s her birthday tomorrow and Jade’s probably gonna postpone the _real_ celebration til the Condesce has left the island. That and she’s gonna be busy probably with… Rose, I’m guessing?”

“WHO?” Karkat finally speaks up. 

“She’s one of the Condesce's little paper dolls.” You joke and sprinkle your fingers over in Karkat's direction. You walk two of your fingers up his arm and feel his muscle under his sweater. Before you could even ask if he’s been working out, Karkat rips his arm out of your grasp. _'Meanie.'_

Sollux gains back everyone's attention by taking a step forward as he offers, “hey, how about I properly introduce you two? Karkat. This is my boyfriend, Dirk. And, honey, this is Karkat my best friend-"

You grip back onto Karkat's arm as you interrupt, “-and you need to make that distinction why exactly?” You giggle and stare up into Vantas' dreamy eyes as you tell Sollux, “is it because Karkat's so adorable, you’re afraid that Dirk might not trust your friendship and that he’ll get jealous!?”

"YEAH. I'M SURE THAT'S IT." Karkat glares down at you.

“Uh.” Sollux shrugs and pockets both his hands. “Just want to make him comfortable, is all.”

“Wize decision.” Dirk nods, giving Karkat a small glare behind those tinted shades of his. _'Ohhh. Spooky.'_

You giggle and nudge Sollux, “you really know how to pick em, let’s see how long this lasts before Dirk realizes that he’s way too good for you.”

“Lord. I’m hoping that it’s at least another fifty years before he figures that out.” Sollux smiles back at you.

Dirk lets out a small chuckle. He hardly smiles, but you think he looks much happier than usual. Dirk looks over towards Sollux, “you seem pretty confident. But how are you so certain that I won’t get bored of you in a week?”

Ugh. You're so tired of boys playing hard to get! You instantly take care of this for Sollux.

“Oh please!” You roll your eyes and your gaze lands on Dirk's. “You two are so clearly falling for each other, it’s a classic case of two powerful warlocks locking eyes and melting into each other with every passing glance…. it’s so romantic! Every word you to exchange pulls you two closer together! And I-"

“ **You** are clearly delusional." Dirk so rudely interrupts, "the two of us are simply dating.”

“Speak for yourself, Dirk. I’m actually siding with Egbert over here.” Sollux isn’t even cavalier about it, but he is cool as he casually says, “I’m definitely falling for you.”

Dirk doesn’t smile. He doesn't move. He simply lowers his eyes and hums.

Dave must have picked up on some cue you don’t know about. Dave corrects Dirk's hum by saying, “I don’t think he’s joking.”

“He’s right. I’m not.”

You all turn to look at Captor after he speaks. The wind begins to pick up. Sollux’s clothes and hair and dancing lightly in the breeze. Even your heart skips a beat when Sollux says, “I can’t picture my future without you in it. Hell… I usually hate listening to the voices in my head. I get lost in them so easily… but I tried to listen for any hints of you and your future.”

Sollux smiles up at the clouds as he says, “I caught a few snippets about you here and there, but there were so many noises in my head I could hardly hear anything more than your name. But maybe I don’t need to know the future, I never wanted to before… I only think I wanna know now cause I wanna know if you feel the same way about me. I wanna start a real life with you, I feel so content like this... I guess I just grew up with superstitions and omens seeing that my mind never stops screaming them at me, but seeing you get all those 2's during that drinking game gave me damn near a heart attack. I already liked you then, but when I started to think of you as the man I'm gonna marry, I was certain my first instinct about you was right."

Sollux looks down from the clouds and back down at Dirk. He smiles a bit as he says, 

"I’m not even going to hide it. I’m sure I want to be with you. And not just cause my head's quiet around you, but because even when I’m not around you… I can still think clearly. Even with all the prophecies in my head. I can make them quiet so I can think... about you. I can’t recall anything in my life ever making me feel so happy or like… calm. So like… yeah, sorry for randomly blurting out a love confession in front of everyone but… i don’t know… am I talking to much? I’m talking too much.”

“No… no… I… was actually moved by that.” Dirk nods. “And I am happy that you are serious about this relationship... and... I find you quite interesting as well."

"Not exactly the same as 'I love you' but I'll take it." Sollux jokes.

Dirk hums out a small laugh.

Those two are already on the same page. It's amazing! You always knew that Sollux was an amazing soothsayer, who would have known he would have been one of those great and all powerful wizards that starts falling for their lovers the moment they start speaking to each other. You're almost jealous but, eh, still not as special as the most powerful wizard's though. Those wizard's fall head over heels in love the moment they come face-to-face with their soulmates. Only about ten warlock's throughout all of history have claimed they felt that and Jake's not even one of them. He did say though that he had a certain instinct about Ambrosia though... hm... you guess good wizard's are all about gut feelings and impulses, so of course you're gonna follow your own instinct here and lock arms with Karka- oh no, he pulled out of your grasp again. _'Such a silly boy.'_

"Hey uh..." Sollux is scratching the back of his neck with his hand, "Dirk, you wanna hang out for a bit... maybe get some lunch?"

"Sorry, but I already ate before my trail, in all honesty, I want to go back home, maybe a shower and then study in the library."

You suggest, "You can still do all that, uh... the boys and I can come with, if you're like hosting guests then you can probably get out of having dinner with the empress."

"Hm." This hum out of Dirk's mouth sounds actually happy. You think he's content with that. Too bad your favorite guy isn't.

"COUNT ME OUT. I'VE GOT PLANS." Karkat is already walking off.

Sollux shouts, “What? You gonna just stomp around the beach, flinging cigarette buds, smoking and walking around till you literally pass out in the sand?" Sollux chuckles.

"AM I THAT FUCKING PREDICTABLE?" Karkat looks super angry, but you know he's just playing around. Uh... but he probably is going to walk around until he passes out, poor thing. "SEE YOU LATER, MAN."

Karkat and Sollux grab each other's hands and then pull each other into a bro hug. Aww... you want one.

Karkat starts walking off towards where Dave and Sollux came. Vantas is already pulled out a carton of smokes. 

"You litter and I'll kick your booty, mister!" You warn him.

"I'M GONNA DISSIPATE THEM THIS TIME." Karkat makes a gesture like he's waving your concerns off. 

"You better!" You yell back at him as he gains distance from you.

"GET OFF MY DICK." 

Oh, he doesn't really mean that. You're certain he likes all the attention. 

You smile and giggle. You turn your gaze back onto Dave, "you've been awfully quiet, sweetheart."

"Oh... sorry..." Dave's still red from all the embarrassment. He's gripping onto his bottle and his hands must be sweating because it slips right out of his hands and onto the grass. As soon as it shattered, it fixes itself again.

You sigh and tell him, "that's a bad omen. Oh well... at least you can't actually break or lose these things." 

You pick the bottle up for Dave yourself and hold onto it for him. "It will always find its way back to you. Be thankful yours is so lovely, Sollux's dad's both ended up getting these ugly little wooden flower signs and they just look so sad and tacky."

"They know." Sollux jokes.

Dirk instantly laughs. 

"I like our item though, I wouldn't mind getting like some glass case for both ours and just leaving it in our room somewhere... if you're down with all that." Sollux shrugs.

"Hm. So your item will be the exact same as mine?" Dirk tells the group, "Jake explained something about the trials, but he seems to have left out the most important parts." He does have a habit of vitiating certain topics, but not when it comes to baby stories about you and Jade you're afraid.

"Our item doesn't have to be the exact same, just almost the same. Like 95 percent the same." Sollux smiles and shrugs with his hands still in his pants pockets.

You turn your head and address Dave again, "I bet that your future lover is just gonna love having a matching set of these."

"Huh?" Dave tilts his head down to look at you with his mouth wide open, "what... what did you say?"

"Oh my goodness." You put one of your hands on your hip, the other hand you keep holding the bottle with. You swing your hip over towards the bottle and rest it's golden bottom onto your bottom. "You are a little day dreamer aren't you!?" You scold Dave, "and here we are talking about the importance of this item here." You slap it once with your hand, "and you're zoning out and cloud watching."

Dirk tells you directly, "Oh, every time I explain something, he just zones out. I think it's a talent of his to always keep himself ill-informed."

"Now that's no good!" You point up at Dave and tell him, "you should really take your studies seriously and learn all that you can! You missed out on so much cause you didn't grow up here, you have to catch up!"

Dave stutters once before he offers, "m-maybe we could talk about it... uh... you know... some time?"

"I'd be happy to, maybe when we're hanging out in the library!" You grab onto Dave's hand and start marching forward. "I really wanna look over the books now that I'm taking up a new art form!"

"Oh boy." Sollux already seems worried.

"Really?" Dave actually sounds interested when he asks, "maybe you could tell me a thing or two about it?"

. . .

You were happy to walk ahead with Dave by your side. Dave's blue bottle in your hand as you talked on and on about all the books you've been binge reading. You've mostly been reading about herbs and their properties. Your mom still has a few books she left here for you and your dad to look over, she basically has it all memorized cause she's such a pro! Dave is so sweet to listen to you ramble. Once you get upstairs and in the same hall as the library you ask him kindly, "but enough about me, how have you been, sweetheart?"

"I'm doing good. Happy to see you again." Dave sheepishly mutters with both his pockets still in his hands, "actually... I uh... really like spending time with you." 

"Awwww!" You cover your heart with your hand and smile at him, "you're such a sweetie."

Sollux walks ahead of you all and grabs one of the doors to the library and pulls it open and then pushes it open the rest of the way. You casually thank Sollux as you walk past him. You focus your attention to Dave for the most part, "So have you been studying anything lately?"

"uh... haven't had much time to read anything other than those cat books." Dave chuckles as he walks in the library besides you. 

"Aw!" You instantly pull Dave into a sideways hug.

_'How cute!? Dave's still reading baby books!'_

"Still on the beginner level, I see!" You tell him, "well just keep at it, try to learn at least one spell fully a day and you'll make progress! I-"

You turn your head and spot Jake sitting down on a tan leather couch. English instantly smiles to see you and the rest of the boys.

“Oh, boys! Your back!" Jake smiles at you and then at Sollux, "and it looks like you have guests, smart. I wish I had an excuse to skip dinner."

You cover your smile with your open palm and chuckle. Jake is slow to sit up and walk over. You notice that he's holding up a small knitted blanket in both his hands. You lean over a little bit and try to get a look at what's in his hands as Jake finishes walking up to you.

"Dave, can you take care of the little devil from here?" Jake asks. "He’s been screaming his head off and he wouldn't calm down for anything."

“Oh no.” You instantly cover your heart with your palms. “Let me see the little guy.”

Jake leans forward a bit to give you a better look, "he's actually a sprite, John. Take in the cuteness while it lasts."

You instantly squeak when you see a tiny baby chick, he’s white and he has little gray pin feathers. For the most part, the little thing has a full coat of feathers, but he still looks fuzzy and a little bit bear on his belly. Looks like someone plucked his feathers out, but no, he’s probably just rweally young. You smack your tongue up to the roof of your mouth and tilt your head. The wittle baby is in a nice knitted baby blankie that jakes holding, ‘ _AW! Aranea must have made it.’_

 _“Oh my god, wook at him!!!”_ Your voice jumped about three octaves higher without you even noticing. You look up at all the faces of the guys surrounding you, they don't even seem surprised that you're so taken in by a little baby bird, even though the Striders can’t even be bothered to emote! 

The baby is just so wittle and tiny! He’s sleeping and all nestled up in Jake’s arms. Jake looks worn out, the little guy must have be a little whiner. You instantly take the entire blanket up into your arms without a second thought. Your new favorite baby boy happily chirps when you take him into your hands. You kiss the top of his little head, “Awww, you look so happy right now! Did you really scweam your wittle head off? Did you cry all day and complain about how hard your wittle life is? Oh, it’s so hard being so cute!”

Dave let’s out a little chuckle and the sprite in your arm let’s out a little cheep.

“Did you tell everyone about your tough day being the world's cutest baby!? Awww… you poor wittle thing! No one understands how hard it is!”

Dave lets out an airy sigh as he says, “You might get it though.” Dave’s eyes instantly widen, like he didn’t mean to speak. He’s right though, you _are_ cute. 

“Aw! I’d never know how hard it is to be this level of cute!" You bounce your new baby up and down in your arms. "It’s a big responsibility being as cute _-and also as dreamy-_ as I am already! I can’t get on this level of cute! I don’t have the proper skill for it!”

“Chirp cwirp cwirp!” The little sprite seems so happy to be bounced up and down by you!

“Awww! Cwirp cwirp!” You chirp back at the little baby.

Once you stop bouncing the baby you pull apart the blanket a bit so you can see his wittle belly. 

You tickle his tummy with one of your fingers, “tickle tickle!”

The little sprite gleefully chirps and ruffles his feathers as you play around with him. 

"Aw, you're a little playful guy! Is that why you're screaming? No one wants to play with you!?" You ask the little baby. You walk over to the couch that Jake was sitting at and take the baby out of his blanket. "I'll play a little game with you, how about we play peekaboo?" 

All the other boys walk over to the couch and watch on as you place the little sprite down on the armrest of the sofa. You chuckle as you cover your face with your hands. You peak your eye through your fingers and you can see the sprite walking around in a circle, trying to find where you just went. 

You ask him, "where's John?!" 

You take your hands off your face and happily tell him, "here I am!"

The baby sprite happily bounces up and down, his head bobbing like he's proud he found you.

You gasp and ask again, "where's John!?" You cover up your face and hear the little sprite cheerfully yell as he looks around the room for you. You release your face from your hands and say, "here I am!"

Dirk mutters something about a term called _object permanence_ to Dave and you hear Dave agessivly sush his twin brother. You guess Dirk thinks baby games are stupid, he just doesn't respect how good of a parent you are. Jake chuckles as he watches you cover your face again and start up another round of the baby version of hide-and-seek. Once the sprite finds you again Jake says,

“You look like you love him already, you wanna keep him for a few days?”

“Ha! No, I can’t! I still have my training to get back too and when I'm not swimming I'm reading now. I started studying botanical magic, don’t tell Jade though- she’ll flip out! I’ve just been branching out again and trying something new.” As you talk, the sprite jumped down onto your lap. Looks like someone wants attention.

“That’s always good.” Jake nods, "don't ever be afraid to just come over and snoop through the library. Just if you take anything be sure to bring it back, don't forget about the curse."

"I know I know." You giggle as you start tickling the little bird again, “and speaking of studying, I assume this little guys gonna grow up to be a wittle tutor once he learns his ABCs.”

“He most certainly is.” Jake seems proud. 

You dwell on it for a moment and then you ask English,

“Is he your husband’s?”

“Oh no. He belongs to Dave here.” Jake gestures towards Dave with an open palm.

 **“What.”** You don’t even hide how unamused you are.

The guy just turned eighteen today and he already has a familiar. To make matters even worse… it’s a sprite. A literal demon crafted just. for. him. Jake is one of the best wizards you’ve ever met and Aranea isn’t even _his_ sprite and yet somehow Dave got his own?!

You sigh as you look down at the little sprite. He tilts his head up at you.

“It's getting late." You stare down at the little bird as you tell the group, "I forgot that the sun's been setting even later now that it's winter and I need to still get a few things done. I better get home before night falls.”

“Bec can take you home once it starts to get dark out, if you want, John.” Jake offers.

“No, no… I want to walk.” You think you need to, just to clear your head.

You sigh and pick up the little bird as you stand up and place the little demon into Dave's hands.

You smile down at the bird and give him another small kiss. You pull away and mutter, “I just like seeing the sunset is all."

“Oh… okay.” Dave frowns down at his little bird. 

"Goodnight." You wave goodbye to everyone and start heading over towards the door. 

The fuzzy little thing starts screaming it’s head off.

You smile down at the noisy thing.

You give him a gentle kiss on his head and the little guy summers down a little. You scratch behind Dave's familiar's neck and tell Dave, "see you around.”

. . .

You stare up at the sky as you walk down the sand path through the palm trees back to your home. The sky is painted with red all along the ocean's horizon. The sky still fights to stay blue but as the purple clouds turn orange, the sky loses the fight. Soon it will be dark out. Soon the sun will set and be taken over by the moon. 

Your dad always told you to keep on a brave face turning tough times. He told you to face adversity with strength... But it's so difficult. Dave must have been given that sprite from your own great-grandmother and the women doesn't even acknowledge you as family. She's a cruel leader who takes pity on next to no one, but she found Dave's power to be great enough to gift a sprite too so he could learn. You know that you have potential, you know that if you were just given direction, you could find what it is you're destined to do. Hm... now that you think of it... Sollux still owes you a good prophecy, maybe he has some ideas about your future purpose.

You turn away from the sunset, ignoring the tears building in your throat. You're not going to break down just yet, you still have hope in your heart that you can become a great wizard. You're certain of it. 

It's just... the moment you saw Dave there was something about him... that rubbed you the wrong way. He stared at you like he was mindlessly judging you and then he randomly laughs at things you say that aren't even funny, like Dave's just making fun of you or something. You wanna give him a chance, you wanna give him the benefit of the doubt, but you can't help but feel like he's just rubbing all of this in your face. 

Dave has a sprite, a future literally laced in gold, power that the empress recognized as worthy of her attention... and he's acting like it's no big deal. How can you not be annoyed. 

You sigh. You look up at the sunset again. Quickly, the sky is fading from red to black. 

You shut your eyes and focus your attention back onto yourself. 

It's high time you start training again. Hopefully, everyone is out of the library by now. 

You turn back around and go back to the manor that you just left.


	22. no shame, no gain

You hear another kissing sound. Your sprites imitating John again. You’re pretty sure he’s asking for another kiss but you don't want to drag yourself out of bed, you're having the time of your life daydreaming about John. 

Your sheets always smell like they were fresh washed and they are so soft. You’ve been holding on to your pillow and sighing into it. Images of John still dancing in your head. You can’t think of anything else. You’re not even ashamed of your obsession, that very obsession is your biggest motivation. 

You sit up with a determined smirk. Ready to start the day you sit up and turn around. You spot the photograph of John you keep right besides your head and a few other Polaroids you took recently that you decided to hang up so you could hide your favorite photo in plain sight without always having to remove it when you have visitors.

You place a quick kiss onto John’s photographed face and get up.

You grab some clothes, head out to piss and come right back to see your number two guy. 

You walk over to your sprite's bed and see he tore up a few more sheets of paper you left for him to play with. Yeah, some random letter appeared in front of you last night right when you went to bed. The letter was from the high priest. Something about an invitation to Jade’s right of passage. If she wants you to come, Jade's probably going to make sure to wake you and Dirk up in the morning, if not it might be awkward to just go and watch her strip naked for her birthday. You don't wanna put her in that position, doesn't seem fair to you and you can definitely see Dirk having the same mindset, although he might also be thinking about not wanting to see some naked chick. You don't know why Dirk thinks that all girls have cooties. 

You just ended up giving the letter to your sprite to play with after he made you kiss him good night. Apparently he loves ripping things apart and he kept trying to bite off Jake’s shirt’s buttons and he snipped at Aranea's earrings when you were out yesterday. You think he's just trying to learn about the world or something, test the limits of what he can do and what he can't. 

You look down at your sprite, he was so small when you got him, but he must have grown in his sleep again because he’s twice the size he was when he first hatched. His eyes are open and he’s tilting his head to look at you with his red eyes. He lets out a loud happy chirp and you put down your hand for him to hop up onto. 

You place him onto your shoulder and give him a kiss. He sings a few small chirps and flutters his wings. He loves attention and well… John was right, he is cute. Even to you. You don’t care much for animals in general, but this little dudes grown on you.

Your sprite ruffles up his white feathers until he turns a little bit gold and then orange. Aranea told you last night that he’s ‘finding his colors’ whatever that means. Jake tried to translate by telling you that sprites shapeshift all the time and it takes forever for them to settle on a form, _"kinda like someone getting a new haircut every week."_ Jake's not the best with describing terms for you, but you appreciate the attempt. Looking at your tangerine colored sprite now, you think that _dyeing_ hair is a better example. 

You look over at your little bird again as you walk into the hall, the little sprite is fully covered in feathers now and he’s chirping a little happy song. 

Thank god he’s happy and not screaming his head off again. You turn your head fully towards him and purse your lips again. Your sprite hops over towards you and happily accepts your kiss and then nudges his beak against your cheek and mocked a kissing sound. He’s so smart, he’s hardly even been alive that long and he figured out how to show affection. 

Then of course, the damn bird had to bite your ear and start tugging. "Ow! Jesus!" You yelp and try to get your earlobe out of his beak. Your sprite lets go and starts chirping a loud high-pitched cry, almost like a laugh. 

"Don't do that." You grab him with one hand and point at him. Didn't even take a second for him to bite your finger.

_'He's such a fucker.'_

. . .

You’re keeping your sprite in your hands now. He can bite your thumb all he wants but you’re not letting that damn bird anywhere near your face after he bit your nostril and he's not gonna stay on your shoulders so long as he keeps tugging at your hair. He's gotta learn what's off limits. 

You made your way down the stairs with the bird clutched in between both your hands. You bet you missed breakfast and thank god for that. You don’t want to run into the queen bitch today when you can’t get your sprite under control. You’d rather just head out to the market to see if you can find John, apparently he's big on window shopping and you'd love to just casually bump into him, maybe ask if you could help him try on more hats... maybe watch him try on different outfits. You hum and sigh at the thought, it seems like something that a couple would do. 

You hear a pair of heels behind you, you think that sounds like Aranea. At least, you're hoping that it is.

As you turn your head around Aranea rushes over to you. “Darling, what are you doing?" 

“Uh… nothing.” You don't know if she's gonna scold you about how you're holding your sprite, but the dude tried to yank off her earrings, she's gotta understand he needs to be kept under lock and key.

“Exactly. You're doing nothing!" She exclaims, "you’re going to miss Jade’s ceremony!”

“Oh… I thought she was gonna like tell me when she’s leaving of something.” You mumble. 

She did walk you and your bro over to your ceremony but she didn’t stay around to watch. Bec just jumped her back home for training, you assumed it was more or less optional to watch a ceremony cause of that, but you guess not. Aranea snaps her fingers and summons a cloak for you to wear. “Where’s the item you got yesterday? Can you summon it?”

“Uh.” You let go of your sprite for a moment just to snap your fingers and summon the bottle. Instantly, your sprite tries to knock his beak against the golden bottom. “Hey, knock it off.”

“He’s just playful, he’s only a baby.” Aranea takes your sprite into her hands. After she has him secure in her palms, Aranea's eyes fall onto the object in your hands, “you’re going to have a very charmed life, I see.”

“Thanks.” You nod. “I Uh… hey… can I ask you something?”

“Yes, child?” Aranea seems pleased to hear the sweet sounds of an intriguing question. 

“So… this things blue, right…?” You smack your hand against the bottom of the bottle and look up at the ceiling. 

“Seems to be.” Aranea chuckles.

“So uh… let's just say if someone has eyes exactly this shade of blue…” you trail off and think of what next to say. You don't have to continue dwelling on it though, seems like Aranea gets your drift. 

“Are you trying to find the words to ask me if this means you’ll marry someone with eyes this lovely?”

“Uh… yeah.” You timidly confess.

“John really did a number on you.” Aranea smiles and holds your sprite up to her face and turns his head to face you, “just look at your first pupil, little one. He’s always so full of questions. You’re so lucky. I wish my pupils were like Dave and Dirk." Her eyes light up as soon as she spoke Dirk's name. "Speaking of which, I should check on your brother, see if he ignored his invitation as well. Oh, you boys.” Aranea rolled her eyes, she's talking like she’s known you your whole life now, “you two still haven’t gotten much figured out yet, I see. I should tell you this now; all invitations you receive will always be mandatory unless it says RSVP, then it’s optional.” Aranea's black heels click along the floor as she steps forward and tells you kindly, “put that over your head, sweetie.”

“Uh… kay?” You have her hold your bottle for a moment as you pulled on your black sheet. You grabbed the bottle again and once you did, Aranea directed you again to do something,

"Picture holding the bottle with just your mind."

She holds the bottle out with her hand and onto her gray palm. You focus on the bottle. You suppose you need to learn how to hold this thing up without actually holding it just like everyone else did for your ceremony. Once you focus on wrapping your mind around the object, just like you would if you actually extended your arm, you got it to lift up and hover in front of you.

"Wonderful!" Aranea clasps her hands together and cheers, "you really are a natural!"

She points at you with one of her blue nails as she tells you, “now hold your breath.”

You open your mouth to ask why but before you knew it, she pressed her finger up to your forehead and you were sent right to the very same place you went through your trail.

You can make everything out under a veil of black fabric. Jade must already be in the water because you don't see her anywhere. 

You head up towards the line of people standing close by the doc and turn your head to see if you could spot anyone with a chip in front of them. 

The person standing next to you has a large vase in front of them. It looks like it’s made of porcelain, how did it manage to survive through those rough waters outside the barrier? Whatever, not what you should be focused on right now. You keep scanning around for your bro. After about five minutes, you hear footsteps. You turn your head and spot someone the exact same height as you walking towards the other end of the line, it’s over by the tree Sollux was sitting under. You can imagine it’s a pleasant memory for him. even if he denies it to everyone including himself, you think Dirk’s starting to fall for Sollux.

You don't think there's any shame in admitting when you're falling for someone. You don't feel any shame in your heart at all for how deeply you love John. You turn your head towards the endless blue sea. When you look out towards the distant waves, the clear blue ocean looks almost as beautiful as John's eyes. You let out an almost silent hum, you slowly get lost in your own thoughts, just like you did this morning. 

. . .

You continue to watch the waves until you begin to see someone swimming up from the distance. You squint your eyes but you can't really see through your black veil. Out of the blue, you hear a slushing of water coming from under the dock. You instantly smile once you spot the top of John's head, "John."

You can feel someone's eyes on you, you better shut up before you get called out, doesn't matter anyway. Looks like John decided to stay. He slaps himself in the head and then turns to face Jade as she approaches.

John continues to watch as Jade swims up to him with a smile, Jade holds up a silver locket that she found in the waters as she walks up the stone steps. You try not to look anywhere below her face, she's wearing a large smile and in no way seems ashamed to be naked infront of her peers. As Jade passes you by the priest takes up the locket and simply holds it up by the chain. 

Someone steps forward. A locket is floating in front of them. Two pale hands emerge from behind the large black cloak. Someone's slipping off the fabric covering their head. Nest thing you see is stands of familiar blonde hair... it's Rose. She smiles and Jade wraps her arms around her. You guess everything is over because a bunch of people are slipping away. You hear John start to cheer and you lean over to see John pumping his fist up into the air. You strip off the blanket covering your head and grab your bottle into your hands. You call out to John again, "hey!"

John looks up at you with a frown on his face. You don’t know if something's bugging him but he seems almost annoyed. You get down on hands and knees and look down at John with a smile on your face, 

“I was wondering if you wanted to come over today? I heard we’re going to have a big feast for the Condesce cause it’s going to be her last night here and uh... maybe if we just stuff our faces we won't have to talk to her.”

“That sounds like a lovely proposal, Dave. But I’d rather avoid my great grandmother if I could, even if my face is full." John awkwardly smiles. "But um… if my dad goes I think he’ll probably drag me along. So... it's a possibility.”

“Awesome.” You smile, “so _when_ you come over, if worse comes to worse we can break away and say we have to check on my familiar.”

"Oh... right..." John looks up at you with a confused smile. "Uh... Sorry. I'm just very focused on my training right now. So uh... I might see you around later, Dave."

John starts swimming off as he says, "goodbye."

You smile down at him and watch him swim off. Dirk creeps up behind you as he watches you pick yourself back up from off the ground. You turn to face him and it seems like everyone already left, even Jade and Rose are gone. You sigh and turn to Dirk, "this isn't how I wanted today to go."

"He has to train." Dirk shrugs, "it's wize for him to do so. We should focus on our studies too."

Dirk turns around and starts walking on, expecting that you follow, "but in all honesty, I think you should focus on learning about this place and it's people. You don't seem to understand much about life here-" As Dirk goes on you let out a small yawn and cover your mouth with your fist. Hm, maybe if John is busy today you can still go out and try to find one of his friends. Maybe Dirk will help you look for Sollux and you can ask him a few things about John and what he might like in a guy.

"-and maybe if you stopped zoning out you would... are you listening to me?" Dirk scoffs.

"I was, I was..." You weren't. "I think you're right, man. We should go out to the market again and look around, maybe we can find like some of those kids John invited over and talk to them about-"

"John?" Dirk bluntly asks.

"About lots of things, but yeah... I don't see what's wrong with trying to learn about this place while I ask around about John."

Dirk lets out a breath, an audible sigh. 

"Fine." Dirk caves in, "just don't make a boy your entire life."

You can't make any promises but you can say this, "I can try."


	23. From morning to night.

You're walking besides Dave at the moment. He's wearing an oversized red hoodie and you're wearing an orange varsity jacket. You're both stepping down the same dirt path you walked down plenty of times as you head over to the markets. Your brother seems happy to hold his vibrant, blue bottle in his hands. It acts as proof of his manhood. However, he seems to only really care for the thing because it's blue like John's eyes. You pocketed your own item earlier. You already sent both of the robes that you got from Aranea back to your room as well. You assume you're going to need those robes for a good long while. You're not looking forward to sitting through everyone else’s trials. Last time you saw your boyfriend, Sollux told you that his birthday isn't for a long while. It's gonna be awhile before this is over. When Aranea told you that it wasn’t optional to sit the other ceremonies out, you openly scoffed. You don't see the point in standing around when you already know Sollux is your future husband. Eh, at least you were able to read a small novel under your robe without anyone noticing.

Dave doesn’t seem to notice, or care, what the purpose of the ceremonies actually are. Your brother seems a bit too invested in that **John** boy. Dave just got done fawning over Egbert and amazingly, he got rejected again. You don't like the looks of things. Dave's pouring too much of his heart into John. You're starting to think that John doesn't even remotely like your bro, even as a friend, but you mostly think that's just because he's jealous of Dave's strength when it comes to magic. You're not all that worried about John's opinion on your baby bro though, things will work out once John realizes that your brother isn't all there upstairs. Then, John will feel more confident when he’s around your little bro. Hell, Jake acts like he's a genius the moment he gets the chance to explain something to Dave cause even English notices that Dave's not the brightest. But if John or Jake ever said that shit out loud, you'd bust their ass. But yeah, Dave is clearly an idiot. 

You think Dave hasn't even realized yet that you all just gathered by the dock today just to see what item Jade grabbed from the ocean. Jade just swam out to pick up and object just to see if that said item would match yours or someone else's. If Dave would have woken up for a second, he would have figured out that the object in his hands clearly shows he's going to marry into wealth and marry into royalty. That and Jake pretty much keeps dropping hints that since Dave instantly fell for John, they are destined to be soulmates. Dave can't be bothered to pay attention. He even proved today that he doesn't have a brain. That skull of his is housing a little hamster spinning around on a wheel.

Jade rushed over to Rose and kissed her. You don't know how Dave missed that, but it seems like he did. They are most likely getting married at this very moment. Literally, just a minute ago, Dave asked you if Jade and Rose _had something between them._

On another note; you're not in any way surprised that Rose ended up with Jade. Rose seems to be a very skilled witch and her interest in Jade seemed more than friendly the moment they started talking to one another. You're starting to think that strong magic users just have a natural attraction to their soulmates, that would explain why the greatest warlocks instantly fall for their future soul mates. Sollux peaked your interest right out of the gate, and the more you talked to him, the more you liked him. Jake was quick to snatch up your older brother as well. You have every reason to believe that your theory is right. That, and it makes sense that it works the other way too, maybe weaker magic users are somewhat repelled by the people they are going to end up with. You smile at bit at the theory. You have some evidence supporting that claim. 

Dave tilts his head forward a bit and looks right at your face, "what are you smiling about."

"I thought of another theory..." The moment the words slip out of your lips, Dave hunches over and lets out a long sigh. You can just feel his eyes rolling into the back of his skull. You know he doesn't want you to continue, so you stop yourself from saying your theory outloud. A good thing too, you don't know how Dave is going to react if you speak one ill word about John, so you'd rather not push your luck in that aspect. 

The palm fronds from the palm trees overhead rustle in the wind. You walk down the sand path, your sneakers sink into the sand as you approach the markets. Dave starts humming as he slaps the side of the bottle that he's holding. You bet you know why he's so happy. You know the exact thought in his head. 

_'_ _John Egbert.’_

Now you're the one sighing and rolling your eyes.

. . .

The street you're walking down is surrounded by buildings and the path ahead of you is loaded with wooden carts and witch's selling their wares. The air smells like burning cinnamon and cherry pie, along with dried out charcoal and smoke. It's not as crowded as the last time you were here. Yesterday John was tapping your shoulder and talking in your ear about how it's way more busy when the night market is open and operating. You'd rather not go out at night then, you hate crowded places and the last thing you want is to literally lose your head at night. At least you're lucky that at the end of every night, you wake up with your head on. Your head somehow pops back on without you even being conscious about it. Still, you're unsure what would happen if you put a large amount of distance between you and your head before morning comes.

You keep walking on with your hands placed behind your back. You ignore all the different vendors who are so desperately trying to get your attention, and instead, you focus on the wares of the people who just let you go about your business. Dave on the other hand, can't help himself from halting each and every time a shopkeeper tries to get his attention, he even apologizes to each and every one. You turn your head to find Dave talking to someone selling magic charms.

"This one will ward off curses and hexes from the imps around town, only two copper pieces!"

"Uh- sorry! I'm following him." Dave's not only quick to reply, he's quick to point up at you. 

You guess you're putting on a good front of acting like you have somewhere to be. Some woman next to you selling fish just snapped her fingers at you to get your attention. You think you should take your time moving past her and linger, just to insult her.

You're taking your time now, lingering a bit near her while she struggles to get you to turn around. You can feel Dave's eyes on your back and you know he's behind you now. You slow yourself and stop to take in whatever's in front of this empty storefront. You're looking down at a crate filled with different... bottles of honey. When you lift up your head you see a small storefront. It's cramped and all of the wooden shelves match the walnut colored walls. You feel something pull you inside the shop, you stop yourself from following your instincts. You want to tell your body to just turn around and move on, but something about seeing honey reminds you of something dear to you. You can't help but feel compelled to just take a peak. Once you place your foot onto the stone step in front of the shop's door, Dave mutters, "since when have you ever eaten anything like honey?"

You turn your head and confess, "I enjoy it in tea occasionally, and I'm interested in seeing if they sell any lotion."

"Oh damn yeah." Dave instantly agrees. You don't know if he's serious or if he's joking when he says, "move or get out of my way."

You turn around and feel your mouth turn into a small smile. You walk up the four tall stone steps and step into the small store. There's a faint song playing on a radio and the entire place smells like pure liquid sugar.

Once Dave steps in behind you, you hear an apathetic vendor say, "welcome in." 

You turn your head and see a board and tall man messing around with some pot. He's stirring something that smells like milk and honey behind a wooden countertop. Even with how large his arms are, he seems to be having some trouble mixing the pot. You respect that this man is doing the work by hand instead of with magic.

_'That's probably how he stays so fuckin meaty.'_

Dave gets right to work looking around at all the different sized jars, jars filled with honeycombs and wooden stirrers. Dave holds his bottle in one hand and uses the other to pull one of the jars off the shelf. He seems interested in it simply because it's blue. Dave makes a sour face and puts it back where he found it. You scan over all of the honey jars that Dave seemed to want to run away from. You read the lettering etched into the shelves, _'aphrodisiacs.'_ That certainly explains that. 

You scan over the jars yourself, a surprising number of them advertise male enhancement and the rest seem to be used as a stimulant. You can't help but smile at how thin and tall most of the bottles look. There's absolutely no shame on display here, they just mimic phallic imagery as if it's some sort of marketing strategy to push more jars. You let out a small chuckle.

You walk on, with a smile on your face. You trace your fingers open one long buttercup colored jar. You hear a door behind you swing open and someone else's footsteps against the wooden floor. 

"Dad." 

You remove your hand from the jar and turn your head around once you hear that voice. There he is. You force yourself to stop smiling as your eyes fall on Sollux. You don't want him to know that you're happy to see him. Sollux is wearing a yellow apron and holding a large wicker basket in his hands. The basket is filled with square cakes wrapped in plastic. You wouldn't doubt those are honey cakes in his hands.

"I'm finished." Sollux lets out a small sigh as he bounces the basket up once with his knee. Then, his eyes fall on you. Sollux gasps as he looks right into your eyes. "Dirk?" His surprise turns into a vibrant smile. 

"Dirk?" You hear the man that greeted you speak. You turn your head over to where Sollux's dad is standing, he's leaning over the wooden counter to get a look at you. Sollux's broad and muscular dad looks away from you and over to his son as he asks, "this is the boy you've been talking about?"

"Yeah." Sollux smiles and quickly rushes up to his dad. He places the basket down on the counter and then Sollux turns to face you again. "I was about to ask if I could take my break." 

"Looks like your works finished for the day." Sollux's dad smiles and stares right at you as he says, "just come back after sundown and help your dad pack up."

"Can't tonight, dad." Sollux shakes his head _'no'_ as he begins to unties his apron, "Aradia's ceremony is today."

"No kidding!" Sollux's ~~hot~~ muscular dad smiles and claps his hands together in one big gesture of joy. "Might as well stay open the whole night then, everyone in town 's gonna be there and then probably shop after cause their already out. Damn, I should have asked around to find out what day that was."

"They just announced it this morning." Sollux explains.

"That why you actually went to bed before noon today?" His dad raises a brow at him.

"Yep." Sollux nods. _'Look at that dopey, adorable smile on his face.'_

Sollux's dad starts openly wondering to himself, "I might end up cutting some corners tonight then. Hm. Gotta get this batch done for the princess though, that takes priority. Oh!" Your boyfriend's dad suddenly looks up and over at his son, he must have just realized that he was talking out loud to himself. "But, uh- never mind chatting about work, I'm sure none of you kids want to hear it." Sollux's dad doesn't hesitate to look back at you and ask you directly, "you live with the _English's..._ correct?"

"Dad." Sollux reels back his head and bends his knees as he groans, "don't." Sollux finishes stripping off his yellow apron and then drops it onto the counter, right next to the basket of honey cakes.

You answer anyway, ignoring your boyfriend's frustrated expression. "I do." You place your hands behind your back and nod. "Our older brother just married the living head of the English house."

"I heard Jake remarried." Sollux's dad smiles and looks at his son for a moment before he asks you another question, "I also heard there's going to be a party there tonight, one with a feast for the Empress herself..."

Sollux mutters something about being embarrassed or annoyed. You simply smile and reply, "there is, but I don't intend on going."

"You sound just like my son. Sollux always complains about how horrible those parties are, but he always used to end up going anyway and coming back with his pockets stuffed with cream puffs and some a half-empty bottle of wine. John and Sollux would always go as a friends, but uh- er uh... you know Egbert, right?"

"Unfortunately." You nod your head. You feel a twinge of heat in your chest, you don't like hearing that your boyfriend used to attend parties as John's **_date._**

"Right." Sollux's dad just keeps going on, "of course you know John. He _is_ pretty close to my son. Don't worry though, Sollux's smart enough to steer clear of Egbert. I think it's because Sol here can read people's thoughts. Terrible mind that boy has, lives up to his family's name."

“Ha." Sollux lets out a dry laugh. "Don't say that sort of thing in front of Dave." Sollux awkwardly smiles. He's only trying to take the attention off of himself as he says, "Dave over here is John's _number one fan."_

"Oh, Lord no. You poor boy." Sollux's dad shakes his head and sighs. He warns Dave of impending doom. "If you want my advice, kid; steer clear of Egbert. He used to chew boys up and spit them out. Kids your age used to break their necks just to get John to look at 'em."

"Dad. You're exaggerating." Sollux rolls his eyes from behind those oval glasses of his.

"Am I?" Sollux's dad replies. "Didn't you say that John convinced a boy to rub a devil's tongue into his eyes to prove like how much of a _man_ he was or something like that?" He's talking about those peppers that silenced your older brother, John must be some sort of manipulative monster. Sadly, hearing that about John only serves to make you like him more.

"No." Sollux shakes his head. "He got a boy to squeeze a lemon into his eyes and then pour vodka into 'em to wash it out, and then he got another boy to eat a devil's tongue. Those were separate occasions too, dad. Don't go spreading around false rumors."

"Still." That _muscular_ man shrugs his _broad_ shoulders and continues, "that Egbert boy is dangerous, glad I raised you smart, kiddo."

"Eh..." Sollux awkwardly shrugs and scratches his arm. "I'm not smart at all. You were right before, dad. I stayed away from him cause I can read his mind. He's... um..." Sollux takes a moment and then rethinks his sentiment. "-well, he changed from how he used to be, so I really shouldn't go on."

"Wait." You smile at your boyfriend. "What were you going to say?" You ask Sollux to speak his thoughts aloud, and since _you_ asked him, he better. 

"Well..." Sollux looks away from you as he scratches the back of his neck. "Egbert's always been sweet and like actually, genuinely kind -so I'm not saying he's a _monster_... but the moment that he knows that a boy likes him... he goes fucking nuts."

"What do you mean?" Dave sounds a bit hesitant to ask.

Sollux blows out a gust of air from his gut. He preps himself to explain, "he's kinda slow to figuring out when guys are really into him, but once he knows, this instinct to just torture and break men kicks in. Must have gotten it from his grandma, that or his great grandma, they are both bitches you don't want to fuck around with."

"Here, here." Sollux's dad nods and then continues, "makes no sense how that skipped a generation. John's dad is actually decent person."

You let out a small chuckle and then turn towards your bro. Dave lets out a small sigh.

"Don't worry, man." Sollux addresses your bro and tells him, "he's matured." Sollux shrugs. "John hasn't done that kind of thing in like a full year now. Think he might be over it completely." 

And by _it_ you're sure that Sollux means being a complete and total asshole. You really hope that to be the case, and if not... then you really hope that your bro doesn't end up being into something like ** _that._**

A moment of quiet passes between all four of you. Sollux's dad takes a moment to cut through the silence. 

"So... Sully hear tells me-" 

**"Dad."** Sollux grits his teeth and mutters through them, **"stop it, and don't call me _that_ in front of Dirk."**

"Haha." _Sully's_ dad lets out a short -but hearty- chuckle. "Alright, alright. I'll give you a break. Just this once."

Sollux's dad points up a big meaty finger and then looks over at you. He smiles with a smug look on his face, "so how is it living as an English?"

"Dad!" Sollux lets out a small huff before he snaps at his dad again, "don't start this again!"

"Come on, son. You can't tell me to stay silent about _that!_ " Sollux's dad chuckles and pulls Sollux into a side hug, the wooden counter jabbing into his hips. Sollux grunts as his dad pulls him close and laughs. "This is going to be a good life for you. I know you don't want to be packing up honey cakes forever, kiddo."

You can hear a few footsteps stomping behind the thin wall. Suddenly, Sollux's dad pulls his son back into his chest and shouts towards the back of the store, "Hey! Babe! Get in here!" Sollux's face contorted with fear and pain, he's afraid his parents are going to embarrass him in front of you, or maybe he's afraid that they are going to reveal something that _Sully_ here doesn't want you to know. You let slip a smile. 

You hear a few stomps and then someone shoving open the door, another man shouts back,

"What are you shouting at me for!?" Sollux's other dad is even taller and broader than the first one you saw. You wonder if Sollux is related to at least one of them. _'Look at those muscles...'_ You really hope Sollux isn't adopted and that he’s born from a surrogate cause, **damn.**

"First of all: this is the kid Sollux is dating." Sollux's dad nudges his head over at you. He's still holding onto his son over the counter and smiling a smile as broad as his shoulders. "That, and we need to stay open la-"

"Whoa..." The man standing next to you is looking you and then at your twin bro. After scanning the two of you, he smiles and his eyes fall back onto you again. "It's gotta be you!" Sollux's broader dad marvels at your presence as he leans in to get a better look at you, "you look terrifying."

The man in front of you leans in a bit closer as he says, "you know Sully is afraid of you?"

 **"He'd be a fool not to be."** You smirk.

Before you know it, you have a hand wrapped around your palm and you're being pulled towards the exit. Sollux is rushing to get you out before both his dad's reveal too much to you. "Wait, I was just about to tell you, Sully talks about you all the time, and I mean _all_ of the time. I can't take a shit without him knocking on the door to tell me a story about you!" Dave's following behind and laughing. Both of Sollux's parents join in his laughter and say their goodbyes.

Once all three of you are out, Sollux sighs and gets right to work apologizing,

"I'm so sorry, man. I didn't want your intro to my dads to be... uh... **that.** "

"Don't apologize." You hold onto your chin and give him a small smile, "I'm happy with what I heard."

"You... _are?"_ Sollux knows somethings up.

You nod, "I am." You follow that up with, "and I assume that your parents are happy I'm related to the Englishs because of... my apparent wealth?"

"Eh... they just really want me to marry into a good family." Sollux shrugs as he slowly rolls his eyes. "Have a cushy life-"

You continue your boyfriend’s train of thought, "-want for nothing?"

"That's a way of putting it." Sollux nods. "I mean... if I marry a man as amazing as you, I could never ask for anything more."

You smile and look down at the ground. You let out a small laugh as you shut your eyes. You sigh and then address another idea, one that's been lingering in your head, "would it be inappropriate for me to ask if you're adopted?"

"Oh no, man... I'm related to both my dads. I know it d-"

 _'Nice.'_ You slowly nod as Sollux continues. 

"-look like it, but uh..." Sollux scratches the side of his neck and looks up at the sky overhead. "I think it would take too long to explain." Sollux looks back down at you as he states, "I'll have to find a book or something in English's library so you can like get an idea of what I mean, but I was born out of like magic without the use of a surrogate."

Remarkable. If he's born out of magic, maybe that's why his power is so strong... _'and hopefully he’ll grow into having more muscles somewhere down the line.'_

You continue walking right by Sollux's side, he seems to just mindlessly be wandering around and chatting with Dave. Course, your brother wastes no time asking Sollux a few questions about what's on his mind.

. . . 

This has got to be the hundredth question about John today. You've been walking around for about an hour now, and Sollux still hasn't gotten tired of answering Dave's questions. Well, **you're** tired of it. 

"No, John only pretends to like coffee. He actually hates it. Prefers tea." 

Dave's fiddling around with the item he got from his trial. "And what's the way John likes his tea? Does he like honey or... um... sugar or-"

Sollux takes a breath to answer, "He likes-"

You're putting a stop to this. "Darling?"

Instantly, Sollux stops moving. He looks tense from you calling him a pet name. He's waiting for you to speak. 

You ask him gently, "is there any shopping you need to get done, if not, then I'm just going to head back over to the bookstore and wait for you two to get back from window shopping."

"Oh, I have a potion I need to pick up, actually... now that I think of it, Dave. You might like this next stop."

. . .

"Of course." You mutter to yourself. Of-fucking-course this is John's father's shop. Well, at least John isn't in. 

You look around the place. The shops one of the largest ones you've seen on the island, Mr. Egbert can probably afford having such a large space, seeing that he's of royal blood. The counter John's dad is standing behind is huge and marble. Right behind the counter, there's a large display case filled with vials and bottles taking over the entire wall. Overhead, there are dried flowers and live vines hanging down from the ceiling coming from every angle, along with lanterns hanging over the counter, they are emitting a faint orange glow. You bet that at night, this place is something to behold. Too bad you plan on never stepping foot in this place again. You're so sick of hearing about John and no doubt, this place is the main hub for annoying and irritating Egbert stories. 

Dave seems hesitant to walk up to the counter where John's dad is standing, you nudge our bro a bit to make him move. It's best to just get this over and done with. Mr. Egbert still greats all of you with enthusiasm the moment he sees you three, even when looking at Dave's panic-stricken face. 

"Hello there! Come over, kids!" John's dad's entire shop is bustling and he's still making time to speak with all of you. Once you three walk up to his counter he tells you, "business is in a bit of a lull at the moment. Give me just a moment and I'll get you boys some tea, and don't worry, it's on me. I'm sure you and Dave here are parched from standing around at Jade's ceremony and I just got a new blend of coconut sugar and cinnamon sugar in today. I’d love to have some taste testers.”

"Maybe another time." You shake your head and save Dave the trouble of rejecting John’s dad’s invitation. "Thank you for the offer, but we're fine."

"Oh... I don’t know. I’ve never tried coconut sugar before.” Dave lingers for a bit. He seems like he’s actually interested in hanging out around his crush's dad. _'The mad man.'_

”Wonderful!" John's dad seems ecstatic that Dave took the offer. Seems like a good sign.

"I’ll set up the counter for you three.” John’s dad snaps his fingers. The small section of counter next to where you’re standing changes into a bar with four stools. John’s dad continues to stand in front of the register and waits for customers as he preps tea as you all take your seats. Dave sits right in front of John's dad, you sit besides your bro and your boyfriend sits down right at your side, _'right where he should be.'_

"It’s going to take a few minutes for the tea to seep." John's dad smiles brightly. "In the meantime... maybe you can tell me who Jade ended up with."

"One of the empress's ladies in waiting.” Sollux answers. "I wasn't there, but I did hear some prediction about it- I'm right, right?" Sollux turns to you. You nod. 

"Oh." John's dad smiles and gives a thoughtful nod. "I recall Jade coming in the other day and talking about a girl that she met, Rose I think her name was."

"Yes." You nod, "and she seems very well-read, I enjoy her company."

"Wonderful!" John's dad seems excited to hear that. "Jade’s always been a great judge of character."

John's dad has a peaceful smile on his face. "Jade must have felt strongly about her if she felt the need to barge in on me at peak and tell me every thing she knew about the girl right in front of all my regulars. I just can't believe how quickly you kids all take to each other... then again... this brings me back to when I was still just a kid. I adjusted to marriage so quickly after my trial. I know I keep bringing it up, Sollux, but this moment of your life reminds me so much of my own marriage and how it started out. I traveled to another city, and met a girl living on the mountains, we got along so well. It was like an overnight fix, but it just worked so perfectly once we went through our trials. I still think that woman is too good for me though-”

"Nah!” Sollux waves his hand and scoffs like he just heard some bullshit. “No. Dad, you’re the chillest man on the island. I can’t think of a kinder man.”

"Well, thank you for that." Mr. Egbert smiles as he grabs a rag and starts wiping down the counter by his register. "I swear, sometimes it feels like you kids respect me more than my own son. I can't imagine what John would say if I talked to him like I talk to you three."

At the sound of John's name, your brother snaps out of his daze, "huh? What about John?"

John's dad chuckles as he goes on, pretending he didn't hear Dave. "Why, John would instantly tell me that if I felt like my wife was too good for me, that I should just square up and become a better man deserving of her.”

"That does sound like him...” Dave pauses. He’s lost in a thought that he can’t seem to pull himself from. "But I don't know if he'd be _so_ blunt."

John's dad smiles at Dave and states the obvious, “Oh I know he would. Trust me - I'm his father. John’s filled with imperfections-" Mr. Egbert just straight up tells the truth. "-but all men are. It’s the curse of being _somewhat_ human.”

"I don’t know about that... the first part I mean...” Dave trails off.

"You don’t think my son is flawed?” John's dad sounds ultimately confused. 

”Uh..." Dave sheepishly lowers his head and turns towards you. He expects that you can help him out of this. Nope. Can't do nothing about that now. He dug this grave for himself when he took the chance to have some cinnamon and almond milk tea. 

Dave hesitates to say it, but mans up and confesses, "not really...?"

"Ha. Ignorance is bliss I suppose. You should hold onto that mindset. I’m certain it’ll do you good in the future.” John's dad chortles just like Sollux's first dad you met did. That laugh is probably unique to fathers when they speak to... the men they know their children are going to end up with.

Mr. Egbert smiles at Dave with a caring, knowing look. "I assume that John's going to give you a real tough time of things. No matter, he'll come around! My son doesn't seem to be as ruthless as he used to be, so I assume you'll be safe when you two end up together. But no promises!" John's dad wags his fingers in Dave's face and then chuckles.

"Huh?” Dave sounds like he’s still half-dazed with a thought in his head. “Sorry... I was just thinking about something.”

Sollux leans over to get a better look at your bro, "you okay there? Did you get heat stroke under that robe?”

Mr Egbert laugh, "seems like he's just off in his own world now." Damn he's right, your brother's world is shaped around John too. 

"Huh?" Dave turns towards Sollux and gets a look around at the faces surrounding him. 

"You okay?" Sollux asks your bro again.

"I'm good. I was just thinking about how hard John trains. Maybe uh... John always pushing himself too hard is a bit of a flaw...” Dave trails off again. 

John's dad lingers on a question a few moments before saying it, "...are you... worried about him?”

Dave takes a breath in through his nose and nods. "Yeah.”

"You know, as a father, I appreciate hearing that from one of John’s close friends. John’s too hard on himself and he works himself to death. It’s good to hear someone agreeing with me on that. Since you’re not his father, he might actually listen to your input. You should talk to him.”

Dave shakes his head no. "I don’t think John would listen to anyone about anything... he marches to the beat of his own drum.” Dave says the words like he's about to return to his dazed state.

John's dad hums out a quiet laugh. "That he does.”

John's dad's eyes fall onto the bottle that your brother is still clutching to. "That's a beautiful bottle."

"I..." Dave seems panic stricken for a moment. He swallows down a gulp of spit and then mutters out, "thank you, sir." Dave must not know how to talk to Egbert, and to be honest, seeing that he's technically royalty, you don't know how to either. 

John's father extends a hand out towards Dave and asks, "would you mind if I could take a look...?"

Dave hands the bottle over to Mr. Egbert. Once John's father has the bottle in his hands, he lifts it up towards one of the small lamps hanging down from the ceiling. Sunlight from the window glistens against the gold as the fire from the lamps reflects off the deep blue glass. 

"You're quite the powerful warlock, and from what I’ve seen with my own two eyes. With this bottle right here, I can tell that you’re going to use that to your advantage. You're going to have a blessed life filled with wealth, and this shade of blue... _hm..."_ John's dad rubs his chin as he looks down at the bottle. "I'm sure the priest already told you what this means." 

John's dad nods, "you should take pride in this." He hands Dave back the bottle and smiles.

"Thank you, sir. I do." Dave takes the bottle into his hands and nods.

"And there's no need to keep calling me sir. Call me dad, everyone your age does.”

Dave’s muttering something about not being able to bring himself to call anyone by that, you pay more mind to John’s dad who just sighed out, “might as well get used to the idea of being your father-in-law as soon as I can.” Dave didn't seem to hear his comment, that's for the best anyway. If Dave knew that he was literally destined to marry John, his mind would shut down completely. 

A woman looking to be about Egbert's age steps up to the counter, “would you be willing to do a trade? I just plucked a basket full of nightshade and I could use two vials of wasp wings for something I’m working on. I heard that you might have something in.”

"I’m sorry. I get my supply from a different vender here and I only have so much to spare." Mr. Egbert offers her up a solution, "I could refer you to him.”

"You’re a lifesaver.” The woman sighs, something about how she hunches over makes her look elderly, but she must be no older than thirty-five. 

Mr. Egbert chuckles, "don’t thank me just yet, he doesn’t do trades. Only takes coin.”

"Then..." The woman holds up the basket of flowers again, "would you be interested in buying some nightshade, sir?”

"Ha. Let’s see what we’re cooking with here.”

. . . 

Mr. Egbert tended to all of his customers with grace and poise. No matter how stupid their questions were, he still helped them with a smile on his face. You admire that kind of diction. You don't think you could handle a moment in your life without snapping at everyone that wastes your time with a brainless request. God. Why the hell did someone ask John's poor father for a sample of what is basically the equivalent of sugar water? These vials of energy tonics he has on display next to the register might look like they do something, but from what you read, these things are practically worthless, _'they aren't even flavored.'_

You sipped at your tea while Dave mindlessly filled around with his miniature spoon. Dave kept stirring his tea around with a dazed smile plastered across his face the entire time you were watching Egbert work, he’s probably lost in thought thinking about John working the floor in this store. Occasionally, you'd hear Dave giggling to himself. Sollux bumped you on the shoulder the last time Dave had a giggle fit and told you, _"If I start acting that way over you, you have permission to just slit my throat."_ You nodded once and bluntly said, ** _"noted."_**

Mr. Egbert just finished up with another customer, he managed to charm his client into another additional purchase. Seems like his optimism is infectious, he just sold a man who came in to by a sleep-aid one of those uppers right next to the register. John's dad turns to you three to make conversation with you all again. Right when he opens his mouth, Sollux jolts a bit up.

"Oh. Damn!" Sollux shakes his head and holds his forehead with his palm, "I completely forgot, I need to refill my cabinet."

"Ah." Mr. Egbert nods. "Just your usual?”

"Yep." Sollux lifts up his hand and stopped Egbert from even offering, "I only have so much on me, so nothing else today."

John's dad smiles as he stops Sollux from reaching into his back pockets. "No need to get out your coin. It's covered."

Sollux pauses, speechless.

Mr. Egbert explains, "soon as I gave my son his share for last week's work, he handed me a portion of his pay back and said to cover the cost of making your potions. Said that it's a gift from him. He also said something about how you're going to need all the help you can get if you're going to end up with who you're _destined to end up with."_

"Ha." You let out a dry laugh. **"How amusing."**

"Oh." Mr. Egbert caught on right away that it was you his son _spat_ on. "My apologies if my son insulted you."

"No, no. **He's right.”** Your shades are covering up the dead certain look you're giving the man, but you're sure that Egbert can sense the fire behind your words. 

Mr. Egbert simply stares at you as he slowly nods. "Sollux is right. You _are_ terrifying to speak with." 

You can't keep yourself from smiling, as much as you want to hold it back. You cover your face with your hand. Sollux laughs and pulls you into a hug. "Sorry!" Sollux keeps laughing as he says, "I know I keep telling everyone your terrifying, but I mean it in a good way!"

Dave must have snapped out of his trance again, he's back in the world of the living and laughing along with you three.

Suddenly, John's dad slaps his hands together. "Oh! Where has my mind gone! I completely forgot! It was your birthday recently, was it not? Not only that, but you're pretty new to the island. I need to find you boys some suitable gifts. I want you both to feel welcomed here.”

"Oh, you don't have to, sir." Dave 's quick to refute getting a gift, he's only trying to be polite, he probably wants to see what John's dad has to offer, you know you do. Still not certain that anything's gonna top that German encyclopedia set that Dave already gave you as a birthday gift, but you'll always welcome anything free.

"No no." John's dad denied Dave's rejection. "I want both you boys to feel welcomed on the island... hmm... let's see..."

John's dad turns to face the cabinets behind him. There's a full wall of little vials and jars inside of small wooden cubbies that seemed perfectly tailored around each of the individual glass jars. Mr Egbert perks up and reaches up towards the top shelf for a vile that has a light pink tint. “Ah! I know. Any man at your age should always wear _some_ type of cologne. Smell this.”

John's dad placed a large pink bottle of light pink liquid down in front of your brother. Mr. Egbert sprayed a small sprint of it onto his own wrist and held it up for Dave to smell. 

"It’s my son’s favorite. He avoids using it because he says it smells too sweet for him. He prefers wearing more masculine scents but he’s very partial towards sweet peas and sugar. That and he loves the smell of lavender lotion or honey scented anything.”

"Yeah?” Dave seems like he's at full attention now, taking in every word of knowledge there is to know about this man's son. 

John's dad begins to spray Dave's wrists with the bottle. ”Ha. I remember John snatched up a bottle of this stuff just to douse his pillow before he sleeps, but he always wants to smell just like tobacco and that pungent midnight mist when he’s around other boys." John's dad laughs as he puts down the perfume, "I'm certain that you're giving all those other boys a run for their money now, Dave!"

"Wait." You find yourself asking out loud, "what?"

Dave seems just as confused. "What are you talking about, Mr. Egbert?"

John's dad keeps going on, "John just could not pull himself away from you, Dave! Remember after your bonding ritual with English?“

"Uh... ha...” Dave awkwardly laughs, "yeah... I remember."

_'Yeah, no duh. He talks about that all the fucking time.'_

Mr. Egbert goes on, “John was singing to you and patting your head. I’ve never seen him tend to any of his mother’s patients like that, and he constantly refers to you as cute, _I think he’s harboring some feelings towards you!”_

Dave stumbles to get up from his stool. "I uh... I have to use the restroom... uh- I just- um- yeah. I need... Restroom.”

"You mean the toilet?" John's dad puts it bluntly. "There's one in the back, kiddo. Knock yourself out."

Dave's face turns burnt red as he fumbles away from the counter. "Thanks. I- I will.”

You wait a moment for Dave to scamper away before you adress John's dad,

"You seem certain that Dave's going to end up with your son."

"I am certain.” His eyes are still fixed on Dave. “My whole life, I've been shoved from place to place, interacting with different warlocks and wizards that offered up their skills to the head of my bloodline. Never once have I ever met anyone with the raw strength that your brother has..." John's dad sighs. His eyes fall onto the blue bottle that Dave left behind. "If Dave has his heart set on my son, then it is meant to be."

"Too bad, John doesn't seem sold." Sollux shakes his head. 

"What do you mean? I thought he liked Dave." John's dad seems confused. 

Sollux explains to the both of you, "John still thinks that he's going to end up with Karkat."

 _'Shit.'_ You knew there was something there between Egbert and that ugly-ass chain smoker, you just didn't think Egbert was basically in love with the guy. You save face and say nothing, best not to let your current company in on how you didn't fully get the picture till this moment. You nod along as Sollux says, "he's in for a rude awakening when he goes diving in the ocean and pulls out one of those." Sollux nods his head over towards the blue bottle next to Dave's untouched tea. 

"Not unless... you kids can push things along." Mr. Egbert gives Sollux a small hint of a playful smile. He's holding his head up like he said nothing at all. He just goes back to messing around with the rag in his hands. 

"How so?" Sollux lifts up his hands and shrugs. "Think it would take like divine intervention to change his mind when it's made up, you know how John is."

"Right." Egbert nods. "And I know my son well enough to know that he get dazzled the moment someone jingles something shiny in front of him. Dave seems like the kind of man he'd be taken by, and I could swear John has some sort of interest in him, even if he won't admit it. That, and... Dave is a good kid. I'd like to see John end up with someone like that." Mr. Egbert shuts his eyes, for a moment he has a peaceful look on his face, till his eyes shoot open and he corrects himself, "that's not to say that Karkat is bad in anyway, just that-"

"He smokes, he drinks, he stays up till long after the sun rises." Sollux lists off Karkat's flaws for everyone at the counter to hear. "I love 'em, but I get what you're saying. Dave's a lot more... structured."

You scoff out a laugh. These two don't know anything about Dave, but he _is_ a good kid. Dave always helps people when they ask and he tries hard to do right by people, even the ones he doesn't know. You have no idea where he got that from, you and bro don't do shit for anyone other than you and your own. As much as you don't want John to be with your baby bro, you have to admit that Dave deserves any guy that he wants and you do mean any... just so long as the guy treats him right, _'Egbert better shape himself up or **someone's** going to take him on a little boating trip out past the barrier and then fucking leave the bastard there to drowned.'_

John's short, but always holds himself like he's tall. He has long limbs and almond shaped eyes. John always looks like he's judging everyone, you think it might just be the way his eyes and his mouth are shaped. John looks just like a pouting model, always telling everyone with just a glance to _'fuck off'._ While on the concept of modeling, Dave seems like he's completely entranced by John's sense of fashion. Always with the white button up shirts and gold bangles. Even on the days that John trains, he'll still wear some gold rings and sometimes gold bands around his arms. He's pretty much always swimming too, so he smells just like seasalt. And also, now that John's dad has mentioned it, he does always smell like masculine cologne. It kind of makes you wonder what kind of _man_ John is. John's dad just said that Dave seems like John's type. Maybe he thinks that Dave is _manly_ simply because he's tall. 

You always thought that your bro wouldn't be the _man_ in the relationship, and to be perfectly honest, you're not certain what it is that John wants. At first Egbert seemed like -for lack of a better term- _the bottom,_ in the relationship to you... but now that you think of it, John seems like he might have enough pride to be a top. Although, he does seem fairly feminine to you, he floats a bit when he walks and always praises boys for holding the door open for him, stupid things like that. However, that might just be John messing with the hearts of young men, if he's after someone like Karkat, maybe he's after a boy to do-

"Here you are Sollux, this is everything you need for I'd say about two weeks." Mr. Egbert hands your boyfriend a brown paper bag.

"Nice." Sollux nods.

"And..." Egbert seems hesitant to continue, "I hope you don't mind me bringing this up, but my son told me that Dirk here neutralizes your ability to hear prophecies."

"That he does." Sollux hunches over the counter as he fiddles around with his empty teacup. "But that's more like a plus. I’m obsessed with him because he's so confident and has every right to be.” 

You turn your face away from him, how can anyone just openly confess to being that enamored by another? 

Sollux smiles as he spouts out a fun fact about you, “did you know he can speak like ten different languages?”

"Ten foreign languages." You correct your darling. "I speak _Eleven_ languages fluently, and that's not including the different dialects I know. I also understand a fair amount of American Sign Language, but I never finished learning it unfortunately."

"Wow, and you taught yourself all of that?" John's dad sounds impressed, so you continue, 

"I always enjoyed reading. When I was about nine I figured it was a better use of my time to teach myself different languages than sitting around and watching television with Dave."

"Ah, yes. Television." John's dad nods. He clearly seems like he's pretending that he understands what you're talking about. You hum out a chuckle. Sollux pats your back and places a kiss on your cheek, feels like a reward for openly showing emotion. You’d hate to imagine getting used to expressing yourself... but you think you could learn to live like this, if you _had_ to. 

You stop yourself from smiling. You turn your head toward Sollux, he has a tense look on his face even though he’s still smiling. He doesn’t know what you’re going to do. Good, you want to keep him on his toes. “You’re honestly afraid of me?” You tilt your head a bit. Sollux chuckles a bit. Before he can answer you lean forward and place a quick and gentle peck on his cheek. You whisper, “Good.” Sollux naturally has rich tan skin, he must be stressed because you can see its turning red already. 

John's dad smiles down at the two of you. He seems like he's mostly happy for Sollux. He must have known him since he was young. Seems about right, Sollux has no hesitation when he calls Mr. Egbert, _dad._ You wonder if you're going to start seeing this man in the same light. Never once did you think about having a father... Bro always seemed to resent the very concept of having a father. You guess that rubbed off on you, but for some reason, having Sollux next to you is making you feel more open to ideas you've never considered. He must have cursed you somehow. 

You hear a voice behind you. "Back." 

You lift up your head and see Dave. Right away, he sits back down onto his wooden stool and starts scratching the inside of his arm. Dave's head is hung low and he seems completely embarrassed. Once again, he dug this hole himself. If he didn't want to talk about his crush with his crush's fucking dad, he probably should have just turned right around the moment the man offered tea. 

"Wonderful, now let's pick up where we left off! Dave, would you like the perfume that I showed you earlier as a gift?"

"Uh... Um..." Dave seems uncertain of what to say. You answer for him, "he does." 

John's dad places the vile before your bro, "I hope you wear this to the party tonight, I'm sure once John gets a whiff of this, he's going to be all over you!"

"I-" Dave turns completely red. "I- um..." He's shaking now, he can't use the bathroom excuse again to get out of this. You don't want to watch him struggle though. You shall speak on Dave's behalf.

"So, John is going to be attending the party tonight?" You slightly tilt your head as you speak. "We just saw him at Jade's ceremony, and he didn't seem interested in going." 

John's dad nods and hums. "Most likely because he always goes with Sollux, and it looks like Sollux is finally taken by you, Dirk. Horrible luck for John, the two of them have been attending parties like this since they were kids."

"I know, Sollux's father told me." You nod. 

"Oh!? You met one of Sollux's dads?" Mr. Egbert is smiling ear to ear now.

You nod and add in, "I've met both of them."

"I'm certain they also told you that Sollux talks about you ever moment of every day."

"Lord." Sollux buries his face into his hands. "Can we just go back to talking about John." 

Dave nudges your arm a bit. Looks like he actually wants that too, he just doesn't have the balls to say it out loud. 

John's dad chuckles. "Certainly. Let's see... John seems like he's more focused on training right now than on boys, he told me this morning he doesn't want to go, but don't worry! I'll make sure that he attends and picks you out as a date tonight."

"Ho-" Dave's eyes are wide behind his shades. He looks like he's in shock. "Wha-"

Once John's dad sees that Dave is shaking and blushing red, he turns towards you and says, ”I’m going to be closing up shop soon so I can head over to the manor, let’s get everything in order. We were talking about birthday gifts before Dave ran off, right?”

"Right?" You speak with a small infliction. 

Mr. Egbert smiles as he speaks to you, "Sollux here tells me here that you're fond of very strange things."

"I suppose." You give him a bit of a look. He seems quick to just jump from topic to topic. _'Such a strange man.'_

Mr. Egbert nods. "I think I'll let you pick something from the shop as a gift for yourself. Now, I have a fox tail, bloodroot juice, a ram's horn, a few small fire stones, maybe a finch's wing. I could part with a few vials of marrow... and oh! I have a few cursed daggers in stock. Now those are a bit pricey, but I wouldn't mind parting with one if you'd spread the word."

. . .

You've been fiddling around with that dagger since you got it. It's remarkable, the blades actually taken to you. Every time that Sollux tries to hold it or prick his finger on it, the blade would immediately heat up. Only you are allowed to wield it now. You've got to find the spell for this and curse the rest of your blades, you're sick of your older bro taking your best knifes and claiming them as his. The whole walk back to your place Sollux has been trying to mess around with you and your new favorite blade. He keeps picking at your clothes and poking your back. Everytime you shoo him away you feel hope in your heart he'll tease you again. Sollux places another kiss on your check once you reach the front of your home. 

You smile once you look up at your front door. Sollux gets the door for you and your bro. Oh that's right. You forgot that Dave was with you this whole time. Looks like he's still red. Probably still thinking about being John's date to the _prom_ tonight. You're certain John's going to do whatever he wants to do. No way his father can force him to do anything.

You show Sollux in, you guide him around your home and up to the library. Dave mindlessly follows behind you, that bottle still placed in his hands. Dave looks like he's lost in thought, not that he looks dazed, no, but it looks like Dave is lost in a thought that makes him panicked. He's breathing heavier and Sollux is trying to take his focus away from John.

Your boyfriend starts casually talking about coming to the English manor as a kid. "John would always bring different guys over here just so Jade's familiar would scare them off and he would basically call them the childhood equivalent of _pussies_." Dave chuckles a bit as Sollux said, "he'd call them _scaredy puss-pusses."_

You finish guiding Sollux up to the library. You stand right besides the large two wooden doors that are taking up a huge chunk of the hall. You expect that Sollux open the door for you. You watch Sollux scamper and then struggle to open the door. You hold your head up high as you walk past him and give him a simple "thank you" as he struggles to shut the door behind him. You could get used to this. 

Dave follows behind you as you walk into your favorite part of the library, which also happens to be where you left the pile of books you want to tackle. Dave's probably going to hang around you two as you both read. Dave's going to ask all sorts of stupid questions about what to do during the party tonight, you're certain John's not going to invite him, you should tell him that now so he stops hyperventilating. 

You sigh as you finish walking into the main part of the library. You sit down in your usual spot, the desk chair right next to your pile of books. Before you could open your mouth. You hear a pair of heels walk up to the three of you.

"Boys! You should be getting ready for the party!" Aranea chases up to meet Dave. She starts fiddling around with his ivory bangs as she takes the blue bottle that he’s so fond of into her gray hands. You notice now that Dave’s sprite is resting on her shoulder. “Darling, can you take your little one back for me?” Aranea snaps her fingers and sends Dave’s bottle into oblivion, or probably just Dave’s room. She leans forward for Dave so he can grab onto the little demon. 

“Sure.” Dave takes the little orange bird into his hands and scratches the demon’s back with the tips of his fingers. The damned thing makes a kissing noise and Dave follows its command. Dave kisses his familiar and mutters, “sorry I was gone so long, buddy. I’ll read you another book to make up for it, kay?”

“Nononono! You both need to prepare for the party tonight.” Aranea lightly grabs Dave by the shoulder, “no time for stories, parties starting in an hour and you are an honored guest!”

”I am?” Dave sounds more concerned than flattered. 

“Yes!” Aranea over-explains, “The Empress asked for you to sit besides her tonight! Don’t worry, there’s nothing you need to do except sit there and eat. She’s not one for conversation. Plus, you can always use your familiar as an excuse from the table if need be.” 

Dave looks down at the bird in his hand, “yeah. But he's pretty chill when he's with me. If anything though, I can just take a break from the party to try to potty train him again."

"I... suppose. Oh my, I've just been disaporating his leavings." Aranea tilts her head as she thinks to herself, "I didn't really consider that seeing that your familiar is going to stay in this form for a long while... If I would have thought of it, I could have helped you out with that. I'm sorry about that, Dave. I'm usually so on top of things."

"Nah." Dave shakes his head, "don't worry about it. You've been busy with other stuff, this” -he’s talking about a literal demon- “is on me.”

Dave starts petting his family's head with the tip of his index finger, "I promise I'll read you a story again tonight, for now how about we go get dressed for the party and I can tell you some stories about John, huh? Sound fun?”

Dave's familiar starts singing a happy tune. The little orange bird starts jumping up and down, excited to even hear John's name.

Sollux laughs, "do you even know any stories about John?"

Dave looks up at Sollux "Uh... a few?" Dave looks back down at his hands and says, "I mostly just say fun facts half the time though."

Dave mutters to his sprite, "little guy, did you know that John doesn't like coffee, but he pretends to just cause he wants to seem more like a _grown up?"_

_'Oh great, he's talking down to his sprite and everything.'_

The bird sings out one small little chirp. Aranea instantly chuckles and covers her lips with her fingers. "He prefers chai tea over everything." She lowers her fingers from her black lips, "I'm sure if you were to offer him up a cup sometime, he'd take the offer."

Dave looks up at her, his face flushes red. He can't even handle the idea of going on a date with John. You sigh and then pinch the bridge of your nose together. Aranea leans over Dave's shoulder and looks down at his familiar, "Did Dave tell you yet about John being royalty, if you see him tonight, he's going to be dressed in jewels and _gold."_ She's making John out to be some kind of god walking the face of the Earth. _"OoOo_ , you two have better go get primped and prepped for the banquet tonight, he’ll be so impressed if you let Dave wash you up, little one." She's just trying to move them along, that and get his sprite to take a bath.

"Yeah." Dave nods. "I can tell you everything I learned about John if-”

"What's this about John?"

You hear a deep voice coming up from between a row of bookshelves, Jake peaks his head out and lifts up his arms. He walks over towards Dave, wearing an emerald green vest with a crisp, white button up. Your older brother is walking up behind him, still wearing his usual white polo shirt. He's probably planning on doing what you're gonna do, hang out in the library till it's all over. 

Jake rushes up to Dave. English places his hands around Dave's forearms and looks over your little bro’s shoulder to get a good look at his familiar, "you want to hear stories about John, little one?"

The bird starts jumping up and down in Dave's hand. His entire body bobbing up and down, almost like he's nodding his head. Jake chuckles and tells Dave's familiar, "Aw, you’re such a little songbird, shame you weren't able to meet John before he got serious about all his training, he used to always sing every moment he wasn't reading. He's really taken in by music."

"He is?" Dave seems glad to hear that. 

"Oh, yes." Jake nods. Your older brother finishes walking up behind his husband. He doesn't seem in anyway amused that Jake is encouraging Dave with this whole _John_ thing. 

"John swoons over every _spruce_ _musician_ and _sensitive artist_ he sees, in person or in those quaint little magazines of his." Jake backs away from Dave and clasps both of his hands together, "he thinks music is just like poetry, _and he finds it so, very romantic."_ Jake begins to sing his words, like he's mocking Dave's cloying emotions.

Dave's sprite happily sings and flaps his tiny wings.

"Yes!" Jake laughs, "just like that!"

Aranea lets out two small giggles. "Oh, he really was fond of that one musician that played him a song last time we all traveled to hell together, then of course he caught the guy talking to a man who actually was his age and John broke his gittern over his head." 

"Ha!" Jake claps his hands together again, "John can be a real man-slayer when the little green monster in him takes over."

Dave blankly stares down into his palms and at his familiar -who’s mind seems just as vacant at the moment. The two of them seem to be piecing together just why John would hurt a grown man, _surely it can’t be for not taking interest in him? How ludicrous would that be?_

Dave’s tiny bird starts cowering into himself, he looks so defeated. Dave starts wiggling his index finger in front of his familiar, then he starts scratching the little bird's chin. 

"John’s just passionate, little guy.” Dave explains to his familiar. “He gets emotional cause he cares too much.” 

So that’s how he justifies it to himself.

“Well...” Sollux starts up, “John’s a lot cooler now than he was a year ago, like I said, but he still lets his anger control him, just don’t do anything to get on his bad side and your safe.”

Dave’s little bird tilts his head again. Jake instantly lets out an “awww, he doesn’t understand why we’re all saying John is mean! You live a lucky, little life. John's never going to get mad at you because you're cute, as for you Dave -being comely isn't going to save you from John's wrath, eventually, he's going to get mad at you over something. And oh, that boy can hold a grudge!" 

"Oo, Jake." Aranea places two closed fists onto her hips, "Don't scare the boy." She leans a bit closer to _her student_ and mutters through her teeth, "I need to get them both ready for tonight. Stop distracting them." Clearly that was loud enough for Dave to hear, but his eyes are fixed on the bird in his palms, he's wearing a sour frown on his face. Dave suddenly looks worried about what everyone just told him. You sigh and pat your hand onto his back. Dave's still lost in thought. He's going to be processing all of this for a while, probably all night in fact. Specially seeing that Egbert is most likely not going to have Dave as a date. Maybe it's for the best if you claim he's sick for tonight. You take in a breath to speak, but you're cut off when Jake clasps his hands together and rubs them. 

"Alright!" Jake addresses you, Sollux and your brother. "We should get you three in order for tonight! You th-"

"I'm not going." You speak over him. 

"Not going?!" Jake lowers his chin and lets out a dry laugh, something about his face screams _I envy that._ Jake straightens himself back up and turns to your brother, "darling, you've rubbed off too much on these boys. I was hoping that they would _both_ embrace this opportunity to experience a banquet, especially seeing how they have missed so many of the feasts for the Empress."

"Yeah." You know what he's doing. "Not gonna work."

Jake pouts as he turns towards you again. He's wearing an even more envious look on his face. He ignores you and decides not to speak against your decision. He turns towards your brother and puts on a _happy face,_ "how about you, Dave?! You interested in a night of dancing and wine?" Jake's tone screams, _please don't make me go through this alone._

Dave looks up from his bird and meets Jake's gaze. Dave looks down at the ground, a somber sadness painted on his face. He mutters out something he should probably not say in front of your older brother, "I'll go if John asks." Dave must not care about anything else at the moment. You're ready to put him in a headlock while you let your brother go shank Egbert to death. Dave's acting like such a fucking moron. This lovelorn, idiot routine Dave's found himself in only serves to piss you and Bro off. Looking up at Ambrosia's face now, the dude looks like he's ready to smack Dave upside the head, he'd do it too, if Jake wasn't here.

An unexpected voice speaks up, "come on, Dave." You turn towards Sollux and listen as he tells your baby brother, "don't shape your life around what John wants, even if you like a guy, you have to live your own life. What do you _honestly_ want to do tonight? Be real."

"I... I guess I'd like to go for the food but... my hearts not really in it."

"Does it matter if your heart's in it or not?" Sollux sounds both caring and charismatic as he pats Dave on the back. "If you wanna eat food, eat food. Don't overthink it." 

"I... I think maybe you're right... it's just..." Dave shuts his eyes. "If I see John tonight... dressed in gold... I think I'm just going to zone out like a braindead idiot and make a fool of myself... like usual actually." You can't stop yourself from scoffing at that. You hate when he shits on himself like this. This isn't self-reflection, this is just self-loathing. 

Your boyfriend pats Dave's back again. "Just ignore John, it's not hard. Trust me, eventually, you'll get in the swing of it." You hum out a small laugh. No matter what, this guy always gets you to laugh. Still, you don't think this is advice that Dave would appreciate to hear. 

"I don't know..." Dave is quick to dismiss the idea Sollux just brought up of Dave _ever wanting to ignore his perfect, beautiful John Egbert,_ "I don't think it's as easy as just pretending John doesn't exist... it's like... I don't know."

Jake lets out a gentle laugh and places both his hands onto his hips. "What? Is it like you love him so much _it's painful_ or something?"

Dave looks up at Jake. The twitch on the corner of Dave's mouth tells you that the answer is a silent yes.

You're so close to punching him. 

Your boyfriend picks things back up where he left off, "so? Dude, just think of it as like an ailment. And with any illness, you have to just deal with the symptoms. Don't try fighting it. Fighting it doesn't help. And trust me, ignoring it does." Sollux speaks from experience, he's talking about how he deals with his own issues, Captor's not talking about _love_ himself though. Yep. He's not talking about you. He ever ignores you, he's dead.

Dave sips in a breath as he nods along with the echoes of Sollux's words. Dave humbly agrees, "I just... I've never been in love before, I didn't expect that it would... be this difficult."

"Oh, it's only difficult because you are not together, Dave!" Jake steps forward and then pulls Dave into a sideways hug, "I feel so much love in my heart for Ambrosia here, and every time he stares at me I feel this wave of emotion crashing into my soul! Oh, and the moment we met, he terrified me down to my core! This shall pass, and once it does, you will look back on moments like these and laugh." Jake smiles so brightly and so wide, that his eyes are shut tight. He cannot see the frown encompassing Dave's face and shaping his chin to be as wrinkled as his jacket. Dave is clearly in pain and you can't do anything but watch this train wreck unfold. You feel like some lonely mother gazing out of her window, staring at her son that she just can't touch, but TLC lyrics aside. You honestly do feel like a helpless parent, unable to protect Dave from harm. It was so much easier when you could punch and kick any advisory in Dave's path, but this one, you can't touch. Dave will probably kill you if you even so much as confess how deeply you want to shatter every bone in that boy's spine right now. Right, you would never confess that outloud, but you can't stop Ambrosia from muttering, "I'd love to slap that John boy upside the mouth."

In a split second, you feel your eyes widen and your jaw tighten. Then, before you know it, you hear a sharp, loud "HA!" Coming from besides you. Sollux turns towards your older bro as he clutches his stomach, "you and me both!" 

Sollux goes on, "let me tell you this! One time, John invited a guy out to lunch and just up and decided that he didn't like the date so he got up and left, and told the dude to his face that he needed to cover the bill for _wasting his time."_

Jake cleared his throat, clearly covering in a laugh that he just had to let out. Jake shakes his head, "John doesn't really act like that anymore."

"I know!" Sollux smiles with a wide-open grin, "I'm just saying, John's done some stuff that probably earned him some discipline that his dad is too chill to give him."

"Glad someone said it." Your bro's arms are crossed, but he looks content with what Sollux said. 

Sollux laughs, "Honestly, John's an asshole."

You hear high-pitched screams. Cawing sounds scraping into your ears and stabbing into your brain like hot pokers. You turn your head and see Dave trying to calm down his bright orange demon bird. ”Dude! Dude!” Dave's sprite looks like he's trying to take off and go for Sollux's eyes. Dave's holding onto his sprites body as the demon frantically flaps his wings. "Calm down!" Dave lets one of his hands free and instantly snaps his fingers. A slip of paper appears in his free hand. Dave hold the paper in front of his familiar. 

Dave's familiar gets a peak at what's on the page and right away gets distracted by what looks like a Polaroid. The little bird seems to have completely forgotten his vendetta against your lover. Dave pulls his hand close to his chest, his sprite’s tail feathers brush against Dave’s stomach. The little bird flops onto his back, using Dave's arm as a bed. Dave holds the picture about the bird at an angle. It looks exactly like a parent feeding their baby with a bottle.

The devil-bird is transfixed by the image. You tilt your head a bit and find its a picture of John smiling. He’s standing in what must be a part of Jade’s garden. You take in a breath through your nose and roll your eyes.

Dave is lightly swinging his body back and forth to comfort his _little guy._

Dave sighs. He keeps looking down at his little bird. The damn thing doesn't have a care in the world so long as he's staring at that thing. It's like a baby with an iPad. Dave mutters, "he’s nuts about this picture... last night, I stared at this thing and he joined me for... hours..."

Your boyfriend doesn't hesitate to blow a raspberry through his nose at the sound of that. You do have to say, Dave's honesty is fairly humorous. 

Dave goes on about his sprite, "he goes nuts for stories about John too... I guess he really takes after _me_ , huh?”

You shake your head, “poor thing.”

Dave gives you another look and says, "shut up.”

You give him a tiny smile. Hopefully still apathetic enough for Bro's tastes.

Your boyfriend leans in a bit closer to get a look at Dave's new familiar. The tiny bird couldn't even care to look in Sollux's direction. His gaze hasn't broken away from that image for a good while now.

"I do feel kinda bad for the little guy... he's probably falling for Egbert.” Your boyfriend tries to scratch the bird's belly. Dave’s sprite turns his head and bites his finger with his beck in retort. “Ow! Fine! John once shoved me off my own patio deck because I told him I wasn’t interested in him. Then he laughed at me when a cactus cushioned my fall!”

Jake laughed. He didn't even make an effort to hide his amusement. "How old was he then? 14?”

”That was two years ago!" Sollux shouts with a smile on his face. "He was 16!”

"Well, what did you say to him?" Aranea asks, covering up a smile with her palm. She just wants to see if he deserved it.

"I said something about how I was the only guy our age in town that wasn’t insane about him.” Dave’s sprite hops up and bites Sollux’s finger again. "Ow! Dude!? What the fuck!? I didn't even do anything! John did!"

"Ha! Yeah!" Jake joins in _the fun_. "John's done much worse to other boys, little one! I recall when he was 12, a kid ran up to me and yelled about John told him that he’d go out with the poor kid if he ate dirt, and then, once John watched the kid do it, he just lost interest!"

"Oh, Lord." Aranea is covering her heart. "Jade told me a story once of a boy who spent weeks picking up shark teeth on the beach to make John a bracelet. Once John got the gift, he took it and offered it up to a boy he had a crush on that week!”

Sollux shakes his head. "One time, when I was with John, we were mistaken as a couple and he punched me in the face, just to prove we weren’t in a relationship.”

"The more I hear about him, the more I like him.” Your older brother crosses his arms and nods. “But you had best keep your guard up when you're around him.” He’s looking at Dave. "I don't wanna see you get played."

Jake steps over to his beautiful, darling, perfect, spectacular, whatever-the-fuck, Ambrosia and grips onto his waist, "If John takes an interest in Dave, there’s nothing that can be done. John always seeps into the minds of young men.”

"Then why didn’t he get _this one?”_ Bro’s talking about your boyfriend. 

Sollux nods and looks over at your bro, "I can read thoughts -most of the time- so I can see how quickly John shifts from wanting to tend to a bird's broken wing to wanting to break apart the earth. He’s the most insane man I’ve ever met.” He’ll change his statement once he reads your older brother’s mind, you’re sure. “I mean, Johns changed in the past two years, but not by much. If he gets the chance to push someone who’s perceivably crosses him down the stairs he’ll kick em down and still pretend it was an accident.”

Jake laughs. “I love him to death, I even changed his diapers, but even I’m afraid of the kid!“

”Ha!" Sollux smiles and nods once with his whole body, "you have every right to be! He’s a fucking monster.”

Instantly, Dave’s sprite jumps up. He screams at the same time Dave shouts, “you shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you.” Sollux shuts his mouth. You look over at Dave. You never see the kid scowl, but he’s got on a look that would make even you think twice about pressing him.

You’ve never seen your baby bro look so fucking pissed. His face is red hot and he looks like he’s ready to attack your boyfriend. Too bad for Sollux, you’ll always take Dave’s side. No matter what. 

Dave’s pissed, but he is still taking care to not crumple his precious photo or hurt his baby familiar. Dave swallows down spit and then lowers his tone, “I’m so fucking sick of hearing that shit from everyone. Everyone I talk to about John thinks he’s some kind of fucking bastard or monster. He’s better than that, and you all know it! He’s so caring and sure- he’s assertive, but it’s because he knows what he likes and he works hard to get what he wants! John’s amazing, I’ve never met anyone like him! And I swear to the fucking Lord above, if I catch you saying he’s a monster again I’ll cut out your fucking tongue.” 

Dave’s sprite chirps once. Like he’s in agreement. Your boyfriend is completely silent. Dave backs away from him and stares back down at his picture. Dave holds it up so his familiar can see. Dave lighty sighs to calm himself. “He’s not a monster, he just has a strange sense of humor... and he knows he’s too good to settle for anything less than perfect.”

"I’m glad that you understand me, Dave.”

John steps into the open space in the library. Dave’s face is stricken with pure horror. You all stare over at John. His hands are places on his hips. He’s wearing a large overcoat with no sleeves. The cape is a deep blue, almost black, it’s embroidered with gold thread and what looks like diamonds. John has a gold band around his head and two gold bands around his wrists. John walks forward, two thick boot heels clicking against the floor.

"As for the rest of you! I am very disappointed in all of you! Speaking ill of your prince on a night like tonight?! I’m certain you’d all find yourselves roasting on a pit if the Empress overheard your claims. And Sollux, I thought you’d show some decorum! Well never mind, act however you want! I’ll just go alone to the banquet tonight. I don't need your company!”

"I wasn’t your date anyway, you _know_ I’m dating-“

"Excuse me?" John lifts up a hand. "You’d actually _assume_ I’d care to learn what was going on in your dismal little life and that I’d just **_know_** I’m dateless because you _suddenly_ _decided_ to downgrade?”

"downgrade.” You were amused the whole time, but you aren’t fucking amused by **that.**

“Ugh. You canceled on me in the last minute, how very _like_ you, Captor. I suppose I can find another date... that one merchant boy who sells the little vials of unicorn bile is clearly beneath me, he’s perfect. I think I have the time to sneak out and drag him here...”

"Why do you need someone _beneath_ you anyway, sprout?” Jake sounds concerned. 

”Uh- Jake? Are you paying attention?! Every boy on the freaking island isn’t good enough for me, but some _**almost** seem_ like they are! I can’t bring guys like **_that_** as my guests or everyone is going to assume I’m dating them- keep up! Why do you think I always go with Sully as a friend?!"

"Cause he's a good kid." Jake shrugs. "That and he is the only guy that really _is_ your _friend-_ friend."

John sighs and ignores Jake. "Maybe it’s a good year to stop inviting Sollux anyway, everyone saw him stuff wine bottles under his shirt last banquet anyway.

"In my defense they were for my dad.” Sollux quickly sets the record straight. 

Jake captures John's attention again, "why not go with whoever is the other most handsome boy on the island? I’m sure you can get his attention, kiddo.”

"He’s not talking to me right now. That, and I already tried to invite him.” John crosses his arms, "that's... why he's not talking to me right now. And before you ask, I’m number two."

Jake's jaw is clenched tight, he hunches over and shrugs. "Third... most?”

John pauses for a moment, “Uh... Oh damn! I already rejected him! Plus, I think he’s already got a date... I mean, he obviously must have found one by this morning, he’s so **fucking** handsome! That and I wouldn’t want to go with him. He’s too tall!”

Dave's sprite lets out another kissing sound. John's ears perk up. His eyes light up with joy once he sees Dave's little sprite. John rushes over and lifts up his hands in a welcoming embrace.

“Oh! Little one! Hello hello hello!" John leans over and places kisses all over the top of the bird's head.

Dave notices that his photograph of John is still in his hands. He is quick to send it away. He must be hoping that John didn't see anything. Johns too busy kissing Dave's little sprite. When John pulls away from the bird, Dave's sprite places his beak against John's cheek and mimics the kissing sound again. 

"Aw!" John starts baby talking him again, "a wittle romantic! After my own hwart!"

John pressed a finger up to the little bird's chest and started scratching under his chin. "Maybe you can be my date! Huh? Wanna be my little plus one?”

Dave lets out a tiny chuckle. "Sorry, man. It’s nap time soon...” -it probably isn’t- “but um... I could... I-“

Dave falls silent. John leans in a bit closer to Dave, he gently places his palm onto Dave's forearm as he asks, "yes?”

"I..." Dave's face is still red hot from his fit of anger. But now his ears are turning a bright shade of pink. "I- I..."

John slightly tilts his head to the side. The gesture must be too much for Dave's heart to take because the next thing you know, Dave is shouting, "I could hold your coat all night if you want!”

"Perfect!” John clasps his hands together. His eyes are shining like stars. “That’s one less thing I have out to figure out!” John takes off his heavy cape and places it into Dave's free hand. Dave holds up his orange bird and struggles to keep John's cape off the -completely clean and spotless- ground.

Jake chortles. He pulls Ambrosia closer to his side as he claims, "I think Dave was offering to be your date.” Of course, Jake has to ruin everything. 

"Oh, Lord! Absolutely not! What a dreadful idea!” John slaps one of his palms to his face. You wish you could fucking slap him upside the head once you hear your baby bro whimper out, “...dread...ful?”

John turns to Dave and nods as he tells your bro, "everyone would get one look at you and stare right past me! You’re too handsome! And I already said you’re too tall! Were you not listening!?” 

"I... I didn’t think you meant... me..." Dave's looking down at his hands. His little bird looks just as meek as he does in the moment.

"Of course I was talking about you!" John is close to shouting at your bro now, "Dave! Have you seen anyone else on this island with hair like yours? And those eyes too! Shame you’re attending the party alone, but it makes me feel a little bit less like a loser and more like a loner." John starts walking away from your group. A thought pops into his head and then he turns his head slightly around to tell Dave, "and if you stand anywhere near me tonight, I’ll be forced to make you to leave the party early! I can’t let anyone assume we’re together!”

"Because...?” Dave seems hesitant to hear the answer. 

"Because! You’re too big of a statement piece! Everywhere you go it’s just ‘look at me! I’m perfect. I'm flawless. I'm irresistible! I'm American! Look at my abs!’ I need a man who's like a harmless glass of water I can hold, not a big _showy_ fountain! You’re always turning heads! I don’t need that! Maybe I can still sneak out and meet that unicorn bile guy... I don't know his name."

"What if... I um.. promise to not be showy...?" Dave mutters, John either didn't hear Dave or he's ignoring him. Either way. Dave caves in and acts like he didn't say anything when John turns back to Dave. John shakes his head and says, "I just recalled, you're going to sit next to me and my _plus one_ tonight. Oh Lord, if anyone thinks you're my plus one, I'm going to dissipate my own brains."

"I..." Dave sheepishly nods his head, "understood. Maybe um... I just won't... go."

"Oh! You're a lifesaver!" John places his hand onto Dave's arm and shakes his head like he's talking down to a child, "you know, I would have stayed home and read books all night like I planned, but my dad insisted that I _had_ to come. It's really such a shame that things worked out this way! I really do have to make this up to you, how about in the future I teach you how to dress yourself properly!" John's talking about the outfit **_you_** picked out for Dave.

Dave looks down at what he's wearing in horror. He looks back up and John and stumbles to correct that it's not his choice to wear this, but it's already too late. Johns already turned around and walking out the way he came. He casually says to English, "Jake! My dad tells me that you're supposed to be the first one of us out and ready! Let him know I'm going to be in here reading until _I'm called on stage."_

"Wait." Sollux sighs as he calls out to John. "If you're really gonna be a dick like that, I can be your plus one. We can switch seats so Dave doesn't look like your _plaything_ for the evening."

Sollux mutters to you, "I still wanna spend the night with you, after the feast, I'll sneak back with wine an-."

"No no!" John turns around and marches right up to your boyfriend, "that ship has left the dock and sailed right into the waves of hell!" John lifts up a finger and points it right at Sollux's face. "I'm not interested in even having you attend! You made a mockery of me last time I invited you and now you're acting like _you're_ doing _me_ a favor? You'd be doing Dave a favor sure, but since when did I ever care about **_him?"_**

Your gritting your teeth. You want to walk right up to the fucker and slug him. You take a step forward. Why should you hesitate to punch his lights out. Dave's gonna be pissed, sure. But he'll get over it. He'll remember that you're only defending him. Dave will _eventually_ understand why you'd bust this guy's face open till his teeth were scattered on the floor. 

John lets out a huff and crosses his arms. He turns away from your boyfriend and Sollux turns towards you. His eyes widen and his lips part open when he sees how enraged your face must look. Before you even take another step forward. You hear another familiar face, "John.” It's Mr. Egbert again. 

“Damn it all!" John turns towards Sollux and then looks at Jake. He claims, "you all ate up my precious time!" 

Egbert walks in wearing an even more grant coat over his body. His is completely stark white and embroidered with silver threads. He is wearing a real crown on top his head, he looks like royalty, well for the most part. His face is plastered with an open mouth grin, "There you are, kiddo! Now put your regal face on, it’s time to see the lic- oh, John... really now?”

John lifts up his hands and looks around for a moment before dropping his arms and asking in a bitter tone, "what?” 

"Why is Dave holding your coat?” John's dad looks like his sorely disappointed in his son, shaking his head and letting out a frustrated sigh. 

John lets out a tiny laugh. He rolls his eyes and explains with a hint of tension in his voice, "he was going to be my coat hanger for the night, but now since I don’t have a date I’m just going to hold my own coat.” 

"Oh... you don’t have a date?” Mr. Egbert sounds happy with that for some off reason. John doesn't sound happy one fuckin bit about it.

"If you must know, dad, I do not.” 

You hate that fuckin tone in his voice. You still are harboring your desire to beat John's face in, but you feel like it can wait till the next time you have him away from Dave. You can confront him and knock the shit out of him without any interference then. You look forward to it. You step a bit back and watch John's dad as he claps his hands together and then rubs them,

"Glad we cleared that up! And thank the Lord you decided this year to take your role seriously!”

"Gee. Nice one, dad. Sollux is right there.” John nods his head towards your boyfriend.

"Oh, I know. I just meant that- well..." John's dad begins his thoughts with, "I thought you were going to select a real date now that Sollux was off the table and pick someone that would embarrass our family. I thought that you were going to go with Dave- haha. Oh crisis averted."

You narrow your eyes at the man. Sollux and his family seem to think that he is _actually decent._ Perhaps everyone here lacks manners and a sliver of compassion is concerned _decency._ John's undeserving of Dave and John's dad is undeserving of your time. You open your mouth to speak out but before you could John does for you, **"excuse me?"**

"Well. Just, son. He isn’t really... _Condescension_ material.” John's dad shakes his body to illustrate... _something,_ you're unsure. 

John slightly raises his voice as he says, **_"you_** told _me,_ Dave was going to sit right next to the Condesce tonight. What is this really about?”

“Well..." John's dad attempts to explain himself, "he doesn’t really know how to act around... royalty, son. He’s not used to our way of life, and I’d be surprised if he could figure it out all within the next hour.” 

"Oh. So he wasn’t born a magic user and you just assume he’s an idiot!?” John takes a step forward towards his father. He points a finger over at his dad's face. John takes another step to close the gap of space between the two of them. 

John's dad lifts his hands up defensively, "no... that’s not what I meant, son...”

"He can cram for a test, I’m sure." John nods with wide eyes. "Dave's not a _deviant_ because he doesn't know the ways of the _deviants!"_

"Well, maybe Dave can figure things out." Mr. Egbert nods at his son. "But even still-" 

"You just assume he wouldn’t make a good date for me- _because...?”_

"Because well... he’s... Ha...” John's dad trails off.

"Because he's only **_just now_ **sewn his soul to the Lord’s. Really, dad!?" John tosses back his head and then tosses up his arms. "I thought you of all people would be reasonable tonight!” John drops his arms and lets out a frustrated groan.

"John. You’re the one being irrational." John's dad sighs. 

John shouts, "IRRATIONAL!?"

John's father tries to defend himself, "I just meant-"

"No! I don’t care what you meant!" John just decides, "Dave is my date now! He’s going to teach me all about his non-magic ways! And who knows!? At the end of the night, we might even, I don’t know!? Find out we have so much in common, fall in love-"

"Son.” Mr. Egbert tries to speak, John simply ignores him. 

"-we can run off to Dave’s room somewhere down the line too. Watch movies, from _his_ country! He can teach me all of his informal, vulgar ways! And I do mean **all** of them!”

"Son, this is a big day, not just for us but for..." Mr. Egbert stops his train of thought and just sighs to restart his sentence. "Son. Just... be reasonable.”

"I know. And I am." John nods like he's confident that he's not the one in the wrong. "Dave is my date tonight.”

"He’s not even dressed.” John's dad lifts up his hand and gestures towards Dave, who is still holding onto John's coat.

John snaps his fingers. Dave’s suddenly wearing a black tux with a white button up. He's holding up his sprite who happily lets out a chirp. 

"Tada.” John jokes.

Looks like Cinderella is dressed for the fuckin' ball. Even so, John's dad isn't buying into this,

"Son. You are a royal descendent. Your date has to act properly and-"

"He’s a freaking guest to the Empress and more powerful than her." John argues, "he could piss in the middle of the dance hall and everyone would overlook it!” 

Sollux leans into whisper to you, "sounds like my kind of party.” 

you turn towards Sollux and whisper, “would that happen if he did?”

"No one would stop him.” Sollux nods and then pulls away from you.

John’s dad sighs. John grabs his coat back from Dave and then begins pulling on your bro's wrist. “Now that you have nothing to say, dad! Dave and I have work to do!” John turns to Dave and says, “I want to show you how to waltz, Sollux still Doesn't understand how to do it properly, so I’ll be surprised if you can by the end of the night."

"Son." John's dad calls out for him, John ignores him. "Son!"

John stomps ahead dragging your brother along with him. Dave turns his head around back to John’s dad. Mr. Egbert smiles and gives Dave a thumbs up. When John turns his head around Mr. Egbert pretends to sigh. He places his face into the palm of his hand and rubs it until John looks away. John and Dave disappear together behind the bookshelves and out of sight. 

If he breaks Dave’s heart tonight, John’s not the only one getting his ass beat. Your bro just saw that shit, things go south, both the Egberts are gonna end up in a body bag tonight... even still... you can't help but feel at least a little bit of joy for Dave. He was wearing the brightest smile when Dave took his wrist and offered to show him how to dance.

"God." You shake your head. You lower your chin and pinch your brows together with your fingers. You can't believe you're doing this, but you need to look out for your baby bro, no matter the cost. "Sollux."

"Yeah..." He seems like he's afraid of you in this moment. Your tone must be completely black with rage.

"We need to go to that party tonight."


	24. a plan

You feel like your entire body has turned into air. Your soul feels so light. Dirk wants to actually go to the banquet! **with you!** Granted, it’s probably only because he wants to monitor Dave and John all night, but still! This is a real date! The moment he told you he wanted to go with you, you wrapped both your arms around his waist and kissed his cheek.

You're still holding onto Dirk now. A large palm pats your back. You look up to find Jake, smiling down at the two of you. He is happy to exclaim, " _ **you** two_ are dating?!"

"We are." Dirk nods. 

_"This_ is your boyfriend?!" Jake asks, clearly the answer is yes. Dirk sighs and then chokes back a smile as he nods.

Aranea claps her hands together, you turn to look at her. Her pale gray face is covered with a toothy grin. She titters out a few bubbly giggles. "Oh, I'll go make sure I can get you both good seats at the table! I simply assumed that if you'd go, Dirk sweetie, that you'd go alone, _but it seems you've taken to a certain soothsayer!"_ Aranea sings and waves two of her fingers back and forth. She seems happy that you two are together. You're happy that she’s cheerful about all this, if you're going to marry into this family, you wanna make sure that they're just as happy as you are about this. Although, looking at Dirk's older brother now, you can see the guy is pissed. 

The guys hovering over Dirk and his arms are crossed. Dirk’s bro has such thick fucking muscles. He looks like he could just grab your by the throat and pop your head clean off. Dirk mutters, “please, God, have mercy on my already damned soul.” His brother lets out a dry, harsh hum. Looks like the guy doesn't seem amused with Dirk's prayer. Ambrosia's husband is still smiling though and now Jake’s hugging you.

Jake's pressing you both together in a ruthlessly tight hug, meanwhile, Dirk's brother's dark aura is encompassing the entire room. You can taste his rage in the back of your throat. You let out a dry cough as Jake comments, "you haven't even been living here that long, Dirk, and you already found a guy as good as Sollux! Congrats! He must have been the little admirer you have that gave you those flowers." Jake sings, " _OooOooo! He's willing to spend all that coin on you!"_

Dirk’s older brother is about to speak up -or gut you- any moment now. You need to distract the group away for your relationship with Dirk. Hey, this guy hovering over you is in love with Jake, why not toss the convo over in that direction? You think now is a better time than ever to address Jake about a thought that's been sitting in your mind for a while, "wow, you really sound like _that?"_ Jake loosens his grip around you. He blankly stares down at you, waiting on you to say more. "Uh... sorry." You explain to everyone in the group something Jake and Aranea already know all too well, still you frame it like you’re talking to Jake, "I've never heard you talk before now, Jake. Every time you try to speak, all these prophecies just talk over you."

"Uh..." Jake looks uncomfortable at the thought. He keeps thinking the prophecies that you hear in your head are about him striking down his master from his throne and overtaking him as the king of hell. He's got every right to look nervous if that’s his concern, but you’ve never heard any prophecy that you’d say _definitively_ claims that, just that he’s gonna for sure be there for sure.

Jake backs away from you, almost like he wants to run from the conversation, actually... it's exactly like he wants to run from this conversation. 

Aranea pats Jake's back to comfort him. Serket speaks up to address you again, "yes. Actually, I wanted to ask you about that, Sollux. I noticed that something was a bit different when you weren't shouting."

You give her a small laugh. You guess whenever you come here, to the English manor, you get bombarded by a kaleidoscope of prophecies and noisy whispers, but lately, you've been able to think clearly. You nod your head once as you exhale a breath. "Recently, I've been able to make the voices, just for a little while, uh... stop."

"That's wonderful!" Aranea sounds happy for you. "I know you always were looking for something to make things easier on you."

Mr. Egbert firmly pats your back, "we're all happy for you, sport."

You speak with a lisp as you say, "thanks, dad." You almost forgot he was here. You’ve been trying not to look at him. He’s got this royal outfit on that just doesn’t fit him at all. It’s too showy. He’s just another _guy_ to you, it’s hard to see him as the Empress’s grandson. John’s dad smiles at you and your boyfriend as he says, “you two are going to make such a wonderful pair on the ballroom floor. I just know it.” He looks at you with a content smile and then slowly states, “I’m so immensely proud of you, son. I can’t even begin to tell you.”

You nod and speak with a thick lisp, “Thanks again, dad.” 

“Now, you two both need to get dressed and Ms. Serket here needs to make sure you have a spot at the table. If we’re lucky there’s a no-show this year.” Mr. Egbert finishes talking and looks at Aranea as she nods.

“There always someone sneaking off after the waltz.” Aranea slowly nods her head a few more times before focusing her gaze onto you and Dirk again. “And Dirk, darling, I really do mean that Sollux is a good young man. He’s always kept himself out of any real trouble and his only real vice is that he stays up well past late.”

“Right.” Jake nods along with Aranea, he completely agrees with what she has to say about you. Jake continues, “from what the kids told me, you’re a good friend. Great shame that we’ve never really been able to talk till this moment.” Jake’s holding his husband close, Dirk’s Bro is staring at him with a blank face, but he looks a bit _less_ pissed now. 

You nod and reply to Jake, “Thank you, I've heard a lot of _good?_ things about you too from John and Jade, _mostly_ Jade.” You can't recall John saying too many positive things about anyone other than himself...or Karkat. Which apparently John just had yet _another_ falling out with earlier today. You know it’s got something to do with Dave.

Ha, Vantas told you Dave looks like a douchebag this morning. You defended Dave, claiming that he's your boyfriend’s twin. Vantas just doubled down on his claim, so of course you fuckin’ decked him... ha, you can legit punch the guy and he’ll still talk to you but John will plant a kiss on his cheek and Vantas acts like he murdered his pet hermit crabs in cold blood. You just got lost in your own head again, _‘how does anyone get anything done when they’re able to think?’_ You’ve been standing around with Dirk for a few solid moments now in silence. You think it’s best you two get ready for your first real date instead of awkwardly stand around. God, you bet he looks amazing in a suit too. Dirk looks so fucking hot right now since he took off that jacket of his. You’ve been trying so hard not to stare at that tank top that's hugging his chest. You tense up a bit as you tap his bare, muscular arms. You successfully get his attention. You tilt your head as he turns to look at you. You smile at him and ask, “Dirk, you wanna get ready for tonight?”

Jake whines out, “Aw! So soon!? But I have so many questions I’d like to ask you both.” Jake’s clearly stalling for time now, he apparently hates hosting parties, probably because he always gets wasted and makes a fool out of himself. You roll your eyes and smile as Jake leans forward to ask you and Dirk, “how’d you two meet? if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Not at all.” Dirk nods, he looks over at you, expecting you to tell everyone your side of the story. He might not even recall how you first met, but he’s smiling softly at you, like it’s a memory he’s happy to share. 

Dirk's older brother seems so terrifying to you, but maybe since everyone put in a good word for you, you earned at least a little bit of respect from him... maybe. Something about this moment feels like a trial or worse, a job interview, but at least you have back up supporting you.

You take in a breath and softly smile, happy to tell your story of how you first laid eyes on Dirk. “So, I was walking aimlessly around with Aradia, something in my head was telling me to walk towards one of the piers. Aradia could feel something pull her over too, she said something about how the spirits were telling her to walk with me. And then, she spotted this sea plane in the sky. So we chilled for a bit, just to see if it was you, Jake. We watched you walk by, and you looked busy so we decided to turn around instead of say hi, but then I laid my eyes on Dirk." In that moment, you were able to think clearly, you recall that the voices in your head turned to faint whispers, at least you think they did. You were so focused on Dirk's looks you couldn't focus on anything else.

You continue, "I just thought about how I’ve never seen any guy who like... I don’t know... held himself like that. Just, he looked so confident and bold, like he was ready to get into a fight, but still like sophisticated and intelligent. -a-and something about him, I guess how he was an outsider, made him seem like, I don't know... he just seemed like he was alone. He looked to me like a guy that had a million things to say, but no one to really talk to about his thoughts. I thought, maybe I could talk to that guy over there and bond with him, as like a friend... and then I realized that he looked so no-nonsense and serious. Like he had no time for bullshit. I just couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I felt like walking up and saying something- cause, you know, he was just staring at me, giving me this look like he wanted me to grow a pair and just say something to him. But, I just couldn't make a move... I felt like he was gonna gut me open and tear my heart out before I even found out if I liked him or not. Aradia was laughing her ass off and then she started making fun of me for _literally_ drooling over him.”

“Figuratively.” Dirk attempts to correct you.

“No... literally.”

“Ha.” Dirk covers his beautiful smile with his palm again. You can’t help but lean in and hug him by the hips. You smile, brighter than you ever have in your life as you say, “I love your smile. Why cover it up?”

You can feel Dirk tense up a bit once you asked that, not because of you, he’s hardly even swain by you, no. He’s looking over at his brother, the one who’s hovering over him. You’ve got every reason to be scared of him and what he thinks too, but you’re not going to stop showering Dirk with affection for anything. Even if his older bro is scarier than the demons outside the border of hell, you’d take on anything for Dirk. You already decided it. You’re ready to give your heart and both your souls to him... just so long as you don’t go full Dave seeking John about it. 

You kiss Dirk's cheek and he lets a gust of air out of his nose. He shutters a bit, like he’s afraid that you just made the wrong move. You look over at the huge man hovering over the two of you. When Dave’s older brother lifts up his chin to glare at you. You rethink your move. You can see his eyes peaking out from under his shades. The same yellow-tinted orange color as the flames of hell. Dave’s brother lowers his hands. The dude’s hands turn into fists and you hear the blood in his knuckle's pop. He tilts his neck a bit, you hear a loud crack echo through the room. Instantly, you start shaking. Maybe you should let go of Dirk... or maybe once you do, his brother will grab you and beat your face in. Jake must have noticed your spontaneous trembling, it’s clear that you’re afraid of Dirk’s bro, next thing you know, Jake is blowing out a raspberry and turning to his husband. 

Jake places a hand in his shoulder, “come now, Ambrosia. Don’t get heated about this. Would you rather Dirk randomly bring home a husband after his trial -a man that you don’t even know? ...or would you rather Dirk go off of his instincts and date his soulmate before he marries?”

The hell-spawn speaks, “I’d rather Dirk not waste his time on something pointless when he should be studying.”

_‘Ouch.’_

Dirk sighs, “Bro, this is less about me, and more about Dave. I’m dragging a date to the party so I can keep an eye on John because when he takes Dave to the dance floor, I need a partner I can work with.”

“Nevermind that.” Ambrosia tells him, “I’m not letting either of you two go tonight. I just made up my mind. I don’t want that boy ‘round Dave. Don’t want you dating either.”

Jake cuts in before Dirk could even reply, "Ambrosia. John and Dave are soulmates, they are destined to fall for one another-"

"Like you and your ex-husband?”

Oh, this fucker is scary. Ambrosia just hit Jake with something so emotionally hard that it took English a moment to recover.

"Tavros was my soulmate, is- in a way... we’re best friends. Uh...” Jake resets his thoughts, “In death, people can change, yes." Jake nods. “Ah-" Jake gets cut off before he even finished forming a syllable with his tongue.

"And then, what.” That doesn’t even sound like a question. It sounds rhetorical.

Jake still had the balls to answer, "Those who have a weaker set of skill with magic tend to see their personalities change dramatically in death. Dave is strong, he will be fine."

"And you’re saying that John _is_ strong with magic?" Dave’s bro slightly tilts his head. He's got a point. John's probably one of the weakest sorcerers you know, anyone can see that.

Jake is stumped for a moment. Silence falls on the group until someone breaks it. You hear a voice behind you say, "It’s inevitable they will one day die and that they will soon be married.” Dad takes the floor now. “Trust me, and this is coming from John’s father, if my son changes in death, it will be for the better. There is so much pride and brimstone in my son, I can see him calming down in the next life. Finding peace."

The man that has the aura of death turns to Jake and asks, 

"And how did your husband change?"

Jake tilts his head and rubs his chin, “well, he was always cautious about what others thought of him. And also just cautious in general. Then when he died, Tavros threw caution to the wind and became so outspoken... when I spoke to him again, right after he died, he was so different. He seemed to think I dotted on him or held him back or- I don’t know! He was just ripping into me like I was always babying him or something."

Ambrosia gives Jake a blank look. You can’t transcribe what it means but you do know you don’t wanna be around this guy without Dirk present, you’re afraid of hearing his thoughts.

"I'd like to state that my point is; Tavros changed in death and then we realized that our marriage was not meant to be. However, we _are_ still soulmates. Tavros is a lifelong friend and then some. Our souls are bonded, but as best friends. That, to me, still has so much value. No matter what happens, Ambrosia... Dave will come out of this a better man. My love, you have to allow Dave to live, make choices that may turn out to be mistakes.”

"Hm." Jake's husband hums. "And what do I do when John asks Dave to squeeze lemons into his eyes?”

_'Good fuckin point.'_

John’s dad reasserts himself, "he will certainly not be asking Dave to do anything of the sort.” 

"You don’t seem to have any control over your son." This man is insane, he’s talking down to Egbert while the Empress is in the place. He doesn’t fear true damnation... _'damn.'_

Dad simply smiles and sighs, "John is the sort that requires a push in the right direction, he can not be told what to do, by anyone. It’s something he got from the women in his family. He’s much more susceptible to do what we want him to ** _if_ **we tell him to do the opposite."

"Yeah.” You nod in agreement. You explain to your boyfriend more so than anyone else, “John has to feel like he’s in the right. I mean- that whole thing just now, was just John proving a point. Now, since that happened, he’s gonna spend the whole night dancing with Dave and filling him with wine, just to spite his dad."

Dirk frowns, "filling him with wine... I don’t like the sound of that."

"Is Dave an angry drunk or something?" You shrug as you ask.

Dirk explains, “Dave’s never been drunk.”

"Oh... really?" You tap your chin.

Dave has a childish kind of feel to him, but now he just looks like a baby. You know he drank a shot during that drinking game. Dave sipped it like it was tea. Yeah, maybe he’s not much of a drinker. You hear from Karkat drinking in access in America was something to be frowned upon, something about a guy in the orphanage he was in being a drunk and getting violent because of his alcohol abuse. Drinking here is purely done in groups. Well, Strider better get used to the cultural differences here, John gets stupid sipping all the wine samples and he needs to be ready to hold Egbert steady. 

Before you can even make another comment, you hear music coming from a record. Dirk’s brother is the first to step over towards the waltz. Jake rushes to follow behind him. You, yourself, follow Dirk as he pretends to leisurely stroll, from the pace he’s walking looks like he’s in a panic.   
  
“No. No. Ugh... this won't do. Fine, show me how _you_ dance alone.”

You turn the corner and spot John. He just let go of Dave’s hands. Dave’s sprite is still sitting on Dave’s shoulder. Dave lifts up one of his hands, he extends out a single finger to craft a small perch for his familiar. Dave’s sprite hops down onto Dave’s index finger and then he slowly hands the bird over to John.

John takes the little bird into his hands and Dave gets down onto the floor for some reason. Dave’s sprite jumps up onto John’s shoulder so he can kiss his cheek. ‘Aw’

Then, Dave starts spinning around on his shoulder, nearly doing a headstand. John laughs as Dave spins around twice and then stands back up, only to do a backflip. Egbert snorts when Dave falls forward and lands on the floor in a position like a push-up. Dave pushes himself back up off the floor and shows off to John how quick he can stand back up. Dave stops moving, he stands in place, smiling as John laughs. Looks like Dave’s waiting for John's response.

John's holding onto his gut as Dave's sprite happily hops up and down on his shoulder, “haha! You look like a fool!”

“uh... really?” Dave seems surprised at John's comment, almost like he took that as an insult. He probably doesn’t know that John’s imminent family loves jesters. 

“Yes! It was quite entertaining!” John claps and cheers. “Oh! I loved it!”

Dave’s sprite sings as he dances, perched on John's shoulder. Then, when Dave takes the bird back into his hands, his sprite starts screaming bloody murder. The bird wants to be by John. Dave talks over the screams. “-Well, I know a few more moves.”

John giggles and covers his lips. “Dave, save them!” Dave’s little bird stops screaming so he can listen to John speak, “I’d love to see them next time we meet. For now, I really do need to teach you how to dance.” 

John instantly grabs Dave’s hands. You turn to look at Dave’s older brother. The guy looks pissed, but Jake is holding onto his arm and hugging him close to his own chest. Just like everyone of Jake’s other past lovers, Dirk’s bro is a sucker for the guy. If he wasn’t, John’s blood would be splattered all over the floor by now, maybe yours too.

John latches his hands around Dave’s waist. He seems proud to be the lead, probably because you’re so tall so you always took it from him. John finally gets to take full control cause he’s with someone, only slightly, shorter than you. That just goes to show what kinda guy Dave is. Ha.

“One two three, one two three. there we are!” John is counting on and off as he floats around the room. “It’s not hard, now is it?”

Dave shakes his head as he dances in step. “It’s not.”

John tilts his head and asks, “then why are your hands so clammy?”

Dave tenses up, “uh... pressure.”

John laughs and slowly halts his dancing. Johns still holding onto Dave’s hand, that is until you all hear clapping. It’s coming from besides you. You turn your head and see Serket. Aranea is happily cheering on Dave’s progress. It’s just her nature. “Oh, Dave! You’ve already got it down!”

“He hasn’t got _everything_ down.” John’s dad steps forward. “Son, did you teach him how to begin each dance?”

“I was getting to it, dad!” John gives his dad a small scowl, gritting his teeth at him and then turning to smile at his date. John clears his throat and then tells Dave, “You’ll need to bow before each dance.”

“Like this?” Dave leans forward slightly. 

“No, no.” John shakes his head. “You have to get on one knee and kiss my rings because of my standing.”

“Alright.” Dave obediently gets on one knee and John delicately lifts up his hand that is shining with dozens of gold bands and blue jewels. Dave kisses the back of John’s fingers, he’s moving as slow as possible, savoring the moment. He’s hesitant to pull away, it seems he only does so to look up into John’s eyes.

John nods, “very good.” Dave continues to kneel down on the floor as John tells him, “And if you dance with anyone else you’ll only need to lightly bow your head, as so.”

John demonstrates by bowing his head lightly forward And just then, Dave's sprite flies into John's messy hair.

"oh, dude." Dave scolds his sprite as he stands back up, “what have I told you? we don’t nest in people’s hair.”

 _“Aw, little one.”_ John tsks. Then he lets out a light chuckle, the kind you’re sure is killing Dave right now. “Well, darling... you’re not the only one who thinks my hair is a bird’s nest unfortunately.”

Dave attempts to get his sprite literally out of John’s hair, the bird starts hissing and screeching. He’s snapping at Dave’s hand and demanding he stay. 

“Dude. You need to-“

“TWEET! TWEEEAT!” Dave’s sprite is screeching, while somehow still sounding as cute as he possibly can.

John covers his heart with his hands and smiles, “Aww... looks like he wants to stay.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Dave attempts to apologize.

John hums out, “don’t be. I love this little thing, I’ll take care of him for the night, it’ll give me an excuse to not talk to everyone at the party that I don’t like... so pretty much everyone.”

“What if he needs to... go?” Dave mumbles.

“Go where?” John leans his head forward. 

“Potty.” 

“Aw!” John instantly coos. “You always speak like a child. Such a sweetie! No, don’t worry if he leaves anything in my hair, I’ll cast it away.”

“You sure about that?” Dave asks, “I can still grab him for you, it's bedtime anyway.”

“And why would I want something so beautiful to leave my side?! His feathers are so lovely, the gold perfectly contrast all the blue.”

“Right. Yeah. He does, doesn’t he?” Dave scratches his sprite. The little bird has feathers with a golden orange hue, tipped with gold. He looks almost like a decoration. Daves fully leaning over John to pet his sprite. Dave’s overcoat must have tickled John’s nose because John’s nose is twitching. John sniffs the air, turning his head around as he locates the source of something he just smelled.

“is that... is that you?”

Dave pulls away and rubs the back of his neck. “yeah... uh... well I got some perfume today cause I actually really love sweet smells. I’m gonna start wearing them more often.” 

John tilts his head, like Dave just surprised him in a welcomed way, “really now? I... I like this scent.”

Dave smiles, “really, man?”

John nods, “yes. I love things that smell like lavender lately too.”

“I had you pegged for the kind of guy who loves wood scents.”

“You mean more masculine scents?” John tilts his head, “of course, they match my devionaire! But lately... we’ll Ive been smelling more like seasalt and algae.”

“Hey, sea salt and lavender go well together.” Dave smiles.

John titters, “really? Ha ha!”

Dave nods several desperate nods, intently waiting on John to speak again.

“You should maybe wear lavender, Dave, then you can cover my stench.” 

“Ha!” Dave laughs, smiling with his front row of teeth showing, “No no, dude. I think you’re fine.”

“Well, heres hoping.” John rolls his eyes. “Maybe I can down enough wine that when I speak, it’s all anyone can smell.”

“Haha.” Dave can’t help but smile, “You’re really funny, man.”

John’s eyes light up, he seems taken in by Dave’s complement, “you honestly think so?“

Dave nods, “i know so.”

“hm... I think you’re a charmer as well, Dave.” John’s eyes always look judging and uncompromising, but coupled with that smile, Egbert’s face is screaming seduction. 

“Yeah...” Dave seems intimidated by the look he just got.

“hmm.” John’s back to seeming uninterested in Dave. Now he’s more focused on Dave’s wardrobe.

John looks down at Dave’s overcoat that he himself crafted. Since Dave danced around in it, one of the jewels is starring to come undone.

John confessed, “this here is bugging me.” John grabs onto Dave’s coat and starts fiddling around with the golden thread, trying to make the jewel fit Dave as it once did before.

John sticks out his tongue like he always does when he focused. Dave smiles down at him saying, “I’m glad I could be your date tonight.”

”Did you say something?” John asks.

“-just that... It’s nothing.”

“Hm. A prince can do better than a man that lacks the confidence to speak his mind. And why, on my looks alone I could do far better than a young man that can hardly waltz, but I’m short on time. You’ll have to do.”

"I’ll take it.” Dave confidently nods.

Dirk’s older brother parts open his lips. You hear him quickly take a breath as you hold yours. Before he could speak, 

“That was a joke, Dave.” John giggles and then tsks. “Oh darling. You need to hold your chin up. Be as confident as you are lovely.” John starts fixing Dave’s bangs. “Don’t take in any insults as compliments. And, sweetheart, if you have something to say, don’t hold your tounge... unless it’s to the princess or the empress, then just grit and bear it- But, for everyone else, you need to speak your mind! Tell everyone your thoughts and everyone will respect you more for your honesty!”

“Uh...I... I’m a bit jealous of how you’re better with my sprite than I am.” Dave admits.

John puts both his fists on his waist and nods, “that’s a start. But, don’t be. I’m fantastic with children! That’s why I’m always hanging out with Jade.”

Dave looks down at the floor, “a-and... I’m still not used to the idea of settling down in one place, I’m so used to moving around and traveling once things get boring, but it’s moments like this that... make me want to stay. So I’m... I’m happy I could... um.. that... you decided...”

“You’re happy I chose you to be my date for tonight? And... is this island starting to feel like a home to you?”

Dave is hesitant but he nods.

John stares at him for a moment, nothing coming across in his face as his sighs, then he lowers his head and lets out a small laugh. Johns smiling. He looks back up at Dave, “I’m more than happy to hear that.”

Dave nods, when he finishes he keeps his head down. He can’t bring himself to continue looking at John. John smiles and then grabs onto Dave’s coat again, “oh! There’s another gem out of place! What am I going to do with you, Dave?!” You all watch the scene, some how you feel bared from commenting in any way. This moment feels like it’s for the two of them, almost feel dirty watching it, but if you had the same goings on with Dirk, you wouldn’t care who sees. Dave though, his older brother seemed like he wanted to wring John’s neck. You look over at the man. He’s standing besides Jake. English isn’t doing anything, just watching John with his hand holding onto his own shoulder, like he’s cradling himself. 

Dirk steps forward and next to his brother. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t speak. Dirk’s older bro turns to him, you suddenly feel more relaxed for some reason. The silent exchange they have seems... peaceful. Dirk takes a step back and next to you. Dirk stares at his bro once more and lightly nods. Ambrosia nods back. His bro turns, and Ambrosia starts walking back towards the library.

“Oh?” John’s dad breaks the silence, “Ambrosia, shouldn’t you be getting dressed for tonight?” 

“Not going.” He blankly replies.

“wha-“ Aranea seems alarmed, “you’re not attending the party? Then... Jake, who is your date?”

“No one.” Ambrosia answers for him.

“Ohhh Ho Ho! You say no one!” John breaks away from Dave and starts walking towards Jake, the man that seems like an uncle or maybe God-father to the idoit. John laughs, “no Tavros, no Ambrosia! you’re not going to have a shield this time!”

“John.” Jake rolls his eyes like his rolling off the comments, but you can tell it’s getting to him. He’s sweating. 

John caws out a laugh and Dave’s sprite spreads his wins and lets out a tiny laugh to mimic him. 

Ambrosia stops in his tracks. He lowers his eyes and then turns to John, "what are you going on about, boy?”

John tsks like he’s excited to finally start gossiping, “well, at least once a year the crowned princess finds an excuse to pay a visit to the English manner, there’s always a party and she always baths in milk and honey an hour before the party! and she tries to steal Jake away and drag him to hell with her for ‘coffee.’”

Damn, If only she was here a few months back when Jake was taking women back to his place night after night after his first husband died. Shit, she probably could have at least fucked him once. Sometimes the universe is cruel. Like right now for instance. Ambrosia’s aura is enfolding the room, there’s a vein popping out of his neck. Jake can see his rage. 

“Ha...” Jake tenses up. “She’s taken to m-me but I am wise enough to not engage with any sort of relations with any of... the royal family. I plan on keeping a professional relationship with the empress as well as her daughter.”

“Sure.” John laughs. He looks over at Ambrosia and gives him a cocky look, something a kin to, ‘ _you're not buying this shit either, right?’_


	25. One step at a time.

That Egbert boy better watch himself while your older bro is around. 

Dave is permitted to enjoy tonight’s festivities, but once the night is through, you’re sure that your older bro is going to throw as much shit as humanly possible to keep him away from John or even thinking about him. You're certain that bro is going to attempt to do the same with you, seeing that Sollux won't stop gripping onto you, like he is right now.

The ballroom is large and filled to the brim with people and orchestral music. You're arms are crossed and Sollux's hand is wrapped around your waist. Captor seems confident that he's going to be allowed to keep it there. He best not think about letting his hand venture any lower. Sollux rests his head down onto your shoulder, he sighs like he’s at peace. At least someone is enjoying this ball. Dave is standing right besides you two, looking at his reflection in a silver bowl. He's desperately attempting to fix his distorted image's hair.

"Only a matter of time before the doors close." Sollux is still resting his head onto your shoulder. He sounds like he’s in a trance, probably picturing spending the night dancing with you and romancing you. He’s getting the wrong idea, this is all for Dave. 

"Do you know how long?" You sound as impatient as you feel.

"Probably only a moment, once you see your brother and Jake walk in, the doors are gonna slam shut. The Condense has this whole thing about punctuality. Anyone that shows up later than she does isn't allowed to come in. She-"

"Dirk, do you think I should conjure up like a rose or something?" Dave's asking you some stupid shit. You glance over your shoulder and find him dowsing himself with more of that pungent perfume. 

Sollux sighs and lifts up his head. "Dave, you look fine. And if you put on any more perfume under your pits, it's just gonna start pooling and then it'll look like sweat stains." Dave stops in his tracks, he abandons the bottle and sends it back to his room. You’re so thankful he stopped. You can’t stand that smell, you owe Sollux big for this. 

Dave turns back to his reflection and gives it a look, much like he's disappointed with himself. You despise seeing him look so unhappy, he looks so desperate for John's approval, like all his confidence rides on this night being perfect in John’s eyes. You doubt it will. If even John's dad recognizes that the boy is horrid, then there really is no hope in this 'date' ending well. However, Mr. Egbert also seems to be certain of something you predicted yourself, John and Dave will marry some time soon. Now a thought comes to mind, you'd like to know when.

You turn to Sollux and mutter, "when is John's birthday?"

"April 13th." As soon as your date tells you the answer, Dave's ears and shoulders perk up. 

"That's so soon." Dave sighs. Your brother keeps frowning at his reflection, "shit, I don't even know what I should get him." Dave hunches over the table the bowl is sitting on. His head is hanging down low. "I'm so fucked."

Sollux atempts to comfort him, "you have at least four months to find something if you really need t-"

"No. That's not it." Dave shakes his head and stands back up to face you two. "I’m fucked because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. How the fuck am I supposed to keep up with John?”

"By just standing by his side?" Sollux shurgs.

Dave looks around the room. "I wasn't expecting this place to be so big, and grand, and fuckin’... fuckin’...”

"Gaudy?" You finish his thought for him and then promptly roll your eyes, "Dave, I'm certain that John hates this scene just as much as you do. He probably feels out of place too." After all, he is tactless. You don't expect that John fits in any place where people actually utilize manners.

"Yeah. Maybe.” Dave seems to buy what you're saying. 

Sollux plants a hand onto Dave's shoulders, "listen, John's mind is probably gonna be on books the whole time. Take it from me, I used to chaperone his ass around these kinds of parties. He usually ends up sneaking off to the library by the end of the night or if we have to travel someplace else, he just ends up drunk and vomiting in a flower pot. Just hold his coat like you offered before and John's probably gonna fuck off to your room so he can watch videos on your laptop. Then you just let the film do the talking.”

Dave seems to be slowly letting Sollux's words sink into his thick skull. Jesus, you love your lil bro to death, but he can be so slow to the take. 

"All you have to do is be a coat hanger." You tell Dave exactly all he needs to do, "don't try to do anything showy, just stand by and nod as John talks, think you can handle that?"

"I can." Dave seems confident, but only for a split second. Now is face is coated in fear and dread, "but what if he asks me my opinion on the atmosphere and I give him the wrong answer, or what if he asks me for some wine and I come back to find him talking to some other guy, or-"

"Ha!" Sollux laughs in Dave's face with force. "You think Egbert can do better than **you!?** You're giving him too much credit. He’s not gonna find another date, or even look for one.

"That..." You give Sollux a bit of a look. "And there are hardly any young men our age here." Everyone looks like they are in their late twenties and they are probably centuries older than that. You doubt that there are any adolences present, still this ball room is large, there is a chance they’re in the corner of the room, you’re all standing near the door. Dave let’s put a frustrated sigh. “This is going to be a fucking disaster, I know it. I just know it.” He sounds like he’s beating himself up again. 

You're getting tired of this pity party, once you see Dave start rubbing his eyes, you feel like smacking him. You tell Dave, "stand up straight and put on a straight face."

Dave grumbles out a sigh and follows your lead. Knowing that your tone is a warning or else you really will hit him. 

Sollux reassures him, "dude, I doubt that anything is gonna go wrong, uh- well, if it does, it will be John's fault." 

Dave gives him a face that is screaming, _"that shit's not helping."_ He looks like he wants nothing more but to run and hide. Too late for him to do so, John's got a hold of his familiar and if he wants his sprite back, Dave is going to have to see this night through. Dave's panic manifests into him holding onto his arms. You tell him again, "stand up straight."

"Yeah, look alive." Sollux agress, "Looks like the shows about to start."

You look towards the door and spot your older brother walking in with Jake by his side. English has on the widest smile you've seen from him yet and the whole room takes notice. Everyone stops their conversations as the band quiets down. 

“Thank you all for coming tonight." Jake lifts up his free hand as men dressed in uniforms close the large wooden doors behind him. "For tonight’s banquet, we honor Her Imperious Condescension! We all feel so eternally grateful that she will be joining us in tonight’s ceremony! We shall dance tonight to ho-" You bring your attention over to the man hovering next to you. He seems to have stepped over just to grab something from the table you three are circulating around. The man's eyes are centered on Jake, he's listening intently to his speech. Your eyes fall onto his, rather large, chest. You let out a small hum. You can feel Sollux shuffle. You keep staring at the man's large muscles. Sollux grips you a bit tighter. You do your best to conceal a laugh. 

“I feel so privileged in this moment." Jake's voice fills the ballroom. "I have the chance to tell you all that I have found the love of my life, the face of my eternity, my new, darling husband. He will forever be my darling, beautiful, flawless, Ambrosia.”

Scanning around the room, you can see faces of excitement from many of the men and faces of dread from mix patrons. Seems as if many here lost an opportunity to claim the recently widowed Jake English as their own for the night, looks like some of the men here are relieved of a lack of competition. You cross your arms as you continue listening to Jake's speech. 

“Now, I also have the pleasure of introducing tonight’s guests of honor! Please make way for the Empress!”

Jake guides your brother off to the side. He must have bargened with him to make a little deal because your bro is getting on his knees and knelling to the Empress. Sollux guides you to do the same. You follow his lead, but you don't enjoy it and you're certainly not groveling down onto the floor like some other men are doing.

The woman steps in. Her hair gliding against the floor with as much grace as a tattered carpet being dragged by a horse has. She's wearing a transparent gray gown to show off how her body is covered in golden armor. 

You'd say what she's wearing is redicioulus, but it seems to be the norm. Everyone is dressed like this is a high fashion runway. You and Dave are the only ones in regular tuxes and Dave's got on an overcoat laced with jewels and gold. Your brother over by the door is wearing dress pants and a button up, that's about as formal as he gets. The Condence passes by with her head healed high and her eyes shut closed. Almost a dozen, full covered up, girls are circulating around her. You do not spot Rose in the mix, perhaps she is still busy with her ceremony with Jade, you don't dwell on it for long. You focus your attention back over to Jake who stands up and introduces the crowned princess.

You expect the princess to walk in, but you find six girls wearing nothing but thin transparent fabric walk in instead. They are all waving around inscent burners to ‘cleanse’ the air with jasmine and burning orange peel. You witness Sollux cover his nose with his sleeve. He instantly sneezes at the scent. You allow a smile to come across your face before you bite it down. You’d hate to admit it, but that was immensely cute to you. 

The princess gleefully enters the room with a hop, skip and a smile. Everyone that was faced down on the floor gets to their knees. The crowd is filled with applause. The girl has flowers in her hair which is larger than her body, just like her mother's. Her complexion is chestnut and her teeth shine like pearls. She gives Jake eyes as she walks past him but continues to smile like a beauty show contestant, scratch that, winner. She looks like she just won miss universe and is posing like she's about to get a sash placed around her. Long fuchsia sleeves grace the floor as she steps up besides her mom. Once she does, everyone stands in perfect tandem, everyone but Dave. He seems transfixed by the parade of women marching in after the princess. All of them tossing flowers and handing them out to the guests. 

You watch as Jake takes a flower and hand it over to _his Ambrosia._ Who of course, refuses to take it. Jake drops the flower to the ground and introduces John's father with a tense smile. _'Quick recovery.'_

You walk over to Dave and nudge him to stand up. He stands, still with his eyes fixed on the splendor of the princess's entrance. You turn back to watch John's dad step in, only to find yourself face to face with Sollux. He’s handing you a light pink lily. He's puffing like he just ran to grab one and come back. You take the lily into your hand and pay Captor back with a gentle half-smile. He huffs out a breath as he smiles back. 

He’s so funny to you. 


	26. Off to a good start

You're still reeling at how John being a dick managed to land you a date with Dirk. You owe him one. Once Dirk takes the lily out of your hand, you know that tonight is gonna go well. You might be able to even take his attention away from Dave and John and make this into a real thing and not a stake out mission. 

Now, you are focused on your delightful host. Jake is lifting up a hand and cheering on John’s dad. You look at Dave’s bro again, he seems fucking pissed he agreed to let this event even happen in his home. 

Ambrosia is wearing the most casual suit you think you’ve ever seen at any party in the English house. He’s even more underdressed than you. You were so focused on looking at your future brother-in-law, as he stands by the door with his arms crossed and his eyes staring down English for allowing one of the princess's maidens to put daisies in his ebony hair. You missed seeing John’s dad walking in and thank the Lord for that. You don't like looking at him when he's decked out in his royal garb. However, when you look at John wearing his royal shit, it just looks as normal as seeing a fish swim upstream. 

John follows a bit after his dad. English calls out John's name and the crowd politely applauds. You know that John is frustrated out of his mind that the applause isn't explosive like the crowned princess’s applause. Still, John's head is lifted up high. His eyes are closed. His steps are perfectly timed one after another. John lifts up his hand towards where you’re standing. You step towards him and almost reach out to him, but shit! That’s Dave’s job, not yours, and he doesn’t know. You nudge the less hot Strider. Dave looks at you and then back at John’s hand. Dave nearly misses his cue. He rushes to step out of the crowd and takes John’s hand. John continues on, you know he’s happy someone’s guiding him cause he’s completely blind right now. Holding his head up like a stick up asshole, and Dave is watching John’s face like he's entranced by his looks. You don't understand how a nice guy like Dave would be all over someone like John after all your warnings, but hey, the heart wants what it wants... or some people are pre-disposed to reading the flow of the universe, but that's not as romantic to think about. That and how the heart is probably not as strong at picking out lovers as the co-

The music strikes up again and Jake guides Ambrosia into the center of the room, they begin the first dance of the night and you take Dirk's hand. You grip onto his waist and quickly step in time to the beat. Dirk seems unfazed by how quickly you swooped him into dancing, so unfazed that he doesn't seem taken in by you either. _Yet_. He's not taking in by you _yet_.

That flower you gave him is still clasped in his hand, his hand that is on your shoulder, it's petals are brushing up against your neck. You might not be able to read his mind, but you can still tell that you're slowly chipping away at his tough guy demeanor. You're certain you can capture his heart, just like he's captured yours. 

Dirk's eyes flicker across the room, he stares at his brother as John’s hand grips around Dave’s waist. You know that Dirk has a goal tonight, still the hope in your heart doesn't dissipate. You stand firm and proud. You can make tonight yours. Yours and his. 


	27. and crossbones

When you first entered this room your heart filled up with fear. There was no possible way that you could picture this dinner going well, but now that John's hand is in yours, you feel comfort wash over you. Your little sprite is peaking his head out from John's hair. He's singing out a little tune as you and John dance in perfect tandem. John's eyes are still shut as he glides around the room, he's expecting that you let him lead still. Of course it doesn't take long before you bump into someone else. You can tell that the man was ready to yell at you two, but at seeing that he was bumped into by the prince, he held his tounge.

"How are you liking the party, Dave?" John asks you the question with his eyes still closed. Upon closer inspection you can see that his lids are brushed over with a golden pigment. You feel like melting. God, you're hoping this party doesn't last well into the night, if it does than you definitely will. Shit, John asked you a question. You gotta say something. 

"Uh- I gotta say, when I first stepped in here, I was worried that I'd stand out like a sore thumb." 

John laughs at your wording, "really? Like a sore thumb?”

"Yeah." You confess as you look around the room, "but I gotta say, this atmosphere is really starting to get to me. The outfits, the flowers, the music-" You run out of things to comment on so you comment on the man standing about six feet away from you holding up a tray, "the wine." From there, John is quick to end the dance and he opens up his eyes. John lets go of your hand, and regretfully your waist, and slips over towards the tray. "What a wonderful idea, let's get -as I believe the Americans say- crunk."

You laugh as you watch John grab two glasses. You reach out a hand, expecting that John is going to hand you your glass. He tilts his head and smiles like you just said something crazy. Oh. He grabbed two glasses for himself. You laugh and grab onto one of the glasses from the tray without ever breaking eye contact with John. Your date seems amused with you, then he turns away. His overcoat floating from side to side as he steps over towards where you were standing before he came in. You rush up behind him. John lifts up both his wine glasses with a wingspan to wide for you to be able to walk properly besides him. There’s no way you can stay at his side when his arms are out stretched like that, but damn if you don’t dig his confidence.

John steps through the room with such pride and grace. God, you knew it, you won't be able to keep up with him. 

"Now, Dave. I'm interested in hearing your progress with learning magic." John slows down his steps once he gets to the table. He turns around and glances at you with a devilish smile. You feel your soul escape your mouth as you choke on your words. 

“Have you made none?” John quickly asks.

You nod. John shrugs, blinking both his eyes and then he takes a long sip of wine from his glass. “Just as well.” John looks at you again, “I expect that you’re far too busy looking after your familiar.” You nod again. That might kinda sorta be a lie, Aranea helped you out a lot with taking care of your sprite and Jake did too. John seems to have moved on from the topic. He speaks with conviction as he states, “why, I am making so much progress with learning botany. I know so much now that I can turn leaves into solid gold.”

“Amazing.” Your eyes flicker with wonder. He can literally turn things to gold. You never expected less from John, he’s so breath taking with everything he does. Of course he can turn leaves into gold. 

“-of course, as you know, this is still hardly advanced magic. Seeing that it’s temporary. But still. It’s progress.” John shrugs his accomplishments off like it’s no big deal. 

You tell him, “It’s amazing. I’d love to see it in action.”

John gasps, “Dave.” He slaps your chest, “why, we aren’t supposed to leave. Okay, you convinced me, let’s go.”

“Uh, okay...” you instantly agree. You were hoping you could waltz more, you like when John holds you, but you’re down to make this night into whatever John wants.

“Grab the tray of shrimp for m-” John loudly gasps. He swings his upper body back and nearly drops his two half-emptied glasses of wine in the process. “It, it... it’s the- the Li- he- oh. Oh wow.”

You look behind you and try to match up John’s gaze with whatever guy he’s talking about. You see a very confident man, facing away from you. You watch his back, an insignia is laced with gold so bright it looks like sparks that are about to ignite a flame. He is speaking with his hands, covered in black silk gloves. The man is holding up a bottle of wine and pouring a sample out for a group of young women, all of them fawning over him. You grit your teeth as John says, “does my hair look okay!? Is my headpiece on straight!? Dave! Eyes! Eyes!” 

You turn to face John, you honestly answer, “this is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you look.”

John lifts up his head and proudly exclaims, “then I know I am prepared for this.” John shuts his eyes and holds his head up high. He puts down both of his wine glasses. You turn back towards the other man and don’t see him anywhere in sight. Then, you hear several heels besides you. You turn and spot a strange sight. A skeleton, dressed in elaborately embroidered black threads passes you by. 

You can smell rotting flesh waft in the air. 

“Young prince.” The skull says as he acknowledges John. 

“heheheh! Hi!” John lifts up a hand and waves to the skeleton as he passes. 

Your face gives away your confusion. John quickly downs both his glasses of wine. “I can’t believe he’s here for this! I didn’t think tonight would be such a big deal! Oh my god, now I’m glad I didn’t take the unicorn bile guy to this now.” John turns to you and says with a airy voice, “I’m lucky I have you, Dave.”

Your little sprite let’s out a scream, just like you want to right now. John giggles and lifts up a finger, “it’s okay, little one. Everything is fine. How about the three of us find some yummy snackies, huh?” Your sprite chirps and cheers. You smile and claim, “I’m down with that.” 


End file.
